Steven Smith was born in Coatbridge in Scotland. He was brought up in Whitley Bay, before briefly moving to London. He then moved to the seaside town of Brighton, where he was first receiver recognition for his hairdressing skills. Steven moved to America for eight years, working in Beverly Hills, and on his return to London in the late 90s, rose to fame working in fashionable Knightsbridge. He has styled model Katie Price, actress Denise Welch, David Hasselhoff and the cast of Baywatch. Steven had his own column in The Sun newspaper advising on hair and beauty, and was a regular on the Lorraine Kelly show, transforming GMTV viewers into their favourite stars. He made over Lorraine herself, transforming her into movie legend, Elizabeth Taylor.
Steven has been a freelance writer for the last ten years, combining showbiz interviews and travel with his eye for styling. He has written two books: Powder Boy, looking at the dark side of showbiz, and an autobiography: It shouldn't happen to a hairdresser, offering a witty and sad look at his life. He is currently penning a third book to be titled Happy in Chennai.
He has a monthly column, Tales of a single middle-aged gay man that looks at not only the light side of gay life, but also darker aspects such as rape, addiction, and chem-sex. Steven also runs his own beauty/aesthetic blog and is a patron of Anna Kennedy online; a charity that not only supports the autism community but educates the public about those that live with autism.
Designed for babies’ bottoms to ward off infection, sores and to keep skin smooth, the wonder cream has to be one of the best anti-ageing moisturisers I have ever tried. At just £2.54 a pot, it is a must have in your beauty cabinet. Baby Bottom Butter by Waitrose is my Number One skin care product. I apply it in the evening before bed and I wake up with my skin looking fresh and feeling moist. It can be used during the day but use only a small amount as it can make you skin look waxy, particularly if you have Botox, when it can make your face look like a mask! But apply liberally before bed. You won’t believe how good Baby Bottom Butter is. It flies off the shelves so when you find it in stock, buy several pots at a time to ensure your supply.
Best shower gel I’m Plant Based original source body wash
If you cannot afford Jo Malone or Molton Brown shower gel then try a gel packed full of Original Source plant based good stuff & consciously sourced natural ingredients. Pop the top for a lavish lather of lush, blooming lavender, harvested fresh from the field, along with evergreen sprigs of just-plucked rosemary. Naturally gentle, animal-loving, and oh-so-foamy. Immerse yourself in nature with their 96% Natural Origin body washes created to stimulate your skin & senses for a fresh, sensorial shower experience. I carry this in my gym bag and it is a must have at home. At around two pounds you cannot go wrong. https://www.originalsource.co.uk/products/im-plant-based/lavender-rosemary-body-wash/
Baking Soda gives body to the hair
Mix two teaspoons of baking soda with your favourite shampoo, apply to wet hair, then rub in well and leave for a minute. Rinse and condition then style. This will add body and shine and give your hair a new lease of life. Repeat every two weeks. It’s also better than most deodorants – just apply a teaspoon under each arm. But be careful not to use baking powder as it’s not the same as baking soda….
There are so many expensive hair loss treatments out there. Hair transplants can break the bank. At the first sight of hair loss, or if you just want to thicken the hair, try Watermans Grow me. Watermans was founded by Gail and Matt Waterman, who both suffered for many years with different variations of hair loss problems. In 2012 Watermans was launched and now today they sell a product every 30 seconds across their network of distributors around the globe. The company’s main focus is making products that actually help others in some way, by using the finest ingredients and putting customer results first before profits.
They donate their hair growth shampoo called ‘Grow Me’ to chemo wards across the UK and other Waterman’s products to the NHS and Ukraine, also supporting many grassroots and football teams across the country along the way. Matt & Gail Waterman pride themselves on giving back to the community through charity or when someone needs that helping hand.
“Unbreakable” 2022 is a reality TV show that claims to have given six celebrity couples the “ultimate test” to prove they are the perfect pair. It’s “funny, relatable and occasionally terrifying”. Rob Beckett coaxes and cringes as six celeb couples compete to prove they’re the perfect pair.
Ra Ra’s now fiancee Charlie Mullin OBE proposed to her live on the reality TV show Unbreakable, back in October 2022.
On “Unbreakable” most people I know fell for the bubbly, delightful Reno right away. At first glance, Mullin and Reno may seem like a chalk and cheese pairing, however the reality is that they are a great match. They certainly made for addictive viewing, and in my humble opinion, they went out of the show far too early
On one of the show dinners, Ra Ra (That’s my favourite name for Raquel because it makes her sound like the star I believe she is!) was in conversation with Lincoln Townley ( artist and husband to Loose Women Star, Denise Welch – this pair incidentally won the show), and she announced that she was a singer who had recently travelled all the way to Nashville, Tennessee to record her first album.
Someone piped in “Go on” and RaRa promptly demonstrated her vocal talents, impressing the celebrity couples and us, the audience at home.
However, it was an improv taste of RaRa and by no means her best performance. Raquel has a rare quality and personality wise reminds me a little of ‘Barbara Windsor meets Amanda Barrie’.
There is something about the Cheltenham-born brunette that screams “Gay Icon” right away; she is adorable and makes you want to know more.
There is something about the Cheltenham-born brunette that screams “Gay Icon” right away; she is adorable and makes you want to know more.
Some months after “Unbreakable”, I was privy to her upcoming EP (due out this June). It told a different story. The songs were brilliantly catchy, her voice was incredible and she brought the sixties (my favourite era) bang back to life with a twist.
You can just imagine the pet shop boys calling out to work with Reno.
With the current trend of basic singers being made to sound like Divas by technology, I did wonder how Ra Ra would stand up to a live performance. Did it really matter? We had all fallen for Ra Ra anyway.
I was lucky enough to be invited to her first London concert of 2023, at the intimate and delightful QT bar at Middle Eight Hotel in Covent Garden, where everything about the venue screamed 60’s.
