2shades Steven Smith gets down with award wining author and screen writer Samantha Lee Howe to talk about her latest venture “The Soul Thief”
Pictures by Andy Barnes and Terry Scott
Congratulations on the new book Samantha, tell us a bit about it?
The Soul Thief is a Gothic Thriller about a gentleman detective, Mitchell Bishop, in Victorian Manchester, who begins to investigate a series of bizarre murders. Along with his former fiancée, Laura Carter, Mitchell finds himself in danger and he must look back into his own past in order to inform the present and learn who and what is hurting the people around him.
I’ve always had a fascination with gothic fiction, particularly the Victorian era, and have found the works of Mary Shelley, Bram Stoker and Sheridan Le Fanu fascinating. The Soul Thief is my tribute to 19th Century gothic fiction, but is written in the style more conducive to the modern reader. Therefore it’s very fast paced, with lots of twists and turns and a surprise ending.
Does writing horror differ from the other genre of books you pen?
Horror has always been a fascination of mine and a natural default to write into. It’s a challenging genre in many ways because you sometimes have to look deep inside yourself to really bring forth an element that scares you. It doesn’t have to be supernatural, after all, real life is full of horrible things that humans do to each other, but supernatural horror is a little less hard to take and also gives you more freedom to explore the genre.
When you’re writing in this genre you have to make many decisions about which way you want to take it and how extreme you want to go. My favourite horror to write is psychological, but I’m not afraid to be visceral if that is needed in the story and not gratuitous.
What really frightens you?
Lots of things frighten me. Enclosed spaces, heights, stalkers, people in general, as they are capable of doing terrible things to each other. One of the things I used to be really scared of was zombies – until I wrote about them a couple of times! As writing is very cathartic, it’s always good to explore the things that do frighten you the most and it takes the sting out of it immediately!
When were you growing up what horror characters caught your attention?
Growing up I was a huge fan of staying up late with my sister, Adele, watching Hammer movies. We loved the character of Dracula. Christopher Lee was my first introduction to that. I used to lie awake worrying about vampires, but couldn’t stop watching them. When I was 16 I saw my first zombie movie, Zombie Flesh Eaters, and I couldn’t watch another one after that for about 30 years! It terrified me! I even avoided Shaun of the Dead because I just hated zombies. Eventually my husband David talked me into watching the latter film, and it’s now a favourite. But I just can’t revisit Zombie Flesh Eaters!
Films like “Terrifier” are a huge hit in the USA. Do you think slasher films rank as Horror or do they just promote sadism?
All slasher films are horror, but they have varying degrees of psychological basis. Some are described as torture porn – in other words the physical violence meted out to various characters, mainly female, is the whole point of the film – and I’m not into those at all – I don’t really understand why anyone is – but each to their own! What you don’t see can be far more terrifying to the viewer or reader than anything that is presented in graphic detail on screen.
Samatha Lee Howe with 2Shades Steven Smith
The 16 Days of Action Against Domestic Violence campaign starts on November 25th, 2024, which is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. You are a survivor ambassador for the Yorkshire charity IDAS. How did you get involved and how do people get help?
A couple of years ago, I reached out to IDAS to see if I could help them because this is a charity very close to my heart. I felt it was important, and the right time, to tell my own story, and I hoped it would help other people. I was not surprised when some of my social media friends contacted me to say they had been victims of domestic violence, what did surprise me was just how many people have had these experiences and still do.
I advised them, as I advise anyone, to reach out and call the local Domestic Violence service near them if they feel they are being abused, manipulated, controlled, or being subjected to any form of physical abuse. Not all abuse is obvious, sometimes abusers use coercive control to cause a great deal of damage to a person’s self-esteem.
For IDAS, they have a website (https://idas.org.uk/) and contact numbers (North Yorkshire and Barnsley: 03000 110 110 / Sheffield: 0808 808 2241), so please reach out if you need help!
Your screen version of your best-selling book “The Stranger in Our Bed” not only saw you being given countless awards, but was an international hit on the screen. Has life changed for you, and when will your next film be?
My personal life hasn’t changed at all I’m glad to say! I tend to stay very grounded. Professionally, though, the film has opened new doors and given me new and exciting opportunities. I’m currently writing a horror movie for a Hollywood-based producer – but I’m NDA’d so can’t say more than that! I’ve also written the pilot for The House of Killers TV series, which is based on my spy trilogy of the same name, and it’s with a production company. I guess I’m writing much more for screen now than I was.
But it’s a difficult industry with many hurdles, so getting something actually into production is rare. But we keep pitching the ideas, and discussing the options … and there are some smashing people that I’m working with.
What are you doing for Christmas?
We are having a very quiet Christmas this year at home with my daughter Linzi and our friend, actor, Frazer Hines. But we’ll be partying more at New Year when we have an annual party for some of our family and friends.
Please tell us about 2025. What plans do you have?
2025 is looking crazy already! I will be writing as always (I have several projects underway and commissioned) but I also have a few public appearances. February will see me presenting a screenwriting workshop in Scotland, March is The SciFi Weekender (a Sci-Fi/Fantasy festival which I help programme and run).
I’m running two film festivals myself (details at http://www.slhfilmfest.com), one in June and the other in October. I’ll be on panels and doing signings at the World Fantasy Convention in Brighton at the end of October … and there are so many other things in between. Busy. Very busy.
Who would you like to play you in the film version of your life?
Scarlett Johansson!! I love her, wish I looked like her – she’s very talented and so beautiful! I’ve never seen a film starring her that I haven’t loved. Same for Anya Taylor-Joy – what a talent!
2Shades meets husband and husband team Tiano. The London cabaret duo of Christopher Hamilton and Shimi Goodman
It is an almost unthinkable scenario that Liberace and Pavarotti had secret love children, let alone that those children went on to inherit their fathers’ talents!
Described in one five star review
Then they met one another, fell deeply in love and married. Well, you would be forgiven for thinking just that, as married couple Chris Hamilton (Piano) and Shimi Goodman (Tenor) take to the stage to perform to a sell-out audience of dedicated fans
2Shades wanted to know more about the boys and we fired some questions at them.
What are you both doing for Christmas?
It’s all very glamorous! We will be performing on a six star luxury cruise ship called the Silver Muse sailing from Melbourne, Australia to Auckland, New Zealand. But before jetting off to the other side of the world we have our Christmas show at the Crazy Coqs in London which sold out pretty much minutes after we announced it during our last show there. We are so grateful to all the people who keep coming to our shows in London and elsewhere.
What four Christmas songs would you sing at a Christmas Concert and why?
Oh Holy Night – This song really fits our style of music as it is a classical song but has been covered by the likes of Mariah Carey, the Queen of Christmas. Shimi particularly enjoys singing it as it really taps into the classical genre which he loves.
All I Want for Christmas – Speaking of Miss Carey, this song is unavoidable during the festive period so although it’s done to death, it would be Scrooge like not to sing it.
All I Want for Christmas is for Someone to Cancel It – To counteract the Christmas schmaltz and to honour all grinches out there, Chris wrote this tongue in cheek, irreverent song himself. If you can’t make it to our Christmas show, you can hear this song on YouTube.
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – It’s such a bitter sweet moment when Judy Garland sings this beautiful song in the 1944 film Meet Me in St. Louis. It makes most people feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
When did you both know you loved each other?
We met at Guildford School of Acting in 2000 and it was something like love at first sight over a jacket potato in Cathy’s Cafe!
What is the most romantic gift you bought each other?
