If there is one woman capable of shaking up the Christmas charts, unseating the usual pop titans, and bringing pure chaotic joy to the holiday season, it’s Denise Welch. With Slayyy Bells, she hasn’t just released a festive single — she’s unleashed a cultural moment. A glittery, high-camp, tongue-in-cheek masterpiece that captures everything the British public secretly craves at Christmas: humour, heart, a bit of mischief, and a full-throttle, unapologetic “hun energy.”
Denise has long been adored for her honesty, her warmth, and her refusal to take herself too seriously. That’s why the LGBTQ+ community has embraced her with open arms. She doesn’t perform camp — she embodies it. Whether it’s fiery daytime TV realness, chaotic comic timing, or her glamorous, self-deprecating sparkle, Denise is the kind of icon who walks into a room and immediately becomes everyone’s mum, best friend, and backstage confidante. She is the definition of a British hun: fierce, funny, fabulous, and fearlessly herself.
Slayyy Bells captures that spirit perfectly. It’s a sugary cocktail of festive beats, wink-wink lyrics, and nightclub-ready chaos — the kind of song that would make even the Grinch put on a sequinned jumpsuit. In a chart landscape dominated by perfectly polished megastars like Taylor Swift, Dua Lipa, or Ed Sheeran, Denise offers something the others can’t: pure personality. She’s not trying to be slick, she’s trying to be fun — and that’s exactly what people cling to at Christmas.
Let’s be honest: the UK loves an underdog, and Denise is the ultimate comeback queen. She’s lived a life, she’s told her story, and she has emerged with more charisma than half the industry put together. When she releases a Christmas single, it isn’t just music — it’s a movement. It’s the collective national desire for something joyful, camp, inclusive, and proudly silly.
The LGBTQ+ community in particular knows a gay icon when it sees one. Denise is outspoken, loyal, emotionally open, and effortlessly dramatic. She’s relatable yet glamorous; chaotic yet wise; messy yet magnificent. She’s the woman who will cry with you, dance with you, and drag you out to karaoke at 2 a.m. — the Patron Saint of Huns.
This is why Slayyy Bells deserves to beat the global juggernauts. Christmas Number One shouldn’t always go to the most streamed, the most marketed, or the most algorithmically optimised. Sometimes it should go to the artist who brings the most joy. The one who makes people laugh, sing, and feel part of something bigger.
Denise Welch is that artist. She’s the people’s diva, the hun-in-chief, the LGBTQ+ fairy godmother of festive chaos — and Slayyy Bells is the anthem worthy of her crown.
This Christmas, let’s make history. Let’s give the Number One to the woman who would celebrate it harder than anyone else: Queen Denise Welch.
Let’s be honest: a woman’s hair is her crown and glory. It’s part of her identity, her confidence, her style. And when it comes to royalty, that crown is both literal and symbolic. Princess Catherine—Kate, as we fondly call her—always manages to look spectacular. She carries herself with elegance and dignity, and despite facing health struggles, she continues to shine as my favourite member of the Royal Family.
So why, then, does the we feel the need to dissect every strand on her head? Recently, Kate decided to lighten her hair a touch. Not platinum, not peroxide blonde—just a soft, subtle lift. Hardly headline material, yet suddenly it’s splashed across the front pages. Is this really news?
I say this as someone who spent years as a celebrity hairdresser: hair is deeply personal. It’s not just style, it’s self-expression, sometimes even reinvention. I actually admire Kate for trying something new under the relentless glare of the cameras. Personally, I think she suits brunette best—but that’s beside the point. The point is, it’s her hair, her choice, and she looks radiant either way.
But what left me utterly flabbergasted was what happened next. A few days later, she attended a women’s rugby match with her hair pulled back in a ponytail—practical, appropriate, perfectly normal. And would you believe it? That too became a headline. A ponytail! Honestly, are we that short of news?
It makes me wonder about our priorities. Wars are raging, the cost of living is biting, families are struggling—and yet we’re fixated on whether a princess wears her hair up or down. Surely, we can do better.
Here’s what really matters: Kate represents grace, resilience, and positivity at a time when good news is hard to come by. She continues to serve, smile, and inspire, even while facing challenges of her own. She is a mother, a wife, a public figure, and a future queen—and she handles it all with poise. That deserves admiration, not nit-picking.
So, my view is simple. Leave Kate’s hair alone. Celebrate the woman, not the ponytail. Applaud her courage, her elegance, her humanity. Hair grows; styles change—but the strength of character she shows every day? That’s what truly deserves the front page.
Why Do So Many Smart Women Fall Under the Spell of Con Men?
It’s not about weakness—it’s about hope, empathy, and the universal desire to be loved.
Before we begin, let’s be clear: this isn’t unique to women. Men, too, can fall victim to manipulation, deceit, and what we might call a “love con.” Yet it remains striking how often we see bright, accomplished women—lawyers, doctors, business leaders, and artists—caught in the webs spun by controlling, Svengali-type men.
This was brought home to me recently while watching Love Con: Revenge on Netflix. The series exposes the astonishing ways charismatic fraudsters charm their way into people’s lives, leaving devastation behind. The victims are not naïve or unintelligent. Quite the opposite—they’re usually sharp, capable, and worldly. Yet even they are drawn into the con, sometimes for years.
