In the 70s and 80s dinner parties were a regular thing. With shows like “Come dine with me” and the rise in costs of eating out, dinner parties are making a huge come back.
Though some still entertain at venues outside the home such as restaurants, there is nothing more intimate and fun than having a group of friends or interesting people at your home for a private dinner party.
But as much as a good host can make it a terrific night to remember, the wrong recipe for an evening can make for a bad dinner party that can have your guests talking for weeks to come for the wrong reasons.
When you are holding a dinner party for those who are wine connoisseurs or food gourmets, the dinner conversation will be primarily about both food and drink.
Believe it or not the best dinner parties do not always revolve around either. Although putting on a nice show that does not have you locked in the kitchen away from your guests is indeed a good idea.
In fact, at one of the most amusing dinner parties I attended, the hostess (who was not known for her cooking and often took people out for dinner) called me a week before to invite me over to see her new kitchen and dine.
The day after she phoned, “Darling, would you do your marvellous chicken fajitas on Friday?” I asked if she was doing potluck (when everyone brings a course) as fajitas do not travel too well.
There was a silence and then she continued, “Oh I thought you could cook?” I responded with, “No, it is your turn” and I hung up! Arriving at her stunning Hampstead home on the Friday to see the table beautifully set and the new oven lit, I was suitably impressed.
The hostess had that ‘pleased with herself’ look written all over her face as in fairness, this was not her forte. Wine flowed and nibbles were served but one and half hours later no food had been served.
Looking at the oven the chicken was still as raw as it was on a Waitrose shelf. “My love, is the oven actually working?” I gently enquired. Another hour and we were no further along. The hostess declared that the new oven was faulty and called for Chinese.
We laughed and put the world to rights until two thirty in the morning and it was just an amazing night. Topped off by the call on the Tuesday that when the repair man arrived the diagnosis was, she had simply not turned the oven on!
I could not help but ask when she was auditioning for “Come Dine with me”. She had so many strengths but cooking was not one so how was she was going to compete? “Darling, you’re coming over and doing it for me.”
However, for the run of the mill dinner party, if you are not having food delivered, do not cook something that keeps you in the kitchen half the night or that is not tried and tested.
Your guests have come to see you socially, not see you stressing in the kitchen. It is a good idea to pre-cook as much as you can beforehand.
Always check what your guests eat. At one dinner I went to they served an enormous piece of goat’s cheese to start with; I would honestly suck someone’s feet rather that eat that.
I did the trick of eating and not chewing rinsing it down with water. Every time I looked back at the plate it seemed no smaller. Eventually the host noticed and I had to admit I could eat no more.
They looked less than impressed. It is a good idea to have some eggs or a vegan option on standby just in case a guest has not been forthcoming with their dietary needs.
What really brings a dinner party together is the company. Years ago, a socialite who was an expert at entertaining shared some tips. Never bring the same type of people together.
Lady X would be much more interested in sitting next to an up and coming artist than another socialite. Invite those that sing for their supper as they are interesting, amusing, can tell a good story or know about the latest in style, books or theatre.
Bringing five actors together unless they are in the same production could spell disaster as they try and outdo each other.
Being a good host is more than just checking everyone is eating and topping the wine up. It is making sure all your guests are enjoying themselves and get to speak.
We have all been there when that narcissist is dominating the conversation: even when they stop, they manage to jump straight back in to make the evening about them.
As a host it is your job to intercept, giving others who are not so forward a chance to speak by asking questions about books, films, theatre productions or art, anything that might interest them. As a good host, pushing the evening to be controversial is a bad idea.
Sure, a great debate with people you are sure about can make for an interesting evening, but do not go out of your way to do this as it could potentially end your night on a sour note. Other topics to stay clear of are age, weight, salaries and politics.
One evening at a dinner I was hosting one guest said to another, “You know when we get to our age it all needs a little lift, but I love my forties”. The guest was livid, “I am 32!” she cried, getting up and excusing herself.
Let the conversation flow and, unless you’re lucky enough to have a great orator for the night such as Stephen Fry, make sure everyone gets to talk. Please do not be that Machiavellian host who starts the night off with, “So who voted for Brexit?!”
A bad dinner party, and one I will remember for a very long time, had all those wrong ingredients. We went out to eat so the food was good for some of us. There were quite a few of us dining that evening.
It started off badly; prior to our arrival someone I love reprimanded one of the other guests joining us for running late. This caused me great amusement as “Pot, Kettle, Black,” jumped to mind.
They were the last person who should be reprimanding anyone for being late as they had never been on time ever in all the years I’d known them. Me pointing this fact out caused offence and they were still seething as we arrived at the dinner.
The host Mark, though lovely and amusing, wanted to talk about one topic: a certain lady whom we will refer to as ‘Alice’. He and Alice were once close, but no more, and that obviously made her a target.
Now I love a gossip and to hear who is doing what to whom and all the news. It can make for an amusing part of the evening. Everyone says, “Steven knows all the gossip”, but those that know me will tell you I never name names and I mostly just tell amusing stories. I am educated enough to entertain without using gossip.
For those that knew ‘Alice’, this monologue of indiscretions and faults seemed to be keeping them entertained. All that was missing was ‘Alice´s’ corpse as she was being verbally hacked to death.
An hour later our host was still talking about himself and ‘Alice’, only interrupted by “let’s get another round in” and the slight amusement as a guest starter was sent back for the third time.
Our host was blissfully unaware that some of the guests were looking at their phones and one gestured “Come sit with me!” My suggestion, that now we had ascertained ‘Alice’ was a c— , perhaps we should not give over our time to her, was met with a harsh “Mark is talking sssh!” I would have walked out at that point but I was staying with one of the guests.
Just as I thought the evening could not get worse, a very late guest arrived who I will nickname the cuckoo as she had replaced Alice in Mark´s affection.
For a brief time she talked about one of my other least favourite subjects: Diet. Then talk moved straight back to ‘Alice’ in which the cuckoo revelled.
All that toxic energy being thrown around was making for a very unpleasant dinner experience. Our host was a very smart man but certainly no Oscar Wilde or comedian, and was only aware of his own voice.
Luckily, I was smoking so there were some breaks. I got a text from a guest which simply said “help!” as they were so bored. It is so important that everyone gets a chance to talk, and you ask other questions, so they are included, but there was no chance of that happening at that particular dinner.
This is my last tip when entertaining: much as we are all adults, if you are hosting drinkers, arrange for them to stay over somewhere if they are driving, or book a cab: there are even companies that send someone on a bike to drive your car home.
As you pour that last tequila shot you do not want to hear that one of your guests was in an accident on the way home. Happy dining!
Steven xx
2Shades Magazine 