Shimi: Chris always wanted to go on the Orient Express. His birthday is in December and after a bit of research I discovered to my dismay that the train wasn’t active during the winter. I had to break it to him that it wouldn’t happen for a certain big birthday of his but then a few weeks before his birthday he saw an advert online saying that the Orient Express had started a winter journey. I quickly booked it and we travelled from Paris to Vienna overnight. The train was relatively empty and it was magical looking out of the window watching the snowy scenery whilst being treated like royalty! We had the pleasure of jamming with an amazing Italian jazz group until the early hours. Even the waiters started filming us! We stayed at the famous Sacher Wien hotel when we reached our final destination. We went to see an opera and walked around the Christmas markets. Very memorable.
Chris: I always knew how much Shimi loves the movie franchise Back to The Future or indeed anything to do with the 1980s, so for one of his birthdays following a tasting menu dinner (which I absolutely hate) at a brand new restaurant in Covent Garden I got us top tickets to the West End musical. He knew all the text by heart.
The festival of lights Hanukkah is a big holiday. How do you both celebrate that? Is there a song that jumps to mind?
Shimi: I love Hanukkah. We light the hanukkiah which is an eight stemmed candelabra. You light a candle for every day of the holiday and eat sufganiyot which are yummy jam doughnuts. My favourite song is Maoz Tzur or Rock of Ages as it is known in English.
When did you both last laugh together?
Every day. We have our own silly sense of humour and can find the humour in most situations.
What are your wishes for 2025?
There’s a lyric in one of our original songs which says: “Music can heal and make it a better day”. We truly believe that it can, so we wish for our music to reach more and more people around the world and to keep travelling and entertaining. We would love to perform in America. Chris did a series of cabarets in New York a while back so it would be good for Tiano to take the States by storm! We’re currently in talks to hopefully make this happen during the next couple of years.
Who would you most like to work with in the music industry?
Barbra Streisand and Shirley Bassey are two of our idols. It would be an absolute dream to perform with them. We also love a Welsh singer called Ellen Williams and would love to collaborate with her. One of our songs “It’s Not Goodbye” would be a beautiful duet for her and Shimi.
Who is the best cook?
Shimi does most of the cooking when we’re home. But Chris makes a mean chilli con carne named “the famous” because he only cooks it once a year but when he does people rave about it. Whether they’re raving about the dish or the fact he’s actually put an apron on is anyone’s guess….
Tell our readers what you can expect from a Tiano concert.
Every show we put on in London is different for a couple of reasons. Firstly, we owe it to our loyal supporters to present different music to keep each performance fresh. Secondly, it challenges us as artists to keep learning new material. For instance at Crazy Coqs in Piccadilly, London we’ve become known for presenting a ten minute medley at each show which is devoted to a decade (for example the 80’s), an artist (for instance Whitney Houston), or perhaps a movie musical (maybe Dirty Dancing which incidentally Shimi performed in in the West End). It’s always challenging arranging and rehearsing an intricate medley of songs with constant key changes and mood changes and then performing it for a live audience for the very first time without looking at lyrics or music. However, it’s so worthwhile because the audience has come to really appreciate this moment in the show. In the last two shows people loved singing along during our medley devoted to The Carpenters and at our most recent one, ABBA. We spend all that time on each ten minute set piece and only perform it once!
Chris is a multi award winning composer and lyricist so we always share music he has written which once again the audience usually loves. Chris recently released an album of his very mellow original piano pieces called Sempre Piano (you can listen to it on Spotify). It’s so gratifying to see an audience respond so favourably to these moments of calm when he shares one of these pieces during a show. Shimi has also co written a few songs with Chris, a couple of which are on their debut album Tiano which you can also hear on Spotify. They have become firm favourites with the audience.
We put so much thought into our programme with the hope of taking our audience on a real journey. You’ll laugh, cry, sing along and leave our show with a big smile on your face!
Alex said, “Tarot is there to reaffirm your intuition, it’s not there to replace your intuition. It’s an inner knowing”
There are days when I can’t seem to arrange my thoughts in a linear fashion. I catch myself in moments like these and ask myself, what am I trying to align myself to?
I listen to music and await a lyric to collide in my mind to feel heard and define a state of misalignment.
I read books to familiarise myself with situations of a fictional character and believe that I was meant to read that one line in a chapter according to the universe’s clock.
It comforts me to know that in moments of despair and blinding confusion, art and spirituality exists to create a bridge that leads me out of a complex forest and into a community park where everyone re-energises.
Sometimes I lay on the grass with my eyes closed and an open book napping on my chest. Shadows of people eclipse the brightness of the sun behind my eyelids as they walk past me. And in the blissful presence of nature and humanity, I seek messages from my version of a spiritual podcast, a tarot reading video.
I’m fascinated by the soothing voices of tarot readers. I always wonder how radiant their energy must be in real life to sit down for hours and tune into intuitive channelled messages from the spirit realm.
How did they even begin? When did they know this is who they were meant to be?
My dear friend Alex Reads Tarot’s words resurfaced and her introduction to tarot amused me. She said, “I kind of sat one night and I thought, what am I doing? This is not me. Something in me just flipped a switch and it felt like I’m meant to be somewhere else.
I saw readers on TikTok, people like Curious Magpie and Madam Adam and I was just mesmerised. I thought, this is incredible. I’d only heard about tarot but this inspired me to get a deck of cards. I wanted the original. I’m very traditional. If I’m going to learn something, I have to do it the traditional way and then I can go for the fancy stuff. Ever since the first day I got my deck of cards, which I still have nearly five years on, I never parted ways. I slept with them under my pillow. I carried them around with me every day doing different spreads. I was just so invested in it, something just felt right. It felt like a missing limb that I’d finally found.”
There’s a purity in Alex’s connection to tarot that I understand now but I can’t lie when I say I questioned if tarot was even true. And if it is, I found the accuracy of the messages so bizarre that my belief turned into scepticism. How can an entire collective of people be going through the same thing?
There’s nothing sweeter than hearing the words, “They’re thinking about you right now. They wish to contact you.” The temptation of these words from a lost love filled me with hope and anger. Anger at the tarot reader who stirred my dormant emotions and anger at myself for allowing them to say the words I wanted to hear.
My ego convinced me that I was being fooled but a deep desire wished the message was true. It is true because it’s my desire, the tarot reader simply reflected the thoughts I hoard in denial.
I scanned the comments section to see if others felt the same way, I wanted someone to validate my doubts for a cheeky laugh. But to my surprise I saw people using words of hatred to demean the tarot reader, I wouldn’t go so far.
Among many nasty comments they famously say, “Stop feeding my delulu!” A valiant act to protect their own ego, so did I when I bothered to read the comments section because hurt can be a hard pill to swallow. The struggle to accept brews into hatred when we fail to acknowledge the simple emotion of missing someone, that we do wish they would contact us and that life feels sad without them.
Alex said, “The word ‘delulu’ really does irk me. But I’ve had to learn over the years to just let people actually delude themselves with their own delulu buying into it. Which to me is kind of ironic you know, you’re almost setting the intention that it’s delusional. You’re essentially saying that it’s therefore not possible for you. It’s the classic phrase, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. You can give advice, but it’s up to people how they use it.”
I wanted to educated myself, I googled, “What exactly is Tarot?” and the answer is quite plain and simple. Tarot does not predict the future, it gives you guidance and insight in the present moment. It’s a useful tool to align our current situation to our manifestations and our authenticity.
That became a healthy filter to have in my brain to navigate whom I can trust when I come across readers online, it urges me to be real with myself in the moment. I see a few readers who interrupt my scrolling to say, “STOP! This message is for you!” and I immediately think, don’t tell me what to do?
But there’s a few whom I intuitively feel drawn to, their aura matches mine and my energy feels safe to intermingle with theirs.