The Psychology of the “Love Con”
Why does this happen? Why do intelligent women—women who can negotiate boardrooms, run companies, and juggle families—become vulnerable when love enters the picture? Is there, as cynics suggest, something in female nature that makes women more susceptible when romance is involved?
I don’t believe it’s about weakness. If anything, it’s about strength—and hope. Many women are deeply empathetic, nurturing, and generous. They are also willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. These qualities are admirable, yet they are the very traits manipulators exploit. Con men mirror back what their victims long to see: affection, stability, the promise of being cherished. By the time the illusion cracks, the emotional investment is so deep that leaving feels impossible.
Neuroscience sheds light here. Falling in love floods the brain with dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin—the same chemicals associated with addiction. Under their influence, judgment clouds and red flags fade. Intelligence doesn’t disappear; it’s simply overwhelmed by biology.
The Celebrity Trap
Even women with power, influence, and entire teams of advisors aren’t immune. How many times have we seen successful actresses or performers introduce a new partner, only to announce within months that he is now their manager? Management is a skilled profession requiring experience and industry knowledge. Yet suddenly, the boyfriend is running the show.
Rarely does it end well. Take Joan Collins, who married Peter Holm in 1985. Within weeks, he had become her manager and co-producer. By 1987, the marriage collapsed in a storm of bitterness.
I’ve seen the same pattern in everyday life. Brilliant women who once spoke their minds now begin every sentence with, “And Joe says…”—as if their identity has been swallowed whole. The pattern is chillingly predictable: isolate her from friends, cut ties with anyone who might see through the act, and gradually take total control. Netflix’s Dirty John dramatises this cycle with unnerving accuracy.
Ghislaine Maxwell:
Consider, too, the controversial case of Ghislaine Maxwell. An intelligent, educated woman from a powerful family, she nonetheless became the enabler of Jeffrey Epstein. Was he a replacement father figure for the domineering Robert Maxwell? Did her need for validation blind her to the enormity of his crimes?
Whatever the reason, it is telling that Epstein’s male associates have largely escaped accountability, while Maxwell sits behind bars. She has become, many argue, the fall guy in a sordid melodrama. Her case is a stark reminder of how even the brightest women can be drawn into the orbit of a manipulative man.
Beyond Blame
So why do smart women fall for con men? Because intelligence is not a shield against love, against hope, or against the human desire to be needed. These women are not foolish—they are human.
If anything, their empathy, generosity, and optimism make them prime targets. And until society learns to place blame squarely where it belongs—on the men who manipulate, control, and exploit—the cycle will continue.
The question, then, should not be “Why do women fall for con men?” but rather, “Why do we allow con men to keep exploiting love so freely?”
Because in the end, the real con is not about women being weak—it’s about predators preying on the very best of human qualities.
Will Harry Meet Charlie?
There is so much speculation surrounding Prince Harry’s upcoming visit. Will he meet with his father, or won’t he? That’s the question on everyone’s lips.
First of all, he is King Charles’s son—and whether he is seen as the prodigal son or not, I truly hope a meeting takes place. After all, no amount of titles or headlines can change the simple truth of family.
As a nation, we watched Harry and his brother William Walk behind their mother’s coffin. They were just boys, and the emotional and psychological impact of that moment must have been unimaginable. It shaped both of them forever, and perhaps explains much about the men they have become.
Of course, all families have rifts. Harsh words get said, mistakes are made, and Harry has certainly made some. His marriage added another layer of complexity, and Meghan herself is another story entirely. But to dismiss him outright would be unfair.
Harry was always one of my favourite royals. He brought a youthful sparkle and an authenticity to public life that made him stand out. Whatever the differences, I hope father and son can find their way back to each other.
Why Katie Price Needs to Back Off and Let Her Kids Shine Without Her Interference
Growing up is never easy — not for the average teenager, and certainly not for those with famous parents. For most young people, adolescence is about carving out your own identity, deciding who you want to be, and pursuing your chosen career or further education. It’s a period of self-discovery and independence. But when your every move has been played out in the glare of the press since childhood, the challenge is far greater.
Children of celebrities live with a unique pressure. They’re often unfairly labelled with the now-infamous tag “Nepo Baby” — short for “nepotism baby” — a term referring to someone whose career mirrors or is connected to that of their famous parent. The implication is clear: their achievements aren’t earned but handed to them through family connections. The phrase is often used as an insult, suggesting that their success is unearned, undeserved, or simply the result of privilege.
Of course, this isn’t always the case. Some celebrity children go out of their way to avoid using their family name, working hard to make it on their own merits. In many instances, the public only learns of their famous parentage long after they’ve established themselves. On the flip side, stepping into the same spotlight as a parent and not quite measuring up can be devastating for mental health. The pressure to “live up to” a legacy can crush even the most talented young person.
Take Princess Andre, for example. She’s a young woman with dreams, ambition, and — crucially — talent. Under the guidance of Clare Powell, a woman I’d call a genius in the world of entertainment management, Princess has been making strides toward building her own career. Powell is the same powerhouse who played a key role in shaping Katie Price’s early career. Importantly, Katie is not directly involved in Princess’s current projects.
