The Vauxhall Tavern, Thursday 10th August 2023 through to September
5 stars xxxxx
A David Hoyle show is a truly unique experience and it is meant to be. I once described him as Kate Bush’s and Lyndsey Kemp’s love child. His talent is undeniable, and he asks his audience, as he narrates, to think out of the box with him.
As you look around the packed room, it mirrors “Warhol’s Factory. From the lady you feel sure may have been one of Warhol’s prodigy in her hay day with the bright pink hair, Trans adorned Hoyle’s congregations long before it became a topic of conversation. But it is not just the LGBTIQQ community that worship here. Men in suits that look like they have come from the city or just people who love art or good conversation can be found at David Hoyle shows.
” Everyone is beautiful in this room” David assures us all.
The atmosphere is electric before David even enters the room. If people-watching is your thing, part of the experience is to join liked-minded people before the show gets going. The excitement is mounting as a virgin David audience member whispers to me,
“I just love drag”.
“He is not drag”, I replied, well not in the traditional form: you won’t see Hoyle entering “Ru Paul Drag Race” any day soon. Certainly, he appears in tattered stockings and a night dress that had seen better days.
I would love to hear Michelle Visage questioning Hoyle’s sewing skills (I’d pay to witness his reply!).
Hoyle is simply art. You never know which David you’re getting and it reflects how he feels about the state of the world that night. One show he will walk on stage dressed like Frank N Furter meets Bowie’s Space Oddity, oozing glamour. The next show his hair will be in bunches like Violet Elizabeth, his tooth having fallen out, talking about poverty as an artist. Or he walks on with his face bare, a few nights after the Manchester bombing (his now home town), opening his heart to the pain we are all feeling.
He moves amongst us handing out autographed prints of his actual artwork. Hoyle uses his audience as his paint brushes. He asks those at the front why they have taken prime position if they did not want him to point them out.
Hoyle does not take cheap shots at people unlike so many that humiliate audience members. Even when confronted by the more difficult patron. To this day it still makes me chuckle to think about when he asked a slightly drunk man what he did. “I do what you do”, grandly the man replied.
Hoyle retorted, “Really! I had no idea I was generic!”
Hoyle will make fun of himself, asking if anyone fancies a 61-year-old homosexual with a bridge tooth, he chats about the difficulties of dating as an older gay man. David gives sermons on not fitting in the box, or on everyday life as an artist, or those that do not want to conform or those that do. He does not ask you to agree or disagree, but merely to think. This may not sound like a form of entertainment, but it is, and he packs out venues with those wanting to hear him.
Hoyle always finishes off by doing a portrait of an audience member. Again it could be ritual humiliation but instead the chosen one is always made to feel special, but the audience is in hysterics.
David is so very special , and it is a joy to walk away having seen someone so gifted who often bares more than his soul to his audience . Please go see this icon.
My viewz and not of 2Shades brought to you bi -monthly a column that does not hold back
“Where to pee or not to pee, is that really a question?”
Trans. Trans, dear God has there ever been a topic that will have you cancelled simply for not agreeing and get so many hot under the collar?
Now let us get this straight and to help the right-wing God squad: if your apparent higher power allowed a child to be born with bone cancer or deformed, is there not a chance he popped one or two in the wrong body too?
For me, if a man or woman feels they have been born in the wrong body and have undergone two years of therapy and gender reassignment, as far as I am concerned, they are now the sex of their choice.
People who have had gender-affirming surgery have been in my life since I was 16. The Famous Julia / George dropped coffee all over my Fiorucci white jump suit at “Scandals” night club when she ran the coffee shop there. Strangely we became friends. From April Ashley to Tallulah, famous sex changes have been in the news. Many have played under the radar and of course with some there was the odd whisper, but all for most part got on with their new lives. Wonderful India Willoughby, whom I admire, campaigns for
Transvestites who enjoy popping a frock on are not in that transgender category, however.
Nor is drag. Drag has been around since time began and in the theatrical sense it is a performance. So many people seem to be labelling drag artists as trans which, for the most part, they are not. Men that suddenly announce they are trans and pop on a frock, an acrylic wig and some false nails are not women.
Sure, some might be starting a journey towards being a woman. Others never will make that trip and must appreciate it is a dream and not expect rights as a woman.