I felt sure the Kray boys and Danny la Rue were going to walk in any minute.
Ra Ra’s first EP is coming out in June. Watch this space!
Ra Ra was supported by her three backing singers and a band worthy of the London Palladium. Not being unkind, but initially I did think that this might be to cover up the fact that she is not as strong vocally. Certainly, when she came on stage you rooted for her, but nerves kicked in and the first number was not as amazing as I think the perfectionist that is Raquel would have wanted it to be. However, as she warmed up, the audience began to realise that we were looking at a real super star in the making. We were all brought to our feet in applause. Her vocal range was an unstoppable powerhouse that could bring the roof down.
What is so endearing is how humble Ra-Ra is about her own talent. She is a team player with her band, and she is a writer and an incredible singer, but there is something about her that says she still wonders “How did I get here?!” despite already performing in China and Dubai. It is this vulnerability that Raquel channels to her audience that will make her a huge hit amongst the LGBTQ community. She has fought to get where she is now and just like Judy, Liza and Amy, she has a story to tell, and she is not afraid to show how it feels to believe in who she is.
Certainly, she evokes the feeling of icons like Dusty Springfield and Cilla Back, without imitating them.
Ra-Ra takes time to talk to her audience and that adds to the charm of the evening, thanking her grandmother and apologising for being a hurricane when she comes round. Her grandmother, who was staying at the Savoy Hotel for the night, almost burst with pride, “Raquel brings happiness wherever she goes”, and you really believe her.
Raquel is worthy of the Palladium next time.
Let’s hope she sees what we all saw tonight: a true star who still looks like she would pop the kettle on for her gran or anyone else that she met.
If there was any criticism to a flawless show, I would say Raquel, you’re the star: get that hair out of your beautiful face, channel your inner Pricilla Presley or another 60’s icon of your choice. I cannot wait to see what you do next.
It was hard not to snigger briefly at the sign on the old faithful London Underground, “DO NOT STARE”.
How can you possibly avoid making eye contact (no matter how hard you try) with that man who is picking his nose so hard his finger is almost coming out his eyeball?! Or that couple that are so engaged in kissing it is hard to know where to look, especially as they break contact for a second and she moves her tongue into his ear.
Let’s not forget the joy of living in London’s cosmopolitan city; the amazing, stylish people travelling through or living here. The Tube can be a reality show with a new episode every time you travel or change lines on your journey.
I personally loved going to the airport early for the joy of ‘people watching’ as they were just fascinating. I loved it in the days when the loudspeaker would call out, “Mrs Jones, please come to desk seven. You have an urgent message,” much as I stopped short of going to see who she was.
My mind was filled with plots that maybe she was running away with a lover and he had changed his mind, or the likes. Yes, I am sure it was something dull and simple but having an active imagination has got me through the best and worst of times.
The joy of observing life and its cast of characters is something that keeps me going. After all, Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players; they have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts.”
But back to the London underground that has been with us since 1863. Of course, I did not immediately notice the smaller print: “INTRUSIVE STARING OF A SEXUAL NATURE IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND IS NOT TOLERATED”.
I get the point now. Ten years ago, I interviewed twelve page three models about dating and sex. Not one had not been sexually assaulted on the tube one way or another, from being brushed up against to actually being touched, especially in rush hour. Certainly people should feel free to travel without any fear of sexual assault of any kind.
It is time, however, that we had some other signs put up and very clear announcements for travelling to remind people to make their journey easier, safer and better for others. Much as staring can be unpleasant, it is not as dangerous as some of the common practices I observe daily.
Here is my list for London Underground to add to NO STARING:
Please uncross your legs when travelling. No one wants your footprint on their clothes when the train comes to an abrupt stop.
Please take your backpack off and place between your legs. We do not want an eye taken out as you swing around, especially during rush hour.
Please remove your bags from the seat next to you and allow others to sit down.
It never goes out of fashion to offer an elderly person a seat or a lady who is expecting. Do not just look at your Iphone or newspaper and pretend you have not seen them. BUT DO NOT STARE.
Refrain from bringing fast food or any eatables on the tube. This is not the Orient Express; there is no dining carriage and people travelling do not want to arrive at their destination smelling like a KFC, MacDonalds or a number 12 meal from Mr Wok.
Please use the escalators safely. DO NOT STOP AT THE TOP to look at your phone because you now have a good signal, or to rearrange your shopping bags, forcing the unfortunate person behind you to either jump past you or be pushed back. MOVE CLEAR.
If someone touches you in a sexual manner report immediately.
We are SO lucky to enjoy one of the best undergrounds that is legendary around the world. Please let’s love it and travel safely with a little consideration for others.
If Sadiq Khan does not hike the prices to that of the Orient Express, it is still an affordable way to travel. But remember, DO NOT STARE, even if that Colin Farrell lookalike wearing rugby shorts gets on.
As I was complaining to a regular theatre going friend about the West End prices of some shows and my need to see one show, he replied “It’s twice as good as it is hyped, The Choir of Man, easily the best show in the West End and does not cost a King’s ransom to see.”
Truth be told it was a show that was not on my radar and hadn’t appealed to me. One rainy Saturday we took a chance and managed to grab the last two seats with my room- mate. The atmosphere seemed exciting enough on arrival with an eclectic audience. Many were repeat viewers; sitting next to me was an excited lady who had seen the show 12 times and was there with her friend, who was quoted as a “virgin” to the whole thing.
This is the second time around in the West End for “The Choir of Man” and playing at one of my favourite theatres, The Arts. There is something about this show that makes you smile from the minute you sit down. Audience members are even asked pre-show to join the 9 cast members on the stage set, a pub called “The Jungle”.
There is no complicated plot to the “The Choir of man “. It is this simple: 9 of the regular customers come together to tell stores and sing songs.
I know, it does not sound like my cup of tea (or pint of bitter) either.
