Not all bouncers in the UK are bad
George Khoury, a 40-year old bouncer who touched our souls at 2Shades on our night out, unaware that we’d be meeting an angel at the doorstep of a pub in Elephant & Castle
He will be writing for 2Shades whenever his wisdom takes the wheels and he’s got plenty of it.
George Khoury’s, “Let’s start with you” in his own words.
“One of the deepest yearnings I’ve had is to learn and understand who I am, what my purpose is, what I need to do to continue to grow, develop and flourish. This is something that each of us require to feel true happiness, ensuring we put ourselves first and utilise the people and opportunities around us to be the best version of ourselves that we can. This emphasis on your own existence is what really brings about the concept of self-love.
“If you don’t love yourself, who else will….” These are the truest words that my mother once told me. I remember hearing this but not truly listening or understanding the implications.
What do we want for the people and things we love? To protect them and keep them safe, to make them happy, support them through difficult times, encourage them to understand their self-worth, their positive qualities, develop their strengths while improving and managing their weaknesses. We would do anything for these people to show them that life is worth living and that everything will be okay. There is a sense of fulfilment and joy that comes with encouraging someone to shine. In most cases the person that loses out on this support, encouragement, and love is ourselves. How can someone who has been there your whole life be unappreciated, disregarded, and sacrificed?
From birth we are pure, vulnerable, and dependent. We are a product of the life we are born into. We learn what we’re shown and understand the world in that way. Our surroundings become our reality and we are told what is right and wrong, what our values should be, what is important, what is expected, and how we can be as happy or successful as the people before us. Everyone needs a mentor, a support mechanism, and a community that helps you build the road ahead rather than leave you to find your own way in a complicated and challenging world,
I was born into a mixture of cultures, ethnicities, and languages. I always knew I was a boy but I didn’t care. My gender was fluid and not defined. I was allowed to be a curious child and was never judged or labelled from a very young age.
I was occasionally asked at the after-school club “are you a girl or a boy?” With my long hair that I could tie into a small ponytail like my fathers. He has always been my hero. He is strong, brave, resilient, and gives everything he has to better himself and provide for his family. The first one to respond to a loud noise at night and the first one out of the door to get to work early and put food on the table. These are qualities that are inspiring and meant that I was lucky enough to have a strong father figure in my life. My only issue was feeling that I would never be good enough or be able to make him proud.
From the moment I started year 7 I stood out from everyone else. I was a positive and curious soul who wanted to make friends and learn. The reality was much different. Either the pupils were confused by the way I was, felt threatened or generally disliked me because I did not fit the idealistic norms of society. The people who did want to be my friend had to accept the burden of being associated with me. The name calling, being singled out, laughed at, scrutinised and analysed daily. Everyone wants an easy life and I made things complicated for them by being me, whatever that was.
My entire being contradicted the norms that these young people had been adapted to. Male presenting with a feminine and caring nature and a distinct voice that people associated with being gay. That was my reality and if it wasn’t for the values, morals, and wisdom that my parents had planted deep into my consciousness, I can honestly say that I would not be here today.
The physical and emotional abuse I was subjected to on a daily basis took away my light, my uniqueness and my purpose. It labelled and categorised me into boxes I didn’t understand or choose for myself. How could I defend something I didn’t understand or have the opportunity to identify and love? I was already what they called me and was in a body that I had no emotional connection to.
The only way I could survive was to try my hardest to be what everyone felt was normal. Lowering my voice and using less of an emotive tone, restricting my natural body movements to not stand out, trying to please everyone to make them happy and in return feel accepted and included with an actual purpose.
As I turn 40 and reflect on my life, I realise that there was never an issue with me at all. I have always been that same happy and glowing soul I was when I was a child. The world twisted and pulled me into a box I couldn’t fit into no matter how much I tried to.
It took losing myself and wanting a way out of this life to truly understand how special and unique I am. Exactly what my parents had been trying to show me from a young age, and why they would get so angry and disappointed in me for not recognising it. They knew I could do better and be a more successful version of myself and that the potential was always there.
This came across as disappointment and never feeling like I could be the child they wanted. I came across a key ring my parents bought me for my birthday which I never took real notice of at the time.
It was during a low moment where I had to try really hard to get up and do anything.
It said “…if we could give you one thing in life, we would give you the ability to see yourself through our eyes. Only then would you realise how special you are to us,” This was the turning point for me and after wiping my tears I realised who I was, and saw the purpose I have in the world, something I had never been able to do. In this life you need to listen to the people who love you unconditionally whoever they are and find your people. If I hadn’t found my queer community and beautiful people that see me as I am without any other judgement or labelling, I would never have believed that I was an actual human being that was allowed to be me and not what the world bullied me into becoming.
I am a glowing ray of positive energy that walks through life climbing the barriers and mountains that humanity have placed in my way and keeping my fire burning no matter how cold or dark it gets, however windy or overwhelming things are, no matter how much my anxiety tries to hold me still and stop me growing, I will carry this light to bring happiness and laughter into the world.
Challenging discrimination, bullying and representing every minority that exists in this world through my gender, sexuality, and ethnic background, I will keep being me, as this was what I was always created to do.
Look after yourself and remember that it all starts with you. You can only give all of your love and soul if you have your housekeeping in order and this starts with knowing who you are. Not the constructed and created you by society, peers, and family but the true being that you are with no deflection or distraction from the issues that come with living. The beautiful, unique, and wonderful you, Let’s start there, let’s start with you.”
2Shades Magazine 