Stunning Princess Andrea
Now, I’ve been a huge supporter of Katie Price over the years — I’ve defended her when many wouldn’t. But on this occasion, Katie, it’s time to take a step back. In fact, take one hundred steps back. Be a proud mum, but let Princess shine without you hovering in the background. It’s about dignity — a word that doesn’t often appear in the Pricey vocabulary — and allowing your daughter to succeed on her own terms.
I have a close friend whose sons are both stars now: one’s a famous rock musician, the other a West End performer. Before their success, my friend made a conscious decision to stay out of their spotlight. No hanging around at every audition, no being photographed at every event. She let them find their own way, even if it meant watching from the sidelines. That kind of quiet support is invaluable — and something Katie could learn from.
The truth is, Princess already has “star” written all over her. Yes, her famous parents have opened some doors — there’s no denying that. But she’s also beautiful, poised, polite, and grounded in a way that the teenage Jordan (Katie’s former alter ego) simply wasn’t. While Katie at that age was known for her brashness and colourful vocabulary, Princess seems to have a quiet charm and grace that’s refreshing to see.
Of course, fame dynamics can get tricky within families. I’ve seen it happen. Sometimes a parent who’s spent years in the spotlight finds it hard when their child begins to eclipse them. I remember a friend whose mother was always the centre of attention. We once attended a concert together, and during the show, the star actually stopped mid-performance to compliment my friend’s daughter — “Who is this beauty?” they asked. The girl was thrilled. But when she turned to share the moment with her mum, the mother had vanished, unable to handle not being the one in the spotlight.
Even Hollywood royalty have faced this. Liza Minnelli once admitted that her mother, Judy Garland, struggled to accept her daughter’s fame. It’s a reminder that parental pride can sometimes be mixed with a very human sense of insecurity.
In Princess’s case, the potential is huge. She has the looks, the talent, and the personality to carve out a significant career in modelling, media, or whatever creative path she chooses. The worst thing that could happen is for her efforts to be overshadowed by her mum’s drama, headlines, or interference.
Some might argue that Katie’s involvement is only natural — after all, she’s been in the industry for decades. But let’s be honest: sometimes experience comes with baggage. Katie’s falling-out with Clare Powell has been well documented, but that shouldn’t affect Princess’s choices. Powell helped make Katie a household name in the first place. This is show business — not “show friends” — and if I had a daughter with career ambitions, I’d want her with the best possible management team. Personal disagreements shouldn’t dictate professional decisions when a young career is on the line.
If Katie truly wants to support her daughter, she needs to be a cheerleader, not a co-star. Let Princess have her own brand, her own media moments, and her own relationship with the public. This doesn’t mean disappearing from her life — just from her professional life. Turn up to watch from the audience, not to stand centre stage. Offer advice privately, not through the pages of a tabloid.
In today’s media-saturated world, it’s hard enough for young people to find their place without the shadow of a famous parent looming over every opportunity. Princess deserves the space to make mistakes, learn lessons, and earn her own applause. And if she’s anything like she seems — poised, polite, and full of potential — she’ll do just fine.
The bottom line? Princess Andre has a bright future. But for her to truly shine, Katie Price needs to take not one or two, but one hundred steps back — and stay there until she’s invited forward. That’s what real support looks like
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Good luck to Jack Kay .
If proof was ever needed that you can flog your soul to the devil for fame, look no further than the sudden, stratospheric rise of Ibiza’s self-styled “final boss.” One click of a camera, one cheeky social media post, and bang — he’s out-trending the Pricey and even the Trump. That’s no small feat, considering those two can normally generate headlines by simply breathing in public.
The man behind the moniker? Jack Kay. No chart-topping singles. No Oscar-bait performances. No tell-all autobiography written “in his own words” but suspiciously sounding like it was dictated to a ghostwriter over Zoom. Just… Jack. A man who, by all accounts, was minding his own business until fate, flash photography, and the internet combined to anoint him this week’s celebrity overlord.
And do you know what? Fair play to him. He’s a smashing lad by all appearances, and I can’t help but root for him. In fact, I’m practically booking my front-row seat for his inevitable debut on Celebrity Big Brother or I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! Picture it now: Jack in the jungle, wearing a head torch, looking mildly confused while chewing kangaroo testicles for the nation’s amusement. It’s practically destiny.
Of course, his overnight success has sent a few noses wildly out of joint in the fame industry. Imagine clawing your way up the greasy celebrity pole — posting your best pout, cultivating “scandals,” leaking your own “leaked” texts — only to have Jack Kay swoop in with one photo and walk off with the nation’s attention like it’s a free canapé at a launch party. Delicious.
It’s not just the wannabe-set bristling either; the whole saga has become a sort of cultural Rorschach test. Some see Jack as proof of the absurdity of fame in the age of the algorithm. Others see him as the internet’s latest crush. I see a man who’s managed to play the game without even reading the rulebook.
Because let’s be honest, the rules have changed. Once, you needed a record deal, a primetime slot, or a scandal big enough to get a mention in the News of the World (RIP). Now? You just need a single moment that makes the internet collectively say: Yes, this one. This is our new obsession. It could be a photograph. It could be a TikTok. It could be an ill-advised comment made in a kebab shop at 3am. And suddenly, you’re hot property.
