“Pride” means the quality or state of being proud, including self-esteem and a reasonable or justifiable self-respect.
It also denotes, “Delight or elation arising from some act or possession or relationship.”
It has been Brighton Pride this weekend sadly I could not be there but it is just amazing to even see online!
I could not be prouder of how 2Shades is appealing to all of the community and our ally’s Pride is something we all take seriously it is who we are at the core of the magazine.
Such changed days, indeed, from the 1970s, when the only form of LGBTQ publication around was “Gay News”, which I use to smuggle into the family home as a teenage boy. Back then, for mainstream magazines or newspapers to feature gay people in a positive light could be the kiss of death for the publication. It was a time when openly gay actors could be blacklisted with in the industry. Even being suspected of being gay could see you thrown out of the armed forces.
I remember my mother, on discovering the hidden paper, standing and screaming, “There is no such thing as ‘Gay News’, just bad news.” At the age of 15, I was out, causing more than a little scandal at my school, and despair and outrage at home. Much as my mother is now a big advocate of LGBTQ, it caused considerable upset in the 1970s. Only my sister, who was 13 at the time, had a kind word. She had been told there had been a great family upset. Karen squeezed my hand and told me she always knew I was gay, and she loved me.
My parents’ answer was to take me to see the Samaritans, to meet a man who had been in the merchant navy and therefore “knew about gays”. I can still see him sitting there in his light-blue pullover, looking somewhat uncomfortable. His advice was that gay men did not all look like David Bowie or Marc Bolan. I pointed out that both were, in fact, bisexual. He continued, “If you go to Portsmouth, there are big, hairy men on bikes looking for and preying on young men.”
Once safely back in the car with my parents, I raised the question: “Where is Portsmouth and how do I get there?”
Sadly, it always seems to be a shock when someone comes out to the family. There are more negative stories than positive ones. Even a model friend of mine, whose son was never out of her high heels and frocks, seemed devastated when he broke the news. It raised the question, “What was she seeing all those years as he grew up?”
This is a question also asked in the brilliant drama series, “It’s A Sin”. Valerie Tozer, masterfully played by Keely Hawes, is a mother in denial as her son lies dying of Aids. She blames everyone she can find except herself. Sandra (played by Ruth Sheen), whose son also lies ill, asks just that question: “What were you looking at when he was six? Ten? Fifteen?”
Even still today, kids are thrown out of their homes for being LGBTQ, and even for many that are allowed to stay, their lives can be made miserable. Their only crime is being a human being who loves someone or is attracted to the same sex. These are the same kids whose parents happily hand toy guns to them and let them play war games. But – what horror in a kiss with someone of the same sex!
I cried when watching the superbly crafted “Heartstoppers” on Netflix. The character Nick tells his mother he likes boys and girls. Played beautifully by Olivia Colman, the mother calmly thanks him for sharing that with her and hopes he is okay. If only more parents acted that way, there would be so much less trauma within the LGBTQ+ community, and our mental health would be stronger.
Things might be getting better, but the LGBTQ+ community is still under attack every day. As with all wars, a good strategy is a key factor in survival. Education in schools is essential – using positive role models, and making kids feel safe who do not fit the masculine or feminine stereotypes. This is still going to take time, understanding, and some amazing people to give a strong voice.
Education is the key to most things, and this includes brilliant diversity role models going into schools and talking about their lives. It is important, in everyday life, that we are up to educating our children and spotting the difference between homophobia and mere ignorance in this woke society, where everyone seems easily offended. A woman said to me quite recently, when I was clearly channelling a butch moment, “You don’t seem that gay. My hairdresser Eduardo is gay. He’s a scream. He does drag on a Tuesday.”
Looking at her carefully, I pointed out that the Krays were gay, adding one or two other examples. She went deadly quiet, and after a moment, she apologised. She hoped I was not offended. Of course, I wasn’t, but I had made someone think.
Thankfully, we now have positive role models that people can identify with. Jake Daniels, the first openly gay footballer, made headlines last month, and we also have Gareth Thomas, the rugby player, and Tom Daley, Olympic gold medallist. The sad thing is, while there are many gay footballers, fear of losing endorsements or their peers’ reactions keeps them in the closet. It is tragic that this still makes headline news. It shows that society still does not really except such men.
It is wonderful to see David Beckham come out and back Jake, but disappointing that he also backs the World Cup in Qatar, a country that still has the death penalty for gay people. We need our allies not to sit on the fence when it comes to human rights.
The gay community can be a homophobic place too. Often, the more flamboyant characters are not seen as the heroes. Gay men themselves sometimes fear being labelled camp or effeminate.
. But our tireless fights are not just for gay rights, but human rights. Quintin Crisp may have had some lapses in judgment, but he was a voice in the dark for people like me, Boy George and our generation. Bowie and Marc Bolan also showed us it was okay to be different.
The truth is, if an alien landed and asked us to show them what a typical gay person looked like, it would be impossible. It would be like being asked to find a quintessential heterosexual – then going to Chelsea football ground in the company of an overweight man, with a pint and a Union Jack t-shirt, smoking a fag, and shouting, “This is what a straight man looks like.” There would be an outcry, and trust me, there are many gay men that look like that too.
I have often been asked “Why do you need ‘Pride’. There’s no straight Pride.” My answer is always, “Thank your lucky stars you don’t need straight Pride.” We have to be a voice and be seen, in order to hope that one day, no-one will blink an eye if I hold my boyfriend’s hand in public. We must also hope that one day, that teenage boy’s or girl’s mum and dad will hug them when they come out, and the world will be a safe place for the LGBTQ+ community. It’s getting better, but we still have a long way to go.
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