Happy New Year! Let’s hope 2025 is a great year for us all. I’m busy with my team, as always. Among the many things we have lined up is The Autism Hero Awards, being held at the Holiday Inn, Regent’s Park, London on the 15th of March. You can find information on how to get tickets and sponsorship details at the bottom of this column.
As always, we also have the amazing Autism’s Got Talent later this year—audition tapes are welcome now!
In other news, our autism ambassador, Kieron Lee, is launching a neurodiverse musical education platform as his final major project for his BA (Hons) degree in Popular Music.
We’re also thrilled to announce that our patron, Steven Smith, along with the incredible Annemarie Bickerton, will be hosting the first-ever Autism Art Show, featuring artists on the autism spectrum and supporters of the charity. Money raised will go directly to the charity. This event will be held at the sensational gallery, The Fire Pit (https://www.firepit.art), from May 22 to May 25, 2025.
Dr Anna Kennedy OBE with one of her patrons Steven Smith ,
Please keep your questions coming into 2Shades magazine. I’ve been thrilled to join such a diverse and exciting publication!
Dear Anna, Trust you’re well. My family loves your column. We were wondering: What do you think are the most common myths about people living with autism?
Dawn, Essex.
Thank you, Dawn, for your kind comments. Sadly, there are still a lot of autism myths out there.
Here is five common ones
5 Myths and Facts About Autism
Myth 1: Autism is caused by vaccines.
Fact: There is no scientific evidence linking vaccines to autism. Numerous studies have thoroughly debunked this myth. Autism is believed to be influenced by a combination of genetic and environmental factors, but vaccines are not one of them.
Myth 2: People with autism lack empathy.
Fact: Many individuals with autism experience empathy deeply, but they may express it differently. Some may have difficulty recognizing social cues, but this does not mean they lack feelings or care for others.
Myth 3: Autism only affects children.
Fact: Autism is a lifelong condition. While symptoms might present differently as people age, autistic adults continue to experience challenges and strengths associated with autism throughout their lives.
Myth 4: Everyone with autism has the same abilities and challenges.
Fact: Autism is a spectrum, meaning it affects individuals differently. Some may have significant support needs, while others may live independently and excel in various fields. No two autistic people are alike.
Myth 5: Autism can be cured.
Fact: Autism is not a disease and does not need to be “cured.” The focus is on acceptance, support, and enabling autistic individuals to thrive by embracing their unique perspectives and abilities.
Would you like to dive deeper into any of these points?
Dear Anna, My daughter is being labelled disruptive at school. She’s been diagnosed with autism and severe learning difficulties. Despite discussing this with the headteacher, she’s suggested that Mary, my daughter, not return this term and instead find a school more suited to her needs. Anna, I feel lost—what can I do, or who can I turn to for help?
Diana, Essex
Dear Diana, I feel your frustration.
Please do contact our charity website using our contact form at http://www.annakennedyonline.com. We can discuss the possible way forward. In the meantime, do some research on schools that may meet your daughter’s needs within an hour’s drive of where you live.
You will then be in a more informed position on what is available in your area. You could visit a few schools to get a feel for the services and resources they offer.
Dear Anna, How does someone become part of Autism’s Got Talent? My son is super talented at playing guitar. He’s a little shy and unsure about auditioning. He’s also worried about encountering a harsh judge.
David, Edinburgh
Hello David, Autism’s Got Talent is now in its 14th year and one of the highlights of our charity year.
This is a showcase of talented individuals performing at The Mermaid Theatre, London. Autism’s Got Talent is not a competition.
Please do watch our highlight videos on our charity YouTube channel.
You could also come along to the show in October to experience the magic. Share the experience with the audience made up of parents, friends of the performers, and members of the public who are regular supporters. Feel the magic and be inspired. Then send a tape in of your son performing . love Anna
Autism’s Got Talent.
Dear Anna, My son is 19 and wants to start dating. He’s a lovely young man but has a stammer and lives with autism. I’m worried about how he’ll handle rejection. Is there a webpage or group where he can meet like-minded people?
Brenda, Norwich
Hello Brenda, There are many dating sites now for autistic individuals.
A popular Netflix docuseries, Love on the Spectrum, showcases autistic individuals navigating the world of dating. One of our charity’s overseas ambassadors is featured in series one and two.
In this romantic docuseries, people on the autism spectrum look for love and navigate the world of dating and relationships. https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/81338328
Good luck!
Dear Anna, I love your dancing! I’m 17 and want to learn to dance seriously. Living with autism has always made it feel challenging, but I’d like to get more involved. How did you learn?
Love, Melanie, Brighton
Hello Melanie, Dance is a great way to stay fit and boost your mood and well-being. I started tap dancing at age 6 and fell in love with dance then. It definitely keeps you feeling young.
Join a local dance class and discover which dance style suits you best. There are also many dance classes online if this makes you feel more comfortable at first, then gradually progress to a dance studio.
Good luck and enjoy!
Anna Kennedy with her former Dance Partner Robin Windsor
I’m always in search of unique art and now that I’m back in my home city, I wanted to explore the world of artists in Bangalore.
I found Ragini Chatterjee in the depths of an Instagram stalking session on a page that promotes young artists in the city.
I was blown away by her ability to not only make me wide-eyed at her work on first glance, but also draw me into the intricacies of her art.
Being away from home and in the UK for a couple of years sidetracked my memory of the rich talent that exists within my own people. I’m so glad my stalking, I mean, research skills led me to Ragini’s mind palace, one that seems to hypnotise me in an instant.
I still can’t stop looking; I had to know the heart behind this enigma. And so I asked her some questions to get know who she is for you and for me.
When did you first recognise your talent? What was your first ever painting?
I’m not sure if it was “talent” or simply my overactive imagination that led me to painting. I spent most of my classes doodling, but my first “proper” drawing, one I remember being proud of, was a sketch of Aang from The Last Airbender. I think I was around 9 years old.
What does your art mean to you?
Art is how I process the world around me. Whether it’s a book, series, or movie I’m captivated by, expressing my excitement through art brings me peace. On a deeper level, art allows me to visualise insights about life that resonate with me. Sharing these pieces is fascinating because others often interpret them in ways that reflect their own experiences, creating a unique dialogue between the viewer and the work.
If you could vouch for other artists, what would your message be to the world about the importance of self-expression?
To anyone who feels deeply—whether you’re an artist or not—self-expression is vital. Whether through art, music, fashion, or dance, it’s a natural outlet that should be embraced. Suppressing this instinct can feel overwhelming, and letting it out often creates something beautiful. In today’s fast-paced world, self-expression serves as a poignant reminder of our shared humanity.
A portrait called ‘Mommy’
There’s an abundance of extraordinary talent such as yourself in India. I’ve come across many who feel overwhelmed by the competition in the creative industry and settle into different industries to survive. What are your thoughts on this? Does survival overrule passion? Or does it depend on how one perceives it?
I feel fortunate to create for myself, but I’d be lying if I said recognition didn’t motivate me. However, I wouldn’t describe the creative industry as “competitive.” This perspective probably stems from my choice not to pursue art as a full-time career. By separating my livelihood from my art, I’ve been able to enjoy the process without the pressure of survival, allowing my passion to thrive independently.
Who or what has inspired you to create your pieces?
Life inspires me—everything from a captivating colour scheme to an idea I need to visualise. For example, I painted Behind the Kitten to challenge the misconception that cuteness equates to weakness. In college, I explored the myth of Icarus to reflect on self-discovery and freedom. During the pandemic, I delved into Pandora’s myth, and more recently, I created a piece about self-care inspired by the idea that you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Explain the creative process behind your work. Is it a cathartic journey? How does it make you feel?