Will Jack’s reign as Ibiza’s final boss last? Who knows. The internet’s love affairs are fickle. One minute you’re the meme of the moment, the next you’re that guy people vaguely remember seeing “on something once.” But for now, Jack’s milking his fifteen minutes with style, and I, for one, am here for it. If he has done a deal with the devil, I hope it came with a decent rider — champagne, sunglasses, and maybe a small island.
Hurray — Wednesday is back on Netflix! And if that wasn’t already a big enough treat for fans of the macabre, there’s an extra twist in the cobweb this season: the legendary Joanna Lumley has joined the cast as Wednesday’s formidable grandmother.
Yes, you read that right. From Absolutely Fabulous to The Wolf of Wall Street, Lumley has always brought her own brand of razor-sharp wit and undeniable glamour to every role. Now, she’s stepping into the delightfully creepy world of the Addams family, and honestly, it feels like a match made in gothic heaven.
A true gay icon blows into town this October with her one-woman show. No, I’m not talking about Madonna — this icon of the stage won’t charge you hundreds to see her and will be on time. Frances Barber will be reviving her role as Billie Trix, the washed-up, drug-taking pop star who will have you howling with laughter. Steven Smith chats with Frances ahead of the show.
You appeared in ‘Closer to Heaven’ at the Arts Theatre in 2001, written by Jonathan Harvey with music by the Pet Shop Boys. It’s said that ‘MUSIK’ was written especially for you. How did you get together, and what makes the collaboration work so well?
It seems like yesterday that Closer to Heaven opened to savage reviews. It was ahead of its time — the critics just didn’t know what to make of it. Most of them had no idea about clubs like Heaven or the gay scene and drug culture. But one thing they did take to was Billie Trix, the washed-up, drug-taking German singer I was lucky enough to play.
Jonathan Harvey is a brilliant writer, and the Pet Shop Boys’ music is superb. It’s been 19 years since the show opened and we’ve remained friends. One night at dinner we just said, “We have to do it.” We’re all passionate about what we do, so it works well.
I was lucky enough to see ‘MUSIK’ the first time around — it was simply genius! What were your musical influences growing up, and what about now?
Well, you might be surprised by how eclectic my taste is. Being one of six children, I had diverse music coming at me from all angles. My older siblings were into Eric Clapton, Cream and The Beatles, while Mum and Dad liked Sinatra and Shirley Bassey. My mum would’ve been bowled over if she’d seen me at her 80th birthday!
For me, Northern Soul, Punk, and David Bowie’s Aladdin Sane were huge influences.
If you had actually met Andy Warhol, what two questions would you have asked him?
Oh gosh! First, how did he come up with the idea for the Campbell’s soup images? Was he under the weather, opened a tin, and thought, “Here’s an idea”?
And second, the obsession he seemed to have with Marilyn — the four images he created: victim, survivor, manipulator, glamour. I’ve always wondered what he really thought of her.
Your character in ‘MUSIK’, Billie Trix, transitions from music to art. If you could spend one day at any gallery in the world, where would it be? Whose artwork do you find most inspiring?
To be straight with you, I’m not an art connoisseur myself. I just know what I like, and I enjoy going to galleries and looking at art. The Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam is one of my favourites — the lighting there is beautiful, and The Night Watch is so powerful.
Peter Greenaway brings art to his films in so many ways, but it’s his lighting that’s truly magical. Filming A Zed & Two Noughts was just a beautiful experience.
Billie Trix amusingly appears to inhale half of Peru during the show! Drugs are increasingly prevalent in the UK and LGBTQ+ party community — especially ‘Ket’ and ‘GHB’, which are sadly linked to deaths. Do you think ‘MUSIK’ will spark conversations about drug use or glamorise it? Is there enough public information about these newer drugs?
Look, what people do is none of my business — we’re all grown-ups and live our lives. But yes, this new trend does worry me, especially for young people. I only became aware of chem-sex parties while I was working in LA.
People can do what they like, but when you read that someone has raped over 170 people using one of these popular drugs, you really think: it’s time for more education and awareness.
You’re a gay icon and also a passionate supporter of LGBTQ+ rights. Are you concerned that these rights might be affected by the current political climate, those who voted against gay marriage and LGBTQ+ education in schools without parental consent?
My feeling is that Boris Johnson is more liberal than his predecessors. He has a little crazy streak in him and I don’t think he’ll allow LGBTQ+ rights to be rolled back — at least I hope he won’t. But let’s not forget, there are people in all parties who don’t exactly wave the rainbow flag.
You resigned from the Labour Party and criticised Jeremy Corbyn. Were you surprised by the election results? Would you consider returning under a new leader, and do you see any strong candidates emerging?
I joined the Jewish Labour Movement, so I still have a vote. Like many others, I was expecting a hung parliament — it was a bit of a wake-up call. Lisa Nandy is getting my attention as a potential leader, though.
You appeared alongside Annette Bening, Jamie Bell, Vanessa Redgrave and Julie Walters in Film Stars Don’t Die in Liverpool. Have you ever considered moving to Los Angeles? Do you feel more passionate about film or theatre?
Oh, I’ve done the LA thing! A few years ago, I gave it a go and it was… interesting. I’m glad I waited until later in life — I’m not sure the younger me would’ve coped with it, to be honest. It’s not as exciting as you’d think.
Who would you love to work with that you haven’t yet had the chance to?
