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A look at Addiction

Steven Smith looks at the affect addiction has on us all, how it can be so prolific among the LGBTQ community, the often-misguided views people have about those living with addiction, and of course shares his own tale.

November 26th, 2010, the phone rang with news I had been expecting—my lifelong friend Lester Middlehurst, the witty, Machiavellian, and brilliant journalist was dead at 55. He had been in coma for days after a suspected suicide attempt.

I know how I was supposed to feel to the world. But putting down the phone, there was complete numbness followed by anger, and then an overwhelming relief that the man who had formerly been my friend, but had in later years become my tormenter was no longer. No more waking to drunken abusive messages, or being the brunt of his jokes or outburst at parties, and I’d no longer have to apologise to other people for his behaviour towards them.

Lester in his prime

Lester Middlehurst was one of the first openly gay staff members at The Daily Mail. He was legendary. At the coroner’s inquest it turned out he had not killed himself, rather his death certificate said that he died of a hypoxic brain damage attack. Everyone agreed it was his addictive lifestyle that killed him.

Sadness

Lester was one the most addicted people that I have ever met, and he was my friend and I loved him. A month later I must have spent a day crying over him. The sadness was really that he never got help for his addiction, and you could say that my lack of knowledge of it prevented me from helping him…but that would be romanticising a terrible situation.

Back in 2009 I got him to agree to attend the Meadows Clinic in Arizona, but the next day he told me not to be so stupid. In truth, I did not feel strong enough to stand up to him. As my knowledge about addiction has grown, I have become more aware that there was nothing I could have done unless Lester had wanted to do anything about it.

According to the Centre of Addiction, members of the LGBTQ community are at greater risk of substance use and mental health issues compared to those identifying as heterosexual.

Members of the LGBTQ community face chronically high levels of stress, often due to having to suffer from social prejudice and discrimination. Fear, isolation, and depression increase the chances of self-medicating with alcohol and drugs. As a man that has lived a life in big cities, I have witnessed addiction in all classes and types of people. Addiction is a mistress that does not care who she dances with, yet the LGBTQ community are often her favourite partners.

As the self-confessed addict, actor Russell Brand explains that the distinction of any compulsive or addictive behaviour is when it begins to negatively impact on the rest of your life.

Compulsive

So, you might love chocolate so much that you’ll ignore all logical reasoning, “I have to have chocolate…I have to have chocolate…I don’t care what else happens”. If you’re crashing your car because of chocolate, that’s a problem.

According to Wikipedia, addiction is a brain disorder characterised by compulsive engagement in a rewarding stimulation despite adverse consequences.

Of course, addiction is certainly an illness and not a lifestyle choice, and if we are honest, addiction is in all of us in some way or another.

For me, I just can’t not buy a large French baguette, cut a few slices off, and put it back for later. I end up devouring the whole thing. Subsequently, I do not buy French baguettes unless I am feeling poorly. Whether it’s chocolate, coffee, or your favourite tipple, we all have cravings.

Russell Brand

Much as Russell Brand is right, there are so-called functioning addicts who you would not even realise are hooked on their drug of choice, and it can take many years for the effects to begin to show. Often referred to as “high functioning addicts” owing to their having powerful jobs or enough money to effectively hide their addiction from others. This knocks on the head the commonly presented image of an addict being down-and-out or living on the streets. According to the American Psychiatric Association, there is no such thing…they are all just addicts who have created coping mechanisms.

My father, God rest his soul, came home after holding down a high-powered job and drank whisky every day of his life, yet he would be horrified at the idea of being described as an addict. But when he left hospital after lung cancer removal surgery, he sat down and demanded, “Get me a whisky and a cigarette.” On the suggestion that was not a good idea and that he would end up back in hospital, he snapped “Are you threatening me?”

Growing up, I was told that an addict was someone who got up and drank first thing. Drinking after coming home from work and weekends was seen as normal for many in the 60s and through to the 90s. All of our soaps were featured around a pub, making alcohol look like a socially acceptable way of life.

I had a volatile relationship with my dad, but his fight with cancer gave me a better understanding of the nature of his addiction and where it had come from. He had been a talented jazz trumpeter and played with the BBC orchestra, but his nerves had come to the forefront and he started to self-medicate by having a few whiskies before his shows. Eventually, he gave up and started a family, but the drinking did not stop.

Charismatic

My father adored my best pal who also fights  addiction, and is a truly remarkable human being who I was fortunate to love, and my dad did not like many people. The two were like two peas in a pod and talked for ages.

Spending time with my dad before he died made me wonder whether, if he had managed to overcome obvious anxiety and continued playing, perhaps he would have been happier. Of course, back then mental health was seen by many as a weakness and not to be spoken about.

My world has been filled with people who are addicts in one form or another. They are the most charismatic and amazing people and the arts are full of them. In my opinion, they all have one thing in common—they can snap and become almost frightening at the drop of a hat, and then suddenly they are wonderful and make you feel like you mean the world when they are OK. Sadly, during my childhood there was more of the former with my dad. Though I knew in the end that he loved me.

There are so many people living with addiction, anxiety, and mental health issues who are in denial. Even with all the help groups and open discussions there seems to be a quite a bit of stigma attached to it still.

Dr Pam Spurr, a popular self-help expert and radio television personality, says she often encounters people who are in denial about their issues that are the source of their addiction problems. They say things like “I just have a little problem with confidence” which ignores the fact that they drink excessively to help make them feel more confident. Or they say, “I only drink after work to take the edge off.” But when they count up the units, they are far in excess of government guidelines. It’s at times like these that I encourage them to think honestly about their drinking (or drug taking) and consider expert advice.

Dr Pam

Many addicts get clean either by joining the 12-step programme, by checking into rehab, or by seeking counselling. The journey of recovery can be different and what works for one person might not work for another person. It is important to point out that as much as the newspapers show pictures of celebrities dashing off to glamorous-looking rehabs, getting into a state-run rehab in the UK can be very difficult for mere mortals.

While helping a friend who was using OxyContin (a pain killer) and had got into a mess from ordering online and then become addicted, the general health services did not want to know. Even going through other channels, she was advised that her chances of getting into rehab were slim, although she did come away from it with a strong network of friends around her.

A beautiful girlfriend of mine found her sobriety in a man as her anchor who was also living with addiction. They have both been clean for seven years now.

Living in LA, the 12 steppers (12 step programme) were like the mafia, and rumour had it that all the best movie deals were done at their meetings and also that many there did not have addiction issues and instead just wanted to pitch ideas.

There is no doubt that the 12-step programme helps many, and even if the meetings can become the new addiction it’s a healthy one.

I agree with Doctor Pam that it is amazing how much of a lack of understanding there is about addiction.

Cake

My gorgeous bubbly friend Monica is originally from California. She is a super bright academic having gone to Yale, lectured all over the world, and she also ran a school for a while.

Yet three years ago she decided to open an up-market catering company as her award-winning chef sister is a goddess in the business. People actually beg for invites to try her canapés.

Lunch with Monica is always fun—it starts off with “Darling shall we share a cake after?” Despite being gorgeous, she is always on some kind of diet. Her little addiction would be cake.

Like one or two other intellectuals I have met with qualifications coming out of every orifice, their life skills sometimes leave me speechless. Despite having a gay brother, she once commented on a photo shoot involving five men I had directed “Is the man with his foot up against the wall a sign he is gay?” I replied “No darling, there are no secret signs; it’s a James Dean inspired clothing shoot.” She just smiled and continued eating.

Today, however, she was on the warpath. She was catering for a big party we had worked on together to get celebrities at. One of the celebs had behaved inappropriately to some of the other guests and to a couple of waitresses.

She was not amused when I laughed, “Well darling, at least he did not get his cock out and try and pee in the champagne fountain like at my other friend’s launch. How that did not end up in the papers is beyond me.” I got the school ma’am look.

He was living with addiction – not surprising considering his childhood trauma and the abuse he lived with. He really should not have been drinking. I am not excusing him, but it’s not the end of the world that I did not invite him to the next few. I said that I’d have a word. Her eyes got wider, and she seemed shocked that I had empathy with the celebrity at all. She wanted him banned for life.

Taboo

As much as I have some reservations about the 12-step programme, saying you’re sorry to those you may have hurt is not easy to do, but it sometimes isn’t enough. I started talking about addiction, and a few minutes in it was clear that it was going nowhere, even though I was sharing this with someone highly intelligent.

Addiction remains a taboo subject. There are so many people in denial and as much as the newspapers are full of celebrity headlines about them being addicted, most of us don’t want to talk about it or feel labelled by it.

A year ago my phone rang—it was a friend who had come out of family day at a rehab centre that her daughter was attending. She was fuming that they suggested that it may run in the family, “They had better not be blaming this on me. I have no addiction.” She was not amused when I laughed “It’s not about you and I will remind you of that next time you refuse to come home from the bar or spend two weeks obsessing about something.”

Outside those who are counsellors, therapists, and those who talk openly about their addiction and some of their loved ones, I have found very few people who understand those living with addiction.

A very wise woman, author, presenter, and journalist, Jane Moore was one person who seemed to understand it. Lester and Jane were great friends and the two together were hysterical. Yet Lester had gone on a tirade about her and I was mortified since she was a true loyal friend to him, and he was starting to run out of friends due to his behaviour.

Lester Middlehurst and Jane Moore

While ringing her and offering full apologies asking her not to fall out with him, she calmly said, “I could never be offended by Lester. He is hurting too much, but he’s lucky to have a friend in you.”