Tim Curry in the incredible The Rocky Horror show is a sweet Transvestite not to be confused with gender reassignment https://rockyhorror.co.uk
Much as mixed toilets have been in many venues for years, the right for a woman or, when it comes to it, a man to go the toilet that is used by their own sex should be enforced. What many forget is some women are coping with trauma, having been raped or abused badly by men. They will find the idea of sharing a bathroom (where they are in a vulnerable state) with anyone with a penis utterly terrifying. Simply put, if you have a penis stay out of the ladies loo.
What is bizarre to me and many of the trans is this “Dead Life”, i.e. if you are now identify as woman, your prior life is “Dead Life” and you can suddenly create a whole past as girl. One (who we all know)
described how she slept with a variety of celebrities as a beautiful young girl – the issue here is she was a 17-year-old spotty boy at the time she claims it happened. It is just a lie, a “Fantasy Life” that to my mind is closer to criminal fraud.
I certainly would have been trans back in my school years. I used to pray that I would wake as a girl because being a boy was pure misery for me. Today I love being a man, in fact after about 14 that desire to be a girl eventually passed. For many it does not, and they have my
empathy and support to be who they want to be after a certain age.
Forcing kids into boxes i.e. boys like football and action and
girls like Barbie and cooking is one of the unhealthiest things I can think of. It is responsible for so many mental health issues in those kids who do not fit into society’s false expectations. But please do not let kids undergo surgery till they are fully matured and can decide if it is still what they really want.
Personally there would be no way I would even want a child of mine to have a piercing or tattoo until they were in their late teens. There are support groups such as Mermaids that help young people who feel they are struggling with gender
Finally, practise what you preach. A lovely trans woman who I respected and addressed as a woman (even though they had not had surgery, or any work done), berated me for not eating what I was given at a dinner table (I do not eat red meat or pork).
“In my day you ate what you were given!” she chastised me.
Thank God for you it is not “your days” as you would be running for the hills dressed as woman. The problem is, if we expect people to accept us for who we are, it has to be reciprocal, not one-sided.
Colin Farrell – a real man of action
As if we could not love Colin Farrell enough already, the actor and his son James have melted our hearts this month. Colin has been talking about his 20-year-old son James who lives with Angel Syndrome.
“I want the world to be kind to James. I want the world to treat him with kindness and respect.”
Angelman syndrome is genetic disorder that mainly affects the nervous system. Symptoms include a small head and a specific facial appearance, severe intellectual disability, developmental disability, limited to no functional speech, balance and movement problems, seizures, and sleep problems.
Farrell has started a foundation in honour of his son in the US. The Colin Farrell Foundation will provide support for adult children who have an intellectual disability through advocacy, education and innovative programs.
As for the foundation, for years Farrell has wanted to do something in the realm of providing greater opportunities for families who have a child with special needs, to receive the support that they deserve and the assistance in all areas of life.
“Once your child turns 21, they’re kind of on their own,” Farrell says. “All the safeguards that are put in place, special ed classes, that all goes away, so you’re left with a young adult who should be an integrated part of our modern society and often is left behind.”
This is mirrored in the UK. Last year Dr Anna Kennedy OBE petitioned Number 10 Downing Street to help those living with autism to be aided after the age of 24 where government aid stops. “Who will look after my sons when I am gone?” is a question Anna has raised along with many parents of children with special needs.
Dr Anna Kennedy OBE and me delivering a petition to Number 10 downing street picture Terry Scott ,
Colin and Anna are real heroes and we need more of the likes of these two in this world.
Yet more bad news for the BBC as their top-rated show “Strictly Come Dancing” comes under fire for apparent bullying as previous contestants have been complaining.
Oh do get a grip. You go into a reality show and you are really expecting it to be plain sailing?
These people complaining of bad treatment have agents and a
right to walk out at any time. Stop, enough already. Do not go into a
show like “Strictly” or “I’m a Celebrity” and expect back rubs and hugs.
Dance is a highly disciplined practice and anyone who has properly
trained at the ballet or dance school will tell you it is not for the faint
hearted.
To conclude .
When your bear friend has been taking Ozempic and asks if
you have noticed any visible side effects on them…
The idea has left me not just stirred, but shaken.
It is time to put the brakes on the more extreme woke and cancel culture, otherwise I predict that we will soon see an enormous backlash against some of the minority groups in our country.
Some more extreme activists undo the hard work, sacrifices, and tireless fighting of the many heroes of the LGBTQ+ community which gave us the rights we have now.
When I first heard the news that there could be a gender-neutral James Bond, all I could think was “NO!”. James Bond was created by the writer Ian Fleming. The character studied at Cambridge University, where he achieved a first in Oriental Languages. In Fleming’s novels, Bond alluded to briefly attending the University of Geneva (as did Fleming) before being taught to ski in Kitzbühel.