There are so many wonderful people I’ve had the pleasure of working with — from Dame Judi Dench to Vanessa Redgrave. But Helen Mirren? She’d be a dream. She’s just superb.
You famously dated legendary director Danny Boyle. Are you in a relationship now?
Oh dear, Danny! It’s wonderful how well he’s done. Yes, we’re still in touch — I called him when he won the Golden Globe to congratulate him. And yes, I am in a relationship. Silence! (laughs) — They’re not in the business, but I’m happy.
Quickfire Round
City or beach break? Oh, beach break.
Your favourite place in London? The Tate Modern — I just love it there.
What film would you take your partner to see? Without a doubt, Some Like It Hot — Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis, Marilyn Monroe. It’s perfect in so many ways.
Chinese or Japanese food? Japanese.
If you were Mayor for a day, what one thing would you change about London? This won’t make me popular, but I don’t care — get rid of those cycle lanes! They make the roads worse.
My son has always been effeminate and neither my husband or myself have tried to change that. When he wanted to not do football and take up sewing (and he is good) we fully encouraged him. Now he is 15 he wants to return to school this term as a girl, going from David to Danielle. Heidi can I be honest, I am terrified for him and his safety. The school say it is ok but my husband is against it. We just feel he is too young still what can we do?
Thanks so much for your question, I think it is great you have always seen David for who he wants to be and fully supported him. As with everything that should not change, and your love and protection is the number one thing he counts on.
David has made what might be seen to many as brave decision to start to transition into Danielle, and it can be a confusing and frightening time for Danielle and for those that love her. But it also can be liberating and a wonderful thing for those that feel they have been born into the wrong body.
Please make sure you keep an open conversation with Danielle, so there are no secrets. If you feel the reaction at school to Danielle is hurting her, go to the school right away. It is so important not to react negatively as you have been doing but talk to her about safety and life moving forward.
Here is hoping it all goes well
Love Heidi
Heidi hi,
My mother is a super bitch and is all about how things look. I am 17 and going to college this year and as it is a boarding college it is brilliant as I can get away from her showing off. Heidi, she thinks she is coming to see me settle in. I know it sounds like I am being unfair but all that will happen is she will come and make the whole thing about herself, flirt with people and it will be an embarrassment. Honestly I do not want to go if she is coming.
Oh, bless you, I am sure she wants the best for you. Parents are only human too and as we grow older, we sometimes see flaws in them as in all humans. Equally it is a good idea to talk to your parents as humans. You are 17 now so maybe tell her you want to make the move in and settle in on your own.
It may cause a row if she asks why to tell her you sometimes find her a little embarrassing. It can go either way but it may get mum thinking .
I feel as a parent myself you always want your child to be happy and safe, so it’s understandable that she wants to see where you are living. When you are ready, show her where you are residing and then possibly whisk her out for a mum and son lunch !
Good luck 🤞
Love you Heidi and need your help,
Having lost my virginity last year to an older boy at my school, it did not take long to realise that my preference is girls. Then in Brighton in June this gorgeous girl came on to me and that was that.
It was only a week in when I found out she is starting work at my college this term. Now I am 18 so not jailbait, but she said it would be an issue . What do I do when I see her? I am in love.
Kim, Worthing.
Hi Kim,
Oh, my love I feel your pain. If she says she cannot be in a relationship, there may be strict rules against this. I think she sounds sensible and will have checked.
It is a very new relationship and if it is true love maybe in three years’ time when you leave it can be rekindled.
But please do not be holding a torch for the whole time. My thoughts are she would be more impressed if you went on with your life, met new people and grow as a person.
Best of luck.
Hi Heidi.
My boyfriend is super-hot, he plays rugby and is a Queen’s dream. The only issue is when we go out everyone flirts with him and I am invisible. The main problem is he flirts back and tells me it is just fun, that I am to get over myself and that I am his man. But I dread going out socially, especially to gay bars. We have been together for two years; I am a teacher and he is a doctor. I do not want to say anything in case I sound jealous or drive him away.
Paul, Battersea.
Hi Paul,
This might sound crazy, but many beautiful looking people have issues finding love and making people feel secure in a relationship with them.
It feels like you’re being insecure and I feel for you. Sit him down tell him you’re feeling insecure and you need some reassurances. Even get some couples counselling.
Tales of looks and asks “Is love the worst drug of all ?”
Tales of a Single, Middle-Aged Gay Man, Steven Smith looks at the drug we call “love” and asks, is it the worst addiction of all?
Love has been known to bring down empires. Men and women have even died for love. Some commit murder or take their own lives. What happens when we wake up from love and realise it has been a horrible trip?
Or is love the anchor for security, a safety blanket that makes so many feel validated and wanted? Some might say one of the best feelings in the world is love—and what is life without it?
This has been one of those weeks when I find myself asking “Why am I single?” I don’t exactly need to wear a paper bag over my head and, socially, my name is on most friends’ and acquaintances’ party lists.
Sure, I’m in my sixties , an age that can be the kiss of death on the gay scene, but things have progressed since a gay man would have to hang up his ruby slippers after 30.
In fact, the golden years of the bears, daddies and silver foxes are very fashionable; as one friend in his 70s recently told me, “I am getting more honey than I did in my twenties.” For me, sadly, it was hard to relate; my dance card is frighteningly empty when it comes to dating.