However, there is a lot more to this gem of a show that will have you shouting “no” to closing time. It challenges stereo-types and pulls you into a really feel-good show that will have you not only smiling but wanting to go back for more. In fact, my roommate went back a few weeks later.
The 9 man cast of Choir of Man
Each of the 9 cast members has a story to tell and as the show goes on, they unravel more of their tales with names like the Romantic and the Beast; you quickly identify with them. This gives a sense of intimacy which allows you to enjoy the show but also get to know the real people behind the roles and champion them.
The Choir of Man title might be a little misleading as it not religious or that type of music. It is the very best of vocal talent brought together.
It is hard to sit in your seat as you want to jump up and join in with numbers such as Queen’s “Somebody to love” and Paul Simon’s “5O Ways to Leave your Lover”.
The song and dance number will simply blow you away. The absolute highlight was the ‘a cappella’ rendition of Adele’s “Hello”. If there was ever a reason to go back this was it. It even has a feel of immersed theatre with audience members pulled up to join in.
What makes this show so special is that it challenges what we may think a man is which I really appreciated, having written a lot recently about breaking the “Boys do not cry” mould. This is a show that presents all aspects of men and serves it up in a pint glass for all to see. For sure I will be getting another round in at “The Jungle “soon,
Dying to be beautiful the downside and the ups of the Aesthetic – Cosmetic world.
Now trust me I am a big believer on looking after yourself. If you start to look a little withered and that moisturiser or body contouring cream is not helping turn the hands of time back the way you want them to.
Then by all means it might be time to pay a visit to a qualified doctor to have a sensible treatment that might just hold age back or make you look that little fresher.
It is not vain -if your house starts to crumble, or the walls look like they need a coat of paint. No one will lift and eyebrow as you call the decorators or builders
The incredible Pete Burns RIP
But tread carefully for every master of the craft of aesthetics or cosmetic surgery There is a con person or the unqualified want to be -waiting to take your money. Unfortunately, the aesthetics world is still unregulated.
Despite campaigners such as Antonia Mariconda who heads Safety in Beauty campaigning to outlaw those who have not trained in the craft or let standards slip in a business that after all comes under the medical umbrella. We live in world where we are drowning in information while starving for wisdom?
The saying goes that it takes seven years to train to be a doctor, and twenty seconds for a receptionist to think they are one I have observed this phenomenon myself standing in an aesthetic doctor’s reception room, listening to the doctor’s wife practically screaming at patient that “she did the consultations in the clinic” – and in fact, provided some of the treatments. Her medical qualifications? She was simply the doctor’s wife.
It is quite terrifying to realise the sheer number of people who now think they are medical experts, despite zero training. There is nothing wrong seeing what they call an advisor but let’s make it clear that’s not a doctor and all they should be sharing is their own experience the price and booking the appointment to see the doctor.
Under no circumstances should they be suggesting treatments A good clinic will offer a consultation with the doctor sometimes there is a charge often taken off the procedure you choose. The high end you simply pay for the doctor’s advice These rules out time wasters and after all a private gp costs for advice.
One Sunday after a wonderful afternoon celebrating the life of my dear friend actress Sally Farmiloe Neville who has passed on three years to the day. Sally was a woman who embraced all that you could when it came to beauty.
I came home to a shock there plastered over the papers and the internet was a picture of a man I knew well. “MIRCALE HAIR LOSS “cure. It went on to claim that a treatment that he had many months ago had given him a new head of hair. My issue was that six months ago he had been abroad to have a hair transplant and the picture was of the results of that.
We have spoken about the treatment he had at the clinic, and he thought though widely expensive he had little or no results maybe as he said little fuzz, he rang me when he was abroad having the hair transplant. I won’t go into why he agreed to do the article.
But it was very misleading, and lotion and potions and snake oils have no room in the aesthetic business and for sure it should be criminal to mislead the public like this particularly as the clinic new he had been abroad. Sliming treatments is a billion-pound business.
Apart from sensible exercise, and diet truly I am yet to see one that really does what it claims. Sure, many may give temporary feel of weight loss. Certainly, the technician who has measured will marvel after your first treatment that you are now so skinny they can hardly see you.
One woman who telling everyone a treatment had done what Liposuction could not or exercise looked fab in the magazine she appeared in. Just three weeks late however at an event the room was a buzz about how photo shopped the pictures were. One friend asked if she was pregnant.
Another who was selling courses of Fat Freeze was extremely overweight “I am allergic to the cold “she defensively pointed out and apparently the other treatments on offer too.
Sure, many people have thyroid issues and other conditions leading to weight gain, but they do not need aesthetics slimming they need a proper doctor dealing with those issues.
The truth is no slimming treatment will work long term unless you eat. healthily and exercise. Some are downright dangerous Linda Evangelista had a rection to one treatment that caused her to be physically deformed.
Many who have adventured abroad (cosmetic tourism) have lost their lives in the pursuit of beauty. Aesthetics and cosmetic surgery in the right hand is a beautiful science that can boast self-esteem correct many physical deformities and make you look your very best.
Providing that it does not become an addiction (that we have seen in so many cases amongst some celebrities in the news and glossy magazines) aesthetics can be a real plus. Good doctors I have to say keep an eye on client’s healthy aesthetics treatments turning into an addiction.
If you are considering aesthetics or a cosmetic treatment check 1 Check qualifications A useful way to narrow your search down is to compare the credentials of the surgeons you have found to the list below.
You should look for a surgeon who is:
• Working for the NHS
• Registered with the General Medical Council (GMC)
• Listed on the GMC’s the area of practice relevant to your procedure
• A member of the British Association of Plastic, Reconstructive and Aesthetic Surgeons (BAPRAS)
• A member of the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (BAAPS)
• An expert in the part of the body you want operated on.
This is when the receptionist comes into play, she can help provide you with evidence or direct you how to find the proof. Get recommendations.
