Steven Smith looks at the London Underground

Going Underground. 

It was hard not to snigger briefly at the sign on the old faithful London Underground, “DO NOT STARE”.

How can you possibly avoid making eye contact (no matter how hard you try) with that man who is picking his nose so hard his finger is almost coming out his eyeball?! Or that couple that are so engaged in kissing it is hard to know where to look, especially as they break contact for a second and she moves her tongue into his ear.

Let’s not forget the joy of living in London’s cosmopolitan city; the amazing, stylish people travelling through or living here. The Tube can be a reality show with a new episode every time you travel or change lines on your journey.

I personally loved going to the airport early for the joy of ‘people watching’ as they were just fascinating. I loved it in the days when the loudspeaker would call out, “Mrs Jones, please come to desk seven. You have an urgent message,” much as I stopped short of going to see who she was.

My mind was filled with plots that maybe she was running away with a lover and he had changed his mind, or the likes. Yes, I am sure it was something dull and simple but having an active imagination has got me through the best and worst of times. 

The joy of observing life and its cast of characters is something that keeps me going. After all, Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players; they have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts.”

But back to the London underground that has been with us since 1863. Of course, I did not immediately notice the smaller print: “INTRUSIVE STARING OF A SEXUAL NATURE IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND IS NOT TOLERATED”.

I get the point now.  Ten years ago, I interviewed twelve page three models about dating and sex. Not one had not been sexually assaulted on the tube one way or another, from being brushed up against to actually being touched, especially in rush hour. Certainly people should feel free to travel without any fear of sexual assault of any kind. 

It is time, however, that we had some other signs put up and very clear announcements for travelling to remind people to make their journey easier, safer and better for others.  Much as staring can be unpleasant, it is not as dangerous as some of the common practices I observe daily.

Here is my list for London Underground to add to NO STARING: 

1. Please uncross your legs when travelling. No one wants your footprint on their clothes when the train comes to an abrupt stop.
2. Please take your backpack off and place between your legs. We do not want an eye taken out as you swing around, especially during rush hour. 
3. Please remove your bags from the seat next to you and allow others to sit down. 
4. It never goes out of fashion to offer an elderly person a seat or a lady who is expecting. Do not just look at your Iphone or newspaper and pretend you have not seen them. BUT DO NOT STARE.
5. Refrain from bringing fast food or any eatables on the tube. This is not the Orient Express; there is no dining carriage and people travelling do not want to arrive at their destination smelling like a KFC, MacDonalds or a number 12 meal from Mr Wok. 
6. Please use the escalators safely. DO NOT STOP AT THE TOP to look at your phone because you now have a good signal, or to rearrange your shopping bags, forcing the unfortunate person behind you to either jump past you or be pushed back. MOVE CLEAR.
7. If someone touches you in a sexual manner report immediately.

We are SO lucky to enjoy one of the best undergrounds that is legendary around the world. Please let’s love it and travel safely with a little consideration for others.

If Sadiq Khan does not hike the prices to that of the Orient Express, it is still an affordable way to travel. But remember, DO NOT STARE, even if that Colin Farrell lookalike wearing rugby shorts gets on.

https://tfl.gov.uk/modes/tube/