My creative process begins with a need to express something—whether it’s an idea that’s been simmering for weeks or an immediate fascination with a book, movie, or series. Once I find a reference photo, I dive in, spending anywhere from half an hour to a week on the piece. While creating is cathartic, I’m often preoccupied with achieving aesthetic beauty, which makes it challenging to feel fully satisfied with my work.
What do you wish for people to experience through your work?
I hope my art evokes a sense of connection and invites viewers to appreciate its aesthetic qualities.
Tell us about a response you’ve received about your art that made you feel happy or seen.
There isn’t a single comment that stands out, as my satisfaction primarily comes from how I feel about a piece. However, I enjoy hearing reactions like, “Wow, that’s so pretty.” I also love when people share their interpretations of my work—it’s fascinating how their perspectives differ from my own.
You’re currently in Paris. Has the cultural shift played any role in the expansion of your vision? I believe life experiences can elevate one’s art. Tell us about your experience.
While my surroundings have changed, my art remains influenced by similar themes—my life experiences, books, movies, and shows. The cultural shift has enriched my perspective, but I wouldn’t say it has drastically changed the essence of my work.
How can someone find you, your work, and reach out to you?
I have a website where people can leave messages, but the easiest way to connect with me is through Instagram or email.
To reach out to Ragini, email her at raginichatterjee99@gmail.com
Friendships hold deep bonds, sometimes as deep as family bonds
But are friendships always good? Or are they also damaging if you don’t know yourself?
People come and go into our lives on a daily basis. Some we see everyday and others are months and even years apart. There’s a special connection that can make us feel that time never passed. Inside, you know that this person will always be in your life, no matter how much time apart you have. This is the beautiful part of true friendship and companionship.
But what brings people together?
A common ground, family, employment, education, or through coincidental events that lead people to form a relationship. Mutual memories and shared experiences create a narrative that only they know and can share.
When it’s tied to a historical significance, it seals a feeling of forever that can never be downplayed or recreated. A story of friendship and joint paths. That somehow the universe had this written and the belief that one can’t exist without the other. A sense of belonging in a period of time.
If independence, self-love and self-control are seen as essential qualities, then are these relationships set up to eventually fail?
Everyone has their own lives. We can’t always be there through all the highs and lows our friends experience. We all have our own paths. These paths are directed by our life choices and events. They stem from our natural development and a change in priorities.
How do we know when that moment comes?
When the show is over for a bond that once was and people part ways. Some friendships or human relationships last as long as necessary. They allow you to move on to the next stage of your life. It feels like good-bye to the version of you that connected to a version of them. We mutually and subconsciously decide to let go of those versions of us. We do this when the forces of life challenge us to evolve.
Ultimately a relationship with anyone other than family is based on the setting that you meet them in. A work colleague you see more or less every day may leave suddenly. It’s sad, but life continues. New people start working with you and this brings change and new connections. The old work colleague eventually becomes a distant memory. You may meet for catch-ups and go to each other’s birthday parties, wedding, or perhaps meet for dinner and drinks.
The moment you know it’s fading…
Time with them includes reminiscing about shared past memories. It also involves sharing funny anecdotes, reflecting, and updating each other on how everyone is doing. Life has continued and a reminder of the past becomes the only bond that you have with these people. Until the point that social media and the odd messages are all that connects these friends. They lose their glue and the only link that is shared are mutual experiences in the past.
Can work friends, become long-term friends?
People at work we see more or less everyday. We build relationships and maintain friendships during work time. I always say that I spend more time with colleagues than I do with family and friends and even with myself. We are brought together through coincidence. Unless you recommend a friend who starts working with you, everyone there are people you met because you applied for a job with the same company.
I have been extremely lucky enough to meet a colleague at work through a complete coincidence and because of an incident that took place. This person has become a rock and solid foundation in my life. I was there for them through the tragic loss of their mother and reminded them of their strength to get through the heartbreak and absence of their best friend and reason to keep living.
Similarly, they are the reason I am still here. In my lowest of lows, they were there to simply listen to me, vent it all out and we held each other up. When one is deteriorating, the other holds a safety net to catch the other to disintegrate any anxiety or self-doubt. They see similar traits and personality characteristics between me and their mother and I see myself in them. They bring a glowing and shining light into the world and people’s lives but they also carry the shadows of insecurities and self doubt that the world and loss has cursed them with. We are part of each others lives and they are in my heart and always make sure I have whatever I need to be George. Despite this there are times we may not have contact temporarily but we will always reconnect.
From strangers to best friends in a minute…
Some brief encounters feel like you have known the person for years and you share things about yourself that are deep and personal. It’s a shame that most of these will inevitably end. A random meet up, an online date, a shop worker, the person on the train going to work, a customer in the queue, or a person at the bus stop. These people match your mood, energy, and humour but there is nothing else to bring you together. You remain strangers when you part ways until a day that you may see them again.
The overwhelming fear of losing friendships as we grow
I fear sometimes that life will separate me even more from the closest few in my life. The friends I grew up with have evolved on to different paths now. They have children and their lives have completely changed to nurture, care and love their children. I’m always in their thoughts, we speak and meet up on certain occasions but ultimately things could never be the same as before.
I often felt left behind because of my sexuality and lifestyle. During my growth I have realised that I am on my own path that starts with me. I am at a point where I can count my true friends, choose where I go and with whom I want to spend time with bearing no guilt or the need to feel validated or accepted by pleasing others. There have been events that I was not invited to because I have no children. While the people I grew up with can meet regularly to catch up and share memories. I’m not included in this because my lifestyle is different from theirs so I may be over looked, or there is an assumption I may not want to go because there are children there. The truth is I could not think of anything better than seeing my friend’s children grow and seeing my friends in a parental light and the love they share as a family.
But when is it time to make this decision before life does it for us?
Some of us hold onto friendships and relationships because of a history of connections when in reality these people are unsupportive, toxic, and self-centered. Although the initial connection was true and genuine, life has pulled them into a different direction or changed their priorities and they keep you in their lives because of what you supply them with. A support mechanism, a non-judgemental companion that will always be there to vent to, and pick up the pieces every time they continue to make the same mistakes over and over again despite the outcome being the same.
There are genuine times you are there for each other through a loss, support with life issues, or to have a good time. But the outcome will still result in a complete separation either because one will realise they are being used or the other may feel exhausted giving constant advice only to be met with backlash or resentment.
When I was at my worst, I was able to discern between those who were there for me because they actually care about my happiness and those who needed me in their lives because it was convenient for them. By the end of it, the truth always comes out and a painful yet relieving decision has to be made. You start putting yourself first.
What is the role of friendship in our lives?
A friend or companion should make you feel empowered, strong, encouraged, and valued. They will always find time to ask how you are despite the pain they might be going through in their own lives and you do the same for them. They will never intentionally let you down, take you for granted, or use you to vent their anger and blame you for their mistakes in order to validate their own decisions that are wrong or damaging.
Moreover, they will never throw anything back at you that you have confided or shared with them in confidence. And they teach you the value of our choices, they teach you to forgive and move on.
With their support, I have now developed the courage and forward thinking ability to decide who is no longer part of my life journey. I had some amazing and memorable moments with them where we laughed, cried, supported each other and flourished. However, a realisation eventually kicks in, that we’re different people and they’re not healthy or positive to be around for my mental health or well-being. With some people I will never look back and would rather not know them anymore. With others they will always have a place in my heart and I would never rule out reconnecting and sharing good times if life has that in store for us. But it will never be the same as it once was.