It could be their sense of taste, their style of delivering a message or just my intuition, the reasons are varied. But I ask my heart, do I want to receive this message? Does it provide reason for the voices I have circulating in my mind? And if it doesn’t, I do indeed scroll away.
Alex added, “I sometimes have readers that I don’t follow or haven’t come across before. And I get a bit of a feeling that maybe I wouldn’t connect so well with that person. I always listen to my intuition. But do I send them hate? No, I send them absolute love and I thank them for their service.
The best readers, in my own humble opinion (which is that there are no best readers), are the ones who can harness such a deep connection with tarot, you don’t just look for the generic meanings. You have to kind of overlay it with intuition. And that’s allowing that inner feeling to just go with it. It doesn’t have to make sense to other people. A 1000 people could look at a painting and interpret it differently. And that’s almost like tarot, you might be drawn to the knapsack or the colour yellow, or the symbology of the tunic. It’s allowing that intuitive nature to override and work with the generic meaning as well.”
The concept of tarot runs across generations as a form of witchcraft, taboo and mystical voodoo. The representation of tarot in films and shows have always been about a kooky woman dressed in either ragged clothes or absurd ornaments in a dingy lair that accentuates her connection to the unknown.
The undertone of portraying them as crazy women or evil witches can cause a stereotype for our automatic rejection towards it. Alex said it best, “People often fear what they don’t know.”
In recent times, tarot has transformed into an entertaining practice that people do for fun as a party trick, while some rely on it to seek guidance or advice. What’s more, literally anyone can learn tarot! Try it, you’re not going to burst into flames.
But there exists a community of extreme religionists who wish to send the art form its messengers to hell before they can even attempt to live out their purpose.
Alex shared a similar sentiment by saying, “As readers, we’re kind of expected to take on the brandishing that we are satanic, that we’re demonic and that we are evil. I get told quite a lot that I need to turn towards the light, and that I need to repent for my sins. And for me, I’ve always been very accepting.
I don’t care if you’re a Buddhist, if you’re a Hindu, if you’re a Christian, there’s such a big Christian and Catholic community in my AlexReadsTarot community and they are very respectful. They see it as God’s work or however they view it. You can have your faith and still enjoy tarot. As long as you’re not using your faith as ammunition against someone’s choice for how they live.”
When you’re divinely connected to any art form, there’s a powerful journey an individual takes to solely focus inward. It’s not easy to maintain the perfect measurement of self-confidence all of the time but it matters very little what others have to say about the inexplicable relationship between an artist and their art.
It also comes with the realisation that not everyone can be pleased and that someone will be disappointed. A portion of people will retaliate, ridicule, resonate with it fully and obsess over it more than they need to. They accept the rejection and move along the course of satisfying their soul.
Alex continues, “I think the biggest thing that I’ve kind of come to, I think it’s for my own comfort, because being any kind of creator on social media, you are expected to take the rough with the smooth, you are expected to take people’s hatred, people’s negativity. And for me, I do fortunately have a very good support system. But I’m still a human being.”
I have personally misjudged tarot readers and spiritual healers a lot too. I thought they dressed simple, were out of touch with material pleasures, embodied a holier-than-thou persona and slept with a cross on their nose. I assumed that nothing could break their resilience, that anger or sadness were fleeting emotions after much penance and are always at peace in the face of all adversities.
After meeting a lot of professional psychic mediums, I realised I was wrong; they live just like us and are learning about life just as much as we are. They only wish to pull out an inner wisdom that resides within us. And offer words that reverberate a positive, healing perspective.
Alex agreed and added, “But you know, it’s not a 24 hour kind of hotline. Your tarot reader is not your therapist or best friend. I get a lot of people asking me, do you do emergency readings? I’ve always vowed that I would never do an emergency reading because for me as a reader, a huge red flag in a client is when they use phrasing like, this is urgent I’m struggling! I actually message these people privately and say, what are we actually talking about here? Because for me, if you’re in such an intense need for reading, I don’t know if it’s always the right thing to do because then you’re depending on a reading. When you’re not then actually listening to yourself.
I do have compassion for people in a sense, because some people are just really lonely and struggling. And a lot of people say, I can’t speak to anyone about this, you’re the only person. And I do take that on with such care and compassion with anything. But there have been the odd occasions where people have crossed over that boundary repeatedly. And I think it has taught me to make sure that my boundaries are clear.”
What I admire most about some of the professional tarot readers I follow is that they level with me, they’re unafraid to tell me they go through the same struggles, they’re silly and yet so unique. They allow me to see them for who they are while delivering exactly what I need to hear and not what I want to hear.
I thoroughly enjoy readers who let their hair down and express that they’ve had a bad week. Or that they followed a similar pattern of toxic relationships and took a long time to make peace with difficult family situations. It’s human, ordinary but magical at the same time.
Alex concluded by saying, “I think that for me personally, it’s understanding that you don’t have to just meditate or journal. Some of us are just not equipped to deal with things in such a calm way. We need something that’s a bit more fiery and aggressive to get it out. Like I go for a drive and blast some loud music. So that’s really how I kind of do it, which I’ve learned how to accept. I’m not like a 5D Star Ascension love and light person. I’m very real. I’m just like, yeah, let’s get angry and then let’s get through this and then we’re okay.
Some of us experience happiness in bigger waves than others. But the beauty of being human is that it’s a spectrum. And if you deny yourself essentially half of that, you’re denying yourself of exploring half of who you are.
Accept that you are going to be aggressive, you are going to be annoying, you are going to be mopey, you are going to be maybe anxious at times and a bit of a nervous wreck. If you can accept that, you’re just going to be accepting who you are. And that is what we’re here to do.”
It is my favourite time of year, and the incredible Autism’s Got Talent is back.
Since its inception by Dr. Anna Kennedy OBE in 2012, Autism’s Got Talent has evolved into a legendary showcase that shines a spotlight on the unique talents of individuals living with autism. This one-of-a-kind event has captivated audiences and received high-profile media attention for over a decade, setting itself apart from other talent shows by offering an evening filled with surprises, inspiration, and diverse performances. Hosted at the renowned Mermaid Theatre in Blackfriars, the 2024 edition promises to be another unforgettable celebration of talent and inclusion
Steven Smith chats to 2Shades columnist and founder of Anna Kennedy on line
Unlike conventional talent competitions, Autism’s Got Talent is dedicated to celebrating neurodiversity and empowering autistic individuals of all ages. The show features a star-studded lineup of performers, including singers, dancers, actors, musicians, poets, magicians, and more. These gifted artists not only entertain but also challenge perceptions and break down barriers, demonstrating what people with autism can achieve. This event serves as a platform to replace stereotypes with messages of hope, fun, laughter, and inclusion, making it truly unique on the global stage.
This year proved to be a show-stopping extravaganza with over 17 acts.
The show was opened by Dr. Anna Kennedy as she introduced well-wishes from Loose Women star Denise Welch, Blue band icon Anthony Costa, EastEnders actress Kacey Ainsworth, and the legendary Carol Vorderman. Celebrities such as ‘Allo ‘Allo!’s Vicki Michelle, Pet Rescue author Wendy Turner, Taino’s Christopher Hamilton, and performer Tru Blue were among some of the showbiz names that turned out to introduce the evening’s performers.
Allo Allo Vicki Michelle and the inspirational Lisa Allen from Pink Ribbon foundation
Comperes for the evening were Gateway Radio DJ and Ambassador of the charity, Aston Avery, along with former The People’s Strictly contestant and amateur dramatic theatre enthusiast Phillip Barnett.