His character is rumoured to be based on Sir William Stephenson. In fact, Fleming’s first choice actor to play James Bond was David Niven. It is documented that Fleming was less than impressed by Sean Connery playing what he called a glorified stunt man who used to drive a lorry. What the character was certainly not was trans, gender-neutral or a woman.
We do not need to rewrite the classics to force inclusion. Instead, we need to positively and proactively introduce strong gay characters into new films, television series and cartoons.
Boarding school
True, in “Skyfall,” Daniel Craig’s Bond hints that he may have tried sleeping with a man (it was almost cut). Let’s face it, while the character may be fictional, he did go to boarding school, so it is a plausible possibility. Craig is considered the closest actor to Fleming’s original description of Bond in the first novel. Casino Royale was published in 1953, with a further 11 novels making up the series.
According to the book, Bond was a womaniser, a man’s man. Rather the antithesis of a gay or gender-neutral person. He embodied, for the most part, what heterosexual men aspire to be, next to being a footballer or sports star. If the woke mob were sensible, they would leave well alone and leave this classic macho character to be just that.
There is, for sure, room for LGBTQ+ superheroes or villains on mainstream television or in films. It is important that everyone is given roles to give exposure to all communities. But this needs to be positive exposure, done with tact and not at the expense of “the other side”.
Lesbian Snow White
I do not want a lesbian Snow White. Nor do I want a socially challenged Queen with narcissism issues carrying a fair-trade organic apple. Or Cinderella, who obviously lost the shoe because she was drunk, being transformed into Buttons, who lost his shoe while getting ready for Ru Paul’s Drag Race. Or Indiana Jones and the Last Top on Old Compton Street. Leave them alone!
Sure, many of us in the LGBTQ+ community did not have role models growing up and those of us who grew up in the 70s and 80s can thank God for Bowie and T-Rex, Boy George and Quentin Crisp!
We do not need to rewrite the classics to force inclusion. Instead, we need to positively and proactively introduce strong gay characters into new films, television series and cartoons. Netflix recently released “Single All The Way,” which was a brave attempt at exposing general audiences to gay characters with a sense of normality – just a typical rom-com where the main characters just happened to be gay (it’s a shame though that Jennifer Coolidge could not save that turkey!). But, as my sister says, heterosexuals have to endure Hallmark. It is only fair we have a bad movie too.
Joan Collins
The last thing we need is to start to attack something that is seen as masculine or feminine and try to turn what is seen as a heterosexual character into an LGBTQ+ character. If the heterosexual community thinks we are attacking them, we are in trouble as fear has caused more wars in history – that is what will happen if we attack their foundation.
Why do we need to do this when so many of our community are such heroes?
Joan Collins has so eloquently expressed that cancel culture is a problem, but so are extremists in the LGBTQ+ community. Trust me: we have a huge backlash approaching as extremism in any group is not a good thing. All the incredible work so many in the community have dedicated themselves to accomplishing to fight for our community rights can quickly be undone. We are already seeing this unravelling – homophobic hate crimes have trebled in the UK this year…and that’s just crime that is reported.
Mermaids
Talking, not arguing, is the way forward. Recently, I had the pleasure of having drinks with two friends. The topic of trans children came up. I know many trans activists who think children should wait until they are 18 years old to start treatment but are frightened to say so in case they are cancelled or abused on social media. I was wondering what the author’s perspectives were, and the conversation quickly went quiet.
So, we moved on. Later in a very entertaining hour or so, the subject of Mermaids, the charity for trans children and their parents. It turned out that one of the groups had been involved with the charity. I asked if they had gone quiet before as the subject had offended them. They said no: they just said they didn’t want an argument. The statement “I do not argue, I merely correct” sprung to mind as they said this, and it made me realise that different perspectives within the LGBTQ+ community may not be heard.
We need to calmly listen to one another, as we still have a lot to learn. Thanks to the conversations I have had, I have learned a different point of view and, that night, I started to look into Mermaids and find out about how they help trans kids who need support through what, for many, is a difficult and often traumatic experience.
The LGBTQ+ community is still under attack every day. Like all wars, a good strategy is a key factor in survival. Education in schools is essential – using positive role models and making kids feel safe who do not fit the masculine or feminine stereotypes. This is still going to take time, understanding, and some amazing people to give a strong voice to this community. This is NOT going to be achieved by trying to rewrite classic characters, as this will only antagonise those not affiliated with the community.