George Khoury walking towards a successful life and leaving the past behind
How to co-exist with a sense of self and friendship?
In order to continue to grow, we need to cut loose people that are not ready to move to the next stage of our lives. When you change, this disrupts the use you have for them and you will be held back and reminded of the old you that you are detaching from, and may receive hurtful comments and accusations that prevent you from moving forward. You will be caught in a never ending wheel of toxicity and negativity.
But take a breath and look around you to decide who really inspires you, makes you glow, shine, forego self-doubt, value your self-worth and uniqueness. Put yourself first and remove the barriers stopping you from reaching your goals and life purpose. You will see the benefits this will have in your life before you know it. You’ll realise that this is your life and you have the choice despite memories or connections. You’ve got this. See you on the sweeter side.
Set in the 1980s, even the set design conveys that you’re dealing with true professionals, setting the mood even before the show begins. (The Tabard Theatre is wonderfully intimate, though the sight of a modern-day Marlboro Light did make me itch to replace it with a Rothmans.)
The set, designed by Lily Minores and Rob McKinley, effectively transports you to an era when the TV was always on, often showing the horse racing.
Stone (played by Miles Gallant) invites local police detective Hallett (Gary Webster) over to discuss his troublesome son, who is nowhere to be found.
After Hallett leaves, promising to return later, Stone then invites true crime writer Dee (Charlotte Hunter) to meet his wife. Yet the audience knows that Stone’s wife is dead. So why the invitation?
You need to let your imagination run wild in the first half and simply enjoy the craft on display—it’s a rare treat to see an actor like Gary Webster perform on such an intimate stage. His portrayal of Hallett blends humor and drama seamlessly, making his character’s self-righteousness both entertaining and believable.
The drama student sitting next to me was in awe, and for good reason. If you’re studying acting, this performance is practically a masterclass. Webster’s ability to deliver witty quips while guiding the audience through the twists and turns is exceptional.
His character is not only charming and funny but also unflinchingly unapologetic, with an underlying ugliness that adds depth.
Charlotte Hunter (Dee) also brings incredible depth to her character, avoiding the trap of one-dimensionality. Similarly, Miles Gallant delivers a strong performance, holding his own alongside the other two leads.
The only minor flaw in my opinion is the pacing in the second half. While it’s never dull, it does feel longer than necessary, leaving you wishing it would get to the point a little quicker. Even with such talented actors, some trimming would have benefited the production.
Here Steven Smith gets to chat to acting legend Gary Webster.
Tell us about The Business of Murder and why you chose to appear in it.
The Business of Murder is a great whodunnit—or rather, a great whydunnit! It is written by the legendary film, TV, and theatrical writer Richard Harris, so when the chance came along to audition for the role of grizzled cop John Hallett, I jumped at it.
Fortunately, the director liked what I could bring to the role, and I was cast. It’s one of the best roles I’ve ever had the chance to play, and I’m very thankful the show has been such a success.
One of your sons, Freddie, has gone into acting. What advice did you give him?
Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. Take the work very seriously, but try to keep all the outside noise about what is deemed as success or failure at a distance. In the end, we are here to entertain and, hopefully, in some small way, make people’s lives better. I encourage both my sons to find something in life they love doing, whatever it may be and wherever it may take them.
Would you like to see Minder come back?
It would be great fun to bring it back, with me in more of an Arthur role and a new Minder looking after Ray Daley. There are always rumors that plans are underway because it was, and still is, so loved. However, as with the Shane Richie version, I’m not sure the powers that be would include me in their thinking—which has always seemed a little strange to me—but nothing surprises me in our beloved profession!
You recently judged the Autism Hero Awards. What was that like?
As always, I am honored to be asked, and it is an inspiration to be part of the process. It really brings everything into sharp focus and perspective as to what is truly important in life. It’s lovely to be able, in a very small way, to honor those who do such fantastic and life-changing work.
Gary Webster with fellow judges Samantha Lee Howe 2Shades very own Steven Smith The man of the moment Heartstopper Bradley Richies and Dr Anna Kennedy OBE.
2Shades thinks you should run as an MP. Is that on the horizon?
I’m open to anything at my age! If I could change the country and the world for the better, and the only way to do that was by being an MP, I’d like to think I could give a voice to people who are struggling. Having gone through so much in my own life, I feel I can relate to their fight just to get through the day.
Your look in The Business of Murder is channeling either a ’70s football manager or the quintessential gay clone. We had quite a few gay men message us when your picture went online. Do you think attitudes have changed toward the LGBTQ+ community, and would you like to play a gay role?
I’d certainly like to think attitudes have changed. However, I’m also very aware that the fight for full equality for everyone is still not over. Given recent events in America, with a new administration bringing such archaic views towards the LGBTQ+ community, we must never be complacent. Everyone in the world has the right to identify as they wish and to demand the rights afforded to all without exception.
I can’t believe that in 2024 this is still a battle, but it is, and it will continue until full equality is achieved. I have no problem playing a character who is gay, straight, or bi. In fact, I’ve played characters such as William Tallon in A Princess Undone opposite Stephanie Beacham, where I portrayed the iconic “Backstairs Billy,” who worked for the Queen Mother for many years.
Stephanie Beacham in A princess undone .
A character’s sexuality—whether gay, straight, or bi—is just one aspect of them. In the end, we all experience love, heartbreak, passion, sadness, and joy in the same way. These are universal human experiences, regardless of sexual orientation, and it’s time the world fully recognized that.
What are you and your wife, Wendy, doing for Christmas?
Usually, we’d just stay at home, but as Wendy’s dad is now nearby in London, we’ll be at his flat, cooking a vegan Christmas dinner for us, the boys, and Brian. I adore Christmas—my dad did too. His legacy to me was huge in terms of the joy and magic of Christmas, so it’s a time of year I always try to enjoy. That said, I’m very much aware that, for many, Christmas is a difficult time. My thoughts are always with those who are struggling mentally, physically, or simply trying to find a place to live during this season.
Gary Webster and his wife Wendy Turner Webster .
What would you like for Christmas?
Good health for those I love, the coming together of people around the world to make it a safer place, and 9 points for Arsenal over the Christmas fixtures!
What does 2025 hold for you?
Good health, hopefully, happiness for my sons and wife in all they do, and maybe a lead role in a Marvel TV series. That way, when I’m old and infirm, I can still turn up to Sci-Fi and Comic-Con conferences as my character, earn a ton of money, and have a nice two-day getaway in Vegas—all expenses paid!
Most spiders are harmless to humans and even helpful by controlling insect populations. While it’s natural to be nervous around them, especially large or unusual ones, very few are dangerous. A healthy respect rather than fear is all that’s necessary, and keeping distance is usually enough if you come across one.
2. If you came across a tarantula among your bananas, what should you do?
First, try to keep calm. Tarantulas are not aggressive unless threatened. Avoid touching it, place a container over it if you can, and contact local animal control or a professional to safely handle and remove it.
3. Rats in the jungle or anywhere terrify me. But I hear they make good house pet?
Yes! Domestic rats can make affectionate, intelligent pets and bond well with their owners. They’re usually very social and enjoy interacting with people, which makes them a great choice for those who may be wary of other pets. Just remember, like any pet, they require time, proper care, and space. Really one of the cleanest pets you could have.
4. Are the witchy grubs and insects on “I’m a Celebrity” actually good for you?
Many insects are indeed edible and highly nutritious, often rich in protein, fiber, vitamins, and healthy fats. They’re also more sustainable than traditional livestock, so insect-based dishes are becoming popular in some restaurants. However, they’re still a unique experience for most people!