You may want to speak to friends and family members who have undergone the procedure in question or visit online forums to get their recommendations.
Other sources of valuable information include:
• Your GP
• The General Medical Council’s (GMC) specialist register
• British Association of Plastic, Reconstructive and Aesthetic Surgeons (BAPRAS)
• British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (BAAPS)
• Royal College of Surgeons Go to see several doctors and do not rush into a treatment unless you are a hundred precent confident.
Even something that sounds as simple as Botox The wrong practitioner can cause damage lasting months. Do your homework And have a safe aesthetic cosmetic treatment.
Me at Freeze London where the cream of the Art world meet each year. https://www.frieze.com/fairs/frieze-london. Physical art at its finest.
Steven’s Smith looks at NFT
“Stop the world I need to get off!” I hear many of you say that in this bizarre and often crazy time.
You could be forgiven for wondering if the great God (if you believe in such an entity) would reach down and reply “Sure will you be paying for that in crypto, bitcoins or the old-fashioned pound?”
He may even offer you one of his NFT signed art posters that he promises, once you re-join Earth, will have quadrupled in value making you arrive back with a bang and most certainly a millionaire…well in crypto land for sure just as Alice drops through a hole in search of it.
Well, I found myself asking what NFT is last year. I am hearing it mentioned all around at events and parties. A friend visiting LA called me and said, “Darling you are no one if you’re not doing NFT or Crypto here”. Then came the sinking feeling a bit like when someone’s trying to sell me a multi-level marketing scheme. “People felt the same about stamps when they started”, she went onto to add.
Well fair point. Great grans used to keep their money under the mattress after not trusting banks during the great depression back in 1929. Let’s not talk about Lehman Brothers, back in 2008, filing for bankruptcy leaving people penniless, robbed of their life savings. NFT (Non-Fungible Token) is a record on a blockchain which is associated with a particular digital or physical asset.
Paris Hilton worked with the artist Blake Kathryn to create a digital tribute to her chihuahua Tinkerbell. Photograph: Paris Hilton/Blake Kathryn
The ownership of an NFT is recorded in the blockchain, and can be transferred by the owner, allowing NFTs to be sold and traded. What is NFT in relation to art? An NFT is a digital asset that exists completely in the digital universe: you can’t touch it, but you can own it. An NFT can be any type of digital file, an artwork, an article, music or even a meme such as “Disaster Girl”, the original photo of which sold for $500k earlier this year. But is it the emperor’s new clothes? For every artist who champions NFT art equally there are those that just won’t touch the new way of trading. Boy George has opened his own digital platform
Though George has not sold at the auction houses such as Sotheby’s or Christies, his work has sold at charity events for large sums and he certainly has a talent.
Tracey Emin has joined the NFT arts champion digital platform as have several well-known artists, but many are totally against NFT. With Artists against NFT recently penned in Business of Business, Zilch, an Atlanta based artist is quoted as saying, “Personally, I’m against NFTs.
However we do have to acknowledge that it as a system does exist, and that system still requires regulation and is not a free-4-all, unmoderated system where all hell breaks loose. Systems get made, systems get abused then they get regulated.”
London has seen its first NFT Gallery opening early this year, the Quantus Gallery, and the star-studded opening saw the likes of Ant Middleton, model make-up artist Jodie Kidd and dashing Callum Best all mix with socialites, city boys and what looked like would-be Kray brothers. It was certainly an eclectic group and an exciting night, so, there is certainly great excitement around the concept.
Art is objective and we must remember where the words con artist came from. Get a brilliant salesman and he can sell snow to the Eskimo’s. It is the same with a painting; remember ART the award-winning play? Serge, indulging his penchant for modern art, buys a large, expensive, completely white painting.
Marc is horrified, and their relationship suffers considerable strain because of their differing opinions about what constitutes “art”. Yvan, caught in the middle of the conflict, tries to please, and mollify both. Art is what you decide it is.
Every wise boy seems to be dipping into crypto. I am absolutely 100 percent convinced that, just like in multi-level marketing, there will be those that make a mint out of it and equally there will be those that end up burnt. There was a time when my inbox was full of get rich crypto or bitcoin invitations.
I considered joining one as the cream of business were involved. However, sitting in on the meeting it became clear people were investing in something that was not there. “We are looking for the likes of Adelle, Tom Cruise joining this”.
Apparently people will pay to sit in front of a computer with NFT sunglasses on, paying thousands for the pleasure. I guess people have spent fortunes on dressing characters up on virtual games for years. Certainly, it helped the Kardashian portfolio.
But on asking what these A listers agents felt about this, their answers were vague. It was clear it was a wish list. Following my instinct, it was “No from me.” Checking a year on despite the credentials of its founders it is no further along.
Certainly, there is a strong element of the hard sell when it comes to the NFT from those that champion it. For me, I would still go with my financial advisors and stay away from something that has element of gambling attached to it, particularly if you have an addictive personality and really can´t afford to lose.
Most serious investors in high end art use highly qualified ART advisors for advice and buy at reputable auction houses or gallery’s that mentor their artist. They ask if resold to get first refusal. NFT Art is certainly something worth keeping an eye on and if you have money to spare then, as they say, fill your boots.
But in a volatile market with bitcoins and crypto up and down, for me it is not something that would make me sleep well at night. I asked a woman who is very busy promoting NFT (and doing an amazing job) how she was paid.
As she knocked back a glass of champagne, she replied “God, money darling!” That said it all to me.
Steven Smith. Picture credit: Graham Marin Photography https://www.grahammartinphotography.co.uk
Steven Smith celebrates turning 63 and Pride Month.
By being pictured by celebrity photographer Graham martin. Embarrassing having pride in himself and his body.