Parting with gorgeous Danielle Mason actress and model
Yes, I have tried several apps, from the ones that a friend introduces you to (so you join, only to be besieged by guys from the US military who seem to all live in Leeds and call you “Dear”) to Tinder and Match. Both came up blank, and the likes of Grindr and Gaydar just aren’t for me.
Watching a friend on an app called Scruff was like watching the doors at Selfridges on the first morning of the sale: it was hard to keep up with who was going in and out, so maybe not the recipe for true romance that I’m (maybe naively) looking for.
Most of my peers seem to be either married or seriously dating, and to be honest, I was for the first time feeling sorry for myself and a little lonely—much as it might seem to the world that I was Mr Popularity, surrounded by company (as one magazine put it, I had “a social calendar busier than Princess Margaret’s”—she’s dead, but I get the point).
But I’m sure that most singles get the lonely feeling on occasion, no matter what they say.Your correspondence or Princess Margaret – it’s hard to tell the difference. Interrupting my self-indulgent self-pity is the ringing of a phone. It’s my soon-to-be-married friend Angela. She’s around my age and super successful and bright. The woman does a degree as a hobby, as well as playing sport and having so many side gigs it’s hard to keep up. Angela has been married once before and has two amazing grown-up children; she supports their various ventures and is the best mum you can imagine. But Angela falls short when it comes to love. She has not only got rose-tinted spectacles on, when it comes to the man she is about to marry, she is completely blindsided.
There is no resemblance Princess Margaret
Since she met this real-life equivalent of Netflix’s Dirty John, the phone has not stopped going with people asking me to have a word with her. With maturity comes experience, and I have learnt that it is the message that usually gets shot. In fact, one of her friends has already pointed out that she was making a mistake, only to be quickly ostracised, though in a drunken moment Angela asked me if I thought the friend was right. It was clear from the start that John was dominating and controlling.
However, he was fun for a drink and he and I got on well. One by one, he started to alienate Angela’s friends who he felt were a threat—somehow Angela would tell me that it was her idea and she had seen the true light.
Then there was the pressure for her to stop supporting her kids and focus more on his ventures. Not too long after the engagement, he had a sports injury and the market dropped out of his field. He had to give up work altogether and lived off her while exploring his options. Much as he enjoyed a lavish lifestyle – flying first class, dining in the world’s best restaurants, and all that came with having a very successful partner, his clear resentment of her financial success over his was clear.
The man was self-medicating enough to feed Peru, but Angela would excuse it and say, “He only does it on occasion, you know what the banking boys are like.” (He did not work in the City.) It seemed obvious to me that the whole situation was a car crash waiting to happen.
The only thing that might be of help was that he liked me, and I could still gently advise her and be a sounding board. Today’s phone call is a humdinger. John wants her to sell her beautiful city home, move her son out, and buy something in the country nearer his aged parents and his friends.
Angela thinks the country air might do her good, as John says she’s looking tired, and that it could be a nice change. My God, this whole thing is turning into a television show where you’re screaming at the screen, “RUN!” I take a deep breath and tell Angela it’s not a good time to sell. Why not try renting in the country and see how she likes it? But maybe not mention to John that I hinted that . I suggest we have lunch and chat about it tomorrow.
It may have been easier if she’d had a chemical drug dependency and hit rock bottom; then I could get her help or at least stage an intervention, rather than trying to save her from this man.
Anyway, hanging up, it’s a worry, but I’m late for lunch. I’m off to see two bright stars, Simone and Juliet. Simone is single and works in marketing for a record label, and Juliet is a later-life lesbian: “I’m LLL,” as she puts it in her deep Tallulah Bankhead voice. She’s camp, and a fabulous PR manager. In fact, the restaurant we’re dining at belongs to one of her clients.
I knew Juliet’s first husband, and I always wondered what she ever saw in him. But if I thought her taste in men was bad, she’s outdone herself when it comes to her current fiancée, singer Coral Jones. Juliet is obsessed with Coral, and it seems to be all that she can talk about.
Simone and I have started placing bets on how long it will take Juliet to bring up her fiancée. Juliet has turned into a type of woman she would have been truly appalled by a few years ago, the ones whose opinions and views are those of their partner.. Every other word out of her mouth is, “Coral says…” as if God created the Earth and on the seventh day, Coral took over as she probably knew better.
To make matters worse, Juliet is just back from the USA and the prestigious Coachella music festival in Los Angeles, where of course Coral was headlining and received rave reviews, or so Juliet is boasting. This is hard to swallow, as both Simone (who knows everyone in the music world) and I know that Coral was in fact performing at a downtown L.A. venue. Juliet had paid for her to appear to make it look like she was at Coachella, and Coral had nothing to do with the festival, although it was running at the same time.
It’s all smoke and mirrors with that one, as Simone says. Ironically, that’s also the name of Coral’s first E.P., which, according to Juliet, is driving record companies across the globe to enter a frenzied bidding war. However, it took Simone three and a half minutes to discover that Juliet had helped to self-produce and release the record. “Oh, she’s so good that record labels just take advantage of the artist,” to quote Juliet. “So Coral set up her own record label.” Simone almost choked on her espresso martini the night that was said. Of course, Juliet does not disappoint.