Christopher Hamilton
Pineapple Dance studio lead by teacher Maggie Paterson who have supported the event from the start team of 40 dancers
Gateways radio DJ Aston Avery one of the presenters of AGT “Autistic and Proud ”
This year’s acts, who travelled from far and wide, did not disappoint. It kicked off with Alba Pulido Brocklebank’s stunning rendition of Burn. There were so many outstanding acts this year, it is hard to highlight them all. From guitar supremo Caydian Evans, who described the experience as an amazing, unique opportunity, to father-and-son team Aaron and Andy Clark, who said, “This is a memory that will last a lifetime, and we are deeply grateful for the opportunity.”
Caydian Evans
Northern Ireland seemed to feature prominently this year with two singers: Andrew McMurdie, who said, “There were so many uniquely talented people in one room, like I have never seen before,” and Ty Williams, who brought the house down.
Somerset singer Lianne Vessier was blown away by the diversity of the event, and the standing ovation for her performance left us all in awe.
Lianne Vessier
Stepping in at the last minute was Swaran Hayer, who dazzled the audience with his calendar skills (even revealing Anna Kennedy’s age and date of birth!). His mum, Mandy, said, “It will forever be an unforgettable and memorable experience.”
Theatre group True Colours had the audience cheering as well.
True Colours
Anna Kennedy, founder of Anna Kennedy Online and Autism’s Got Talent, shares her hopes for the event: “We aim to continue to build Autism’s Got Talent year by year. We want all those involved to have fun, do what they love, make friends, be themselves, and have one night that is all about them.” This ethos of inclusion and empowerment continues to drive the event’s growth and inspire its participants.
Tears of joy marked the end of the show, with all the wonderful performers on stage, proud parents, families, and friends in the audience.
They all had one message for the AKO family: “You’re all amazing, and we all rock!”
Steven Smith looks at the affect addiction has on us all, how it can be so prolific among the LGBTQ And celebrity community, the often-misguided views people have about those living with addiction, and of course shares his own tale.
November 26th, 2010, the phone rang with news I had been expecting—my lifelong friend Lester Middlehurst, the witty, Machiavellian, and brilliant journalist was dead at 55. He had been in coma for days after a suspected suicide attempt.
I know how I was supposed to feel to the world. But putting down the phone, there was complete numbness followed by anger, and then an overwhelming relief that the man who had formerly been my friend, but had in later years become my tormenter was no longer. No more waking to drunken abusive messages, or being the brunt of his jokes or outburst at parties, and I’d no longer have to apologise to other people for his behaviour towards them.
Lester in his prime
Lester Middlehurst was one of the first openly gay staff members at The Daily Mail. He was legendary. At the coroner’s inquest it turned out he had not killed himself, rather his death certificate said that he died of a hypoxic brain damage attack. Everyone agreed it was his addictive lifestyle that killed him.
Sadness
Lester was one the most addicted people that I have ever met, and he was my friend and I loved him. A month later I must have spent a day crying over him. The sadness was really that he never got help for his addiction, and you could say that my lack of knowledge of it prevented me from helping him…but that would be romanticising a terrible situation.
Back in 2009 I got him to agree to attend the Meadows Clinic in Arizona, but the next day he told me not to be so stupid. In truth, I did not feel strong enough to stand up to him. As my knowledge about addiction has grown, I have become more aware that there was nothing I could have done unless Lester had wanted to do anything about it.
According to the Centre of Addiction, members of the LGBTQ community are at greater risk of substance use and mental health issues compared to those identifying as heterosexual.
Members of the LGBTQ community face chronically high levels of stress, often due to having to suffer from social prejudice and discrimination. Fear, isolation, and depression increase the chances of self-medicating with alcohol and drugs. As a man that has lived a life in big cities, I have witnessed addiction in all classes and types of people. Addiction is a mistress that does not care who she dances with, yet the LGBTQ community are often her favourite partners.
As the self-confessed addict, actor Russell Brand explains that the distinction of any compulsive or addictive behaviour is when it begins to negatively impact on the rest of your life.
Compulsive
So, you might love chocolate so much that you’ll ignore all logical reasoning, “I have to have chocolate…I have to have chocolate…I don’t care what else happens”. If you’re crashing your car because of chocolate, that’s a problem.
According to Wikipedia, addiction is a brain disorder characterised by compulsive engagement in a rewarding stimulation despite adverse consequences.
Of course, addiction is certainly an illness and not a lifestyle choice, and if we are honest, addiction is in all of us in some way or another.
For me, I just can’t not buy a large French baguette, cut a few slices off, and put it back for later. I end up devouring the whole thing. Subsequently, I do not buy French baguettes unless I am feeling poorly. Whether it’s chocolate, coffee, or your favourite tipple, we all have cravings.
Russell Brand
Much as Russell Brand is right, there are so-called functioning addicts who you would not even realise are hooked on their drug of choice, and it can take many years for the effects to begin to show. Often referred to as “high functioning addicts” owing to their having powerful jobs or enough money to effectively hide their addiction from others. This knocks on the head the commonly presented image of an addict being down-and-out or living on the streets. According to the American Psychiatric Association, there is no such thing…they are all just addicts who have created coping mechanisms.
My father, God rest his soul, came home after holding down a high-powered job and drank whisky every day of his life, yet he would be horrified at the idea of being described as an addict. But when he left hospital after lung cancer removal surgery, he sat down and demanded, “Get me a whisky and a cigarette.” On the suggestion that was not a good idea and that he would end up back in hospital, he snapped “Are you threatening me?”
Growing up, I was told that an addict was someone who got up and drank first thing. Drinking after coming home from work and weekends was seen as normal for many in the 60s and through to the 90s. All of our soaps were featured around a pub, making alcohol look like a socially acceptable way of life.
I had a volatile relationship with my dad, but his fight with cancer gave me a better understanding of the nature of his addiction and where it had come from. He had been a talented jazz trumpeter and played with the BBC orchestra, but his nerves had come to the forefront and he started to self-medicate by having a few whiskies before his shows. Eventually, he gave up and started a family, but the drinking did not stop.
Charismatic
My father adored my best pal who also fights addiction, and is a truly remarkable human being who I was fortunate to love, and my dad did not like many people. The two were like two peas in a pod and talked for ages.
Spending time with my dad before he died made me wonder whether, if he had managed to overcome obvious anxiety and continued playing, perhaps he would have been happier. Of course, back then mental health was seen by many as a weakness and not to be spoken about.
My world has been filled with people who are addicts in one form or another. They are the most charismatic and amazing people and the arts are full of them. In my opinion, they all have one thing in common—they can snap and become almost frightening at the drop of a hat, and then suddenly they are wonderful and make you feel like you mean the world when they are OK. Sadly, during my childhood there was more of the former with my dad. Though I knew in the end that he loved me.
There are so many people living with addiction, anxiety, and mental health issues who are in denial. Even with all the help groups and open discussions there seems to be a quite a bit of stigma attached to it still.
Dr Pam Spurr, a popular self-help expert and radio television personality, says she often encounters people who are in denial about their issues that are the source of their addiction problems. They say things like “I just have a little problem with confidence” which ignores the fact that they drink excessively to help make them feel more confident. Or they say, “I only drink after work to take the edge off.” But when they count up the units, they are far in excess of government guidelines. It’s at times like these that I encourage them to think honestly about their drinking (or drug taking) and consider expert advice.
Many addicts get clean either by joining the 12-step programme, by checking into rehab, or by seeking counselling. The journey of recovery can be different and what works for one person might not work for another person. It is important to point out that as much as the newspapers show pictures of celebrities dashing off to glamorous-looking rehabs, getting into a state-run rehab in the UK can be very difficult for mere mortals.
While helping a friend who was using OxyContin (a pain killer) and had got into a mess from ordering online and then become addicted, the general health services did not want to know. Even going through other channels, she was advised that her chances of getting into rehab were slim, although she did come away from it with a strong network of friends around her.