Graham Martin shoots me for Pride at any age
It is Pride month and lets all get out and enjoy ourselves. Age is just a number I could not agree more with the divine and fellow Gemini Joan Collins’ statement last month, “It is rude to ask a lady her age”. Or a man, come to think about it. Even though the divine Ms Collins never missed a moment to mention age.
Trust me, it is certainly a no, no at any social occasion. My dread at any dinner party is when age raises its ugly head and someone says, “Guess how old I am?” I just want the floor to open and disappear when that one is asked. Or when some ill-advised fellow diner thinks it is appropriate to ask a guest their age.
As for me, I am incredibly proud to have reached my age, joining the likes of Tom Cruise and Boy George. It is a joy to be alive and fully active, with just a little more knowledge in life, though I am still prone to a youthful mistake or two! Some people’s issues around age ruin it for others. At a luncheon party I was not looking forward to the subject cropping up.
Here he comes, the age phobic. It had not started off well as everyone was late including us, my friend had changed shoes at least three times and had an army of beauty things to do before setting off. We were first there. I must add my friend is also proud of their age and looks stunning. However, they did look a little perturbed to be first there and not making a grand entrance for the other guests to marvel at how great they looked.
It meant that instead of sitting with my long-term friend who is in his twenties (but I swear is in his seventies and just made a pack with the Devil to inhabit a young man’s body, being wise, intelligent and witty well beyond his years), I was sitting next to someone new.
I love meeting different people, though it did hit me almost immediately that his Instagram pictures were airbrushed to make him look much younger than in person.
But then who does not tweak their image sometimes, though there are those that go overboard and can turn themselves into an embryo. It did not take long for age to become a topic. He kept referring to my friend as “the young one”. He asked if I went out much in London.
I replied that I went out to events during the week but at weekend I was comfortable at home, although I did go to clubs occasionally at the weekend and charity dinners. It started, “Well at our age you don’t want to go clubbing, do you?” He honestly did not stop.
Moving on I shared that on holiday or before going out it was great to have a small siesta. “Oh, you mean a na, na nap,” he jested. “I bet it used to be a disco nap. But at our age…” “Darling,” I explained, “I do not do the age thing or put labels on people.” My “young” friend whispered later, “He is projecting how he feels about his own age on to you”.
It was interesting to find out the other so-called young ones felt the same way about him and meant to pre-warn me as it was my first encounter. It must be terrible to be threatened by someone who is comfortable in their own skin. I think he was one of those men who got on better with woman as he seemed to charm them.
Age is just a number, or so some believe. Sure, I am not often “clubbing”, but this is not because I am 63 and feel out of place. I always envisioned myself with a blue rinse, fan dancing with the best of them at a rave in my 80s! It is more because
I do not have the time, and that London has become so diverse there is so much else to do. Plus, my priorities with my free time have changed; bars are no longer high on my list. There is the added point that I am fortunate enough to get invited to a fair few glitzy events too. I just wish people would enjoy and love the moment they are in and stop pushing age groups into boxes. Be who you want to be. Yes, age is just a number, but there is no need to keep bringing it up.
Graham Martin is a premier gay and celebrity photographer, who, as well as shooting the likes of Denise Welch and Dame Judy Dench Additionally, makes some of his bread and butter shooting gay men’s profile pictures for online dating sites.
Yours truly with Graham
So what percentage of the men are my age or older? “It is 50:50 recently. I had a man that was 76 come for a shoot not long ago. He had been off the scene for seven years as he had become addicted to chem-sex parties.” Graham told me that the man is doing really well and is now happily dating once more.
Graham, who turns 60 this year, has been in a loving relationship for the last 32 years. He puts his success down to marrying his best friend and he does have a point. Perhaps the fact that I was with my best friend for 18 years makes it difficult to fill the void. Should I be looking for someone sexual first, developing a friendship second?
Graham told me that the dating scene has changed so much that he gets inundated with men wanting pictures for their profiles, as well as portrait shots. Men, whatever age, want to look their best. “Keep it real!” Graham informed me when giving tips for my shoot.
Do not ask for it to be Photoshopped so that you are an embryo. If you are a chunky, beer-bellied daddy, then do not take yourself down to a thin man. When you hook up it will just be one big disappointment. Equally, make sure that you prepare yourself in conjunction with your age when you are getting ready for the shoot.
Do not spray tan because the look can often be uneven, but do make sure that you are groomed well. Do not have a drastic haircut unless you plan to keep the look.
Lets all have Pride in who we are.
He says that it is vital that you stand out and . So, my first attempt at dating starts with a shoot undertaken by Graham, who rather nervously laughed and said, “You’re practically a chicken compared to some I shoot,” which put me at ease.
Many men do the Full Monty, but that’s not me. We settled for a taste of sexy, though, to be honest, it is not a natural feel. Forty-five minutes later and the photo shoot is complete. I love the results and my friends all rave about the final images.
Steven Smith (middle) with Chris Hamilton (left) and Shimi Goodman (right)
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐Rating: 5 out of 5
It is an almost unthinkable scenario that Liberace and Pavarotti had secret love children, let alone that those children went on to inherit their fathers’ talents!
Then they met one another, fell deeply in love and married. Well, you would be forgiven for thinking just that, as married couple Chris Hamilton (Piano) and Shimi Goodman (Tenor) take to the stage to perform to a sell-out audience of dedicated fans.
It is not that either look like Liberace or Pavarotti, of course. Far from it, their model-like good looks add to the pairs’ incredible stage presence. They do channel those great icons and more when you witness their sheer talent during the performance.
Hamilton is a classically trained piano player and songwriter, whose wit and style is from another era. It reminded me of why I love New York, often falling into off Broadway venues and The Village bars, and hearing some of the most incredible talent performing Jazz and classic Broadway tunes. Boy, do I miss that. Chris Hamilton brought it all back tonight.