We’ve hardly sat down when she declares that Coral is just such a good judge of character—“It’s almost like she’s psychic!” Simone’s eyes go up to heaven and she lifts the menu up over her face. Juliet goes on to say that 98% of the time, Coral can work people out in seconds, but we aren’t to worry as she likes us.
Juliet seems to be oblivious to the fact that no one is that keen on Coral, but we do all tolerate her, because Juliet seems more stable and happier than she has for a long time. Who are we to charge in where angels fear to tread?
As long as a friend is happy, it’s none of our business. The only thing you can do for friends is be there if it goes wrong, to pick them back up and not tell them “I told you so” or “I wanted to say something.” Just listen and be kind. Many relationships, no matter how dysfunctional they may seem to us, work.
B
Even in a friendship that isn’t sexual, it’s possible to have the same feeling. Who can forget their first friend in life—that moment when they leave you to play with someone else, that first feeling of jealousy, and the relief when they come back? Could love be the biggest addiction of them all, making sensible, smart people do things out of character? Especially in the hands of those already living with addiction issues—and I use the word issues, because we all have addictions in us; it’s those that can’t control them who may fall at the first hurdle. Or on the upside, I have seen two beautiful people who are my long-term friends, who have both battled with addiction, find love together and become each other’s anchors, and they’ve been sober and happy for ten years now.
I can’t tell you how many people rang me to say, “Give that a month” when they first met, and yet they are still happy.
When I chat to my great pal, self-help and relationship expert Dr Pam Spurr of drpam.co.uk and @drpamspurr, she tells me: “It’s said that love is a drug, and for some people it is. Falling in love stimulates feel-good brain chemicals like serotonin and endorphins that can be addictive for someone with an addictive nature.
The addict craves that exciting ‘hit’, but once the excitement in the initial phase of a new relationship wears off, they may well look elsewhere for that excitement again. “Where someone with a non-addictive nature adjusts to the next phase in a relationship—after the exciting, sexual chemistry phase—someone with addictive tendencies might feel disappointed and even bored. They may not have the emotional capability to develop a more mature way of relating. “One sure sign that someone who’s had problems with addiction in the past is developing an emotionally healthy way of living is that they accept that relationships change with time.
They accept that they move from the exciting first phase into a calmer, yet hopefully more substantive, second phase and further phases. “Anyone living with addiction needs to enter any new relationship with caution.
The rule of thumb is that an addict should not enter a new relationship within a year of going sober, going clean, or, for example, giving up gambling. Research tends to show that a year of sobriety or being clean of any addiction, is a ‘good enough’ amount of time to be clear-headed when wanting to begin a new relationship. “With existing relationships, they and their partner and/or loved ones need to identify any dysfunctional patterns in the relationship. For instance, if when the addict feels unhappy, angry or stressed with their partner they learn to express their feelings and their needs calmly and without drama.
Because learning to express how they feel and discovering solutions to any problems within the relationship means they are less likely to self-medicate in the way they have previously.”Your correspondent with Dr Pam Spurr Such great advice, but in my experience, so many very intelligent, worldly people would rather jump under a bus than talk about emotions with their loved ones including counsellors and therapists I’ve known who in real life can’t do it. It’s a little like “Those who can do, those who can’t teach.”
Walis Simpson and the Duke of Windsor.
The next day I’m watching GMB and they’re attacking the couple of the moment, the royals Harry and Meghan. In between the name calling and all that’s going on, something hits me. Is Harry living with addiction? Apart from the fact I think he’s cute, you can’t help but really like him; he’s the fun royal. One evening I was in the night club Bujios in London’s exclusive South Kensington.
It was getting late, and there seemed to be some commotion, even excitement. “It’s a royal,” said the footballer next to me (who I won’t name). I asked which one, and he said, “The ginger one, Harry.” The woman next to me whispered, “I hear he likes to party.” It was a similar story when I was in Abu Dhabi. My good friend who runs a track there told me the exact same—“Lovely fella, Harry.
He likes to party.”—and gave me a wink. Judging by the photos coming from Las Vegas, Harry is the party wherever he goes. Yes, your average lad likes to party, and God knows I do. I just forget I’m not a lad anymore and refuse to be put in a box.
Having interviewed so many people who have battled addiction, especially gay men, they all seem to have some trauma during their early years through abuse, loss, or abandonment.
Surely Harry, who lost his mother Diana at such an early age, must have had a huge amount of trauma surrounding it, but was still expected to keep that stiff British upper lip for all to see. As we watched the young Princes Harry and William walk behind their mother’s coffin, a nation’s heart broke. It’s certainly a vision that will haunt me for life.
Mental health issues and addiction have been rife amongst the royals, from Henry VIII’s problems with commitment to Edward VII being known as a sex-crazed party animal, to the divine Princess Margaret, who never seemed to have a cigarette out of her mouth, and whose erratic behaviour could certainly be put down to addiction.
And how did Diana’s battle with mental health and eating disorders affect her boys? You can of course understand how Harry might crave normality, and when he met his fairytale princess it all looked like a dream come true. It was a chance to escape.
Is it possible that when he met Meghan, who comes from a dysfunctional family background too, and who clearly craves fame, that unhealthy pastime fraught with addiction, they became each other’s anchors—each other’s lovers and healers? If Harry ever wakes from love, will he be okay with the choices they’ve made?