If we do not box clever, one day, we could wake up to someone ruling the world that will make Trump look like a fairytale character. Just think back to 1933 when a failed artist persuaded an entire nation to turn against minorities. Let’s not be naive and think it could not happen again.
As it has appeared in the Channel 5 Documentary, ‘Life of Riley: Head Lesbian Of The World’. It seems like a great time to re-share.
Two years ago with the help Graham Martin’s brilliant photography, I created this iconic shoot and interview’s with two legends Denise Welch and Linda Riley.
“Never Judge a book by its cover ” Steven Smith meets Linda Riley and Denise Welch.
Decades ago, Marlene Dietrich, Tallulah Bankhead and Frida Kahlo blazed a trail with gender neutrality, taking what’s perceived as a masculine style, redefining it and making it their own, despite the outrage that often greeted them.
Today diversity is the buzzword everyone is talking about, reshaping not only the world of fashion but, increasingly, the workplace.
Great gains against bigotry and prejudice have been made in recent years but there have been signs recently of a backlash, which is being felt around the world by the LGBTQ community, minorities and those with disabilities.
Two of the leaders of the drive for diversity in the UK are Linda Riley, who runs the European Diversity awards and educates in schools across the UK, and her friend Denise Welch, the actress, presenter and author. Denise is an ambassador for MIND and was named “Ally of the Year” by Diva, Britain’s most popular magazine for lesbian and bi-sexual woman and their friends.
The two struck up what might be seen as an unlikely friendship two years ago and, to celebrate Diversity ithey got together for a photo shoot in which they return to the Berlin of the 1920s – and the woman who was the first to ‘strike a pose’.
Here they talk to Steven Smith about their friendship and how they see their roles in promoting and protecting diversity today.
It is two o’clock on a sunny Tuesday and Linda has just arrived at the location for our shoot, an art-themed apartment off the Tottenham Court road. Dressed in a white shirt, black suit and masculine black shoes, Linda has a reputation as a formidable woman who not only knows what she wants, but gets what she wants.
Having met Linda several times, the phrase “don’t judge a book by its cover” springs to mind. She may be sporting a traditionally masculine look, but she has a sensitive, almost girlish aura about her.
She tells me that people see what they want to see and many presume that if you appear as a stereotyped butch lesbian then you must be as hard as nails. She’s working class too, which she says makes some people assume that she’s not very bright when in fact she’s highly intelligent.
Exploding the assumptions that people so often make is one of the reasons she wanted to do the photo shoot: she is keen for people to look beneath the covers.
No, she doesn’t wear make-up, but that’s her own choice – “I just can’t be bothered,” she says. But there’s no reason why she shouldn’t wear it if she wanted to. You can be as butch as you like and still wear make-up; it’s your own choice. Linda wants people to see the person not a label.
Linda is happy to have her make-up done on this occasion and sits down quietly as she lets our make-up artist paint her magic.
One of the many things she loved about Denise Welch was that on one of their first meetings they were asked to do a picture together and Denise asked whether she had any lipstick on her.
“I could have just snapped, ‘No, judge your audience Denise!” Linda says, with a laugh. “But actually, it was great that she asked, because it meant she had not judged me and not put me in a pigeonhole based on how I looked. It was one of the things that made us gel.”
Linda stands out as someone who made a huge difference to attitudes about diversity and the LGBTQ community, where she is spreading her message across the Atlantic and to Australia, where she is in partnership with the publisher Silke Bade.
In the UK, she publishes Diva magazine and is executive producer of the hit online show, Different for Girls. She is also a patron of Albert Kennedy Trust, a charity that helps homeless LGBTQ youth in the UK. Linda created the Diversity in Media Awards and is founder and director of the European Diversity Award.
In her personal life, Linda has twin girls, Sophie and Phoenix, with her former partner of eight years, Sarah Garrett. Sophie made her acting debut this year in Different for Girls.
“For me diversity is about equality in life and the workplace. We should not see others as different but instead recognise their individual talents,” Linda says. “I am not suggesting that we should have quotas, but we must not discriminate.”
Linda left home at 15 after she came out as gay to her mother and was given the stark choice of undergoing electric shock therapy to “cure” her or get out of the house. She chose the latter and built an empire against all odds.