Chris Hamilton (left) and Shimi Goodman (Tenor) (left)
Goodman has appeared in many West End shows and has a degree in musical theatre. He is at his very best when he seduces the audience with songs from Tosca and reduces them to tears with others. His range is exceptional and brought me to my feet more than once during the evening.
They brought the house down with a melody of James Bond Oscar winners. The pair do Adele, “Sky Fall”, Sam Smith, “Writing on the Wall”, and Billie Eilish, “No Time to die”.
If this is not enough, they also belt out musical theatre hits such as “Seasons of Love” from the production “Rent”. My favourite is “Losing my mind “from Follies.
Though Hamilton does not exude the campness of Liberace, he does have the show man
quality of the Vegas legend. I could not help but think that if there were a stage musical version of “Behind the Candelabra” (I hope there is!), the producers just found their man to play Liberace.
Being a gay man, what made the evening so special for me was watching a happily married gay couple look so in love and work together in harmony, without having to resort to clichés or innuendoes. They merely relied on their genuine incredible talent and professionalism.
It won’t cost you the sometimes dizzy-making prices of the West End to see the pair perform, but you will walk away thinking that you have seen one top show and want to go back again.
Steven Smith talks about trolls, the real affect they have on their victims and how trauma can affect us as LGBTQ people.
I started thinking about how, as a community, we could be kinder to each other. There are so many LGBT people (not all) that do not love themselves and that for sure can be unkind to other gay people.
You know what they say “what you don’t like in yourself” and all that. So why is this? Maybe it’s something to do with how we are treated by the rest of the world. As Ru Paul says, ‘If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?’
Why was I thinking about this? Well, my year started on a sour note. It was not because all my usual New Year’s chums had gone to more exciting destinations and the thought of spending a fortune in town did not appeal to me.
RuPaul Charles
No, in fact, I had come to terms that it was going to be just me on my own on the balcony at midnight, enjoying a glass of bubbly as the bells chimed. I actually enjoyed it.
The reason was, that I had broken my rule on the last day of the year by accepting a Facebook friendship request without first cross-checking who they knew.
He looked nice and was proud to be a ‘Nice… boy’, and as many of my friends had a similar religious background, I accepted in good faith.
Around 12.45am, once the calls had stopped coming in from family and friends, I received a panicked message on Messenger; ‘Look at your Facebook page’. To my horror, below my profile picture was a comment from the new Facebook friend stating, ‘You dirty f…. gay you make sick to my stomach, hope you die.’
Then, under all the comments from my well-wishers at New Year, he had posted more horrendous messages. Many of my friends had noticed and offered their sympathy and outrage. Oh, and this new Facebook friend had also “poked” me into the bargain.
Obviously, I got the vile post removed asap and blocked the offender. An hour later, determined not to be a victim, I decided to report him. The culprit profile was gone. My first thought was how sad he must be to have kicked off the New Year with an attack on another human being – it sure was not going to affect me. Who would go to such bother as to set up a fake profile in order to post abuse?
There was a passing moment where I thought that perhaps someone who I had fallen out with had done this.
You know what they say, ‘sticks and stones will break your bones, but names will never hurt me’. There has never been a stupider saying; a scar can heal, but often the abuse of name-calling will last forever – just ask all the many people living with mental health issues.
Many of my friends have been abused by trolls and, despite publicly handling it well, there’s often another story behind closed doors. Being so open about my life, it was bound to happen to me at some point. So, to bed I went, determined to have a great 2019.
Yet later that day, it hit me and brought back thoughts of past bullying which kind of reignited some of the trauma from my childhood that had been pushed to the back of my mind, so I perhaps was not as tough as I thought.
Let’s face it – we sometimes look in the mirror and the reflection of the child you once were looks back at you. Often scared, wondering how this man or woman’s body we inhabit came to be, since inside you still feel the same as you did at school, only this thing called maturity has aged us. But we shake ourselves down, notice the lines and the sagging, and then remember we have responsibilities as adults and quickly come back down to earth.
The truth is, we never go far from the playground in life. There are often bullies at work, clique groups that you do not fit into, the pressure to perform well, and let us not forget, to ‘FIT IN’. For many people, the trauma from childhood can echo into their adult years. Nowhere is this more truthful than in the gay community. For everyone who has a positive coming out story, there is an avalanche of horror stories of gay people feeling full of guilt and depression about their lives after being rejected by their families and friends.
As we grow older, most of us who are LGBTQ learn coping mechanisms to deal with trauma and negativity, to become what appears to be grounded and amazing adults. There are exceptions, but who actually made us feel good about our sexuality to begin with?
Last year on Dr Pam’s radio show, I said that it would be great to get education to a stage where parents of LGBTQ kids were more worried who their teenagers were dating – ‘Is it someone nice?’, ‘Are they getting home safely?’, and most importantly, ‘Are they happy?’ – rather than ‘Where did it all go wrong?’
This is one of the main reasons that I signed up to the charity Diversity Role Models, an exciting organisation which goes into schools to talk and educate about LGBTQ. I wanted to share the story of my childhood and life with kids.
For those that don’t have coping strategies the reality can be quite daunting, with gay and bisexual men being four times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual men.
According to university research homophobia and negative views surrounding the lifestyles of gay and bisexual men is cited as one of the main contributing factors to the higher suicide attempt rate amongst the LGBTQIA+ community.
For young people, the gay scene can be far from a warm and safe environment to help with their self-esteem. Back in my day, the chicken hawks surrounded me, most with only one intention. I was a lucky one and some kind souls helped me. Plus, I quickly became streetwise after having learned to be self-sufficient at an early age.
Today the gay dating scene is moving more and more towards mobile apps. At a recent event to talk about chem-sex held by the dynamic Dave Stewart, the manager at the Dean Street Clinic, he explained that chem-sex is on the rise.