A beautiful girlfriend of mine found her sobriety in a man as her anchor who was also living with addiction. They have both been clean for seven years now.
Living in LA, the 12 steppers (12 step programme) were like the mafia, and rumour had it that all the best movie deals were done at their meetings and also that many there did not have addiction issues and instead just wanted to pitch ideas.
There is no doubt that the 12-step programme helps many, and even if the meetings can become the new addiction it’s a healthy one.
I agree with Doctor Pam that it is amazing how much of a lack of understanding there is about addiction.
Cake
My gorgeous bubbly friend Monica is originally from California. She is a super bright academic having gone to Yale, lectured all over the world, and she also ran a school for a while.
Yet three years ago she decided to open an up-market catering company as her award-winning chef sister is a goddess in the business. People actually beg for invites to try her canapés.
Lunch with Monica is always fun—it starts off with “Darling shall we share a cake after?” Despite being gorgeous, she is always on some kind of diet. Her little addiction would be cake.
Like one or two other intellectuals I have met with qualifications coming out of every orifice, their life skills sometimes leave me speechless. Despite having a gay brother, she once commented on a photo shoot involving five men I had directed “Is the man with his foot up against the wall a sign he is gay?” I replied “No darling, there are no secret signs; it’s a James Dean inspired clothing shoot.” She just smiled and continued eating.
Today, however, she was on the warpath. She was catering for a big party we had worked on together to get celebrities at. One of the celebs had behaved inappropriately to some of the other guests and to a couple of waitresses.
She was not amused when I laughed, “Well darling, at least he did not get his cock out and try and pee in the champagne fountain like at my other friend’s launch. How that did not end up in the papers is beyond me.” I got the school ma’am look.
He was living with addiction – not surprising considering his childhood trauma and the abuse he lived with. He really should not have been drinking. I am not excusing him, but it’s not the end of the world that I did not invite him to the next few. I said that I’d have a word. Her eyes got wider, and she seemed shocked that I had empathy with the celebrity at all. She wanted him banned for life.
Taboo
As much as I have some reservations about the 12-step programme, saying you’re sorry to those you may have hurt is not easy to do, but it sometimes isn’t enough. I started talking about addiction, and a few minutes in it was clear that it was going nowhere, even though I was sharing this with someone highly intelligent.
Addiction remains a taboo subject. There are so many people in denial and as much as the newspapers are full of celebrity headlines about them being addicted, most of us don’t want to talk about it or feel labelled by it.
A year ago my phone rang—it was a friend who had come out of family day at a rehab centre that her daughter was attending. She was fuming that they suggested that it may run in the family, “They had better not be blaming this on me. I have no addiction.” She was not amused when I laughed “It’s not about you and I will remind you of that next time you refuse to come home from the bar or spend two weeks obsessing about something.”
Outside those who are counsellors, therapists, and those who talk openly about their addiction and some of their loved ones, I have found very few people who understand those living with addiction.
A very wise woman, author, presenter, and journalist, Jane Moore was one person who seemed to understand it. Lester and Jane were great friends and the two together were hysterical. Yet Lester had gone on a tirade about her and I was mortified since she was a true loyal friend to him, and he was starting to run out of friends due to his behaviour.
Lester Middlehurst and Jane Moore
While ringing her and offering full apologies asking her not to fall out with him, she calmly said, “I could never be offended by Lester. He is hurting too much, but he’s lucky to have a friend in you.”
At the time I just thought, but I wish if I had taken those words more to heart I might not have taken his behaviour personally and got as hurt as I did in the end. It helped later in life as I saw the pain addiction brings too.
The LGBTQ community have learnt to talk more as we have needed to be heard to survive. Most surveys say that a larger proportion of those identifying drug and alcohol use as a coping mechanism are LGBTQ, but I beg to differ.
I have sat in many restaurants and bars in London watching the city boys and their entourage go back and forth to the toilets, passing each other along the way. I am pretty sure they are not the kind found in the survey.
Addiction is a worldwide human crisis according to the World Drug Report. Unless we start talking about it, spotting the signs at an early age, and treating it as an illness, many will die with all the new and powerful drugs flooding the market. Whole towns have been wiped out in the US due to drug addiction.
Chemsex is the consumption of drugs to facilitate sexual activity. Both terms refer to a subculture of recreational drug users who engage in high-risk sexual activities under the influence of drugs within groups. Chemsex parties are said to be prolific on the London gay scene, but that is a different story. Not wanting to be righteous, I have no experience of it or want to engage in it. Recent reports in the gay press say chemsex parties are held across UK, but there is a correlation between addiction and sex shame.
The perfect storm
Sadly no longer with us David Stewart of 56 Dean Street, an award-winning HIV and sexual health clinic in the heart of London, explains that this trend is driven by a convergence of factors: “Vulnerable gay men with issues around sex, new drugs that tapped into that problem and changing technology. What they call the perfect storm.”
There was enough of a problem for the government to lay out guidelines in 2017.
Actress Danielle Westbrook, who I have interviewed many a time, put it simply to me, “Look Steve, you get ten people at a party and they all try coke for the first time. Four never try it again, four have it once in a blue moon, and two poor things are addicted six months later.”
The answer would be to never take the risk, but human nature is never that simple.
My friend Lester will never come back but it led me to have so much more of an understanding of addiction and how to protect myself around addiction. Many of the world’s beautiful people are soldiers fighting addiction every day of their lives.
This year’s presenter for “Autism’s Got Talent” Aston Avery chats to 2Shades
We were all thrilled to hear that one of the main presenters of “Autism’s Got talent” this year is going to be Aston Avery Gateway’s radio host and ambassador for Anna Kennedy on line.
Both Anna Kennedy and myself share a monthly spot with him on Gateway. He is for sure someone to be truly admired. He will bring an authenticity and sparkle to the show. I took time out to have chat with him before the big night.
Aston- Avery: A Journey of Passion, Perseverance, and Pride
How excited are you to be presenting Autism’s Got Talent?
I am really thrilled to be presenting this year’s Autism’s Got Talent. “It’s beyond exciting,” “I think it might surprise some people, seeing me in this role. But I’m looking forward to the challenge and seeing what I can improve on for the future.”
When did you first meet and get involved with Annakennedyonline?
My journey with Autism’s Got Talent began in 2015, when I first met Anna Kennedy while performing a bit of Elvis at the event. “That was the same year Anna did The People’s Strictly with Robin Windsor. Since then, I’ve been deeply involved with her charity, AnnaKennedyonline. In 2016, I was honored to become an ambassador for the charity, and I’ve had the privilege of performing at events like Wear It For Autism and various Autism’s Got Talent roadshows. Anna also helped me secure a scholarship with Pineapple Performing Arts, which was an incredible opportunity.”
At what age were you diagnosed with Autism ?
I was diagnosed with autism at the age of two and a half. My mum remembers it vividly. When they received the diagnosis, my dad had a tear running down his cheek. That’s why my mum’s book about our journey is called From A Tear to Here.
Astons as baby with his brother
You raise a lot of money for the cause?
You are right, I am no stranger to the world of fundraising and raising awareness for autism. It has seen me skydiving, playing in charity football matches, organising charity discos, and even hosting charity balls. it’s not just about the money. “It’s about raising acceptance within the community. That’s my real goal.
Aston Sky Diving
Being a previous act on Autism’s Got Talent, what advice would you give this years performers?
Having been a past performer at Autism’s Got Talent, my advice for this year’s participants is: Enjoy every moment. Make friends—talk to your fellow performers, and even reach out to past performers. It’s about connection as much as performance.
Who are your hero’s Aston?
