new-release – 2Shades Magazine

Heidi Gammon’s Christmas agony aunt column

https://www.counselling-foryou.co.uk/about-us

Happy Christmas, and it is cheer and happiness for most but not for all. The festive season can raise the grinch and other family nightmares.

But do not fear! Good fairy agony aunt Heidi Gammon is waving her wand and will try to make it all better with her magical advice.

https://www.counselling-foryou.co.uk/about-us

Hi Heidi,

Happy Holidays. Can you help me? I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year now and we are in love. However, I have not introduced him to my family yet. One, he is very domineering (I like that) and never holds back on his opinions. Two, he is covered in tattoos, hates dressing up and he is a drummer in rock band part time. My mum is super conservative and just about down with me being gay. She actually says that no one with tattoos are welcome in her home. Mum rang the house, and he picked up and she invited him for Christmas!

HELP please!!

Mike, Kingston.

Oh bless Mike, talk about being put between a rock and hard place. First of all, you should have dealt with this months ago if you care for boyfriend and mum. You say mum is just about ok with you being gay. Well, it sounds to me like she is making the right moves inviting your partner for Christmas.

If your partner loves you, it is time to sit down and tell him the issues about your mum. You say you like the fact he is dominant and opinionated. There is a difference between that and a narcissist. You let him be himself 364 days a year, but maybe he could think about you for one day, not be a different person but just tone it down a little. If he really cares about you and is not a narcissist he will understand. Until mum gets to know him, box clever and make this day about realising that you need some TLC in this area. Trust me, if he really cares he will work with you. If he can’t, I’ll tell you something he is not dominant, he is just not caring.

Next time you chat to mum, maybe give her a little pre-warning he might not be joining the conservative club any day soon. Just do some groundwork preparation before the big day. Remember: life is short and you need to be happy. Mike, those that say they love you should want the best for you, sometimes that means compromise.

Happy Christmas my love, write and let me know how It goes.

Dear Heidi,

I like to party, but it is high days and low with me. Sheryl my fiancé loves it 24/7 but I am fine with that as she can go out with her gang, and I am not jealous or worried. We are having friends over for Christmas Day and we were going over the menu when she announced, “I’ll get a few grams in for after”. Honestly, I have had enough. The only White Christmas I want is on the ground. What do I say?

Lisa, Chiswick.

Oh no Lisa, oh I have seen this so many times. The marching powder is no-one’s friend. Yes, there seems to be a honeymoon period for many who think it makes them invisible but like any false high, in the end there is always a price to pay. It destroys jobs, relationships and friendships, not mention it robs your bank account. Once it gets its claws into you, for many there is no escape. Yes, there are those who partake on high and low days, who seem in control like yourself. But Sheryl sounds like she might be heading for a fall. You need to simply say no! That’s not the Christmas you want. Make your views clear and it might give her a shock, or maybe she’s already hooked and this is the bit she is looking forward to on Christmas day. Then she may need help, but time to realise it’s a slippery slope, and you being an enabler won’t end well .

Hello Heidi,

How are you, love the column. Now there is no excuse, but I kissed my best friend’s husband on a drunken outing when my bestie was away. It has been over six months I have not seen him or mentioned it to my friend. We are all spending Christmas together this year. I have not seen my friend’s husband since. It is going to be super awkward. What should I do? Maybe call him and chat about what happened?

Dylan, Brighton.

Sweetie, if it was just a kiss get over it. People are human and drink is horrible when it comes to making a fool of ourselves. Unless you’re not telling Heidi the whole story, move on and put it behind you. Or if the kiss meant more to you than you’re saying, maybe have word with yourself. He has not been in contact with you since the drunken kiss so perhaps he does not remember it. Take Heidi’s advice: do not do party postmortems and stop making a mountain out of a mole hill. Enjoy your Christmas xxx

Happy Holidays, Heidi

Dear Heidi,

My partner Alisha is just gorgeous and we’ve been together for six months. She came out as lesbian late in life, having been married for twenty years. She has two teenage kids and they are coming for Christmas. Heidi I am terrified. I do not do kids and how do I act? They are very important to Alisha.

Love Diana.

Hi Diana, it is not a couple of hyenas coming for Christmas, it is two teenagers (perhaps more terrifying at times). No Diana, can I tell you how to handle it? Be yourself, treat them with respect and take an interest in them, listen and you will be surprised. Please have some basic structure of your expectations to staying in your home as you would with anyone coming to stay. But do not come over like a prison guard. Just try and have fun; they will be as worried as you!

