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Heidi’s Agony Aunt Column

Heidi Gammon, LGBTQIA+ Counsellor
Hi all! My name is Heidi and I am really looking forward to be part of 2Shades Magazine.
As their new agony aunt, I can’t wait to answer your issues and problems!
Picture Credit: Behance

I am a counseller/therapist working in private practice in London, I find people fascinating and I just love helping people.

I have worked with the public for over 30 years so hit me up with all your worries and dilemmas and I will do my best to help!

Dear Heidi,

Love the column. My problem is I am at my second year of Uni and Trans. This term I intend to return as Brendan, my true male self. I have seen a doctor and I am making plans to start transitioning. Being the quintessential butch dyke, this won’t come as shock to my uni mates. But Mum and Dad say if I do that is the final straw and that will be me cut off. They fund my education and lifestyle. Heidi, I am miserable as Kim but as Brendan I feel amazing and who I want to be. What can I do to change my parents’ minds?

– Brendan, Manchester

Hello Brendan,

Great to hear from you and I wish you all the best with your transition. Sadly, you are not alone; it’s not just parents, but friends and those around you accepting you becoming your authentic self. Still parents struggle with their kids being gay, or making choices that they have not dictated or hoped for. However, many parents change their minds once they see you are happy. Your parents love you I am sure, and it can be difficult for them. Please do not overreact and have a little empathy that they are finding it difficult.

Try once things have calmed down to reapproach them. Tell them how unhappy you are and how long you have felt like this. Next look at family counselling if your parents agree to attend. Seek some advice from the support group Mermaids. More importantly, if your parents do cut you off, you may need to look at other ways to stand on your own and fund your education. You do not want to be told that who you are is wrong by anyone, let alone the ones that love you; it will take a strain on your mental health. https://mermaidsuk.org.uk/parents/ 

Love, Heidi.

Dear Heidi,

I do not know if you have been watching” Heartstopper”? Well my latter school years were just like that. I was Charlie and my Nick was the captain of the football team and from the moment we met we did more than kiss. Honestly my last year at school was a dream and my Nick (Alex) was a hero and so good looking. We are going to the same Uni, and it has a LGBTIQQ group we both joined. Alex almost right away slept with two guys from it.

Let’s not start with our nights out in Brighton. He says he still loves me but needs to explore and that I should do the same. One guy said that I would never have stood a chance of getting Alex if it had not been a school fling as he is out of my league. That really upset me but he said it was just a reality check. I am so in love with Alex, what can I do Heidi?

– Howard, Brighton

Still from the Netflix show, Heartstopper. Picture Credit: USA Today

Darling Howard,

Don’t we all just love “Heartstopper”? Now, deep breath Howard. Heidi is going to give you a reality check: “Heartstopper” is a wonderful show, however it does not necessary reflect real life. Not just gay relationships but straight ones do not last the test of time once you leave. It sounds like you are a romantic. Alex wants to spread his wings and, like many young people, experiment and sleep around. You are getting hurt my love, chasing after Alex.

There are others around that want romance so maybe to look for someone who will treat you the way you deserve. As for Alex being out of your league, some of the loneliest people Heidi has met are models or drop dead gorgeous. They just want love and someone to see them for more than looks. How dare someone tell you he is out of your league! The universe will find someone for you, but it may be Alex is not good enough for you. Try and enjoy your time at Uni.

Love, Heidi.

Dear Heidi,

Hope all is ok with you. I went to art college last year and almost right away made a group of new friends. They are all super talented and love to party. Before college I never drank but almost overnight the pier pressure meant I was waking with a hangover too often. Then the drugs crept in, just at weekends at first. Last term I was doing coke almost every other day with one of the new friends who is loaded. My question is I do not want go back this term and do the same thing: I found myself looking for coke this summer and I am sure I have a problem. But I do not want to lose my friends so what can I do?

– Melinda -Epping

 Dear Melinda,

Drugs do not make a real friend. You are on such a slippery slope if you are not already there, they will be destroying your life and education. All this in order to find acceptance amongst a group of people you really only have just met? Trust Heidi, there is a very good chance you won’t even know these peers in a few years. You mention they have money, so they are supplying the drugs.

What a mess you’re going to be in if they walk away: they are still wealthy whilst you are left with an addiction issue. Please get help now, even transfer from this school. Maybe look at going to an A.A or N.A meeting in your area or talk to someone you trust. Please, only you can save yourself so make some wise choices for a happy future. https://na.org 

Love, Heidi.

To get in touch with Heidi, visit https://pinktherapy.com/therapist-directory/heidi-gammon-counselling-for-you/

By Steven Smith.

Steven Smith was born in Coatbridge in Scotland. He was brought up in Whitley Bay, before briefly moving to London. He then moved to the seaside town of Brighton, where he was first receiver recognition for his hairdressing skills. Steven moved to America for eight years, working in Beverly Hills, and on his return to London in the late 90s, rose to fame working in fashionable Knightsbridge. He has styled model Katie Price, actress Denise Welch, David Hasselhoff and the cast of Baywatch. Steven had his own column in The Sun newspaper advising on hair and beauty, and was a regular on the Lorraine Kelly show, transforming GMTV viewers into their favourite stars. He made over Lorraine herself, transforming her into movie legend, Elizabeth Taylor.

Steven has been a freelance writer for the last ten years, combining showbiz interviews and travel with his eye for styling. He has written two books: Powder Boy, looking at the dark side of showbiz, and an autobiography: It shouldn't happen to a hairdresser, offering a witty and sad look at his life. He is currently penning a third book to be titled Happy in Chennai.

He has a monthly column, Tales of a single middle-aged gay man that looks at not only the light side of gay life, but also darker aspects such as rape, addiction, and chem-sex. Steven also runs his own beauty/aesthetic blog and is a patron of Anna Kennedy online; a charity that not only supports the autism community but educates the public about those that live with autism.

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