My heroes are close to home: My parents and my brother. They’ve stood by me through everything—my autism diagnosis, my battle with enterocolitis, and even my fundraising efforts. They’ve been there for the good and the rough times.
Aston with his brother, Aaron
Your very vocal about bullying what is your advice to people being bullied ?
Being an advocate for anti-bullying, I feel strongly about speaking up about it. If you’re being bullied, don’t let them break you. Talk to someone—a parent, a sibling, a professional like a teacher or manager. You don’t have to go through it alone.
How did you get involved with Gateway 97.8?
My media journey began in 2013 when I got involved with Gateway 97.8, working behind the scenes on the technical side of things. By 2015, I was presenting his own daytime show. I’ve spoken to so many people—celebrities, regular contributors, and people from the local area. It’s been such a rewarding experience.
What are your future ambitions?
I’d love to perform in a pantomime one day, and I really hope to become a TV presenter. My dream is to appear on Strictly Come Dancing—that’s my favourite show. Fingers crossed!
What would you say gives you inspiration each day?
My daily inspiration comes from the people around me and my own drive. I wake up motivated to do what I love—whether it’s performing, presenting, or connecting with people to share experiences. I always say, my name is Aston-Martin Avery, I am autistic, and I am proud!
Why I am with Esther Rantzen when it comes to euthanasia being allowed in the UK
Inspirational Esther Rantzen and the incredible Martin Annand
News of the controversial suicide pod being used for the first time in Switzerland really caught my attention. The device allows the person in it to take their own life by pressing a button. The concern, even in Switzerland where euthanasia is legal, is that the pod functions without medical assistance.
It also triggered a memory of when I was asked to take a friend to Switzerland, and I nearly did…
It was a beautiful sunny day and my former partner, of twenty years and friend for twenty more Martin Annand and I were sitting in the leafy London Garden opposite where he lived.
He squeezed my hand and said,
“Steven, please take me to Switzerland, let’s arrange it today.”
The wonderful Martin Annand RIP 20th Of February 1944 – 9th of August 2021
We had been up most of the night. Martin had been in agony; he was terminally ill with cancer that had moved into the spine. He had sailed through hormone treatment and apart from the odd hiccup, chemotherapy had been giving us hope that a miracle would happen or at least extended his life, but we had had some bad news, and the chemotherapy had stopped working. He had moved on to radiotherapy and that was a whole new ball game. The illness was turning him quickly into a shell of himself.
Coming soon.
Helping was a battle as his new partner was unreasonable, a bully and often hysterical. I was up against people who were all “experts. A distant relative thought running a ball up and down his spine and getting him to exercise was good, but would not look at the actual fact that it was the worst thing you could do for cancer in the spine.
All through his illness I was absolutely determined to stay stoic and a rock, not the hysterical mess I was in private. Too often I have seen people make their friend or partner’s illness be about them, with the poor soul consoling them. Now his current partner had taken two weeks holiday and reluctantly left me to look after him. It was an ideal time to take Martin to Switzerland.
However, it was hard at this point to hold back the tears.
“Is that what you really want?” I asked him.
He had clearly done his homework and knew the price and exactly where to go. Pulling myself together and looking into his beautiful blue eyes I promised I would if he just gave it one more week. The doctors had said at the Royal Brompton that the night burns were quite a common side effect that should pass.
Holding him in the shower and as he lay shaking in bed, I would have done anything to ease his pain. Assurances that this phase would pass, and that the treatment would allow him more time encouraged us to push on.
To this day I am so sorry that I did not take him whilst he could still get on a plane. The horror that he endured no human being should go through. Why do we let a dog in distress die in dignity, yet our loves ones have to suffer? The religious right will tell you It is not God’s wish. Some God if he wants us to suffer.
“Suffer to come unto me “. Well, I cannot make sense of that. It is time to allow those with no hope of living without excruciating pain to die on their own terms.
By the second week it was too painful for Martin to travel in a taxi let alone fly. Then the current partner arrived back, and all was lost on the idea of euthanasia.
When there really is no hope, it is time to be kind and allow the terminally sick some release. Next time someone I love asks me, I’ll do it on the spot. I truly hope that if I were in that much pain with no chance of recovery that someone would do the same for me.
Me with Martin Annand a man who lived life to its full
If there is one thing that bemuses me it’s being put in a box because of my sexuality.
As a gay man I have heard it all over the years, including the presumption that I must be filled with excitement that Kylie is touring next year. No! I honestly would not cross the road to watch her, and I find “Padam Padam” one of the most irritating songs of all time.
Sure, she has a huge gay following. I remember two gay men jumping with excitement in the changing room of the gym exclaiming, “Oh my God we are seeing Kyle tonight, she’s such a survivor! ” And that was before the breast cancer. I have heard she is a lovely person, but she’s just not my taste in music.
Later at the Troubadour café the waiter enquired if me and my partner were going to see Kylie. After replying definitely not, he smiled and said, “Good to hear it, have a drink on me!”
Sure, I like Madonna; she is a true artist. Now Bowie, Lou Reed, Nina Simon or a night at the Royal Opera are my tastes in music.
What I am excited about is Oasis coming back. Liam Gallagher is brightly funny and a night out with him would be way up on my list rather than the gay Divas of music. Oasis marks an era, and a generation of people want to celebrate the band and re- live that experience for just for one night.
Their music is original, and they are a dying breed of rock star. The Manchester lads may not be the wild boys of the past, but every time Liam pops up on a show, he makes me laugh and he is by far a much better interview than most.
That’s what entertainment is all about. My friend Pam I know not to dare ring during the football or come to that rugby, cricket, darts season, tiddlywinks… If for a moment music, sport or something else can transport you to a happy place or bring a beautiful memory back to life for you, then whatever gives you that enjoyment is your business.
I, of course, respect everyone who can’t get Kylie “out of their head”, but come on, Liam and Noel are really something to get excited about.
Yes, it is that time of year again so please come see me and 2shades columnist Dr Anna Kennedy OBE on 12th October at the Mermaid theatre. Gateways Radio Aston Avery will be one of the main presenters introducing some incredible acts.
This star-studded spectacular show will showcase amazingly talented performances by adults and children with autism. The performers, which consist of singers, actors, musicians, magicians, poets and dance troupes, will fly the flag for autism and show what people with autism are capable of. Autism’s Got Talent provides a platform and fantastic opportunity to replace negative aspects with hope, fun, laughter and inclusion. This showcase is unique to any other project across the world.
Most of the acts have springboarded into exclusive opportunities. The audience feels a rare emotion of hope and belonging, part of a unique network, and understanding that anything is possible. Every year promises a showcase of a wide variety of performers. In previous years, there has been a stand-up performer, harpist, rapper, young author, acclaimed ballet dancer, opera singer.
Presenting this year Aston Avery Gateway radio host .
The concept of Autism’s Got Talent is based solely on inclusion, and there needs to be more, which is why we have started roadshows. Autism’s Got Talent is an annual event that grows in popularity each year and has firmly cemented its status as a leading charity and autism event.
Dr Anna Kennedy OBE and me .
Supported in the past by celebrities including Kacey Ainsworth, Richard Mylan, Dame Esther Rantzen, Carrie and David Grant, Debbie Moore OBE, the late Ian Royce, Dr Pam Spurr, Mitch Winehouse, Loose Women Star Denise Welch, Caprice, Luke Friend, Tony Discipline (BBC Eastenders), and Emma Noble.
My son has always been effeminate and neither my husband or myself have tried to change that. When he wanted to not do football and take up sewing (and he is good) we fully encouraged him. Now he is 15 he wants to return to school this term as a girl, going from David to Danielle. Heidi can I be honest, I am terrified for him and his safety. The school say it is ok but my husband is against it. We just feel he is too young still what can we do?