It was said that a young gay man arriving in London who subscribes to an app such as Grindr can expect that, by the third message he receives, there will be an invitation to a chem-sex party. Of course, these parties are also held in the heterosexual community, but they are having a more devastating effect on the gay community, with many deaths reported from these parties, not to mention rises in addiction, psychosis, and STDs.
Do gay men use drugs to cover up the guilt and shame that they are made to feel over their sexuality? Surely being in love and cherishing yourself and another person would be more empowering and self-gratifying?
Hello again!
I always believe that as long as it does not harm anyone or yourself, go for it. The rise of crystal meth and other so-called party drugs is not doing anyone any good. If you look across the pond to places like Fort Lauderdale in South Florida, the gay scene there has been ravaged by crystal meth – cases of meth addiction have doubled and deaths from the drug have risen by 80 per cent since 2014.
According to Dr David Fawcett, a Fort Lauderdale psychotherapist, most gay men using the drug did so in the hope of connecting better with other gay men, having been stigmatised and often shamed in their search for intimacy and safe relationships. Instead, they found the opposite from the drug. It is therefore far from a harmless pastime.
In 2019, let’s spend more time promoting loving yourself among the gay community.
From my years on the planet, I have found that some of the biggest homophobes can be gay men. It’s a fear of who they are, or who they really are. My experience is that men who are truly heterosexual have no problem with gay men; it’s the ones who have hidden away their true identity that have issues.
How many times have I wanted to scream when a gay man tells me “I only sleep with straight men”. Not only should they have a label attached to them, reading ‘DOES NOT PLAY WELL WITH OTHER GAY PEOPLE’, but they should also wear a T-shirt saying ‘DELUDED’.
Having eclectic friends, I tend not to go around with just groups of gay men. However, a few years ago while sitting in Soho House with five gay men, one boasted that he had sex with a straight Algerian taxi driver.
Another spoke about how he nearly got the boy in his theatre show, who is straight, into bed. I stood up and told them ‘If their cock is half way down your throat, they are not straight,’ and then left.
Yes, there are plenty of straight men that I fancy, Colin Farrell and Tom Hardy to name two, but I keep it real and have never entered a friendship with a straight man hoping to get his trousers off. I have more dignity than that. Keep it as fantasy in your head, like being Superman (or Supergirl, writes our editor).
Equally I have been in friendships with men who identify as straight that I thought saw me as just a guy and my sexuality did not matter but, on occasion, have been let down.
One friend messaged me to say they had booked a room for us at a hotel at an event we were attending adding “Mind you…separate beds”. First, I had never once showed interest in him sexually…nor would I. Luckily maturity made me brush it off though I did think “Fucking hell…as if!” But it all adds up to being made feel less about yourself.
Let’s not even talk about the line some gay men use – ‘straight looking’ – which points to a dislike of yourself as gay man.
Back in the early 80s, I was on Christopher Street in New York walking down to the Monster Bar. A gay pal gave me some advice; “You get in trouble, see those drag queens over there, scream “help” they will come running. Don’t bother with the clones and muscle Marys – they will go screaming back into the bar.”
Luckily for me the situation never arrived, but it just goes to show that the drag queens had to be more streetwise to be themselves and suffered more often in life, so for them, it was sink or swim, and those broads were as hard as nails, and as kind as could be too.
So, let’s just start by being kind and looking out for one another. Of course, just as in any community, we can’t all be best pals, but we can try and make a difference by being happy to be our true selves. Have a great 2019!
Welcome to more of Steven Smith’s Tales of a Middle-Aged Single Gay Man column
‘Fag hag’ is a gay slang phrase referring to women who associate exclusively with gay or bisexual men. But you knew that anyway, didn’t you?
Steven Smith
Now, I hate labels of any kind, but when a woman tells me “I love the gays” my toes curl. Even my nephew, when he was thirteen, was smart enough to not fall for that one.
“They are just like everyone else, good and bad”, he shrewdly pointed out. It’s funny in Ab Fab when Adina blurts out “all my friends are gay”. Oh, the irony.
However, the women that happily label themselves fag hags tend to flag up serious warning signs. I have heard it so many times: “other woman just don’t get me, but you and the gay guys do.”
This is usually followed by how she likes bad boys in bed. That’s nice for them. For me, I want to be liked as a person, not for my sexuality or a label.
Since my first time at a gay club in New York, the Limelight, I was aware of lots of very sexy women model types dancing. My friend told me: “they feel safe here. They can dance and not get hit on.”
It was not long before the straight men caught onto this and started frequenting the more glamorous gay venues. On one occasion, I was with a group of guys when a very hot girl walked straight up to us and said “so sad you are all gay. I would f*** the lot of you!”
A little voice piped up: “I am straight”. He was my pal who honestly leads the way in gay fashion but is 100% straight, though many men have tried their luck and a minute later found themselves in a taxi home.
Elizabeth Taylor. Wowza.
Elizabeth Taylor loved the company of gay men, from Rock Hudson to Tab Hunter and Montgomery Clift. She described them as her confidants.
Tallulah Bankhead, when she was not famously trying to sleep with gay men, preferred their company. Long ago, in the time of Mary Queen of Scots, Mary loved to quote the pretty men.
For me, I like people. It seems though by chance that many of my friends are female and quite glamorous and powerful. None of them would be described as fag hags.
In their company I still keep to the traditional male role that I am comfortable with: opening doors, walking on the right side of the path near the road, and even pulling the chair out. Though some of the women I know try to lead when dancing and even pull the chair out for me.
Now, despite having some pictures taken to join a dating website, somehow I am no further along, and the woman who I would call one of my rocks, Liz Branson, is on the phone from her New York office. She splits her time between there, Dubai and London.
“Have you done it?” she enquires. Trying to get off the subject, I ask when she is in London next. There is a pause:
“You haven’t“, she snaps with an air of annoyance. Then she almost commands “Jo Allen’s, Tuesday 9.30”. She does not wait to see if I am free and hangs up. But then texts ten minutes later (“If you are free can you book it?”).