“There are so many inspirations that I draw from,” she tells me. “Nelson Mandela had a huge impact on society. Then there are people like the beautiful actress Sophie Ward, who gave enormous hope to many gay women when she came out publicly. It wasn’t long ago that being gay would have meant the kiss of death to a career in the film and television world; Sophie helped so many.”
Linda credits Martina Navratilova as a front-runner in the drive for acceptance of diversity. One of the greatest tennis players of all time, she was, however, the only female player not to receive sponsorship. “Today Ellen Degeneres and Cara Delevingne have plenty of sponsorships, so things are moving, but let’s not forget women like Martina who led the way.”
Linda met Denise two years ago. Denise had been nominated as Ally of the Year at the Diva Awards and Linda wanted to see if she was the real deal. Linda has a reputation for taking instant likes or dislikes to people, but it’s not like that, she explains. “No, it’s just that I’ve been about a bit and I know those who are just cashing in, or who have nothing more to them than their celebrity.”
“For me diversity is about equality in life and the workplace. We should not see others as different but instead recognise their individual talents,”
But they clicked immediately and since that first meeting have struck up a great friendship.
“You just feel relaxed with her. She is funny, real and not show-bizzy, although she is professional. She is interested in you and among gay women she has become a hero. The gay men love her too, but they have Kylie, Madonna and the likes, whom we love too. There is something about Denise – you feel you have been on her journey and that she gets you.”
Denise is up for Ally of the Year again, along with Jemma Redgrave of the Redgrave acting dynasty and Catherine Russell from the BBC’s Holby, whose character in the show is lesbian, as well as Sinitta, whose hit song So Macho has become a gay anthem.
“Sinitta is a huge hit among gay men, maybe because she iconic and camp and because of the song. But she does an incredible amount to aid diversity and in general among the LGBTQ community, not just for the boys.”
“It is obvious that from an early age Denise just did not see labels. She has so many gay friends and is open and funny. She has raised her boys not to judge and her son Matthew, from the band 1975, talks about diversity and gay rights like a chip off the old block.
“It was not so long ago that eyebrows would lift if a gay woman had a platonic relationship with a heterosexual woman. In my own experience women have often presumed instantly that I am coming on when we are just chatting.” This is one of the things Linda is trying to stomp out when she goes into schools to talk to the kids about diversity.
“For many kids the idea of kissing someone of the same sex is something they are uncomfortable with and I’m greeted with nervous coughs and shuffling about. I asked at one all-girls school ‘if this were a mixed school, would you presume that every boy would fancy you?’ It is the same with gay women – not every gay woman will fancy you either. It is quite amazing how you can make kids see things in a different light just by talking about it.”
Linda lets her two daughters make their own choices in clothes and one tends to go for the prettier side of fashion while the other opts for a more traditionally masculine look.
“Recently they were both attending a wedding and I actually encouraged the tomboy daughter to wear a dress like her sister. She came right back at me: ‘I will wear a dress mum when you do.’ Fair point! I thought back to the day I was forced into a dress and cringed.
“That’s not to say I won’t put my foot down. I am quite a traditional parent and for a time Nicki Minaj [the American-Trinidadian rapper] was banned from the house as it was far too provocative. I want them to make sensible choices and, as mum, it’s my job to guide them there.”
The shoot is nearly over, and Denise is trying to force more lipstick on Linda for a laugh. Linda has loved dressing up and says she may wear the black tie to an event again – but not the make-up.
A few days later some of the pictures are leaked online to applause from many of Linda’s friends and followers. “You look even more gorgeous with make-up,” many posted, although others were not so enthused, saying that a butch, strong woman does not need make-up.
Linda laughs. “Who’s to say? It’s what we need at the moment. It did take me aback when I arrived at the school gates to pick up the kids and the other mums were telling me how it suited me and how good I looked. It made me wonder just what I look like normally! But what I would tell the 15-year-old me is ‘just be you, and be proud, it will be alright, the future is bright, and you do need make-up to get there.’
Denise’s story
It is twelve thirty and Denise has arrived early at the shoot straight from an appearance on Channel 5’s Matthew Wright show. She’s thirsty and hungry and in need of sparkling water and snack.
The actress looks stunning but is not feeling good about herself today. However, she takes a deep breath and bustles around making the crew and her friends feel special. She’s enthusiastic about the project and can’t wait for Linda to arrive and get made up.
Denise tries on some of the clothes and makes up for the lack of a full-length mirror in the apartment by standing on the toilet seat so she can see herself in the bathroom mirror.