5. Would a meerkat make a great Christmas present?
Though meerkats may be cute, they are not suitable pets. They are social wild animals, requiring a complex environment and social structure that can’t be replicated at home. Instead, you could look into sponsoring a meerkat through a wildlife charity, so kids can learn about them responsibly.
6. What is the responsible way to introduce a pet to your child?
Start by teaching kids about gentle handling, respect, and boundaries with pets. Choosing a low-maintenance, child-friendly pet is ideal, and involve children in pet care tasks to build a bond gradually. It’s also good to emphasize that pets are family members, not toys, and need long-term commitment.
7. How do you protect pets from fireworks?
Fireworks can be stressful for pets. To protect them:
Create a safe space indoors with familiar bedding and toys.
Muffle sounds by closing windows and playing calming music.
Give pets extra comfort and stay with them if possible.
Consider pheromone diffusers or consult a vet for other calming solutions.
8. What are you doing for Christmas?
Planning your Christmas can involve festive meals, spending time with loved ones, or engaging in your favorite seasonal traditions! Many also choose to volunteer or donate to causes, spreading a little extra holiday cheer.
9.If your child is asking for a pet for Christmas, it’s wise to approach it thoughtfully. Here’s a balanced way to think about it
The holiday season can be a stressful time for a new pet. The excitement, extra visitors, and unpredictable schedules can be overwhelming for both the animal and the family. Instead, you could start by giving your child a book on caring for their desired pet and a stuffed animal version to symbolise the responsibility they’ll take on. This allows them time to learn about pet care, setting a foundation for responsible ownership.
Then, once things settle down after the holidays, you can bring the actual pet into the home with the focus and calm it deserves. This approach also lets you and your child research and prepare your home properly, ensuring a smooth transition and a happier experience for everyone—including the new pet!
2shades Steven Smith gets down with award wining author and screen writer Samantha Lee Howe to talk about her latest venture “The Soul Thief”
Pictures by Andy Barnes and Terry Scott
Congratulations on the new book Samantha, tell us a bit about it?
The Soul Thief is a Gothic Thriller about a gentleman detective, Mitchell Bishop, in Victorian Manchester, who begins to investigate a series of bizarre murders. Along with his former fiancée, Laura Carter, Mitchell finds himself in danger and he must look back into his own past in order to inform the present and learn who and what is hurting the people around him.
I’ve always had a fascination with gothic fiction, particularly the Victorian era, and have found the works of Mary Shelley, Bram Stoker and Sheridan Le Fanu fascinating. The Soul Thief is my tribute to 19th Century gothic fiction, but is written in the style more conducive to the modern reader. Therefore it’s very fast paced, with lots of twists and turns and a surprise ending.
Does writing horror differ from the other genre of books you pen?
Horror has always been a fascination of mine and a natural default to write into. It’s a challenging genre in many ways because you sometimes have to look deep inside yourself to really bring forth an element that scares you. It doesn’t have to be supernatural, after all, real life is full of horrible things that humans do to each other, but supernatural horror is a little less hard to take and also gives you more freedom to explore the genre.
When you’re writing in this genre you have to make many decisions about which way you want to take it and how extreme you want to go. My favourite horror to write is psychological, but I’m not afraid to be visceral if that is needed in the story and not gratuitous.
What really frightens you?
Lots of things frighten me. Enclosed spaces, heights, stalkers, people in general, as they are capable of doing terrible things to each other. One of the things I used to be really scared of was zombies – until I wrote about them a couple of times! As writing is very cathartic, it’s always good to explore the things that do frighten you the most and it takes the sting out of it immediately!
When were you growing up what horror characters caught your attention?
Growing up I was a huge fan of staying up late with my sister, Adele, watching Hammer movies. We loved the character of Dracula. Christopher Lee was my first introduction to that. I used to lie awake worrying about vampires, but couldn’t stop watching them. When I was 16 I saw my first zombie movie, Zombie Flesh Eaters, and I couldn’t watch another one after that for about 30 years! It terrified me! I even avoided Shaun of the Dead because I just hated zombies. Eventually my husband David talked me into watching the latter film, and it’s now a favourite. But I just can’t revisit Zombie Flesh Eaters!
Films like “Terrifier” are a huge hit in the USA. Do you think slasher films rank as Horror or do they just promote sadism?
All slasher films are horror, but they have varying degrees of psychological basis. Some are described as torture porn – in other words the physical violence meted out to various characters, mainly female, is the whole point of the film – and I’m not into those at all – I don’t really understand why anyone is – but each to their own! What you don’t see can be far more terrifying to the viewer or reader than anything that is presented in graphic detail on screen.
Samatha Lee Howe with 2Shades Steven Smith
The 16 Days of Action Against Domestic Violence campaign starts on November 25th, 2024, which is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. You are a survivor ambassador for the Yorkshire charity IDAS. How did you get involved and how do people get help?
A couple of years ago, I reached out to IDAS to see if I could help them because this is a charity very close to my heart. I felt it was important, and the right time, to tell my own story, and I hoped it would help other people. I was not surprised when some of my social media friends contacted me to say they had been victims of domestic violence, what did surprise me was just how many people have had these experiences and still do.
I advised them, as I advise anyone, to reach out and call the local Domestic Violence service near them if they feel they are being abused, manipulated, controlled, or being subjected to any form of physical abuse. Not all abuse is obvious, sometimes abusers use coercive control to cause a great deal of damage to a person’s self-esteem.
For IDAS, they have a website (https://idas.org.uk/) and contact numbers (North Yorkshire and Barnsley: 03000 110 110 / Sheffield: 0808 808 2241), so please reach out if you need help!
Your screen version of your best-selling book “The Stranger in Our Bed” not only saw you being given countless awards, but was an international hit on the screen. Has life changed for you, and when will your next film be?
My personal life hasn’t changed at all I’m glad to say! I tend to stay very grounded. Professionally, though, the film has opened new doors and given me new and exciting opportunities. I’m currently writing a horror movie for a Hollywood-based producer – but I’m NDA’d so can’t say more than that! I’ve also written the pilot for The House of Killers TV series, which is based on my spy trilogy of the same name, and it’s with a production company. I guess I’m writing much more for screen now than I was.
But it’s a difficult industry with many hurdles, so getting something actually into production is rare. But we keep pitching the ideas, and discussing the options … and there are some smashing people that I’m working with.
What are you doing for Christmas?
We are having a very quiet Christmas this year at home with my daughter Linzi and our friend, actor, Frazer Hines. But we’ll be partying more at New Year when we have an annual party for some of our family and friends.
Please tell us about 2025. What plans do you have?
2025 is looking crazy already! I will be writing as always (I have several projects underway and commissioned) but I also have a few public appearances. February will see me presenting a screenwriting workshop in Scotland, March is The SciFi Weekender (a Sci-Fi/Fantasy festival which I help programme and run).
I’m running two film festivals myself (details at http://www.slhfilmfest.com), one in June and the other in October. I’ll be on panels and doing signings at the World Fantasy Convention in Brighton at the end of October … and there are so many other things in between. Busy. Very busy.
Who would you like to play you in the film version of your life?
Scarlett Johansson!! I love her, wish I looked like her – she’s very talented and so beautiful! I’ve never seen a film starring her that I haven’t loved. Same for Anya Taylor-Joy – what a talent!
2Shades meets husband and husband team Tiano. The London cabaret duo of Christopher Hamilton and Shimi Goodman
It is an almost unthinkable scenario that Liberace and Pavarotti had secret love children, let alone that those children went on to inherit their fathers’ talents!