At the time I just thought, but I wish if I had taken those words more to heart I might not have taken his behaviour personally and got as hurt as I did in the end. It helped later in life as I saw the pain addiction brings too.

The LGBTQ community have learnt to talk more as we have needed to be heard to survive. Most surveys say that a larger proportion of those identifying drug and alcohol use as a coping mechanism are LGBTQ, but I beg to differ.

I have sat in many restaurants and bars in London watching the city boys and their entourage go back and forth to the toilets, passing each other along the way. I am pretty sure they are not the kind found in the survey.

Addiction is a worldwide human crisis according to the World Drug Report. Unless we start talking about it, spotting the signs at an early age, and treating it as an illness, many will die with all the new and powerful drugs flooding the market. Whole towns have been wiped out in the US due to drug addiction.

Chemsex is the consumption of drugs to facilitate sexual activity. Both terms refer to a subculture of recreational drug users who engage in high-risk sexual activities under the influence of drugs within groups. Chemsex parties are said to be prolific on the London gay scene, but that is a different story. Not wanting to be righteous, I have no experience of it or want to engage in it. Recent reports in the gay press say chemsex parties are held across UK, but there is a correlation between addiction and sex shame.

The perfect storm

David Stewart of 56 Dean Street, an award-winning HIV and sexual health clinic in the heart of London, explains that this trend is driven by a convergence of factors: “Vulnerable gay men with issues around sex, new drugs that tapped into that problem and changing technology. What they call the perfect storm.”

There was enough of a problem for the government to lay out guidelines in 2017.

Actress Danielle Westbrook, who I have interviewed many a time, put it simply to me, “Look Steve, you get ten people at a party and they all try coke for the first time. Four never try it again, four have it once in a blue moon, and two poor things are addicted six months later.”

The answer would be to never take the risk, but human nature is never that simple.

My friend Lester will never come back but it led me to have so much more of an understanding of addiction and how to protect myself around addiction. Many of the world’s  beautiful people are soldiers fighting addiction every day of their lives.

Relevant links

For the whole story on Lester Middlehurst see  It Shouldn’t Happen To A Hairdresse

http://www.thecabinchiangmai.com

Dean Street is in Soho to help with all types of issues from chemsex, HIV, sexual health, and counselling.

http://dean.st/chemsex-support/

https://www.gayandsober.org/meeting-finder-great-britain

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Is everyone a little bit racist?

Steven Smith asks the question in these troubling times.
Is everyone a little bit racist?

In the wake of current events, “Tales of a single, middle-aged gay man” looks at the question, “Is everyone unintentionally a little racist?” Are we, as a society, guilty of labelling others just at a glance? Does our upbringing dictate our fear of others that might be perceived to be different from us? How can we move forward and make changes, so everyone is seen as equal?

These days, you cannot escape the “Black Lives Matter” slogan. It’s everywhere and it breaks my heart that we still have to hear those words. We think of ourselves as a civilised society and yet some of us still feel the need to proclaim that their lives have value. Even during the pandemic, crowds of people are taking to the streets begging to have their voices heard. 

Strike at the root

Why in 2020 do people feel that their lives matter less, and why does anyone need reminding that a life matters? We all breathe the same air and wake up with similar hopes, dreams and stresses. Why should anyone feel that others think they or their very lives matter less? It is time to make sure that future generations never have to be reminded that a life matters. As with so many serious problems, you must strike at the root. Since no-one is actually born a racist, let’s teach children we are all the same.

A racist – someone who believes that other races are not as good as their own and therefore treats them unfairly, discriminating against other races, religions or others they perceive as a minority group.

Avenue Q

Five years ago, I was sitting in the hugely uncomfortable Noel Coward Theatre, wondering if the Marquis de Sade had designed the seats especially for people under 5’ 2” who hadn’t eaten anything in the previous year. Putting that aside, I am here to see one of my guilty pleasures, “Avenue Q”. It’s a kind of adult puppet show that has me in stitches every time. But there is one song in particular in the show that makes me a little uncomfortable: “Everyone is a little racist”. Princeton Puppet asks Kate Monster, “You’re a monster, right, so are you related to Tricky Monster, my neighbour?” Horrified, Kate tells him she finds that racist. Princeton goes on to point out some of her racist qualities, and they burst into song. 

Avenue Q.

“Everyone is a little bit racist at times.” Now, I’m sure many people reading this will be thinking to themselves – I may not be perfect, but racist is one thing I’m not. 

That’s exactly what I thought as I left the theatre “Do not put me in that category.” At the same time, Kate Monster’s indignant reaction touched a nerve with me. You wouldn’t believe the number of times in my life I’ve been asked if I know a certain gay person, just because I’m gay too. 

The gay book

One woman at a wedding party in Guernsey charged up to me and before formal introductions could be made, blurted out, “I hear you’re gay! David from EastEnders is gay, do you know him?” My reply was, “No, but I’ll look him up in the gay book.” Her eyes widened with excitement. “There’s a book?” I assured her there was (she did not get irony), and off she popped to tell her friends, who seemed to find me of great interest because of my sexuality. Was it ignorance, racism, homophobia or just misguided? Either way, it did not make me feel very comfortable and I kept an eye out to make sure a wicker man was not being built in the town square that weekend.

Yes, as members of the human race most people can be racist, many unintentionally, even if it is just a little bit. This topic is close to my heart for personal reasons, which is why I’ve hesitated to comment until now. Take my beautiful best friend of ten years, Dee. Her amazing personality and talent were what hit me first, not the colour of her skin. 

My eyes go to the heavens when I hear, “This is my gay friend.” My friends are not categorised by skin colour, sexuality or religious belief, but by who they are as people – their loyalty, personality and kindness. This is what I see as a human being.  

The N word

Colour only comes into play when a friend shares with me (for instance) that when she was a little girl, she had a friend who was white and who loved to play outside with her. One day she rushed to meet her, and the girl told her that her mum had said she could not play with her anymore, as she was a n—–. My friend rushed home in tears and told her mum what had happened. Her mother replied that sometimes in this world people are not very nice. As my friend recounted this story, I could see – from her eyes, her body language – that it had left a lifelong scar. 

How do we fix this, so no child feels discriminated against? Taking to the streets in a peaceful, safe protest is one way. But let’s not get into a mob mentality, or the agenda changes. Let’s keep things in perspective. There is no doubt that Churchill, Gandhi and many more celebrated historic figures, by today’s standards, were racist, due to the nature of society at the time. If we judge them on a way of life back then it brings nothing to the table, as – where do we stop? If a statue needs to come down because atrocities have been proven to have been committed let’s lobby to get it down. There are ways to deal with this, but vigilante behaviour isn’t one of them. 

Nor am I convinced that we’ll get anywhere by banning old TV shows. We need them as historic references to start with, and if we allow censorship to come into play here, where does it stop? Waking up to hear that the “Faulty Towers” episode “The Germans” (sometimes known as “Don’t Mention the War”) had been banned was the final straw. “Little Britain” has gone too, apparently, as it causes offence.

Racism off the scale

If you want to see real racist shows you only have to go back to the 70s and watch the likes of Alf Garnett or “George and Mildred”. The homophobia, sexism and racism is off the scale from Hylda Baker in “Not on Your Nellie”, which was primetime Sunday viewing in the UK at one time. In one opening scene, she asks a police officer for directions and when he turns around and she sees he is black, she tells him, “You won’t know as you’re not from here either.” 

Benny Hill is a programme steeped in misogyny, homophobia and racism, but still embraced in the US as quintessential British humour, and the classic Carry On films are full of the same. “Bo’ Selecta!” came under fire from Trisha Goddard, yet Mel B embraced it and appeared on the show, as did the singer Craig David. “White Chicks” is still one of my favourite comedy films, where two black police officers dress up as two white society girls. 

Trying to alter the past to make it more acceptable is always futile. Sure, petition and lobby for a statue to be removed that’s celebrating someone’s life if they’ve turned out to be an evil character, but let’s all have a say, not just a small group deciding what comes down or up. We need reminding of what can happen if we do not keep things in check. 

How would you feel?

There are so many people going on about “All Lives Matter”, and they’re so right, but completely missing the point: nobody is saying that black lives matter more, just that black lives matter as much as anyone else’s. Could you imagine if this was you in the picture below and it referred to your forefathers – how would you feel?

We may not be born racist, but it’s a poisonous lesson many of us learn even from our first day at school. Growing up, my dad hated the Welsh. He was always on about the fella who stole his army uniform when he was in the services. “Never trust them.” He went on tarring an entire country with the same brush, though he had a soft spot for Katherine Jenkins. Much as I knew this was just ridiculous, on my first visit to Cardiff there was a slight nervous feeling. It had been bred into me as a small child, even though I knew most of what my dear dad said was racist, homophobic and misogynistic. His generation sat around in bars and clubs, judging others.

Enoch Powell

I remember childhood visits to family and friends, in whose mouths (you would think) butter wouldn’t melt. Grandmothers and mums would sit knitting away and make a comment like, “I don’t mind the coloureds as long as they don’t move in next door to us, it brings the property price down.” Or even as an adult, a friend’s mum saying (much to his horror), “Enoch Powell had the right idea, you know.” His Rivers of Blood speech is still thought to be an acceptable way of thinking for some, let’s not forget. 