Love, Heidi

Heidi will be back in the New Year . You can also hear her on Gateway Radio https://www.gateway978.com/blogs/daytime/josie-gibson-reveals-the-most-mind-numbing-things-in-life Tuesday the 26th of November https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UT6NDE0INI&t=4s and on Youtube.

You can find her on: https://www.counselling-foryou.co.uk/about-us

The School Bells ringing with Heidi Gammon

The queen of agony aunts is back answering your returning to school questions

https://www.counselling-foryou.co.uk/about-us

Catch Heidi on Gateway radio: https://www.gateway978.com/?s=Heidi+gammon+

Dear Heidi,

My son has always been effeminate and neither my husband or myself have tried to change that. When he wanted to not do football and take up sewing (and he is good) we fully encouraged him. Now he is 15 he wants to return to school this term as a girl, going from David to Danielle. Heidi can I be honest, I am terrified for him and his safety. The school say it is ok but my husband is against it. We just feel he is too young still what can we do?

Diana, Sheffield.

https://mermaidsuk.org.uk/helpline-support-services/

Hi Diana,

Thanks so much for your question, I think it is great you have always seen David for who he wants to be and fully supported him. As with everything that should not change, and your love and protection is the number one thing he counts on.

David has made what might be seen to many as brave decision to start to transition into Danielle, and it can be a confusing and frightening time for Danielle and for those that love her. But it also can be liberating and a wonderful thing for those that feel they have been born into the wrong body.

First, get some help for the family and Danielle: https://mermaidsuk.org.uk

Mermaids is a brilliant trans charity and will be help you all. Equally counselling with a therapist should help https://www.onetherapy.london/transgender-counselling-london/

Please make sure you keep an open conversation with Danielle, so there are no secrets. If you feel the reaction at school to Danielle is hurting her, go to the school right away. It is so important not to react negatively as you have been doing but talk to her about safety and life moving forward.

Here is hoping it all goes well

Love Heidi

Heidi hi,

My mother is a super bitch and is all about how things look. I am 17 and going to college this year and as it is a boarding college it is brilliant as I can get away from her showing off. Heidi, she thinks she is coming to see me settle in. I know it sounds like I am being unfair but all that will happen is she will come and make the whole thing about herself, flirt with people and it will be an embarrassment. Honestly I do not want to go if she is coming.

Brendan, Richmond upon Thames.

Hi Brendan,

The narcissist mum https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00jm3ms

Oh, bless you, I am sure she wants the best for you. Parents are only human too and as we grow older, we sometimes see flaws in them as in all humans. Equally it is a good idea to talk to your parents as humans. You are 17 now so maybe tell her you want to make the move in and settle in on your own.

It may cause a row if she asks why to tell her you sometimes find her a little embarrassing. It can go either way but it may get mum thinking .

I feel as a parent myself you always want your child to be happy and safe, so it’s understandable that she wants to see where you are living. When you are ready, show her where you are residing and then possibly whisk her out for a mum and son lunch !

Good luck 🤞

Love you Heidi and need your help,

Having lost my virginity last year to an older boy at my school, it did not take long to realise that my preference is girls. Then in Brighton in June this gorgeous girl came on to me and that was that.

It was only a week in when I found out she is starting work at my college this term. Now I am 18 so not jailbait, but she said it would be an issue . What do I do when I see her? I am in love.

Kim, Worthing.

Hi Kim,

Oh, my love I feel your pain. If she says she cannot be in a relationship, there may be strict rules against this. I think she sounds sensible and will have checked.

It is a very new relationship and if it is true love maybe in three years’ time when you leave it can be rekindled.

But please do not be holding a torch for the whole time. My thoughts are she would be more impressed if you went on with your life, met new people and grow as a person.

Best of luck.

Hi Heidi.

My boyfriend is super-hot, he plays rugby and is a Queen’s dream. The only issue is when we go out everyone flirts with him and I am invisible. The main problem is he flirts back and tells me it is just fun, that I am to get over myself and that I am his man. But I dread going out socially, especially to gay bars. We have been together for two years; I am a teacher and he is a doctor. I do not want to say anything in case I sound jealous or drive him away.

Paul, Battersea.

Hi Paul,

This might sound crazy, but many beautiful looking people have issues finding love and making people feel secure in a relationship with them.

It feels like you’re being insecure and I feel for you. Sit him down tell him you’re feeling insecure and you need some reassurances. Even get some couples counselling.

Best of luck