Described in one five star review
Then they met one another, fell deeply in love and married. Well, you would be forgiven for thinking just that, as married couple Chris Hamilton (Piano) and Shimi Goodman (Tenor) take to the stage to perform to a sell-out audience of dedicated fans
2Shades wanted to know more about the boys and we fired some questions at them.
What are you both doing for Christmas?
It’s all very glamorous! We will be performing on a six star luxury cruise ship called the Silver Muse sailing from Melbourne, Australia to Auckland, New Zealand. But before jetting off to the other side of the world we have our Christmas show at the Crazy Coqs in London which sold out pretty much minutes after we announced it during our last show there. We are so grateful to all the people who keep coming to our shows in London and elsewhere.
What four Christmas songs would you sing at a Christmas Concert and why?
Oh Holy Night – This song really fits our style of music as it is a classical song but has been covered by the likes of Mariah Carey, the Queen of Christmas. Shimi particularly enjoys singing it as it really taps into the classical genre which he loves.
All I Want for Christmas – Speaking of Miss Carey, this song is unavoidable during the festive period so although it’s done to death, it would be Scrooge like not to sing it.
All I Want for Christmas is for Someone to Cancel It – To counteract the Christmas schmaltz and to honour all grinches out there, Chris wrote this tongue in cheek, irreverent song himself. If you can’t make it to our Christmas show, you can hear this song on YouTube.
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – It’s such a bitter sweet moment when Judy Garland sings this beautiful song in the 1944 film Meet Me in St. Louis. It makes most people feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
When did you both know you loved each other?
We met at Guildford School of Acting in 2000 and it was something like love at first sight over a jacket potato in Cathy’s Cafe!
What is the most romantic gift you bought each other?
Shimi: Chris always wanted to go on the Orient Express. His birthday is in December and after a bit of research I discovered to my dismay that the train wasn’t active during the winter. I had to break it to him that it wouldn’t happen for a certain big birthday of his but then a few weeks before his birthday he saw an advert online saying that the Orient Express had started a winter journey. I quickly booked it and we travelled from Paris to Vienna overnight. The train was relatively empty and it was magical looking out of the window watching the snowy scenery whilst being treated like royalty! We had the pleasure of jamming with an amazing Italian jazz group until the early hours. Even the waiters started filming us! We stayed at the famous Sacher Wien hotel when we reached our final destination. We went to see an opera and walked around the Christmas markets. Very memorable.
Chris: I always knew how much Shimi loves the movie franchise Back to The Future or indeed anything to do with the 1980s, so for one of his birthdays following a tasting menu dinner (which I absolutely hate) at a brand new restaurant in Covent Garden I got us top tickets to the West End musical. He knew all the text by heart.
The festival of lights Hanukkah is a big holiday. How do you both celebrate that? Is there a song that jumps to mind?
Shimi: I love Hanukkah. We light the hanukkiah which is an eight stemmed candelabra. You light a candle for every day of the holiday and eat sufganiyot which are yummy jam doughnuts. My favourite song is Maoz Tzur or Rock of Ages as it is known in English.
When did you both last laugh together?
Every day. We have our own silly sense of humour and can find the humour in most situations.
What are your wishes for 2025?
There’s a lyric in one of our original songs which says: “Music can heal and make it a better day”. We truly believe that it can, so we wish for our music to reach more and more people around the world and to keep travelling and entertaining. We would love to perform in America. Chris did a series of cabarets in New York a while back so it would be good for Tiano to take the States by storm! We’re currently in talks to hopefully make this happen during the next couple of years.
Who would you most like to work with in the music industry?
Barbra Streisand and Shirley Bassey are two of our idols. It would be an absolute dream to perform with them. We also love a Welsh singer called Ellen Williams and would love to collaborate with her. One of our songs “It’s Not Goodbye” would be a beautiful duet for her and Shimi.
Who is the best cook?
Shimi does most of the cooking when we’re home. But Chris makes a mean chilli con carne named “the famous” because he only cooks it once a year but when he does people rave about it. Whether they’re raving about the dish or the fact he’s actually put an apron on is anyone’s guess….
Tell our readers what you can expect from a Tiano concert.
Every show we put on in London is different for a couple of reasons. Firstly, we owe it to our loyal supporters to present different music to keep each performance fresh. Secondly, it challenges us as artists to keep learning new material. For instance at Crazy Coqs in Piccadilly, London we’ve become known for presenting a ten minute medley at each show which is devoted to a decade (for example the 80’s), an artist (for instance Whitney Houston), or perhaps a movie musical (maybe Dirty Dancing which incidentally Shimi performed in in the West End). It’s always challenging arranging and rehearsing an intricate medley of songs with constant key changes and mood changes and then performing it for a live audience for the very first time without looking at lyrics or music. However, it’s so worthwhile because the audience has come to really appreciate this moment in the show. In the last two shows people loved singing along during our medley devoted to The Carpenters and at our most recent one, ABBA. We spend all that time on each ten minute set piece and only perform it once!
Chris is a multi award winning composer and lyricist so we always share music he has written which once again the audience usually loves. Chris recently released an album of his very mellow original piano pieces called Sempre Piano (you can listen to it on Spotify). It’s so gratifying to see an audience respond so favourably to these moments of calm when he shares one of these pieces during a show. Shimi has also co written a few songs with Chris, a couple of which are on their debut album Tiano which you can also hear on Spotify. They have become firm favourites with the audience.
We put so much thought into our programme with the hope of taking our audience on a real journey. You’ll laugh, cry, sing along and leave our show with a big smile on your face!
Alex said, “Tarot is there to reaffirm your intuition, it’s not there to replace your intuition. It’s an inner knowing”
There are days when I can’t seem to arrange my thoughts in a linear fashion. I catch myself in moments like these and ask myself, what am I trying to align myself to?
I listen to music and await a lyric to collide in my mind to feel heard and define a state of misalignment.
I read books to familiarise myself with situations of a fictional character and believe that I was meant to read that one line in a chapter according to the universe’s clock.
It comforts me to know that in moments of despair and blinding confusion, art and spirituality exists to create a bridge that leads me out of a complex forest and into a community park where everyone re-energises.
Sometimes I lay on the grass with my eyes closed and an open book napping on my chest. Shadows of people eclipse the brightness of the sun behind my eyelids as they walk past me. And in the blissful presence of nature and humanity, I seek messages from my version of a spiritual podcast, a tarot reading video.
I’m fascinated by the soothing voices of tarot readers. I always wonder how radiant their energy must be in real life to sit down for hours and tune into intuitive channelled messages from the spirit realm.
How did they even begin? When did they know this is who they were meant to be?
My dear friend Alex Reads Tarot’s words resurfaced and her introduction to tarot amused me. She said, “I kind of sat one night and I thought, what am I doing? This is not me. Something in me just flipped a switch and it felt like I’m meant to be somewhere else.
I saw readers on TikTok, people like Curious Magpie and Madam Adam and I was just mesmerised. I thought, this is incredible. I’d only heard about tarot but this inspired me to get a deck of cards. I wanted the original. I’m very traditional. If I’m going to learn something, I have to do it the traditional way and then I can go for the fancy stuff. Ever since the first day I got my deck of cards, which I still have nearly five years on, I never parted ways. I slept with them under my pillow. I carried them around with me every day doing different spreads. I was just so invested in it, something just felt right. It felt like a missing limb that I’d finally found.”
There’s a purity in Alex’s connection to tarot that I understand now but I can’t lie when I say I questioned if tarot was even true. And if it is, I found the accuracy of the messages so bizarre that my belief turned into scepticism. How can an entire collective of people be going through the same thing?
