2Shades is thrilled to have Heidi Gammon back with her beloved column, where she tackles your problems and answers your questions.
Dear Heidi,
Happy New Year!
I wonder if you can help me. A few months ago, I had a falling-out with a friend. I carefully explained in a letter why I was upset and added that we should leave things for now, as I might get over it in time.
Far from apologizing, they flew into a rage and began contacting everyone we both knew, berating me. Eventually, it became too much, so I confronted them. They claimed they had no idea why we had fallen out and asked me to resend the letter. By then, so much damage had been done. Now, I’m concerned about their mental health, but they are still tarnishing my reputation. How can I stop them?
Marcus, Edinburgh
Dear Marcus,
Oh, Marcus, how awful! It’s terrible when friends say, “Always tell me how you feel,” but when tested, things don’t run smoothly—or worse, they betray your trust.
First, no matter what they’re doing to blacken your name, your real friends will know the truth. Oscar Wilde once said, “There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.”
Second, it sounds like you’ve had a lucky escape from a friendship that wasn’t genuine. Ask yourself: Were you of use to them, perhaps?
As for what to do now:
- You could take legal action and have a lawyer threaten them with defamation charges. However, that can be costly and may escalate things.
- Alternatively, you could try appealing to them directly. But you have tried that and there is mental health issues to bare in mind .
My feeling is that they’ve likely done more damage to their own reputation than yours. Left alone, this will eventually become a distant memory. Take heart—it’s their loss, not yours.
Love and hugs, Heidi
Dear Heidi,
Can you help me?
Do you believe there’s someone out there for everyone? I’m a gay man and have been single for a long time. I don’t need a paper bag over my head—everyone keeps asking why I’m single because they think I’m a catch!
Danny, Brighton
Dear Danny,
Bless you! Sometimes, the most attractive and “perfect” catches can be the last ones to find a partner—they can seem less approachable.
While I haven’t met you, here’s some general advice for people who struggle in the dating world:
- Explore new places and mix with different people.
- Ask a friend to introduce you to someone.
- Take up a new hobby that involves meeting others.
- Look for LGBTQ+ social events or groups.
- Check your expectations—are you being too picky or letting minor issues deter you?
- Reflect on whether you’re genuinely looking for love or afraid of being alone. It’s important to know yourself first.
- Don’t be afraid to ask people out—rejection may sting, but it won’t kill you. Remember, you might have to kiss a few frogs before finding your prince!
I hope this helps. Good luck, Danny!
Love, Heidi
Dear Heidi,
I hope you’re well. I’m in my 50s and have been married for 25 years to a wonderful man. He’s a fantastic husband and still handsome. However, he rarely wants sex anymore, and when he does, he needs Viagra. I still love and need intimacy, but I’m thinking of seeing a professional or having an affair. Is that so wrong?
Vicky, Leeds
Dear Vicky,
Oh, Vicky, please listen to me. Talk to your husband—he clearly loves you! Tell him that intimacy is still important to you. Consider couples counselling or consult a doctor to work on your sex life together.
Turning to a professional or having an affair might seem tempting as a fantasy, but it comes at a cost and could ruin what you have. From what you’ve described, your marriage is still special. After 25 years, calling your partner “wonderful and handsome” is rare!
Try rekindling the spark—breathe some magic back into your relationship.
Love, Heidi
Dear Heidi,
I’m more comfortable around gay men. I’m 25, love hanging out with the boys, and often joke that I’m a “gay man in a woman’s body.” My bestie, Phillip, is gorgeous—if he were straight, I’d be all over him.
Imagine my surprise when I learned at New Year’s that he was once engaged to a woman. Better still, we shared a proper kiss at midnight! I can’t stop thinking about it. We’re going out this weekend—should I try it again? He hasn’t mentioned it. Help!
Lyndsey, London
Dear Lyndsey,
You sound fabulous, but seriously, get a grip! While I understand the “gay man in a woman’s body” cliché (we’ve all been there), Phillip needs to come to you if he’s exploring a shift in his sexuality.
If you push for more, you risk losing a great friendship. New Year’s parties can be wild, and people do unexpected things. Don’t read too much into it.
Gay clubs are fun, but ask yourself: Are you using them to avoid finding love for yourself? Keep your options open and focus on what’s best for you.
Kisses, Heidi
Find Heidi Gammon at https://www.counselling-foryou.co.uk/about-usHear her on https://www.gateway978.com/blogs/daytime/back-to-school-advice-with-heidi-gammonYouTube https://youtu.be/_P5ZsiIRmhY?si=XKBJ7QHIfIVBuos4
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