It would make a difference, surely, if schools were more proactive in teaching children that we’re all made in the same human mould, and bullying and looking down on people is never acceptable. From day one, yes, we may have different heritages but let’s embrace and learn about cultures and approach them inclusively.

My musical influences, as well as Bowie and Marc Bolan, included the brilliant Diana Ross and Motown sounds in general. There was also the beauty of the jazz greats such as Nina Simone and Ella Fitzgerald. Moving to London was my first time mixing with other cultures and hitting clubs like the Embassy and Bangs Adams. It was exciting to be dancing to the likes of Grace Jones and Sister Sledge, and my only thought about those who had darker skin was how beautiful they looked. 

Diana Ross.

On my first visit to New York, it really hit me how racist people can be. “Do not go to that area, it’s a black neighbourhood.” “Why not?” I asked. “It’s dangerous.” And there were lots of comments about black people from those who looked like civilised people. This was in the early 80s. Needles to say, being me, I explored Harlem and the Bowery, despite their warnings. But why are there “black” neighbourhoods even now? Besides which, other people suggesting these neighbourhoods are too dangerous to enter is one of the things that keeps segregation alive. 

Harlem in the 70s.

New York is one of the more tolerant states. It makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up when people tell me they know the US when they have just visited one city. Go to Dallas and travel a few miles out where life is all church and sport, and you will be gobsmacked at the homophobia and racism. Take a side trip from LA through San Diego to the beautiful town of La Jolla, and you can sit for hours without seeing one black person. I know this as I worked there.

Hair

One thing in favour of the US is that to become a hairdresser you must be able to do all types of hair and their state board exam mirrors this. As a result, I can do starfighters, jerry curls and all types of black hair.

The same cannot be said for the UK, where there are for the most part separate salons. Several times when I have turned up to a job and the actress or model was black, their faces dropped when they saw a white boy. One in particular shook her head: “I am just back from Michigan and spent £600 on this weave. No offence honey, no white boy’s getting near it.” In the end, she was very happy with the result. Still, here at least, the UK needs to learn from America, and make sure all hairdressers can work with all types of hair. 

Dee and I are often mistaken for a couple and even though we are not, we have had our fair share of bad attitudes from both black and white waiters and others, even in cosmopolitan London. At a funeral of a friend’s mother who originated from the Caribbean I was waiting at the church. The mourners were largely black. As I stood there, I was twice asked to park the car and others seemed to think I was working there and asked me for various things. Then one asked if I was related to our friend’s husband, who was white. When I said no, he replied, “Easy mistake, you all look the same.” 

There is no doubt in my mind racism is learnt and is everywhere. I’m not sure that sudden efforts at drastic change, made in the heat of the moment, will last. Let us start from the core with groups like Diversity Role Models and others going into schools. Let’s talk about issues without everyone name calling, and stop telling the young people anyone from another race is worth less or has odd ways. Let’s embrace all cultures in a positive light.

It leaves me wondering: if an alien nation attacked earth, as humans, would we all come together in unity to fight back? Looking at the governments we have today, I doubt it. After all, they can’t even agree what to do when our planet is being attacked by a virus. 

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Happy Birthday Madonna from 2SHADES

This article first appeared three years a go but just as current . The Church of Madonna by Steven Smith.

It’s a warm night in Athens and there is a gentle wind blowing through the Pictures Restaurant, which is lit by candles, making it a perfect atmosphere for dinner.

My weekend hosts have joined me: the divine Atticus  (a self-confessed Greek Diva with oodles of style, wit and charm) and his partner Count Alex, a man you can describe in one word, “Class”: this, and he is a walking encyclopaedia. Plus, Adam, my best pal, had jetted in from Asia. He has just started a course on sex addiction to add to his qualification as a counsellor. You can guarantee that tonight is going to be packed with fascinating conversation, debate and humour and (hopefully) good food.

Nonetheless, it is not too long into the conversation before the M word comes up (NO, not monogamy). Madonna.

Madame X

She seems to have a way of popping into so many evenings as a subject in my life, and not just among my male gay friends. I have on occasion wanted to say, “LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT MADONNA” but how can we not, when so many of my friends are devotees of The Church of Madonna?

In fairness, Atticus has just managed to obtain a ticket to see Madonna, or her alter ego Madame X, at the London Palladium next year.

“I want to see the whites of my fans’ eyes and get up close and personal – give them something back,” she explained to presenter Rylan Clark on the BBC’s One Show, as an explanation for her choosing to do a theatre tour.

Atticus is sitting in great Royal Circle seats, but I enquire, “Will she be using binoculars to see the whites of your eyes?” He replies, “BITCH!’

A hint of jealousy on my part? No! To be honest I am thrilled for my friends who have tickets, but a little dig is always camp.

Awkward

The subject stays on Madonna and that rather awkward interview she gave on The Graham Norton Show. Madonna was not the only guest that evening. Director Danny Boyle and actors Lily James and Himesh Patel were also on to chat about their new film, Yesterday. They were on first, and to be truthful I couldn’t wait for them to finish and M to appear. But finally, she appears: the audience goes wild, as do I (though only in my front room).

Host Graham Norton with (seated left to right) Sir Ian McKellen, Madonna, Danny Boyle, Lily James, and Himesh Patel during the filming for the Graham Norton Show at BBC Studioworks 6 Television Centre, Wood Lane, London, UK on June 13, 2019. Photo by Isabel Infantes/PA Wire/ABACAPRESS.COM

But for once Madonna looks a little uncomfortable. Maybe it’s the fact she’s dressed as Madam X, complete with a Betty-Davis-inspired eye patch from the film The Anniversary,making her look like she’s arrived at a fancy-dress party and no one else has bothered to make the effort to get a costume.

She was obviously on to promote her ninth number one US album, Madam X. It is her fourteenth studio album and deservedly also her biggest critical success to date, but you have the feeling she wants to go home and change. This sense is fortified when Graham asks her to take a seat and she seems to have problems sitting down on the couch

“I am not used to sitting with this many people. Is there room?” Madonna asks.

Then there’s a problem with the actual costume. “Someone’s tied my corset too tight, my boobs keep popping up,” Madonna points out as she sits down, pulling her jacket over her breasts.

The interview does not go well, and she actually says, when asked “Do you ever get anxious?”:

“Yes, right now.”

It’s a mile away from the fun she seemed to have with Rylan Clark on the BBC One Show. Madonna seemed to adore him. She managed to cap it all by seemingly insulting our “national treasure”, Sir Ian McKellen, by asking what he did.

Exhibitionism

Though it has been misquoted (she asked what he did on his one-man show), she was vague and rather distant.

“She is an introvert really,” says Atticus, and Adam agrees. They go on to say you can be a performer and still be an introvert.

Yes, I have met many introverts whose drug of choice has been exhibitionism, making them look like extroverts.

Once the mask is dropped for a minute or they’re not comfortable, they can make for awkward conversation, or if in the public eye they can often come over as rude in interviews.

The singer Cher says Madonna is not the best singer or dancer and to quote her, “She has taken straw and spun it into gold”: a little harsh. Marlene Dietrich and Marilyn Monroe, both of whom Madonna takes inspiration from, were not the best singers or dancers but their images captured the time and a nation’s heart.

Madonna is a brilliant creative genius who has captured the moments of many of our lives and mirrored them in her songs and her imagery.

Whilst Cher’s songs are pleasant bubble-gum music (despite dishing Madonna she asked her to write for her), Madonna has something to say to us as quoted in the hit song “Express Yourself”. From “Papa Don’t Preach” (talking about abortion) to the current “God Control” (talking about gun control), Madge has never shied away from preaching to us and we have lapped it up.

Madonna has been in my life since my late teens and I have related to her more than most people, as she seemed to be thinking what I was at the most crucial moments of my adult life.

A stunning Amanda Lear performance at Heaven in the early eighties left me spellbound as she entered the stage in white leather on a chauffeured motorbike. Jumping off, she took off her helmet and let fall her thick blonde hair, shortly to be joined by leather-clad male dancers. It was spectacular.

A year later and someone I had never heard of was on at Heaven. Madonna was billed as a New York club-scene darling. She had two dancers and was cute and wore a hat, but she did not have her act polished and certainly seemed to lack the stage presence of Lear. Still, she had something, and she stuck in my mind.

Not that it really compares but I’d just qualified as a hairdresser and was also finding my way and not quite polished, so I guess when she burst into the charts and I recognised her, there was a feeling of “Well done girl”. And I began, like many, to champion her. There was something that she had that’s important in a star – the public related to her quickly. Girls (and some boys) emulated the look: she could be your friend, lover or sister. She was the naughty girl in class we all secretly admired.

Too often, if someone looks too unattainable or perfect, people shy away from them as idols. The critics favoured Cindy Lauper and mocked Madonna’s early performances as she dropped her tambourine or sang off key. Much as Lauper was fun, it was the Material Girl we all wanted to be with.

Debbie Harry

By 1985, I was a busy hairdresser living in Brighton and a huge fan of Madonna. The number-one hairstyle, due in part to the film Desperately Seeking Susan,was the Madonna look, and my gang saw it several times: the camera just loved her. Apparently, according to the recent Channel 5 documentary, she studied Debbie Harry (Blondie) and the greats Marilyn and Greta Garbo to get that screen look. Those of you who have seen Madonna’s early audition for the movie Fame can see the giant improvement in her technique.