There’s nothing sweeter than hearing the words, “They’re thinking about you right now. They wish to contact you.” The temptation of these words from a lost love filled me with hope and anger. Anger at the tarot reader who stirred my dormant emotions and anger at myself for allowing them to say the words I wanted to hear.
My ego convinced me that I was being fooled but a deep desire wished the message was true. It is true because it’s my desire, the tarot reader simply reflected the thoughts I hoard in denial.
I scanned the comments section to see if others felt the same way, I wanted someone to validate my doubts for a cheeky laugh. But to my surprise I saw people using words of hatred to demean the tarot reader, I wouldn’t go so far.
Among many nasty comments they famously say, “Stop feeding my delulu!” A valiant act to protect their own ego, so did I when I bothered to read the comments section because hurt can be a hard pill to swallow. The struggle to accept brews into hatred when we fail to acknowledge the simple emotion of missing someone, that we do wish they would contact us and that life feels sad without them.
Alex said, “The word ‘delulu’ really does irk me. But I’ve had to learn over the years to just let people actually delude themselves with their own delulu buying into it. Which to me is kind of ironic you know, you’re almost setting the intention that it’s delusional. You’re essentially saying that it’s therefore not possible for you. It’s the classic phrase, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. You can give advice, but it’s up to people how they use it.”
I wanted to educated myself, I googled, “What exactly is Tarot?” and the answer is quite plain and simple. Tarot does not predict the future, it gives you guidance and insight in the present moment. It’s a useful tool to align our current situation to our manifestations and our authenticity.
That became a healthy filter to have in my brain to navigate whom I can trust when I come across readers online, it urges me to be real with myself in the moment. I see a few readers who interrupt my scrolling to say, “STOP! This message is for you!” and I immediately think, don’t tell me what to do?
But there’s a few whom I intuitively feel drawn to, their aura matches mine and my energy feels safe to intermingle with theirs.
It could be their sense of taste, their style of delivering a message or just my intuition, the reasons are varied. But I ask my heart, do I want to receive this message? Does it provide reason for the voices I have circulating in my mind? And if it doesn’t, I do indeed scroll away.
Alex added, “I sometimes have readers that I don’t follow or haven’t come across before. And I get a bit of a feeling that maybe I wouldn’t connect so well with that person. I always listen to my intuition. But do I send them hate? No, I send them absolute love and I thank them for their service.
The best readers, in my own humble opinion (which is that there are no best readers), are the ones who can harness such a deep connection with tarot, you don’t just look for the generic meanings. You have to kind of overlay it with intuition. And that’s allowing that inner feeling to just go with it. It doesn’t have to make sense to other people. A 1000 people could look at a painting and interpret it differently. And that’s almost like tarot, you might be drawn to the knapsack or the colour yellow, or the symbology of the tunic. It’s allowing that intuitive nature to override and work with the generic meaning as well.”
The concept of tarot runs across generations as a form of witchcraft, taboo and mystical voodoo. The representation of tarot in films and shows have always been about a kooky woman dressed in either ragged clothes or absurd ornaments in a dingy lair that accentuates her connection to the unknown.
The undertone of portraying them as crazy women or evil witches can cause a stereotype for our automatic rejection towards it. Alex said it best, “People often fear what they don’t know.”
In recent times, tarot has transformed into an entertaining practice that people do for fun as a party trick, while some rely on it to seek guidance or advice. What’s more, literally anyone can learn tarot! Try it, you’re not going to burst into flames.
But there exists a community of extreme religionists who wish to send the art form its messengers to hell before they can even attempt to live out their purpose.
Alex shared a similar sentiment by saying, “As readers, we’re kind of expected to take on the brandishing that we are satanic, that we’re demonic and that we are evil. I get told quite a lot that I need to turn towards the light, and that I need to repent for my sins. And for me, I’ve always been very accepting.
I don’t care if you’re a Buddhist, if you’re a Hindu, if you’re a Christian, there’s such a big Christian and Catholic community in my AlexReadsTarot community and they are very respectful. They see it as God’s work or however they view it. You can have your faith and still enjoy tarot. As long as you’re not using your faith as ammunition against someone’s choice for how they live.”
When you’re divinely connected to any art form, there’s a powerful journey an individual takes to solely focus inward. It’s not easy to maintain the perfect measurement of self-confidence all of the time but it matters very little what others have to say about the inexplicable relationship between an artist and their art.
It also comes with the realisation that not everyone can be pleased and that someone will be disappointed. A portion of people will retaliate, ridicule, resonate with it fully and obsess over it more than they need to. They accept the rejection and move along the course of satisfying their soul.
Alex continues, “I think the biggest thing that I’ve kind of come to, I think it’s for my own comfort, because being any kind of creator on social media, you are expected to take the rough with the smooth, you are expected to take people’s hatred, people’s negativity. And for me, I do fortunately have a very good support system. But I’m still a human being.”
I have personally misjudged tarot readers and spiritual healers a lot too. I thought they dressed simple, were out of touch with material pleasures, embodied a holier-than-thou persona and slept with a cross on their nose. I assumed that nothing could break their resilience, that anger or sadness were fleeting emotions after much penance and are always at peace in the face of all adversities.
After meeting a lot of professional psychic mediums, I realised I was wrong; they live just like us and are learning about life just as much as we are. They only wish to pull out an inner wisdom that resides within us. And offer words that reverberate a positive, healing perspective.
Alex agreed and added, “But you know, it’s not a 24 hour kind of hotline. Your tarot reader is not your therapist or best friend. I get a lot of people asking me, do you do emergency readings? I’ve always vowed that I would never do an emergency reading because for me as a reader, a huge red flag in a client is when they use phrasing like, this is urgent I’m struggling! I actually message these people privately and say, what are we actually talking about here? Because for me, if you’re in such an intense need for reading, I don’t know if it’s always the right thing to do because then you’re depending on a reading. When you’re not then actually listening to yourself.
I do have compassion for people in a sense, because some people are just really lonely and struggling. And a lot of people say, I can’t speak to anyone about this, you’re the only person. And I do take that on with such care and compassion with anything. But there have been the odd occasions where people have crossed over that boundary repeatedly. And I think it has taught me to make sure that my boundaries are clear.”
What I admire most about some of the professional tarot readers I follow is that they level with me, they’re unafraid to tell me they go through the same struggles, they’re silly and yet so unique. They allow me to see them for who they are while delivering exactly what I need to hear and not what I want to hear.
I thoroughly enjoy readers who let their hair down and express that they’ve had a bad week. Or that they followed a similar pattern of toxic relationships and took a long time to make peace with difficult family situations. It’s human, ordinary but magical at the same time.
Alex concluded by saying, “I think that for me personally, it’s understanding that you don’t have to just meditate or journal. Some of us are just not equipped to deal with things in such a calm way. We need something that’s a bit more fiery and aggressive to get it out. Like I go for a drive and blast some loud music. So that’s really how I kind of do it, which I’ve learned how to accept. I’m not like a 5D Star Ascension love and light person. I’m very real. I’m just like, yeah, let’s get angry and then let’s get through this and then we’re okay.
Some of us experience happiness in bigger waves than others. But the beauty of being human is that it’s a spectrum. And if you deny yourself essentially half of that, you’re denying yourself of exploring half of who you are.
Accept that you are going to be aggressive, you are going to be annoying, you are going to be mopey, you are going to be maybe anxious at times and a bit of a nervous wreck. If you can accept that, you’re just going to be accepting who you are. And that is what we’re here to do.”
It is my favourite time of year, and the incredible Autism’s Got Talent is back.