She can’t believe there’s not a proper mirror – “I am not being a pain, it’s just I want to get into a character and can’t if I can’t see myself,” she laughs.
Since the birth of her son Matthew, Denise has been battling anxiety and mental health issues and takes each day as it comes. She can’t predict how she will feel but has learnt to cope.
She is an advocate for mental health and a spokesperson for MIND, one of the many charities she supports. Denise hosts an annual ball in Manchester for The Gem Appeal, a research facility set up by her friend Karen Sutherland, which is developing lifesaving treatments for genetic diseases.
Denise’s work with the LBGTQ community has won her awards and her short film, Black Eyed Susan, which portrays a woman struggling with depression, has been widely acclaimed.
Soon she’s in make-up and the crew are in fits of laughter as she regales them with funny stories.
Denise received her Diva Ally of the Year award last year at a glittering ceremony at London’s Cafe De Paris and she confesses her biggest shock was when one of her heroines, Jennifer Saunders, handed over the trophy with the words: “This is a woman I would want on my team!”
Saunders presented the awards along with fellow Ab Fab veteran Harriet Thorpe. Says Denise: “The fact they had even heard of me left me speechless. It was all so surreal and friendly, and I could have bathed in the crowd, there was so much love. I was totally in awe of all these remarkable women.”
She admits it would be a dream to appear in Ab Fab – “some of my friends already call me June Whitfield so maybe I could be her long-lost daughter!”
Asked how it feels to have been so taken to heart by the lesbian community, Denise tells me that she regards it as a real honour.
“Honestly, I am grateful anyone has taken to me, but it maybe we have empathy for each other. I was lucky and raised not label or judge people. My dad’s a drag queen called Raquel and my mum, bless her soul, had many diverse friends. Being gay was nothing unusual and I have always just had friends. Their sexuality is not the important thing to me. They are my pals.
“It would be great if we could raise all kids like that. My son Matthew, who’s in the band 1975, jokes with me “when are you coming out mum?’ as yet again I am featured in a gay magazine. Matt is all about diversity and would defend to the end people’s rights to be themselves, as would my youngest, Louie, who’s 16. It makes me very proud.
Among the many causes she supports, Denise is a huge advocate for the transgender community and starred in Boy Meets Girl, the first BBC comedy series to feature transgender issues prominently.
“It is totally bizarre to me – any kind of homophobia, racism or discrimination – what are people frightened of? Many of my leading men have been gay, as are my friends. It’s just normal for me.”
For Denise, the word diversity means inclusion and equality. But she worries that for some it may just be a trendy word that they use as a box tick. She is hugely against that – and against certain groups claiming the word diversity as their own. She says tv and the media generally should do more to promote diversity – “It’s insulting to any minority group to be included just because they are a box tick. It should be whoever is best for the job.”
“It is totally bizarre to me – any kind of homophobia, racism or discrimination – what are people frightened of? Many of my leading men have been gay, as are my friends. It’s just normal for me.”
Denise loves the fact that she’s become an “honorary lesbian” since she and Linda became friends. “I didn’t have many female gay friends – no idea why not – but since meeting Linda I’ve come to know so many. I adore them, they make me feel so comfortable and happy. ”
She met Linda at the LGBTQ awards through a friend of hers, Dan Hughes. “When Dan said Linda Riley, who created the LGBTQ awards, wants to meet you, I was a little nervous as she is a powerful figure and has a formidable reputation.
“When I walked in she was sitting with Bobby Norris from TOWIE and we just instantly clicked and got on like a house on fire. Then I started to learn about all the wonderful work she has done. She’s a trail blazer is Linda, and she puts her money where her mouth is, and champions causes all over the world. I think I bring out the girly, fun side of her and in turn she has made me more of a warrior.”
Denise is about to appear in the second series of Different for Girls and Linda is the executive producer of the show. The lesbian drama sees Denise come out in her fifties, much to the amusement of her screen sister, played by long-term friend Charlie Hardwick.
Denise is a huge fan of the first series, which is based on the book by Jackie Lawrence. She loved the show, as it showed women in a different light without the stereotypes. So often lesbian women, like a lot of transgender people, are portrayed either as prostitutes or victims.
“Jackie wanted to write something where it says, ‘no lesbians were killed during the writing of this book.’ My character is called Maeve and she comes out when she realises she fancies Theresa May.
“Jackie is talking about writing a spin off for Charlie and me in the genre of Grace and Frankie but set in Newcastle. She has also created a forum called Lesbian Box Office, which is not just for lesbians but for everyone in the community and their allies. There is talk of me fronting a lesbian dating series and I would love that.”