January 1987. I had made it to L.A., California, and my career as a hairdresser had really taken off. People were open and friendly, and it seemed to take only hours before invites to parties arrived, thanks to meeting a man on the plane who lived in Malibu and (to quote him) “knew everyone”.

Madonna’s True Blue album was never off my car radio and Mexican food (something strange in the UK at the time) was fast becoming my favourite.

Having a partner, I stayed away from the Malibu and Laguna beach crowd as I knew it would spell trouble. The mention of a, b, c parties put me off.

We were lucky enough to make friends with a rancher called Very Magnusson, who made us welcome. His ranch grew avocados and he had a sweet, illegal Mexican ranch hand called Ernesto working there and living there. He had a one-room hut covered in Madonna posters. He was full of smiles and hope. I really felt for him, although he spoke no English.

Madonna had released Whose That Girl (the movie and soundtrack) and she was touring. I managed through a friend there to get two tickets, ten rows from the front, to her concert in Anaheim. My partner was not taken with Madonna. So, who to take?

I decided it would be great and a dream to take Ernesto.

Vern seemed shocked. “Are you sure??”

Latino

July 18th. .There I am, all excited with Ernesto for Madonna to come on. But there is a problem: the security has checked Ernesto’s ticket for the sixth time and not mine.

“HE IS WITH ME,” I snap. Some of the people in the row are giving looks too.

I am beginning to realise that there’s a real preconceived attitude towards the Latino community in the US.

This is cemented when the man from Malibu comes running up with two friends. “Honey, how fab to see you, who are you with?”

When I say with Ernesto, they actually back off and can’t wait to get away. (There was even a sneering, “How do you know him?”)

Bigotry or hate I cannot abide. Much as anti-LGBTQ behaviour was a day-to-day issue in my life, a person being treated like this because of their race and class had my blood boiling and it was around about the same time that Madonna started telling us all to love one another.

If she had seen how a young Mexican boy was being treated at her concert, she would have told them to do more than “Open your Heart” – the opening song to her Who’s That Girl concert.

Sadly, Ernesto got involved in a local gang and was found dead two years later.

June 1988, and I was in New York, sitting in the front row of the Royale Theatre, about to see Speed the Plow, a three-handed play starring Madonna. I never asked for the front row, but a PR friend booked the seats and thought it would be great.

I was studying acting at Adam Hill in Los Angeles in my spare time, so I was keen to see her stage work.

Madonna comes on with brunette hair, holding a tray. She is visibly shaking (as the glasses on the tray are moving) and it is not part of the play. She is incredibly attractive in the flesh, close up. Sadly, Madonna is like a first-year drama student doing a monologue full of promise but has not yet refined the craft. The critics were lukewarm at best.

But the play is good and a modern classic.

Still, apart from David Bowie when I was 17, it’s the only time I’ve waited to see a celebrity by the stage door. When Madonna came out, eventually, in a chic Chanel suit, she looked straight down and got into the limo. It did make me feel like a stalker. What was I going to say to her if she had stopped? “Fancy a drink, Madonna?”

Blonde Ambition

Later, on a US television interview, she says, “Why do we always listen to the one critic over those that praise us?” It is so true: ten people can say something nice and the one person who is negative or says something of a passive-aggressive nature, I’ll be thinking about for weeks to come.

I never got to see the Blonde Ambition tour live. Still, we all loved the 1991 film Truth or Dare or, as it was known outside the US, In Bed with Madonna.It’s the one where she apparently outs people and demonstrates with the aid of an Evian bottle how to give oral sex.

Her moving speech at the GLAAD Media Awards in May this year, wearing Elizabeth Emmanuel:

“I had no idea it was going to inspire so many gay men to, A, give blow jobs to Evian bottles, or, B, just have the courage to come out and be free and take a stand and say this is who I am, like it or not.”

Sadly, some of the dancers, in my opinion, betrayed her and once their 15 minutes were up, took her to court, as documented in the film, Strike a Pose.

We have all been there: you help someone and they turn on you. There is no doubt she is a taskmaster and a perfectionist, but what an incredible start for anyone in the business. She taught us to forgive and stuck with the format of hiring new talent.

The 1992 coffee-table book Sex had fans queuing up at book shops around the world. Though she came under fire from critics, many saying her career was over, the silver-foil-covered soft-porn book is still a collector’s item.

Much as fetish clubs in New York and London, such as Torture Garden, were springing up, showing us, “a different way to love”, S&M has been around since the start of time. She opened the way for people, and in particular women, to talk about fantasy sex. Though her song “Hanky Panky” from the Dick Traceymovie soundtrack “Breathless” said she just wanted to be spanked, later she retracted this, saying, “Just try it”.

Your correspondent in shorts with a sign that says SEX on it

She had us all talking about SEX though, encouraging us not to be afraid of our desires. I still have a framed Madonna Sex cardboard cut-out.

“Erotica” was one of the first tracks she performed at her concert The Girlie Show in London in 1993. My best pal Lester Middlehurst from the Daily Mailwas working on the now defunct Today newspaper and he had VIP press tickets for the show. “Darling, you have to fly over for the weekend at least.”

Not to be ungrateful, there I was in the VIP press area in the gods. I was still at the age, I guess, where I liked to see the whites of the eyes of the performers and be with the crowd. Bless my departed friend, I don’t think he even liked Madonna.

I could write for hours about my experiences relating to Madonna. The second part will have to wait till near her concert time.

Madonna the introvert, the exhibitionist, the good Catholic girl at heart, the mother or lover. There is one thing for sure – she keeps one eye well open at all times when it comes to everything she’s doing, and both feet on the ground.

Where other icons have failed and gone to heaven, you just know the material girl will keep Vogueing on ‘til she drops. Or maybe she will surprise us and “Take a Bow” after this tour.

Follow Steven on Twitter https://twitter.com/asksteve2c

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ART ATTACK

Let the power of art lift you up in these troubling times.

Re print from 2022 by Steven Smith.

Read time:7 minute, 52 seconds 

Art is subjective; arguably anything could be described as art. It has been said that as long as an artist says “what I have made is art” then it is art. Pulling a partially burnt door from the rubble of a derelict building and hanging it on your wall, then spray painting it, could pass as art. In fact, that’s exactly what one artist confessed to me that they once did, and it sold for a good price. But what makes a successful artist? 

Experts in the art world often say that, unless you are represented by a prestigious gallery and have sold your pieces at one of the reputable auction houses for a hefty price, you cannot begin to describe yourself as a leading British or international artist. But in these days of spin and false news, many artists grandly describe themselves as just that – even if it is just on their own web page. That is why an artist being represented by a leading gallery is so important, it protects the consumer and cradles the artist. It is like good management for actors.

Your correspondent with actor and Loose Woman Denise Welch supporting her husband Lincoln Townley art https://lincolntownley.com

For me, if I walk into an exhibition and instantly see that an artist’s inspiration is another artist then I am not excited about their work. I am fine with artists being influenced by other artists’ work but if an artist recognisably channels legends such as Warhol, Bacon, Tracey Emin and Damien Hirst perhaps they need to rethink …

Hearing a truly talented, unique artist’s voice call out from their work is what captures me. It can send goosebumps up my neck when a crafted artist’s work is powerfully on display.

Take inspiration from the masters by all means but when your art is the equivalent to an X-factor contestant belting out someone else’s song, and a poor version of it at that, a great artist you are not. You may well be on the path to becoming one as long as, like many in the craft, you dedicate yourself to finding your own voice.

This is usually my favourite time of year as Frieze comes to town and the best galleries from around the world showcase their finest artists. Held in Regents Park, you can submerge yourself in an orgy of talented modern artists. Along with Frieze Masters, it feels like Christmas has come.

Sadly, Frieze, like many other events has moved online, but has offered lectures and courses and hopefully further experiences for art enthusiasts. It is be back in its typical glory now when this is all over. 

The landmark Venice art festival “La Biennale” is still set to go ahead next year, with the British entry selected by the Hayward Gallery and British Art Council. Next year, we are represented by curators Manijeh Verghese and Madeleine Kessler, who are bringing a diverse range of art to the British tent. La Biennale shows every two years, with the last showing in 2019, represented by British artist Cathy Wilkes. It’s the cream of the art shows, and I was lucky to attend in 2017 as a guest of Israeli artist Michele Cole. I still get excited about my trip; it is a memory that will stay with me for life. It is well worth going.

At the 2017 Biennale – artist Michal Cole https://www.meijler.com/michal

The arts have suffered grievously during the pandemic, with many galleries and exhibition halls still closed. It was a ray of light to be invited by LGBTQ+ international artist, Pedro Sousa Louro, to the opening of START at the Saatchi Gallery. His work received rave reviews when he showed at the Kunstmesse art fair in Germany. Pedro, originally from Portugal, resides in Chelsea and has a studio in Wimbledon. Pedro was educated at the Chelsea College of Arts in London. Among his army of fans are celebrities such as Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Holly Johnson. 

Holly Johnson (l) with Pedro Sousa Louro

Holly says of Pedro’s work “I like the fact that his art does not mean anything in particular. It is geometry for the sake of geometry “ 

Going into its seventh year, START showcases new and established artists, attracting international exhibitors, although the artists at START must pay to show their work. START gives voice to artists hoping to make a name for themselves on a global stage while providing the perfect platform for new collectors to discover talent that might otherwise have gone unseen. 

Included in this year’s programme is Korean Eye 2020, a teaser exhibition that gives an insight into the work of some of Korea’s most exciting young artists. 