Liz is great fun, but always right about everything and obsessive, sometimes to a point where you want to scream. That’s what makes her so successful, alluringly and fascinating.
She is also always late, arriving with some story, but the reality is it takes her half an hour to cover herself in body oil that makes her beautiful worked-out body glisten. That’s just the part of the beauty regime to go out.
So, despite having brass balls when it comes to business and breaking many high-level men, she still likes to be every part a high-maintenance woman.
Still from the Will & Grace show
She is my Grace, as in Will and Grace, the TV show. Now, it is a common mistake to presume that women “get” gay men just because they hang out with them. Even the woman who proclaims: “I am just a gay man trapped in woman’s body” can be shockingly naive.
One long-term friend of 36 who grew up around the LGBTQ community, recently pointed out on a theatre visit that the show we’d gone to see was a great one for me just because it had five youthful boys, scantily dressed, in the cast.
It did take me back. As pretty as they were they left me sexually cold. She must have noticed none of my boyfriends have been under 40.
My best gay mate would know that the male cast of Peaky Blinders or Colin Farrell would have me hot in my seat. But teen boys have as much effect as Dita Von Teese dancing – nice to watch. She was the same friend who once asked, “Why would you want to give head rather than take?”
This is the case with Liz, apart from one man who was straight when he lived with her and came out later, she really did not know any gay men until me.
I think she presumed we all came in a mould, as she was quick to dash into another relationship with a gay man who was in a rush to take her to gay bars and so on.
My opinion is it should be mutual, and I am happy in a predominately straight bar/club, but as it’s rare I am in a gay bar I tend to have dinner or go to events.
Liz rang me one night: “I am on Clapham Common”, she whispered down the phone. Enquiring if there was concert or some event, to my horror she replied, “no, I’m cruising with… Have you done this?” Really, I wanted to scream – this was a step too far. Needless to say, their relationship did not last when he tried to seduce Liz’s then-husband.
But it was not the first time that I heard of women going cruising with gay men. My former lady boss was once in a Freedom cab (a gay taxi company) when the driver said he was going to Hampstead Heath to drop condoms off by a tree in the cruising area.
She jumped: ‘Oh, I have been there.” Some of her gay pals had taken her. This phenomenon had passed me by. One, I don’t cruise – it’s scary, and broadminded as I am, why would you take a woman?
Well, Liz is late as usual. She has texted several times, blaming the Uber driver, a lion escaping from Regents Park zoo, and a fire at the local orphanage.
But when she arrives she’s looking spectacular, and the whole restaurant turn their heads to look at her. Liz runs her hands through her thick red hair, passes, and waves enthusiastically.
She has just become a vegan, and was difficult enough in restaurants before, but this is taking it to a whole new level. Once, after sending an omelette back four times, famously I took a picture of her perfect omelette and gave it to the waiter the next day, much to her annoyance. It’s just one of the things that make her amusing.
But back to the evening. Only one waiter and chef have resigned since Liz has placed her order – kidding. My suggestion that I nip to Tesco’s and get the soya sauce she wants so badly goes down like a lead balloon as she has everyone fussing over her.
There is quick chat about the gorgeous executive she went skinny dipping with in Dubai and how fantastic he was in bed. Do I think 15 years age difference is too much?
Followed by she really is still into 50 shades of Darryl, a man she met at a conference and had the best sex ever with, but had turned out to be an asshole and who I hate hearing about for the 90th time.
The nice thing about Liz is she is not an energy vampire and likes to hear about you. But it’s the subject that’s not top of my list – my ‘love life’.
She is convinced that my best pal and I should be together and that why I am not with anyone? The problem many people don’t get is you can have a purely platonic relationship when you’re gay with another gay man.
Of course, I love my best mate, but have no plans to marry him. Losing track of how many times that I have told her ‘NO!!’, I tell Liz that’s it, I’ll ask him to marry me next week.
There is a scream and she wants to order champagne. Liz’s face quickly drops when it’s pointed out it’s a tease. Well, I am sure it would have if she hadn’t had Botox two weeks before.
The subject is dropped, and we have lots of laughs and drinks, until she announces we are going to Old Compton Street for after-drinks. “Why?” I ask. Apparently, she loves GAY and the music.
But my gut feeling is that she is very kindly obsessing about finding me a fella. My suggestion of our usual after-venue, Radio Bar, is met with a blank. Realising that she is doing something Liz thinks will be good for me, we take off.
There is no queue to get into GAY, but it is busy, and Liz wastes no time in turning into Cilla Black after getting a drink, and my heart falls as she starts randomly talking to men; all of course adore her right away. “Who do you like?” she shouts above the music.
Liz introducing me to random men to reject me leaves me feeling like a rabbit in the headlights. “I’ll be discreet”, she bellows.“I’m all good, thanks” and hug her.
Liz starts dancing with some colourful drag queens and shouts “I’m a gay icon!” Of course they all agree. Much as there is room for interpretation, Madonna or Judy she isn’t, but for that night she was. It was so kind of her to care.
Flushed with her success at GAY, she wants to explore more, so we head to a bar on Rupert Street, as a friend of mine is there anyway. Her one-woman show goes down well there, too.
I have already briefed her that my American pal is a friend, and not to think about bringing up whether we are dating or anything of that nature. She thinks he’s too young anyway, so I am off the hook.
Liz is now befriending the handsome doorman, who turns out to be heterosexual and married. He waves me over. “Why don’t you take your girlfriend somewhere she can meet a man?” My reaction was to smile. “She wanted to come here, not me.”
Besides, who says she would not meet a fella there? My sister had a holiday romance in Key West with a man who managed a gay club, and one lady friend married a bar man who worked in one.
Liz and I are still happily single, but watch this page for more tales.
Steven is a published author, regular radio guest and has a monthly column in MilliOnAirMagazine.
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