Denise also has her first lesbian screen kiss in the show. “It was quite daunting – it always is when you have to kiss someone you’re not romantically involved with. My love interest is Sophie Ottley, who is the director’s girlfriend. It was funny after doing it and I did think this is a little too familiar!”
After a great shoot, she kisses good-bye to Linda – but not before trying to add even more lipstick to her and take a selfie. You have the feeling that this is friendship for life.
Welcome to more of Steven Smith’s Tales of a Middle-Aged Single Gay Man column
‘Fag hag’ is a gay slang phrase referring to women who associate exclusively with gay or bisexual men. But you knew that anyway, didn’t you?
Steven Smith
Now, I hate labels of any kind, but when a woman tells me “I love the gays” my toes curl. Even my nephew, when he was thirteen, was smart enough to not fall for that one.
“They are just like everyone else, good and bad”, he shrewdly pointed out. It’s funny in Ab Fab when Adina blurts out “all my friends are gay”. Oh, the irony.
However, the women that happily label themselves fag hags tend to flag up serious warning signs. I have heard it so many times: “other woman just don’t get me, but you and the gay guys do.”
This is usually followed by how she likes bad boys in bed. That’s nice for them. For me, I want to be liked as a person, not for my sexuality or a label.
Since my first time at a gay club in New York, the Limelight, I was aware of lots of very sexy women model types dancing. My friend told me: “they feel safe here. They can dance and not get hit on.”
It was not long before the straight men caught onto this and started frequenting the more glamorous gay venues. On one occasion, I was with a group of guys when a very hot girl walked straight up to us and said “so sad you are all gay. I would f*** the lot of you!”
A little voice piped up: “I am straight”. He was my pal who honestly leads the way in gay fashion but is 100% straight, though many men have tried their luck and a minute later found themselves in a taxi home.
Elizabeth Taylor. Wowza.
Elizabeth Taylor loved the company of gay men, from Rock Hudson to Tab Hunter and Montgomery Clift. She described them as her confidants.
Tallulah Bankhead, when she was not famously trying to sleep with gay men, preferred their company. Long ago, in the time of Mary Queen of Scots, Mary loved to quote the pretty men.
For me, I like people. It seems though by chance that many of my friends are female and quite glamorous and powerful. None of them would be described as fag hags.
In their company I still keep to the traditional male role that I am comfortable with: opening doors, walking on the right side of the path near the road, and even pulling the chair out. Though some of the women I know try to lead when dancing and even pull the chair out for me.
Now, despite having some pictures taken to join a dating website, somehow I am no further along, and the woman who I would call one of my rocks, Liz Branson, is on the phone from her New York office. She splits her time between there, Dubai and London.
“Have you done it?” she enquires. Trying to get off the subject, I ask when she is in London next. There is a pause:
“You haven’t“, she snaps with an air of annoyance. Then she almost commands “Jo Allen’s, Tuesday 9.30”. She does not wait to see if I am free and hangs up. But then texts ten minutes later (“If you are free can you book it?”).
Liz is great fun, but always right about everything and obsessive, sometimes to a point where you want to scream. That’s what makes her so successful, alluringly and fascinating.
She is also always late, arriving with some story, but the reality is it takes her half an hour to cover herself in body oil that makes her beautiful worked-out body glisten. That’s just the part of the beauty regime to go out.
So, despite having brass balls when it comes to business and breaking many high-level men, she still likes to be every part a high-maintenance woman.
Still from the Will & Grace show
She is my Grace, as in Will and Grace, the TV show. Now, it is a common mistake to presume that women “get” gay men just because they hang out with them. Even the woman who proclaims: “I am just a gay man trapped in woman’s body” can be shockingly naive.
One long-term friend of 36 who grew up around the LGBTQ community, recently pointed out on a theatre visit that the show we’d gone to see was a great one for me just because it had five youthful boys, scantily dressed, in the cast.
It did take me back. As pretty as they were they left me sexually cold. She must have noticed none of my boyfriends have been under 40.
My best gay mate would know that the male cast of Peaky Blinders or Colin Farrell would have me hot in my seat. But teen boys have as much effect as Dita Von Teese dancing – nice to watch. She was the same friend who once asked, “Why would you want to give head rather than take?”
This is the case with Liz, apart from one man who was straight when he lived with her and came out later, she really did not know any gay men until me.
