George Khoury, a 40-year old bouncer who touched our souls at 2Shades on our night out, unaware that we’d be meeting an angel at the doorstep of a pub in Elephant & Castle
He will be writing for 2Shades whenever his wisdom takes the wheels and he’s got plenty of it.
George Khoury’s, “Let’s start with you” in his own words.
“One of the deepest yearnings I’ve had is to learn and understand who I am, what my purpose is, what I need to do to continue to grow, develop and flourish. This is something that each of us require to feel true happiness, ensuring we put ourselves first and utilise the people and opportunities around us to be the best version of ourselves that we can. This emphasis on your own existence is what really brings about the concept of self-love.
George Khoury
“If you don’t love yourself, who else will….” These are the truest words that my mother once told me. I remember hearing this but not truly listening or understanding the implications.
What do we want for the people and things we love? To protect them and keep them safe, to make them happy, support them through difficult times, encourage them to understand their self-worth, their positive qualities, develop their strengths while improving and managing their weaknesses. We would do anything for these people to show them that life is worth living and that everything will be okay. There is a sense of fulfilment and joy that comes with encouraging someone to shine. In most cases the person that loses out on this support, encouragement, and love is ourselves. How can someone who has been there your whole life be unappreciated, disregarded, and sacrificed?
From birth we are pure, vulnerable, and dependent. We are a product of the life we are born into. We learn what we’re shown and understand the world in that way. Our surroundings become our reality and we are told what is right and wrong, what our values should be, what is important, what is expected, and how we can be as happy or successful as the people before us. Everyone needs a mentor, a support mechanism, and a community that helps you build the road ahead rather than leave you to find your own way in a complicated and challenging world,
I was born into a mixture of cultures, ethnicities, and languages. I always knew I was a boy but I didn’t care. My gender was fluid and not defined. I was allowed to be a curious child and was never judged or labelled from a very young age.
I was occasionally asked at the after-school club “are you a girl or a boy?” With my long hair that I could tie into a small ponytail like my fathers. He has always been my hero. He is strong, brave, resilient, and gives everything he has to better himself and provide for his family. The first one to respond to a loud noise at night and the first one out of the door to get to work early and put food on the table. These are qualities that are inspiring and meant that I was lucky enough to have a strong father figure in my life. My only issue was feeling that I would never be good enough or be able to make him proud.
From the moment I started year 7 I stood out from everyone else. I was a positive and curious soul who wanted to make friends and learn. The reality was much different. Either the pupils were confused by the way I was, felt threatened or generally disliked me because I did not fit the idealistic norms of society. The people who did want to be my friend had to accept the burden of being associated with me. The name calling, being singled out, laughed at, scrutinised and analysed daily. Everyone wants an easy life and I made things complicated for them by being me, whatever that was.
My entire being contradicted the norms that these young people had been adapted to. Male presenting with a feminine and caring nature and a distinct voice that people associated with being gay. That was my reality and if it wasn’t for the values, morals, and wisdom that my parents had planted deep into my consciousness, I can honestly say that I would not be here today.
The physical and emotional abuse I was subjected to on a daily basis took away my light, my uniqueness and my purpose. It labelled and categorised me into boxes I didn’t understand or choose for myself. How could I defend something I didn’t understand or have the opportunity to identify and love? I was already what they called me and was in a body that I had no emotional connection to.
The only way I could survive was to try my hardest to be what everyone felt was normal. Lowering my voice and using less of an emotive tone, restricting my natural body movements to not stand out, trying to please everyone to make them happy and in return feel accepted and included with an actual purpose.
George Khoury
As I turn 40 and reflect on my life, I realise that there was never an issue with me at all. I have always been that same happy and glowing soul I was when I was a child. The world twisted and pulled me into a box I couldn’t fit into no matter how much I tried to.