START founders, David and Serenella Ciclitira, were determined to support artists and push ahead with this year’s show, despite many sceptics. They recognise the difficulties faced by the art world during these tumultuous times. They appreciate that many people are not ready to return to galleries amidst the ongoing pandemic. They have made START a world leader that combines both online and physical reality. The Ciclitiras are aiming to make START a leader in the ‘phygital’ world, which marries both the physical environment and the online digital world at the same time

‘Serenella and I are committed to playing our part in supporting artists and galleries, and in getting the art-world as a whole back open for business.’ 

David Ciclitira

2020 has been a challenging year, to say the least. It is a time when we must adapt and innovate; we must come together, united, for the greater good of all our fellow artists and galleries. 

The Saatchi gallery is one of the great London venues and brings a beautiful addition to the trendy Kings Road. My date for the open day was our Editor, Rob Harkavy. He was all suited and booted for the occasion. You can’t help but love the gallery the minute you walk in. For me, it is my dream home; it has been my fantasy to live in a gallery since I studied art as a teenager.

The celebrities were out in force. Anthea Turner was on hand to support David Bowie 20/20 Vision; a collection of photographs by Tony McGee, award-winning British photographer and friend of Bowie. This unique collection of never-before-seen images were hand-selected ‘on set’ by Bowie himself as a reflection of his own inner image, and are as powerful as they are poignant, beautifully capturing the essence of the shapeshifting, beguiling, enigmatic superstar. It blew me away. Anyone looking to buy me something for Christmas at £4k, one of these, please! 

Loose Woman and award-winning actress, Denise Welch, was chatting to people at her husband’s section, the former PR-man-turned-artist, Lincoln Townley. Welch’s son, Louis Healy (star of Emmerdale) was also in attendance. Michael Caine has previously shared that he is a fan of Townley’s work. 

The beautiful Gail Porter was also present and chatted to us. She was just charming.

START is well worth going to. The atmosphere is exciting, and there are one or two gems, depending on your taste. START also has a great bar on the third floor, where the Korean exhibition is, and there is some stunning work there.

Also open is the Brighton Museum; a hidden gem, but trust me, a must for everyone visiting the legendary gay seaside town. Among the exhibitions is Queer on the Pier. This community-curated display peers into local LGBTQ+ history. Celebrating the lives of the writers, artists, performers, activists and ordinary people who have made Brighton & Hove so fabulous, their stories are brought to life with film and photography, fashion and drag and oral histories. It is part of Be Bold, a series of collaborative exhibitions and events, programmed with Brighton & Hove’s LGBTQ+ communities.

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Art and soul. Meet global art sensation Pedro Sousa Louro.

Steven chats over coffee with art sensation Pedro Sousa Louro

Pedro Sousa Louro is one of the most talked-about LGBTQ artists at the moment. The Portuguese born painter is exciting the art world with his blend of styles and fresh take on painting.

Educated at the Chelsea College of Arts in London, Pedro’s work caught the attention of many at the prestigious Kunstmesse art fair in Germany last year.  He is also among the headliners at the START art show this autumn at the Saatchi Gallery. Our very own art connoisseur, Steven Smith, catches up with him at his studio in Wimbledon. 


Do you remember the first painting you ever did and what made you want to become an artist?

I was fascinated by Greek and Roman statues, especially the beauty of the naked form and the stillness from an early age. It caused quite a stir when my first drawing at school was a statue, and some teachers were not impressed, though others thought it was great. Of course, my style at the time was hardly refined, and to some eyes, it may have looked like mischief-making. 

Either way, art captured my imagination from an early age and creating images was something that excited me. So, becoming an artist was something that has always been at the forefront of my life.

Who in the art world influences you?

Francis Bacon and Picasso, as well as Dame Rachel Whiteread and Robert Rauschenberg. Art is always a personal thing, and these artists really speak to me. When I am looking at their work, it moves me and inspires me to create.

What training did you do to become an artist?

I graduated with an Arts degree from the Chelsea College of Arts in 1998. Two decades later, I graduated from the Kensington and Chelsea Art College in Abstract Expressionism and Abstract Vision. 

Your work has been shown all over Europe, and you are appearing later this year at START in the Saatchi Gallery London. Can you tell us a little about START and do your audiences differ from country to country?

It is my first time exhibiting at the Saatchi Gallery and START Art Fair in London. The timing could not be better. It is an honour to be a part of this prestigious event and a chance to network with new artists as well as established ones. The fair is a global gathering of artists and gives new talent a chance to show their work. 

Last year my work was shown at the fifth Kunstmesse art fair in Leipzig, Germany. I do not think that the audiences differ. In every show that I have been a part of, people have been enthusiastic and inspiring. 

https://www.startkx.com/exhibitions/

What advice would you give to a young artist starting out?

It is not easy at all to be an artist seeking recognition, especially in these modern ages, where social media platforms are making a colossal and gigantic difference in the careers of artists. I’m one of them! I want to be recognised by the public and by the established art scene. I want my artwork and my abstract visual language on our new modern living expressionism to be taken seriously as another important artist legacy and statement. The advice is only one. Don’t stop working even in times when it seems you aren’t going anywhere. If we don’t stop working, we’ll arrive somewhere, and that is inevitable. If you don’t stop creating you will arrive somewhere – a good place or a not-so-good place – but you’ll arrive somewhere!

How do you think COVID has affected the arts and LGBTQ community in general?

I have seen artists, where I have my studio, for instance, leaving their studios because they cannot afford the rent or because they have lost their other jobs, the direct income support of their lives. It is unfortunately sad, but on the other side, I have seen so many artists making sales over the internet and on social media platforms. Some of them did exceptionally well. 

Do you think that with apps like Grindr and Scruff being so popular, romance is dying?

Inevitably, yes. The technology of these sex and social apps on our phones completely eradicate so many vital personal elements of each one of us. From educational factors to responsible factors and so on, this new way of interaction between us has changed so profoundly that romance has become an old-fashioned item, not even vintage!     

Some of our best British artists have been LGBTQ, from Francis Bacon, David Hockney to sculptress Maggie Hambling. How much does your sexuality influence your artwork?

I have heard so many different views and opinions about my work being too connected with my sexuality. There are people from galleries from the art world itself, saying that it is 100% related to and influenced by my sexuality. I just let them talk and say what they want. 

I would say between 50% to 70% is undoubtedly associated with my sexuality. But there are quite significant elements which come from my art studies and the art research that I attach to my creativity.

How does your family feel about your work?

My parents still live in Portugal. My dad is the silent type, and my mum is vocal about her love of my art. They are both proud. My sister lives in Oxford, and she is a huge fan, I am hoping she will be at START. I am one of six children, and we are all proud of one another.

What would you like to see happening in the art world in the future?

I would like to see myself happening more, actually. I would like to see myself coming out as a more established artist, flourishing and gaining recognition worldwide. Yes, it’s all about me! Well, why not? 

QUICKFIRE ROUND

Your favourite restaurant in London?

Right now, Sexy Fish in Mayfair. Amazing Asiatic food.

The one thing you find to be a turn off in others?

Their selfish, cynical side that makes them think they can always get away without doing the work. 

The most romantic place in London?

I think London is a very romantic city, but for me, Chelsea Embankment is a more private environment. It is so romantic. 

What is one thing you would change about London if you were the mayor for a day?

As Mayor of London for just one day, I think I would want to make all galleries and transport free .

What is your favourite film?

Well, I used to have a favourite film, The Bridges of Madison County with Meryl Streep, but now I have so many. So, now anything with Cate Blanchett for me is a good movie. She is my new obsession! 

www.pedrosousalouro.co.uk

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Steven’s Viewz 

Screenshot
Picture Terry Scott

A column that does not hold back.

My viewz and not of 2Shades brought to you bi -monthly a column that does not hold back

“Where to pee or not to pee, is that really a question?”

Trans. Trans, dear God has there ever been a topic that will have you cancelled simply for not agreeing and get so many hot under the collar? 

Now let us get this straight and to help the right-wing God squad: if your apparent higher power allowed a child to be born with bone cancer or deformed, is there not a chance he popped one or two in the wrong body too?  

For me, if a man or woman feels they have been born in the wrong body and have undergone two years of therapy and gender reassignment, as far as I am concerned, they are now the sex of their choice.

People who have had gender-affirming surgery have been in my life since I was 16. The Famous Julia / George dropped coffee all over my Fiorucci white jump suit at “Scandals” night club when she ran the coffee shop there. Strangely we became friends. From April Ashley to Tallulah, famous sex changes have been in the news. Many have played under the radar and of course with some there was the odd whisper, but all for most part got on with their new lives. Wonderful India Willoughby, whom I admire, campaigns for 

https://www.amazon.com/Just-Julia-Story-Extraordinary-Woman/dp/1852834811

rights and (just as important) educates. She is always approachable

if I have a question of anyone else for that matter on the topic .

The lovely India Willoughby https://x.com/IndiaWilloughby?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

Transvestites who enjoy popping a frock on are not in that transgender category, however.

Nor is drag. Drag has been around since time began and in the theatrical sense it is a performance. So many people seem to be labelling drag artists as trans which, for the most part, they are not. Men that suddenly announce they are trans and pop on a frock, an acrylic wig and some false nails are not women.

Sure, some might be starting a journey towards being a woman. Others never will make that trip and must appreciate it is a dream and not expect rights as a woman.