Thanks so much for your question, I think it is great you have always seen David for who he wants to be and fully supported him. As with everything that should not change, and your love and protection is the number one thing he counts on.
David has made what might be seen to many as brave decision to start to transition into Danielle, and it can be a confusing and frightening time for Danielle and for those that love her. But it also can be liberating and a wonderful thing for those that feel they have been born into the wrong body.
Please make sure you keep an open conversation with Danielle, so there are no secrets. If you feel the reaction at school to Danielle is hurting her, go to the school right away. It is so important not to react negatively as you have been doing but talk to her about safety and life moving forward.
Here is hoping it all goes well
Love Heidi
Heidi hi,
My mother is a super bitch and is all about how things look. I am 17 and going to college this year and as it is a boarding college it is brilliant as I can get away from her showing off. Heidi, she thinks she is coming to see me settle in. I know it sounds like I am being unfair but all that will happen is she will come and make the whole thing about herself, flirt with people and it will be an embarrassment. Honestly I do not want to go if she is coming.
Oh, bless you, I am sure she wants the best for you. Parents are only human too and as we grow older, we sometimes see flaws in them as in all humans. Equally it is a good idea to talk to your parents as humans. You are 17 now so maybe tell her you want to make the move in and settle in on your own.
It may cause a row if she asks why to tell her you sometimes find her a little embarrassing. It can go either way but it may get mum thinking .
I feel as a parent myself you always want your child to be happy and safe, so it’s understandable that she wants to see where you are living. When you are ready, show her where you are residing and then possibly whisk her out for a mum and son lunch !
Good luck 🤞
Love you Heidi and need your help,
Having lost my virginity last year to an older boy at my school, it did not take long to realise that my preference is girls. Then in Brighton in June this gorgeous girl came on to me and that was that.
It was only a week in when I found out she is starting work at my college this term. Now I am 18 so not jailbait, but she said it would be an issue . What do I do when I see her? I am in love.
Kim, Worthing.
Hi Kim,
Oh, my love I feel your pain. If she says she cannot be in a relationship, there may be strict rules against this. I think she sounds sensible and will have checked.
It is a very new relationship and if it is true love maybe in three years’ time when you leave it can be rekindled.
But please do not be holding a torch for the whole time. My thoughts are she would be more impressed if you went on with your life, met new people and grow as a person.
Best of luck.
Hi Heidi.
My boyfriend is super-hot, he plays rugby and is a Queen’s dream. The only issue is when we go out everyone flirts with him and I am invisible. The main problem is he flirts back and tells me it is just fun, that I am to get over myself and that I am his man. But I dread going out socially, especially to gay bars. We have been together for two years; I am a teacher and he is a doctor. I do not want to say anything in case I sound jealous or drive him away.
Paul, Battersea.
Hi Paul,
This might sound crazy, but many beautiful looking people have issues finding love and making people feel secure in a relationship with them.
It feels like you’re being insecure and I feel for you. Sit him down tell him you’re feeling insecure and you need some reassurances. Even get some couples counselling.
Sam Grierson said, “After my best friend took her own life, I stopped writing. I couldn’t write anymore. I met Michelle and she told me to give myself a nudge. And I went on holiday a few weeks later, and I sat on a beach in Croatia. And I hear her in my head, give yourself a nudge. And I thought to myself, you know, I’m autistic.
We’re not supposed to have big emotions. But I was having massive emotions for Jenny taking her own life. And I missed her. She’d been my best friend since I was four. And I completely missed her. And I’m thinking, I am having colossal emotions here. How is it possible that autistic people don’t feel?”
I’ve had the honour of watching Sam’s short film The Programme which is set to release in November. Her writing and direction of this enterprise made me feel a thousand emotions at once.
It’s about a non-binary and autistic character called ‘Drum’ played by Granite Harbour actress, Michelle Jeram who is interviewed by an AI robot. The purpose of this film is for the AI robot to gather information on a neurodivergent individual’s feelings and emotions to navigate how to treat them in the future.
The conversation between the AI robot (played by Sherise Blackman) and Drum was a painful watch and in many ways, made me feel seen and a huge reminder of the empathy we lack as human beings. The urgency to separate what’s normal and abnormal in people through labels, assumptions and ignorance is the root of all the divide.
People often forget that the spectrum of neurodiversity is far too varied to be generalised. There’s a reason why people say “they’re on a spectrum” after being diagnosed or familiarising themselves with certain traits. With this context in mind, Sam’s work deeply reflects how feelings and emotions also lie on an infinite spectrum that cannot be classified.
Sam explains, “Autistic people are shut down and shut up so often. I just wanted them to be able to express themselves and just talk. So I wrote the film to talk about grief and loneliness because they’re big feelings we don’t talk about. And again, as a neurodivergent person, what does that look like for us? And Drum’s not trying to be every neurodivergent person, it’s just a story by a person. But by letting them articulate their feelings, big, deep feelings, I just wanted to let people sit without uncomfortableness”
The essence of discomfort Sam speaks of while watching any of her creative explorations is an attempt to free the mind and elevate us to all forms of acceptance.
How often, as human beings, do we come across a story, feel a rush of emotions based on our own life experiences and settle on an opinion? Or, in some cases, feel so unsettled that the world becomes a projection of our emotions?
However, that’s exactly what Sam tries to portray through her work, we’re all human and equally messed up, neurodivergent or not. We’re all invited to feel the emotions that we do in our own ways. The keyword being feel and to be courageous to sit with ourselves, allow the voices to speak to us and initiate transformation through self-acceptance.
Sam mentioned, “Liz and I run workshops, we start all the workshops on the left hand side of the room, we put flip charts up and we say, right, what does autism look like? What does grief look like? And then can you express your emotions, for example, right? So we’ll put these on flip charts. And then Liz will interview me a little bit about why I wrote the film and then we’ll watch the film. Then we purposefully take a break. We let people go to the loo or whatever and just sit with it for a minute. We bring them back in the room and we say, right, talk about the film for a bit. And before they go, we do the flip charts again but on the other side of the room. We say, right, what does autism look like? What does grief look like? And can you express your emotions?
Sponsor and Film Producer, Liz Crutchley with Sam Grierson now working on a new feature film, ‘Station’
Every single person who’s ever been to our workshops has transformed in that two hour period from what they wrote and thought when they came in, to what they wrote and thought when they left, because we have challenged people, we have moved people’s perception. And the reason that we were able to do that is because we’re telling the story. And we’re able to draw people into Drum’s world and see it through Drums’ eyes in a really personal way. And so for me, what do I want to achieve? It’s that. It’s taking people’s perception beforehand and coming out the other side and transforming it. I think most people who’ve seen the film said they needed to watch it again.”
I had to watch it two or three times myself, not to make sense of the character, but mainly to make sense of my own emotions. I went through a spectrum of thoughts watching The Programme because at times I felt the writing was peeling into my heart like a stranger breaking into my house but I allowed it to happen?
At times I felt a wave of sympathy for Drum’s character for being dehumanised by the AI robot when they not only answered the questions, but also bravely articulated every ounce of their misery. Only to be shot down for digressing or being “vague”.
Sam has evolved to a state of living where she challenges herself to do things and think differently but also does everything her creative soul tells her to do. She has a wonderful community of people who share her vision to allow people to go beyond themselves and into themselves.
Executive Producer, Claire Brown with Sam Grierson
Soundtrack writer and artist, Megan Black with Sam Grierson
She continues to represent the neurodivergent community through her storytelling but also wishes to create a space for everyone to feel safe to express themselves. She works selflessly to include all voices to have a platform through her projects to spread an important message.