I think she presumed we all came in a mould, as she was quick to dash into another relationship with a gay man who was in a rush to take her to gay bars and so on.
My opinion is it should be mutual, and I am happy in a predominately straight bar/club, but as it’s rare I am in a gay bar I tend to have dinner or go to events.
Liz rang me one night: “I am on Clapham Common”, she whispered down the phone. Enquiring if there was concert or some event, to my horror she replied, “no, I’m cruising with… Have you done this?” Really, I wanted to scream – this was a step too far. Needless to say, their relationship did not last when he tried to seduce Liz’s then-husband.
But it was not the first time that I heard of women going cruising with gay men. My former lady boss was once in a Freedom cab (a gay taxi company) when the driver said he was going to Hampstead Heath to drop condoms off by a tree in the cruising area.
She jumped: ‘Oh, I have been there.” Some of her gay pals had taken her. This phenomenon had passed me by. One, I don’t cruise – it’s scary, and broadminded as I am, why would you take a woman?
Well, Liz is late as usual. She has texted several times, blaming the Uber driver, a lion escaping from Regents Park zoo, and a fire at the local orphanage.
But when she arrives she’s looking spectacular, and the whole restaurant turn their heads to look at her. Liz runs her hands through her thick red hair, passes, and waves enthusiastically.
She has just become a vegan, and was difficult enough in restaurants before, but this is taking it to a whole new level. Once, after sending an omelette back four times, famously I took a picture of her perfect omelette and gave it to the waiter the next day, much to her annoyance. It’s just one of the things that make her amusing.
But back to the evening. Only one waiter and chef have resigned since Liz has placed her order – kidding. My suggestion that I nip to Tesco’s and get the soya sauce she wants so badly goes down like a lead balloon as she has everyone fussing over her.
There is quick chat about the gorgeous executive she went skinny dipping with in Dubai and how fantastic he was in bed. Do I think 15 years age difference is too much?
Followed by she really is still into 50 shades of Darryl, a man she met at a conference and had the best sex ever with, but had turned out to be an asshole and who I hate hearing about for the 90th time.
The nice thing about Liz is she is not an energy vampire and likes to hear about you. But it’s the subject that’s not top of my list – my ‘love life’.
She is convinced that my best pal and I should be together and that why I am not with anyone? The problem many people don’t get is you can have a purely platonic relationship when you’re gay with another gay man.
Of course, I love my best mate, but have no plans to marry him. Losing track of how many times that I have told her ‘NO!!’, I tell Liz that’s it, I’ll ask him to marry me next week.
There is a scream and she wants to order champagne. Liz’s face quickly drops when it’s pointed out it’s a tease. Well, I am sure it would have if she hadn’t had Botox two weeks before.
The subject is dropped, and we have lots of laughs and drinks, until she announces we are going to Old Compton Street for after-drinks. “Why?” I ask. Apparently, she loves GAY and the music.
But my gut feeling is that she is very kindly obsessing about finding me a fella. My suggestion of our usual after-venue, Radio Bar, is met with a blank. Realising that she is doing something Liz thinks will be good for me, we take off.
There is no queue to get into GAY, but it is busy, and Liz wastes no time in turning into Cilla Black after getting a drink, and my heart falls as she starts randomly talking to men; all of course adore her right away. “Who do you like?” she shouts above the music.
Liz introducing me to random men to reject me leaves me feeling like a rabbit in the headlights. “I’ll be discreet”, she bellows.“I’m all good, thanks” and hug her.
Liz starts dancing with some colourful drag queens and shouts “I’m a gay icon!” Of course they all agree. Much as there is room for interpretation, Madonna or Judy she isn’t, but for that night she was. It was so kind of her to care.
Flushed with her success at GAY, she wants to explore more, so we head to a bar on Rupert Street, as a friend of mine is there anyway. Her one-woman show goes down well there, too.
I have already briefed her that my American pal is a friend, and not to think about bringing up whether we are dating or anything of that nature. She thinks he’s too young anyway, so I am off the hook.
Liz is now befriending the handsome doorman, who turns out to be heterosexual and married. He waves me over. “Why don’t you take your girlfriend somewhere she can meet a man?” My reaction was to smile. “She wanted to come here, not me.”
Besides, who says she would not meet a fella there? My sister had a holiday romance in Key West with a man who managed a gay club, and one lady friend married a bar man who worked in one.
Liz and I are still happily single, but watch this page for more tales.
Steven is a published author, regular radio guest and has a monthly column in MilliOnAirMagazine.
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