Since its inception by Dr. Anna Kennedy OBE in 2012, Autism’s Got Talent has evolved into a legendary showcase that shines a spotlight on the unique talents of individuals living with autism. This one-of-a-kind event has captivated audiences and received high-profile media attention for over a decade, setting itself apart from other talent shows by offering an evening filled with surprises, inspiration, and diverse performances. Hosted at the renowned Mermaid Theatre in Blackfriars, the 2024 edition promises to be another unforgettable celebration of talent and inclusion
Steven Smith chats to 2Shades columnist and founder of Anna Kennedy on line
Unlike conventional talent competitions, Autism’s Got Talent is dedicated to celebrating neurodiversity and empowering autistic individuals of all ages. The show features a star-studded lineup of performers, including singers, dancers, actors, musicians, poets, magicians, and more. These gifted artists not only entertain but also challenge perceptions and break down barriers, demonstrating what people with autism can achieve. This event serves as a platform to replace stereotypes with messages of hope, fun, laughter, and inclusion, making it truly unique on the global stage.
This year proved to be a show-stopping extravaganza with over 17 acts.
The show was opened by Dr. Anna Kennedy as she introduced well-wishes from Loose Women star Denise Welch, Blue band icon Anthony Costa, EastEnders actress Kacey Ainsworth, and the legendary Carol Vorderman. Celebrities such as ‘Allo ‘Allo!’s Vicki Michelle, Pet Rescue author Wendy Turner, Taino’s Christopher Hamilton, and performer Tru Blue were among some of the showbiz names that turned out to introduce the evening’s performers.
Allo Allo Vicki Michelle and the inspirational Lisa Allen from Pink Ribbon foundation
Comperes for the evening were Gateway Radio DJ and Ambassador of the charity, Aston Avery, along with former The People’s Strictly contestant and amateur dramatic theatre enthusiast Phillip Barnett.
Christopher Hamilton
Pineapple Dance studio lead by teacher Maggie Paterson who have supported the event from the start team of 40 dancers
Gateways radio DJ Aston Avery one of the presenters of AGT “Autistic and Proud ”
This year’s acts, who travelled from far and wide, did not disappoint. It kicked off with Alba Pulido Brocklebank’s stunning rendition of Burn. There were so many outstanding acts this year, it is hard to highlight them all. From guitar supremo Caydian Evans, who described the experience as an amazing, unique opportunity, to father-and-son team Aaron and Andy Clark, who said, “This is a memory that will last a lifetime, and we are deeply grateful for the opportunity.”
Caydian Evans
Northern Ireland seemed to feature prominently this year with two singers: Andrew McMurdie, who said, “There were so many uniquely talented people in one room, like I have never seen before,” and Ty Williams, who brought the house down.
Somerset singer Lianne Vessier was blown away by the diversity of the event, and the standing ovation for her performance left us all in awe.
Lianne Vessier
Stepping in at the last minute was Swaran Hayer, who dazzled the audience with his calendar skills (even revealing Anna Kennedy’s age and date of birth!). His mum, Mandy, said, “It will forever be an unforgettable and memorable experience.”
Theatre group True Colours had the audience cheering as well.
True Colours
Anna Kennedy, founder of Anna Kennedy Online and Autism’s Got Talent, shares her hopes for the event: “We aim to continue to build Autism’s Got Talent year by year. We want all those involved to have fun, do what they love, make friends, be themselves, and have one night that is all about them.” This ethos of inclusion and empowerment continues to drive the event’s growth and inspire its participants.
Tears of joy marked the end of the show, with all the wonderful performers on stage, proud parents, families, and friends in the audience.
They all had one message for the AKO family: “You’re all amazing, and we all rock!”
Steven Smith looks at the affect addiction has on us all, how it can be so prolific among the LGBTQ And celebrity community, the often-misguided views people have about those living with addiction, and of course shares his own tale.
November 26th, 2010, the phone rang with news I had been expecting—my lifelong friend Lester Middlehurst, the witty, Machiavellian, and brilliant journalist was dead at 55. He had been in coma for days after a suspected suicide attempt.
I know how I was supposed to feel to the world. But putting down the phone, there was complete numbness followed by anger, and then an overwhelming relief that the man who had formerly been my friend, but had in later years become my tormenter was no longer. No more waking to drunken abusive messages, or being the brunt of his jokes or outburst at parties, and I’d no longer have to apologise to other people for his behaviour towards them.
Lester in his prime
Lester Middlehurst was one of the first openly gay staff members at The Daily Mail. He was legendary. At the coroner’s inquest it turned out he had not killed himself, rather his death certificate said that he died of a hypoxic brain damage attack. Everyone agreed it was his addictive lifestyle that killed him.
Sadness
Lester was one the most addicted people that I have ever met, and he was my friend and I loved him. A month later I must have spent a day crying over him. The sadness was really that he never got help for his addiction, and you could say that my lack of knowledge of it prevented me from helping him…but that would be romanticising a terrible situation.
Back in 2009 I got him to agree to attend the Meadows Clinic in Arizona, but the next day he told me not to be so stupid. In truth, I did not feel strong enough to stand up to him. As my knowledge about addiction has grown, I have become more aware that there was nothing I could have done unless Lester had wanted to do anything about it.
According to the Centre of Addiction, members of the LGBTQ community are at greater risk of substance use and mental health issues compared to those identifying as heterosexual.
Members of the LGBTQ community face chronically high levels of stress, often due to having to suffer from social prejudice and discrimination. Fear, isolation, and depression increase the chances of self-medicating with alcohol and drugs. As a man that has lived a life in big cities, I have witnessed addiction in all classes and types of people. Addiction is a mistress that does not care who she dances with, yet the LGBTQ community are often her favourite partners.
As the self-confessed addict, actor Russell Brand explains that the distinction of any compulsive or addictive behaviour is when it begins to negatively impact on the rest of your life.
Compulsive
So, you might love chocolate so much that you’ll ignore all logical reasoning, “I have to have chocolate…I have to have chocolate…I don’t care what else happens”. If you’re crashing your car because of chocolate, that’s a problem.
According to Wikipedia, addiction is a brain disorder characterised by compulsive engagement in a rewarding stimulation despite adverse consequences.
Of course, addiction is certainly an illness and not a lifestyle choice, and if we are honest, addiction is in all of us in some way or another.
For me, I just can’t not buy a large French baguette, cut a few slices off, and put it back for later. I end up devouring the whole thing. Subsequently, I do not buy French baguettes unless I am feeling poorly. Whether it’s chocolate, coffee, or your favourite tipple, we all have cravings.
Russell Brand
Much as Russell Brand is right, there are so-called functioning addicts who you would not even realise are hooked on their drug of choice, and it can take many years for the effects to begin to show. Often referred to as “high functioning addicts” owing to their having powerful jobs or enough money to effectively hide their addiction from others. This knocks on the head the commonly presented image of an addict being down-and-out or living on the streets. According to the American Psychiatric Association, there is no such thing…they are all just addicts who have created coping mechanisms.
My father, God rest his soul, came home after holding down a high-powered job and drank whisky every day of his life, yet he would be horrified at the idea of being described as an addict. But when he left hospital after lung cancer removal surgery, he sat down and demanded, “Get me a whisky and a cigarette.” On the suggestion that was not a good idea and that he would end up back in hospital, he snapped “Are you threatening me?”
Growing up, I was told that an addict was someone who got up and drank first thing. Drinking after coming home from work and weekends was seen as normal for many in the 60s and through to the 90s. All of our soaps were featured around a pub, making alcohol look like a socially acceptable way of life.