Tim Curry in the incredible The Rocky Horror show is a sweet Transvestite not to be confused with gender reassignment https://rockyhorror.co.uk

Much as mixed toilets have been in many venues for years, the right for a woman or, when it comes to it, a man to go the toilet that is used by their own sex should be enforced. What many forget is some women are coping with trauma, having been raped or abused badly by men. They will find the idea of sharing a bathroom (where they are in a vulnerable state) with anyone with a penis utterly terrifying. Simply put, if you have a penis stay out of the ladies loo. 

What is bizarre to me and many of the trans is this “Dead Life”, i.e. if you are now identify as woman, your prior life is “Dead Life” and you can suddenly create a whole past as girl. One (who we all know) 

described how she slept with a variety of celebrities as a beautiful young girl – the issue here is she was a 17-year-old spotty boy at the time she claims it happened. It is just a lie, a “Fantasy Life” that to my mind is closer to criminal fraud. 

I certainly would have been trans back in my school years. I used to pray that I would wake as a girl because being a boy was pure misery for me. Today I love being a man, in fact after about 14 that desire to be a girl eventually passed. For many it does not, and they have my 

empathy and support to be who they want to be after a certain age.

Forcing kids into boxes i.e. boys like football and action and 

girls like Barbie and cooking is one of the unhealthiest things I can think of.  It is responsible for so many mental health issues in those kids who do not fit into society’s false expectations. But please do not let kids undergo surgery till they are fully matured and can decide if it is still what they really want.

Personally there would be no way I would even want a child of mine to have a piercing or tattoo until they were in their late teens. There are support groups such as Mermaids that help young people who feel they are struggling with gender

https://mermaidsuk.org.uk

Finally, practise what you preach. A lovely trans woman who I respected and addressed as a woman (even though they had not had surgery, or any work done), berated me for not eating what I was given at a dinner table (I do not eat red meat or pork).

 “In my day you ate what you were given!” she chastised me. 

Thank God for you it is not “your days” as you would be running for the hills dressed as woman. The problem is, if we expect people to accept us for who we are, it has to be reciprocal, not one-sided. 

Colin Farrell – a real man of action

As if we could not love Colin Farrell enough already, the actor and his son James have melted our hearts this month. Colin has been talking about his 20-year-old son James who lives with Angel Syndrome. 

 “I want the world to be kind to James. I want the world to treat him with kindness and respect.” 

The actor told People Magazine in the US. 

https://people.com

Angelman syndrome is genetic disorder that mainly affects the nervous system. Symptoms include a small head and a specific facial appearance, severe intellectual disability, developmental disability, limited to no functional speech, balance and movement problems, seizures, and sleep problems.

Farrell has started a foundation in honour of his son in the US. The Colin Farrell Foundation will provide support for adult children who have an intellectual disability through advocacy, education and innovative programs.

As for the foundation, for years Farrell has wanted to do something in the realm of providing greater opportunities for families who have a child with special needs, to receive the support that they deserve and the assistance in all areas of life.

“Once your child turns 21, they’re kind of on their own,” Farrell says. “All the safeguards that are put in place, special ed classes, that all goes away, so you’re left with a young adult who should be an integrated part of our modern society and often is left behind.” 

This is mirrored in the UK. Last year Dr Anna Kennedy OBE petitioned Number 10 Downing Street to help those living with autism to be aided after the age of 24 where government aid stops. “Who will look after my sons when I am gone?” is a question Anna has raised along with many parents of children with special needs.

Dr Anna Kennedy OBE and me delivering a petition to Number 10 downing street picture Terry Scott ,

Colin and Anna are real heroes and we need more of the likes of these two in this world. 

Home
Home

Toxic Come Dancing 

Yet more bad news for the BBC as their top-rated show “Strictly Come Dancing” comes under fire for apparent bullying as previous contestants have been complaining.

Oh do get a grip. You go into a reality show and you are really expecting it to be plain sailing? 

These people complaining of bad treatment have agents and a 

right to walk out at any time. Stop, enough already. Do not go into a 

show like “Strictly” or “I’m a Celebrity” and expect back rubs and hugs.

Dance is a highly disciplined practice and anyone who has properly 

trained at the ballet or dance school will tell you it is not for the faint 

hearted.

To conclude .

When your bear friend has been taking Ozempic and asks if 

you have noticed any visible side effects on them…

End .

email Steven at spman@btinternet.com

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Michelle Jeram: From Police Officer to Actress | Insights on Neurodiversity

Michelle Jeram
In conversation with Michelle Jeram who discusses career shifts and the infinite spectrums of neurodiversity
After a casual arrest gone painfully wrong, Michelle reflects on a series of changes that opened up her life
Michelle Jeram as Monty on BBC’s Granite Harbour

Michelle said, “You know as a police officer, you always have this sort of authoritative nature about you. Every job you go to, you have to be a different person. Delivering a death message, or making an arrest, my voice will have to change, it’s a different persona. 

A lot of it is listening and communication. The listening part is also in acting because you’re reacting to what is being said to you. It’s kind of transferable skills that way”

After facing a tragic incident whilst making an arrest resulting in 5 knee surgeries, Michelle was forced to end her career as a copper.

She continued as a consultant with the police after her recovery but she had an inkling that she had more to life than this.

Michelle decided to relive her childhood dream of becoming an actress. Urging her to train herself through acting classes online during the pandemic. 

After a year and a half, she secured the role of DS Simone ‘Monty’ Montrose on BBC’s Granite Harbour as an investigator in the series.

While this was a breakthrough moment for her acting career, she enlightened us on the conditions faced in the acting industry.

Michelle said, “As an actor, we audition for way more than we ever get. It’s just ridiculous the amount of no’s and or the amount of you don’t hear anythings. You can audition for 20 roles and just get one and I think coming into the industry later in life, I can handle that.

If I was 18 or in my 20s, I’d probably find the constant rejection really difficult. It’s very competitive, not everyone can afford a ticket to London for an audition, put a day aside just for that. I do this full time now but there are so many people who have other jobs and have to take time off for this.”

I could feel the amount of empathy she holds for people. Having been a police officer and now an actress, she wishes to do her job with conviction and not for any kind of recognition.

Michelle Jeram the set of Granite Harbour

I imagine being a police officer is far from easy and the unpredictability requires a lot of courage to deal with every day.

I sensed a grimness as she said the words, “There are some things you should never see.”

It transported me briefly to the times she might’ve had to go back home and process the horror she witnessed. 

The mental health of police officers is frequently overshadowed by the government’s control over them. There are a handful who seem to exploit their powers to fulfil a demonic agenda.

But for the good ones who are human beings just like the rest of us, they have to play a role that provides a thankless service to others and hardly for themselves. 

Michelle said, “When I joined in 1991, there wasn’t any counselling support. You’d sort of have this dark humour, not demeaning but to sort of cope with it yourself. There is counselling and things like that now but I think it’s the numbers in policing that are so few that they’re being single-crewed it shouldn’t be like that.

It’s a sorry state of affairs unfortunately but, I loved my 23 years and I’m very proud of it.”

Her enthusiasm as a police officer reflects greatly on screen as she now takes on detective roles to structure her brand as a newbie in the industry.

She dives into research and curates a background story for each of her characters to bring them to life. 

She draws inspiration from her experience as a copper to understand the depth of her character. Which helps her react to her coworkers cues and mediate the necessary emotion.

Her personal experience also helped with roles where she was required to improvise and be as authentic as she could be. 

She said, “Granite Harbour allowed us to do that for example, and I’m like, I don’t think Monty would actually say it like that so I might change it slightly. Similarly with Queen At Sea, the director wanted me to be as authentic as possible. He didn’t care if the person had acting experience, he preferred someone who knew the procedure.

For instance a rape incident, if you’ve never dealt with that, you don’t know the process and what’s being said, it would be quite difficult.”

We both agreed that it’s not to say that actors don’t have the capability to tap into those raw emotions required for a scene, but a past experience could definitely provide an edge.

As we continue to speak, I was curious to know how being autistic blended with such contrasting careers.

However, Michelle is a doer and for her the process of creation and the contribution of each soul towards the art mesmerised her.

Michelle explained, “You know that’s what fascinates me I think, the whole process of how a show is really put together. The set design, sound, electricians, the runners, everything. I remember on my first week in Granite Harbour in series one, when it was appropriate, I went around to everyone and asked them what they did. To tell me exactly what they did.

I remember watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Bugsy Malone, you know the original one with Jodie Foster. I was fascinated, it stayed with me. And I think what it is about acting for me is the whole creative process. And you see the finished product, you’re like, cool!”

The creation of art can sometimes be viewed from a superficial lens, I personally forget that it takes a collective of talent to put together a refined piece of work.

The creative choices, the artistic direction, the lines, the emotions everyone face through the day in the process of making it. 

Michelle said it perfectly when she said to me that a good crew can always help make the process easier. She added, “You have better chances if you’re nice to the people you work with and it helps if you’re not a d*ck.”

She adores the cast of Granite Harbour and whoever she has worked with so far. Sharing a bond beyond the set aided in finding a flow for a seamless production and on screen chemistry.

We delved a little deeper into the networking and socialising aspect of being a neurodivergent actor and former police officer. 

She said, “As a police officer, I realised after a while that nothing really bothered me. I’d see horrific things and go okay, then on to the next job. I felt quite unfazed by things. I’m still unfazed, I don’t particularly get emotional. I don’t remember the last time I cried, I’m quite a black and white person. There are no grey areas with me and that obviously served me well as a police officer.”