Those shouting at the couple clearly haven’t seen what love can do when it becomes the person’s drug of choice. The Duke and Duchess of Windsor, aka Edward and Mrs Simpson. Harry’s great great uncle Edward VIII gave up the throne for love of the American divorcée Wallis Simpson, a woman rumoured to be gifted in the sexual department. No matter what is said, you have to draw similarities between Harry and Edward.
Yes, they are free to live their lives the way they want to—just because Harry was born into a family and a title does not mean he has to stay there. in this day and age you can choose to walk away—but the issue I see is that they walked away saying they wanted privacy, yet Meghan has never stopped the publicity machine since moving, first to Canada and then Santa Barbara. I personally don’t believe that, with a Netflix deal and many more vehicles in the pipeline, a nice private life away from public scrutiny was what Meghan ever wanted.
She certainly is having her cake and eating it too. My general feeling is that most in the acting profession are like Tinkerbell: they die if they’re not getting enough attention. My fear, if Harry ever falls out of love, would be for his already fragile mental health.
Let’s hope it’s love forever for them and that they have their fairytale ending, but remember, not all love stories are Mills and Boon, and fairy tales have dark, evil queens and fire-breathing dragons in them too, not just princesses and princes ending up in Utopia. If you lose a shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.
P.S. Angela escaped Dirty John and lives happily in Singapore. Paulo is well and runs a garden centre. . Juliet is still happy with Coral and telling us Coral is going to be the next Carol King.
Heidi Gammon, 2Shades and Gateway Radio’s agony aunt, answers your questions this Pride month.
Dear Heidi
I stumbled upon your column by accident. My daughter Is gay, and I have found it very hard to accept. First of all, I am catholic, and her lifestyle is not acceptable to my faith.
Trust me Heidi I love my daughter, but I am really struggling to accept her girlfriend who she has lived with for four years and won’t have her in the house. She looks like a man, and I find it embarrassing when people see her. My daughter says that they plan to have children and that breaks my heart. Now she says she won’t see me if I do not accept her life and partner. Having tried counselling already what can I do? Losing my daughter is not an option.
Vicky, South End
Dear Vicky
This makes me very sad. Please be assured I have total respect for others’ beliefs. It is great you tried counselling but maybe you did not go the right one. With all due respect, everything you are saying is homophobic. If you truly love your daughter, you will embrace her and love her as a mother should. Who cares what people think of the person who loves your daughter? You need to respect who your daughter is. Really, I understand your pain but it’s time to let go of that mindset. Who wants to be around someone who judges and discriminates against them, especially when it is a person that is supposed to love them? It may be an idea to try counselling as a family https://www.rainbow-project.org/family-support/
You will lose your daughter if you continue down this path.
All my best, Heidi
Dear Heidi
Please help me, I did a terrible thing. My husband wanted to spice things up and bring another person into the bedroom. He did not want an open relationship so, with trepidation we went ahead with a guy we met online. It was fun and we saw him a few times.
Really Heidi I thought that was it but having bumped into this guy in town, we started to see each other behind my husband’s back as he said he’s not really into him. He has asked me to go on holiday with him. Having agreed and telling my husband it is work related, now I am getting cold feet. What can I do?
Really, I am all for those who want to try different things but boundaries must be in place after a lengthy conversation. Although it’s not for me, many couples have open relationship and experiment. When you invite another person into your relationship you are opening a pandora’s box. Be careful what you wish for I say.
It sounded like you thought you were happy. Bringing someone else in could have unearthed that your relationship may not have been what you thought. The fact you’re even thinking of going on holiday behind your husband’s back tells me things are not right. It is time to ask yourself how you see your future. Time to sit down and talk to your husband, after all he opened the box leading you to want to deceive and break the trust. Without trust there is no relationship. Sorry if that sounds harsh.
My gay brother is a hoot, but he won’t stop flirting with straight guys.Now he is flirting with my husband. Alex my husband thinks it is funny but it is annoying and embarrassing for me. Having put my foot down my brother is not speaking to me. What can I do?
Kirsty, Essex
You’re kidding me, Kirsty. You’re quiet right, straight or gay, there is a limit to the flirting game and you have every right to be annoyed. It was right to share your feelings.
It sounds like your brother is a bit of an exhibitionist and they can be fun. Exhibitionism can be a drug and you can get hooked. He needs to think of your feelings too. Trust me he will be back in touch. You sound like a great sister so just ignore him till he comes to you (and he will) . But stick to your guns when he does appear licking his wounds.
Love Heidi
Dear Heidi
Love the column, please can you help me? I am so frightened to ask anyone out as my fear of rejection is so great. No-one asks me out and so my life has no one romantic in it. How can overcome my fear?
Love
Andy, Leeds
Andy my love, my heart goes out to you. Ok I need you to shake yourself down.
You can go to an lGBTQQ+ councillor https://pinktherapy.com or if you cannot afford that, the NHS offer free talking therapy sessions . I am taking it you have tried online dating; you do not have to go on GRINDER or Facebook, and many other sites offer a softer approach to dating . Or why not join an lgbtqq+ group https://www.mesmac.co.uk/our-services/leeds/support-social-groups
Here is a selection in Leeds. It is a nice way to meet people in non-sexual way that could lead to romance.
2Shades Magazine 