Heidi Gammon, 2Shades and Gateway Radio’s agony aunt, answers your questions this Pride month.
Dear Heidi
I stumbled upon your column by accident. My daughter Is gay, and I have found it very hard to accept. First of all, I am catholic, and her lifestyle is not acceptable to my faith.
Trust me Heidi I love my daughter, but I am really struggling to accept her girlfriend who she has lived with for four years and won’t have her in the house. She looks like a man, and I find it embarrassing when people see her. My daughter says that they plan to have children and that breaks my heart. Now she says she won’t see me if I do not accept her life and partner. Having tried counselling already what can I do? Losing my daughter is not an option.
Vicky, South End
Dear Vicky
This makes me very sad. Please be assured I have total respect for others’ beliefs. It is great you tried counselling but maybe you did not go the right one. With all due respect, everything you are saying is homophobic. If you truly love your daughter, you will embrace her and love her as a mother should. Who cares what people think of the person who loves your daughter? You need to respect who your daughter is. Really, I understand your pain but it’s time to let go of that mindset. Who wants to be around someone who judges and discriminates against them, especially when it is a person that is supposed to love them? It may be an idea to try counselling as a family https://www.rainbow-project.org/family-support/
You will lose your daughter if you continue down this path.
All my best, Heidi
Dear Heidi
Please help me, I did a terrible thing. My husband wanted to spice things up and bring another person into the bedroom. He did not want an open relationship so, with trepidation we went ahead with a guy we met online. It was fun and we saw him a few times.
Really Heidi I thought that was it but having bumped into this guy in town, we started to see each other behind my husband’s back as he said he’s not really into him. He has asked me to go on holiday with him. Having agreed and telling my husband it is work related, now I am getting cold feet. What can I do?
Mike, Brighton
https://www.grindr.com/blog/wild-sex-positions
Oh, my dear Mike, what a mess.
Really, I am all for those who want to try different things but boundaries must be in place after a lengthy conversation. Although it’s not for me, many couples have open relationship and experiment. When you invite another person into your relationship you are opening a pandora’s box. Be careful what you wish for I say.
It sounded like you thought you were happy. Bringing someone else in could have unearthed that your relationship may not have been what you thought. The fact you’re even thinking of going on holiday behind your husband’s back tells me things are not right. It is time to ask yourself how you see your future. Time to sit down and talk to your husband, after all he opened the box leading you to want to deceive and break the trust. Without trust there is no relationship. Sorry if that sounds harsh.
Love Heidi
Dear Heidi,
My gay brother is a hoot, but he won’t stop flirting with straight guys.Now he is flirting with my husband. Alex my husband thinks it is funny but it is annoying and embarrassing for me. Having put my foot down my brother is not speaking to me. What can I do?
Kirsty, Essex
You’re kidding me, Kirsty. You’re quiet right, straight or gay, there is a limit to the flirting game and you have every right to be annoyed. It was right to share your feelings.
It sounds like your brother is a bit of an exhibitionist and they can be fun. Exhibitionism can be a drug and you can get hooked. He needs to think of your feelings too. Trust me he will be back in touch. You sound like a great sister so just ignore him till he comes to you (and he will) . But stick to your guns when he does appear licking his wounds.
Love Heidi
Dear Heidi
Love the column, please can you help me? I am so frightened to ask anyone out as my fear of rejection is so great. No-one asks me out and so my life has no one romantic in it. How can overcome my fear?
Love
Andy, Leeds
Andy my love, my heart goes out to you. Ok I need you to shake yourself down.
You can go to an lGBTQQ+ councillor https://pinktherapy.com or if you cannot afford that, the NHS offer free talking therapy sessions . I am taking it you have tried online dating; you do not have to go on GRINDER or Facebook, and many other sites offer a softer approach to dating . Or why not join an lgbtqq+ group https://www.mesmac.co.uk/our-services/leeds/support-social-groups
Here is a selection in Leeds. It is a nice way to meet people in non-sexual way that could lead to romance.
Happy Pride Andy, I hope love comes your way .
2Shades Magazine 