Neurodiverse individuals are often misunderstood as emotionless or apathetic. Or that they’re rude and unappreciative of the world around them.

It’s quite an unfair assumption that seems to be getting a lot more attention now, to reeducate people on their innate ability to feel.

As someone who struggled with social anxiety, I did feel like I played a role to feel accepted. Social gatherings can be overwhelming, you either love it, learn how to love it or hate it.

I’ve felt disconnected on multiple occasions whilst trying to build meaningful connections spontaneously. It takes time for me to truly connect but it can often be misunderstood as aloofness.

Michelle said, “When it comes to social gatherings, I never really love it. I’m quite a solitary person, I find the social side of it quite difficult but I understand the necessity of it because we need to work together and when we hang out, we learn a lot more about each other and that shows on screen. There’s a shorthand when it comes to who you’re acting with because they’re your friend.”

The cast of Granite Harbour

It makes me wonder if we’ve followed a society that depends on instant gratification and phrases to fit in. And how it’s often a recycle and reuse behaviour that keeps us afloat.

It’s hard to find connections that sustain in the world we live in where the walls within us are higher than a tower.

Attempting to narrow an infinite spectrum of neurodiverse people and urging them to be ‘normal’ only pushes them further away from their truth.

Michelle said, “A friend of mine called Sam Grieson wrote and directed a short film called “The Programme” to smash down barriers to say that it’s actually just a different way of processing. It’s a film about Drum, my character being interviewed by this robot in order to train the future AI on how to respond to human emotions. It’s about identity grief and how one deals with an autistic mind because we’re always told that we don’t feel, which is not true.”

I’ve had the opportunity to watch The Programme before it’s launch in October and it worries me for the future.

Emotions are such an individual and private journey- it’s not shaped to be predictable, it’s meant to be unique.

The AI robot in the film in many ways reflects the mentality of some people who box neurodivergent individuals as “odd”.

But have we as human beings wondered if the system of normalcy provided to us has perhaps limited the expansive view of our species?

Pushing us towards judgement of the other for their inability to match up to the standards of what is expected?

Michelle Jeram at the premiere night of The Programme

We arrived at an intriguing discussion soon after that reaffirmed my spirituality. We talked about how spiritual language can help us cope and focus on our vision towards our dreams.

In the age of spirituality where everyone seems to be talking about growth, we find ourselves using manifestations to align us to a vision. Michelle confidently said, “The weird think about Granite Harbour was, I knew I was going to get it. I read a lot about manifestations and it’s not just about visualising it, I also put it into action.”

Awareness of ones presence and potential can help structure a foundation to start with but there’s a certain amount of hard work and determination that needs to support it.

Michelle agreed and added, “I do hear people give advice to actors, they say ‘Stick with it! Your time will come!’ But I don’t think that’s entirely true. You have to know how to act as well, And there are a lot of people that I’ve done acting classes with or seen. And you know, it’s almost like I’m sure that they can act with the right guidance.

Telling somebody, keep going, keep going. Well, if nothing changes, nothing changes. You know, there’s got to be a change if you’re not getting anywhere.”

We do require a system upgrade even as human beings. Adding new skills, renewing a resume, whatever it may be, it gives us an opportunity to present ourselves as proactive and seeking growth in our reality. 

Michelle continued, “They might be new headshots. Do you still look like your headshots? It might be a new show. It might be creating your own work. It might be getting some acting coaching. And a lot of these things cost money. But you know, one job will pay for that.You can reinvest and then go, right, I’m going to get some more acting coaching and get a job, reinvest.

And I think that just telling somebody to keep going on the same line that they’re on, if they’re getting anywhere, I’m not entirely sure that that’s the best advice to give. It’s no good your nan telling you she thinks you’re fantastic. Because my mum loves everything that I’ve done. And I’m like, mum, it was rubbish. Mums and dads, they just see you as this beautiful child. And they’ll say everything is amazing. But it’s not always helpful. It’s not constructive.”

At the end of the day, everyone deals with life in a way that makes sense to them. We are habituated to function from a place of safety and protection of our energy to identify the roles we play in our lives that feels most fullfilling.

The reality is that change is constant, the methods of achieving it are endless and the inspiration is subjective. Resistance to change breeds contempt and embracing all kinds of change can open pathways that achievers like Michelle have openly invited into their existence.

To reach out to Michelle for enquires, go here.

To connect with her, this is her Instagram.

For more information about The Programme by Sam Grieson, visit https://www.crabandbull.com/theprogramme

Categories
Health and Fitness Lifestyle People

Michael Edde celebrity Barber

Michael The Barber best kept secret
Mike Edde with one of the many celebrity clients Eammon Holmes

When it comes to woman’s hair if you need a brand new hair style it really is worth paying top dollar to get the best attention and idea’s to create a new you.

But often with a trim round the bottom you can get the same result with out robbing the bank at your local salon just do not expect a cappuccino , five minute head rub at the back wash and latest recommendations to the top spots in town you would get in the really high-end Salons. 

However, when it comes to men’s hair, I gave up years ago getting my friends to cut my locks. It took too long and they never really did what I wanted except for the brilliant Martyne Fletcher who used to tend the late Joanne Rivers.

I gravitated to going to Sassoon’s who really never once  made me happy and other high end Salon often leaving  feeling  robbed at £50 -£80 for a trim.  One day I  was just about to give up when saw a man in the gym who’s hair I liked so following my own advise   I asked where he had it cut. “Mike the Barbers ” he replied. A local men’s shop that I had seen but would never dream of trusting my blond do to a shop a barbers.

I actually stood outside for three or four minutes  to get up the nerve to go in, before asking for Mike, a dashing bubbly local legend in Earl’s Court. For sure there was not cappuccino in sight and no head rub, in fact unless you request it they do not wash your hair, as I more than often had to take the brush off the stylists in the high end salons and dry it myself so it was no loss to me.

Mike in his shop in Earl’s Court is legendary

Unlike many Sassoon people I noticed they where experts with razor’s and thinning scissors. I told Mike what i wanted and he asked if  I would like the harsh line softened a bit, it had always bugged me that  they could not soften it. Always ended up with a server wedge or fire fly. With in 15 minutes for the first time in years I loved my hair and did not need to grow a bit back or wish it had been cut shorter.

Mike tend the locks of actor Nick Nevern https://www.imdb.com/name/nm2339680/

Even better it was £11, I get it cut  every two weeks now to  keep it neat and I go with out worrying it will be yet another disappointment . Mike has been doing my hair for six years and every fella I recommend goes again and again and one or two short hair ladies love him too. You never know who you will bump into Wayne Sleep might just come pirouetting by or one of the many celeb clients that know the secret.

Now colouring is another thing only to go high-end.

Michael’s Barbers 

54 Kenway road 

Earl’s Court 

London SW50RA

0207 370 6983

http://www.allinlondon.co.uk/directory/1183/16564.php

Categories
Health and Fitness Lifestyle People

Paging Dr. Giles Gyer’s to know his Top 8 Tips for a Healthy Lifestyle

Doctor Giles Gyer 8 top tips for looking after your body To 2Shades

 www.omttraining.co.uk 

Doctor Giles Gyer is a British trained specialist musculoskeletal Osteopath who has worked within health and fitness for over 12 years; he combines a variety of articulation and manipulation techniques alongside a variety of rehabilitation exercises within his treatments, and works with patients from office workers to professional strength and international sports athletes at his central London clinic.

Giles is a senior lecturer at www.omttraining.co.uk and teaches grade 5 / HVT Spinal Manipulation, Osteopathic Articulation and Manual Therapy techniques throughout UK and internationally to professional therapists from all over Europe, he has lectured at national conferences and has lecturered and run MasterClass training events for groups such as the NHS, MK Dons FC and Liverpool Football Club physiotherapy department.

Giles has authored two books within manual therapy, first a specialist book on dry needling and secondly on spinal articulation techniques.

Eight tips for looking after your body.

We are now in an age where more people are desk bound for most of the week, working long hours, glued to their iphones, laptops with a blur of thumbs as they swipe left and right and tap away, and with all this inactivity, increased postural problems, fast paced lifestyle, it can have an impact on health and well being. 

Staying fit and healthy is everyone’s top priority. But, because of our busy work schedules and poor lifestyle choices, we often make it the biggest challenge of our lives. If you’re here to overcome this barrier, the first thing you have to understand that the path to being healthy and fit is an ongoing process and includes many elements. However, it’s not something that is impossible to achieve. With a little focus on nutrition, being a bit health-conscious and doing a few exercises each day, you can easily win this challenge. 

Here is how you can do this.

1.   Adopt a Healthy Eating Style

The key to a healthy lifestyle is adopting a well-balanced diet that has all the nutrients for the optimal functioning of your body. According to NHS, a balanced diet means eating a wide range of foods in the right proportions, so that you can maintain a healthy body weight. However, it is also important that you are making realistic changes to your diet; otherwise, you won’t be able to stick with it. Use these tips to make the right changes:

·      Get as many low calorie, nutrient dense, and antioxidant rich foods into your diet as possible. These include whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, fibre, milk, nuts, and lean proteins such as chicken, turkey, fish, egg, tofu and beans.

·      Drink plenty of water, as it keeps your body hydrated.

·      Cut back on unhealthy foods and replace them with healthier alternatives. 