I had a volatile relationship with my dad, but his fight with cancer gave me a better understanding of the nature of his addiction and where it had come from. He had been a talented jazz trumpeter and played with the BBC orchestra, but his nerves had come to the forefront and he started to self-medicate by having a few whiskies before his shows. Eventually, he gave up and started a family, but the drinking did not stop.
Charismatic
My father adored my best pal who also fights addiction, and is a truly remarkable human being who I was fortunate to love, and my dad did not like many people. The two were like two peas in a pod and talked for ages.
Spending time with my dad before he died made me wonder whether, if he had managed to overcome obvious anxiety and continued playing, perhaps he would have been happier. Of course, back then mental health was seen by many as a weakness and not to be spoken about.
My world has been filled with people who are addicts in one form or another. They are the most charismatic and amazing people and the arts are full of them. In my opinion, they all have one thing in common—they can snap and become almost frightening at the drop of a hat, and then suddenly they are wonderful and make you feel like you mean the world when they are OK. Sadly, during my childhood there was more of the former with my dad. Though I knew in the end that he loved me.
There are so many people living with addiction, anxiety, and mental health issues who are in denial. Even with all the help groups and open discussions there seems to be a quite a bit of stigma attached to it still.
Dr Pam Spurr, a popular self-help expert and radio television personality, says she often encounters people who are in denial about their issues that are the source of their addiction problems. They say things like “I just have a little problem with confidence” which ignores the fact that they drink excessively to help make them feel more confident. Or they say, “I only drink after work to take the edge off.” But when they count up the units, they are far in excess of government guidelines. It’s at times like these that I encourage them to think honestly about their drinking (or drug taking) and consider expert advice.
Many addicts get clean either by joining the 12-step programme, by checking into rehab, or by seeking counselling. The journey of recovery can be different and what works for one person might not work for another person. It is important to point out that as much as the newspapers show pictures of celebrities dashing off to glamorous-looking rehabs, getting into a state-run rehab in the UK can be very difficult for mere mortals.
While helping a friend who was using OxyContin (a pain killer) and had got into a mess from ordering online and then become addicted, the general health services did not want to know. Even going through other channels, she was advised that her chances of getting into rehab were slim, although she did come away from it with a strong network of friends around her.
A beautiful girlfriend of mine found her sobriety in a man as her anchor who was also living with addiction. They have both been clean for seven years now.
Living in LA, the 12 steppers (12 step programme) were like the mafia, and rumour had it that all the best movie deals were done at their meetings and also that many there did not have addiction issues and instead just wanted to pitch ideas.
There is no doubt that the 12-step programme helps many, and even if the meetings can become the new addiction it’s a healthy one.
I agree with Doctor Pam that it is amazing how much of a lack of understanding there is about addiction.
Cake
My gorgeous bubbly friend Monica is originally from California. She is a super bright academic having gone to Yale, lectured all over the world, and she also ran a school for a while.
Yet three years ago she decided to open an up-market catering company as her award-winning chef sister is a goddess in the business. People actually beg for invites to try her canapés.
Lunch with Monica is always fun—it starts off with “Darling shall we share a cake after?” Despite being gorgeous, she is always on some kind of diet. Her little addiction would be cake.
Like one or two other intellectuals I have met with qualifications coming out of every orifice, their life skills sometimes leave me speechless. Despite having a gay brother, she once commented on a photo shoot involving five men I had directed “Is the man with his foot up against the wall a sign he is gay?” I replied “No darling, there are no secret signs; it’s a James Dean inspired clothing shoot.” She just smiled and continued eating.
Today, however, she was on the warpath. She was catering for a big party we had worked on together to get celebrities at. One of the celebs had behaved inappropriately to some of the other guests and to a couple of waitresses.
She was not amused when I laughed, “Well darling, at least he did not get his cock out and try and pee in the champagne fountain like at my other friend’s launch. How that did not end up in the papers is beyond me.” I got the school ma’am look.
He was living with addiction – not surprising considering his childhood trauma and the abuse he lived with. He really should not have been drinking. I am not excusing him, but it’s not the end of the world that I did not invite him to the next few. I said that I’d have a word. Her eyes got wider, and she seemed shocked that I had empathy with the celebrity at all. She wanted him banned for life.
Taboo
As much as I have some reservations about the 12-step programme, saying you’re sorry to those you may have hurt is not easy to do, but it sometimes isn’t enough. I started talking about addiction, and a few minutes in it was clear that it was going nowhere, even though I was sharing this with someone highly intelligent.
Addiction remains a taboo subject. There are so many people in denial and as much as the newspapers are full of celebrity headlines about them being addicted, most of us don’t want to talk about it or feel labelled by it.
A year ago my phone rang—it was a friend who had come out of family day at a rehab centre that her daughter was attending. She was fuming that they suggested that it may run in the family, “They had better not be blaming this on me. I have no addiction.” She was not amused when I laughed “It’s not about you and I will remind you of that next time you refuse to come home from the bar or spend two weeks obsessing about something.”
Outside those who are counsellors, therapists, and those who talk openly about their addiction and some of their loved ones, I have found very few people who understand those living with addiction.
A very wise woman, author, presenter, and journalist, Jane Moore was one person who seemed to understand it. Lester and Jane were great friends and the two together were hysterical. Yet Lester had gone on a tirade about her and I was mortified since she was a true loyal friend to him, and he was starting to run out of friends due to his behaviour.
Lester Middlehurst and Jane Moore
While ringing her and offering full apologies asking her not to fall out with him, she calmly said, “I could never be offended by Lester. He is hurting too much, but he’s lucky to have a friend in you.”
At the time I just thought, but I wish if I had taken those words more to heart I might not have taken his behaviour personally and got as hurt as I did in the end. It helped later in life as I saw the pain addiction brings too.
The LGBTQ community have learnt to talk more as we have needed to be heard to survive. Most surveys say that a larger proportion of those identifying drug and alcohol use as a coping mechanism are LGBTQ, but I beg to differ.
I have sat in many restaurants and bars in London watching the city boys and their entourage go back and forth to the toilets, passing each other along the way. I am pretty sure they are not the kind found in the survey.
Addiction is a worldwide human crisis according to the World Drug Report. Unless we start talking about it, spotting the signs at an early age, and treating it as an illness, many will die with all the new and powerful drugs flooding the market. Whole towns have been wiped out in the US due to drug addiction.
Chemsex is the consumption of drugs to facilitate sexual activity. Both terms refer to a subculture of recreational drug users who engage in high-risk sexual activities under the influence of drugs within groups. Chemsex parties are said to be prolific on the London gay scene, but that is a different story. Not wanting to be righteous, I have no experience of it or want to engage in it. Recent reports in the gay press say chemsex parties are held across UK, but there is a correlation between addiction and sex shame.
The perfect storm
Sadly no longer with us David Stewart of 56 Dean Street, an award-winning HIV and sexual health clinic in the heart of London, explains that this trend is driven by a convergence of factors: “Vulnerable gay men with issues around sex, new drugs that tapped into that problem and changing technology. What they call the perfect storm.”
There was enough of a problem for the government to lay out guidelines in 2017.
Actress Danielle Westbrook, who I have interviewed many a time, put it simply to me, “Look Steve, you get ten people at a party and they all try coke for the first time. Four never try it again, four have it once in a blue moon, and two poor things are addicted six months later.”
The answer would be to never take the risk, but human nature is never that simple.
My friend Lester will never come back but it led me to have so much more of an understanding of addiction and how to protect myself around addiction. Many of the world’s beautiful people are soldiers fighting addiction every day of their lives.
2Shades Magazine 