Sam said, “I’d like you to think differently, the other side of it. And I really want to hear from people. We’re going to put it out in November, free, because all my content is free. I really want to talk about neurodiversity. So I don’t charge for anything. It’s all self-funded. I just do it because I want to do it. I want to tell these stories. I’m going to put it out.
I really, really want people to get in touch with me and tell me what it did. What did it do? How did it make you feel? If you don’t like it, fine. Tell me why you didn’t like it. I don’t need you to like it. I don’t need you to love my film. But did it make you have some kind of emotional reaction? Yeah, that’s what I want to do. That’s what I want to do with all my audio plays, all my stories. I want to provoke an emotional reaction in people.”
And just like her audacious podcast, “Daring to be Different” Sam holds no grudge with criticism and opinions. When someone like herself enters a space of inspiration through service to the world and a community, it doesn’t matter what people think, it only matters what they feel and what they desire to share.
She is in the works of another project set in Glasgow called ‘Station’ about a man in a train station having conversations with fellow travellers to explore a multicultural perspective to life.
Director of Photography, James Peakman with Samantha Grierson
What I will say about Sam’s work before you experience it for yourself is that she always ends it with a twist. A stomach-curling, pillow-grabbing and mind-bending twist that leaves you hungry for more.
Her purpose towards people is to provide an outlet for limitless perception that without intention, without bias or any kind of expectation or outcome, re-programmes us to lead with our hearts.
Watch the trailer of ‘The Programme’ by Sam Grierson
If there is one thing most people can agree on, it is that children need love, guidance and to feel safe. Now in 2024 we can acknowledge that this does not necessarily need to come from what has been seen as the traditional family of Mum and Dad. The face of the family does not always concur with the image of the Waltons or The Brady Brunch. It takes two Heterosexuals to make one of us as Boy George pointed out. Many have done a great job, but equally the horror and trauma many have left their children with after childhood are the story of Netflix shows.
In this day in age the family can be two dads, two mums, a single parent or two lots of parents after a divorce. The end goal is for the child anyone raises to become a happy confident adult, one who knows they are loved and gives back in return. This would make for a kinder society. But of course, not all agree, and the far Christian right still scream in horror at the idea of gay marriage, let alone gay people adopting or having children.
Steven Smith meets an LGBTIQQ hero Andi Ellis Smith who has adopted two children with husband Darren, and chats life and fatherhood.
Andi, how did you and Darren meet?
Darren and I met through a mutual friend on Facebook, but it turned out that we actually lived very close to each other.
When did you both decide you wanted to have children?
Darren had always been vocal about wanting children whereas I was a little quieter about it. Initially, I would brush it off or change the subject, but I have also always wanted children. As a young gay man, I just wasn’t sure that it was available to me!
Why go the route of adoption over surrogate or foster?
Due to our careers (Darren is a Headteacher and prior to working in media and advocacy my working history is within the local authority and schools) we were acutely aware of how many children were in the system that needed a caring and loving home, and we felt that we were able to provide this. It was always adoption for us. The loose UK laws around LGBTQ+ surrogacy (at the time) also put us off that route. We have seen first-hand how amazing foster carers can be and what a vital part in a child’s life they can play. This is something that we would possibly consider once our children have grown up.
How easy was it to get approved for adoption?
As you can imagine, there are lengthy checks by the adoption agency which include character references from friends/ family, DBS checks. employer checks / medicals and finance checks including many meetings with your social worker. In addition to this you will need to attend information and training sessions.
We believe that there is a misconceived understanding by many people that the adoption process takes years. In fact, the approval process in the UK usually takes around 6 months. The part that can take the longest is the family finding and matching, but this could mainly be due to how open the prospective adopters are to the type of care needs that they are willing to take on.
Do you feel that the BBC drama “Lost Boys and Fairies” is a good comparison to your experience?
To start off with the drama was a very good representation of the process, but I felt some of this got lost with some dramatisation in parts of the story, which is understandable. I personally would have liked storylines to be more child-centred and without the usual exaggerated cliches, but it was a good watch. The foster carer character was brilliant! Each adoption journey is different with twists/ turns and highs/ lows, so it would be good to see more representation of adoption on prime time tv.
What advice would you give to other LGBTQQ couples hoping to adopt?
Be open with your social worker and don’t hide anything, your social worker will end up knowing more about you than anyone else! I always say to people to be at a point in your life where you are able to give 100% of your time and focus to the process as it will take over your life.
One of the first highly published couples Linda Riley and Sarah Garrett have two children together and set up “The Alternative Parent show”. As well as massive support for the couple (who have since split up), the Christian Right were very vocal of their disapproval. What do you say to those who think children should have a Mum and Dad?
Sarah Garrett, right, organiser of the Alternative Parenting Show, with her ex-partner Linda and their twins Phoenix and Sophia. Photograph: Linda Nylind for the Guardian
Besides breast feeding, there is nothing that my children could get from a mother that they don’t get from their two dads. Let’s be honest about this, the majority of children in the care system come from families where there is a mum and dad. We did an article for publication about adoption when we first started our family; most of the comments were positive but there were a few archaic comments of ‘this child needs their mum’ ! I think some people are just very uneducated about it. Safeguarding thresholds in the UK are incredibly high and birth families are given many chances (sometimes too many) before children are removed, so to say that ‘every child needs their mum’ ….is just a bizarre statement.
I am proud to have been a part of the Modern Family Show for 3 years now, this is Europe’s largest family building event and helps inform LGBTQ+ on their options for parenthood. The show is coming to London on 28th September 2024. you can get
Once you have adopted, how much help in the following years is there for parents?
We have needed support for both of our children post adoption as we have seen a huge decline in services post pandemic. It is a bit of a myth that you can ask for support post adoption and you will just get it. The post adoption fund is available, but you do have to go through assessments and meetings to be able to access it and, like everything these days, there are long waiting lists which can be frustrating.
Adopted children (known as Previous LAC (Looked after children) can access certain support such as going to the top of admissions criteria for some schools (always check the policy!) and their educational setting will be able to access certain funding pots, so it is really important to be honest with the school that the child is adopted.
Your first child – your daughter – has numerous medical diagnoses. This must take up a huge amount of time. Were you aware of this at the point of adoption and is there much support for you around this?
Our daughter does have complex needs. We were aware that she may have some difficulties due to genetic conditions and from information that was provided to us pre-adoption. As time has gone on, we have received further diagnosis.
What is difficult is dealing with professionals not doing what they should, following up on appointments and fighting for the support for different services. The other part that can be tricky is people’s attitudes towards SEN and inclusion.
Has there ever been a point when one of your children ask why they have two dads? How do you explain this and what about when they are asked at school?
Our son is very inquisitive about everything! We always talk about different families and have lots of books featuring characters from all family background and cultures. I like his way of thinking; he flips it and asks why people don’t have two daddies or why do they have a mum!
I do think that a lot of children just accept things these days, of course there are exceptions to this. However, my children’s classmates have always known that they have two dads, even from when they have been at nursery from aged 2 and childminders. One child once said to my daughter’s key worker that he thought it was unfair she had two dads because he only had one!
Can you tell us how you are involved with Anna Kennedy online?
Earlier this year I became a Charity Champion for Anna Kennedy. We have done some fund raising and held virtual coffee mornings for the LGBTQ+ community, which is a safe space for people who belong to this group to come and chat to others. This can be other LGBTQ+ parents or those who are neurodiverse and LGBTIQQ+.
What do you two beautiful people relax or do to look after yourselves?
We love spending time with friends and family. We enjoy days out and lots of walks (or running after the children). As a couple we love outings to the theatre or concerts and we both try and get to the gym as and when we can!
2Shades Magazine 