·      Eat less or avoid foods that are highly processed and contain unhealthy ingredients, such as saturated fats, hidden sugars, salts and artificial sweeteners. 

·      Try avoiding red meat or eat it only once in a week. 

·      Skip milk if you’re lactose intolerant. 

·      Try cooking meals at your home.

·      Do not overeat and enjoy balanced meals at regular intervals. 

·      Do not skip breakfast, as it helps maintain a stable blood sugar level.

2.   Take Nutritional Supplements

Nutritional supplements are not essential for everyone. If you are already following a balanced diet, you do not need them. You can get all the nutrients you need from you diet. However, some people may need to take supplements. 

According UK Food Standards Agency (FSA), supplements are advised to the following groups of people:

·      Women who are pregnant or breastfeeding. If you are pregnant or planning a pregnancy, you are suggested to eat folate rich foods and a daily supplement containing 400 micrograms (mcg) of folic acid. This recommendation is applicable until the week 12 of pregnancy. Pregnant and breastfeeding women are also advised to take 10mcg of vitamin D per day.

·      Older adults. With age, our bodies become less effective in absorbing certain nutrients from our daily diets. These include calcium, potassium, folic acid, omega-3, vitamin B12 and vitamin D. Therefore, if you are over age 50, you are advised to take a supplement containing these nutrients.

·      Children below the age of 5. If your child is not a good eater, the FSA suggests that he/she may need to take a supplement containing vitamins A, D and C. However, this advice is not applicable for those who eat a wide range of foods and have a good appetite.   

·      People who are vegetarian or eat no meat or fish. People in this group often lack nutrients, such as vitamin B12, iron, calcium and omega-3 fatty acids, from animal sources. If you are in this category, you are advised to take a supplement containing these elements.

·      People who do not receive sufficient sunlight. Insufficient exposure to sunlight causes vitamin D deficiency. If you rarely get outdoors or spend most of your time indoors, you may need to take an additional 10mcg of vitamin D per day. 

twww.osteon.co.uk

3.   Exercise Regularly

I really do believe “Movement is medicine” and consistent regular exercise is essential for being healthy and fit, as it prevents fat gain, improves muscle strength and tone, helps with the cardiovascular system, and more importantly helps to improve mood and boosts energy. It also helps combat against a number of diseases and conditions that can be caused through inactivity or dietary issues, the NHS states that a lack of exercise can contribute significantly to issues such as, 

·      Coronary heart disease 

·      High blood pressure

·      Stroke 

·      Metabolic syndrome (including obesity and abnormal blood cholesterol levels) 

·      Type 2 diabetes

Therefore, you should get rid of all the excuses for not exercising regularly and try making it a daily habit. No matter you have only 20 minutes form your hectic daily schedules, you should do it. 

However, if you are really unable to manage time for an actual workout, you can use these simple tips to keep yourself physically active:

·      Practice light yoga or stretching moves while watching TV or talking on the phone. 

·      Take regular breaks from your work and go for a short walk. 

·      Make fidgeting a habit while you work.

·      Use the stairs instead of the lift.

·      Walk or run to the nearby shops instead of driving.

·      Take your kids or dog for a walk.

·      Get off one bus or tube stop early and walk to your destination.

·      Go out for a 10-minute walk before breakfast and after dinner.

4.   Get Your Health Checkups

Regular health checkups are required, even if you are healthy and fit, because these tests help you find risk factors and problems before they start. Ultimately, this helps you to get better treatment, and in the end “prevention is better than cure”, when you are diagnosed early with a disease. So visit your doctor for routine health exams and tests to make sure you are not susceptible to any diseases and everything is fine and normal. 

Depending on your age, ethnicity, lifestyle choices, physical activity, family medical history and smoking status, your doctor will suggest which exams and screenings you need. Although these advices vary from person to person, there are some common exams and tests that are often performed during a routine health checkup. These include:

·      Total blood count (TBC) and urine tests

·      Hearing and vision tests

·      Tests for cholesterol level and blood pressure 

·      Measurement of body mass index (BMI)

·      Risk assessment for diabetes (if high blood pressure or high cholesterol is already present)

·      Screening for colorectal cancer (if there is a family history or age is over 50)

·      Tests for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)

·      Screening for breast and cervical cancer

·      Screening for prostate cancer

·      Checking of immunisation schedules 

5.   Monitor Your Weight

It’s always a good practice to track your progress regularly, because this will help you to keep yourself motivated about your goals. However, do not check your weight excessively, as this may cause the opposite. So try checking your weight only once in a day. 

In addition, there are many weight loss apps are now available on both Android and iOS. Check the reviews of these apps, and download the most suitable one according to your needs, so that you can track your food, connect with like-minded people and stay focused on your goals.

6.   Get Enough Sleep

Getting a good night’s sleep has a profound effect on your life. It benefits your health both physically and mentally. Studies suggest that getting enough sleep can strengthen memories, improve mood, enhance cognitive functions, boost sex drive and improve overall quality of life. In fact, adequate sleep allows your body the time it needs to repair and rejuvenate. 

On the other hand, insufficient sleep is linked to a number of health problems, including lower testosterone levels, diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, heart attacks, poor cognitive functions, chronic pain and obesity. So if you are not getting the recommended seven to eight hours of sleep a night, this can adversely affect your health, mood, motor skills, weight and even sex life. 

7.   Do Not Ignore Pain

Pain is a common condition that needs no further description. We all know what it is and how it affects our overall quality of life. What you need to know that pain is usually caused by an underlying disease or injury. In fact, it is you body’s red alert, a mechanism of telling you that something is wrong. So even if your pain is mild, do not ignore or get used to it. 

Pain is not inevitable; it is actually a condition that can be treated. However, if you do not want to go for the conventional treatments, you can also manage it without taking any painkillers or NSAIDs. There are a number of drug-free alternative treatments, such as osteopathy, available today that can effectively help manage your pain, injury or other issues and get you back fighting fit.

Doctor Giles Gyer on a resent trip to China -Shanghai with leading personal trainer friend and client Denise Couprie www.osteon.co.uk

8.   Visit an Osteopath 

Osteopathy is a whole body approach to help your nervous, circulatory and immune systems. Although it is still considered as an alternative medicine, it is by far one of the most effective ways of identifying, treating and preventing health problems related to musculoskeletal issues. Also, osteopathy is a more natural approach than conventional medicine, because it doesn’t use drugs or surgical procedures.

Osteopaths focus on restoring the normal function and stability of the musculoskeletal framework, so that the body can heal by itself. In doing so, they use a variety of drug-free, non-invasive techniques to relieve muscle tension, increase joint mobility and encourage blood flow to tissues. These techniques include:

·      Spinal manipulation  / High-velocity thrusts

·      Medical Acupuncture / Dry Needling

·      Message techniques

·      Stretching 

·      Joint Articulation

·      Exercise Rehabilitation 

Therefore, if you are struggling with persistent pain due to an injury or other issue, you should visit a registered osteopath. An osteopath can not only help detect and treat your problem but also give you advice on self-help, posture, stretching and other activities, in order to aid your recovery.

Giles Gyer Bsc (Hons) Osteopathy

Registered Osteopath

Author and Lecturer in Manual Therapy 

www.osteon.co.uk

Categories
People

2SHADES STRIKE A POSE 

Steven Smith and Adishri Chengappa from 2Shades Magazine strike a pose in their first professional photoshoot with celebrity photographer Anne-Marie Bickerton at The Camera Club in Kennington
 Adishri Chengappa and Steven Smith meet celebrity photographer Anne-Marie Bickerton  https://www.annemariebickerton.co.uk
It really was with excitement that 2Shades mega queen editor got ready for her first professional photoshoot.
https://www.annemariebickerton.co.uk/
https://www.annemariebickerton.co.uk/
https://www.annemariebickerton.co.uk/

Yes, two crowns met as Celebrity Photographer Anne-Marie Bickerton takes 2Shades Magazine’s first photoshoot.

 Anne-Marie Bickerton known for her many glossy magazine covers raised her camera and snapped iconic Adishri Chengappa.

Of course, we just had to have someone known for help lift a crown or two involved  Steven Smith the other half of 2 shades jumped in . The results are amazing 

https://www.annemariebickerton.co.uk/
https://www.annemariebickerton.co.uk/

Adishri said, “This was the most fun experience I’ve ever had! Anne-Marie is such a lovely soul and we got on so well. I could talk to her for ages but more importantly, she made the whole photoshoot such enjoyable experience for us. It’s been a dream of mine to be in a photoshoot and I am so glad I got to have my first experience with my gorgeous partner in crime and love, Steven Smith.”

https://www.annemariebickerton.co.uk/

We wanted to thank Born Anxious https://www.bornanxious.co.uk/the-harvey-price-official-clothing-range/harvey-price-t-shirt-gold-h

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https://www.annemariebickerton.co.uk/

For their pride T- shirts we support them and their anti-bullying campaign.

They work with Anna Kennedy online: https://annakennedyonline.com

https://www.annemariebickerton.co.uk/

Bad Penny https://abadpenny.com Art meets T-shirts  

Glasses from HERE.

https://www.annemariebickerton.co.uk/

Mr Guild Suits: https://mrguild.com/product-category/suits

All pictures Anne Marie Bickerton: https://www.annemariebickerton.co.uk

Head shots from £150 by quote. 

Styling Steven Smith: https://www.comptonmanagement.com/?p=739

Some behind the scenes from the lovely morning we had at The Camera Club in Kennington