It took losing myself and wanting a way out of this life to truly understand how special and unique I am. Exactly what my parents had been trying to show me from a young age, and why they would get so angry and disappointed in me for not recognising it. They knew I could do better and be a more successful version of myself and that the potential was always there.
This came across as disappointment and never feeling like I could be the child they wanted. I came across a key ring my parents bought me for my birthday which I never took real notice of at the time. It was during a low moment where I had to try really hard to get up and do anything.
It said “…if we could give you one thing in life, we would give you the ability to see yourself through our eyes. Only then would you realise how special you are to us,” This was the turning point for me and after wiping my tears I realised who I was, and saw the purpose I have in the world, something I had never been able to do. In this life you need to listen to the people who love you unconditionally whoever they are and find your people. If I hadn’t found my queer community and beautiful people that see me as I am without any other judgement or labelling, I would never have believed that I was an actual human being that was allowed to be me and not what the world bullied me into becoming.
I am a glowing ray of positive energy that walks through life climbing the barriers and mountains that humanity have placed in my way and keeping my fire burning no matter how cold or dark it gets, however windy or overwhelming things are, no matter how much my anxiety tries to hold me still and stop me growing, I will carry this light to bring happiness and laughter into the world.
Challenging discrimination, bullying and representing every minority that exists in this world through my gender, sexuality, and ethnic background, I will keep being me, as this was what I was always created to do.
Look after yourself and remember that it all starts with you. You can only give all of your love and soul if you have your housekeeping in order and this starts with knowing who you are. Not the constructed and created you by society, peers, and family but the true being that you are with no deflection or distraction from the issues that come with living. The beautiful, unique, and wonderful you, Let’s start there, let’s start with you.”
Glitz and glamour gathered in London on Thursday night for the launch of the coffee table photo book, BOLD.
BOLD features pictures of women who have lost their hair—80 percent of them due to treatment for breast cancer.
The venue for the launch, The House of Keune by Bloom Salon, was impossible to miss; it stood out like a beacon of light. A hair salon might seem like an unusual choice to launch a book about being bald, but as an ex-hairdresser, I can say it was the perfect place.
Ten years ago, I was featured in My Left Boob, the story of my dear friend, actress and socialite Sally Farmiloe-Neville, who I shaved her head, styled wigs, and helped grow her hair back.
The BOLD photo book is a powerful project that captures the beauty and resilience of women who have experienced hair loss due to breast cancer treatment, alopecia, or other conditions. The collaboration between the Pink Ribbon Foundation and Caroline Sikkenk Photography highlights the strength and femininity of these women through stunning portraits, offering a new perspective on beauty beyond hair.
Many of the women featured in the book were present at the launch, with their hair now grown back. The room was electric with love, laughter, and tears.
The photo book, with its high-quality presentation and 192 pages of artistic images, serves as a tribute to the courage of the women who participated. It’s also a meaningful way to support the Pink Ribbon Foundation, as all profits from the book’s sales go towards the charity’s efforts. Pre-orders are available now, offering a chance to own a piece of this empowering project while contributing to a vital cause.
The evening began with a chance to explore the BOLD exhibition, stylishly displayed around the salon’s shampoo area. It was an exciting atmosphere with celebrities such as Wendy Turner Webster (Pet Rescue), Dr. Anna Kennedy OBE, celebrity artist Piluca, and comedian Sarah Mulindwa joining the guests.
The real stars of the night were revealed as the guests sat down to listen to a panel headed by Lisa Allen and Dutch photographer Caroline Sikkenk. Models Lauren Plumb, Tricia Bailey, and Anais Muczynski, all from the iconic photo collection Bald and Beautiful, shared their stories of battling cancer with courage and great humor. The audience laughed, cried, and found inspiration in their stories. There was a standing ovation when Tricia shared her vocal talents and sang Sweet Caroline.
There wasn’t a dry eye in the house when a tribute was paid to one of the amazing models who is sadly no longer with us. Sally Franklin passed away after a recurrence of breast cancer, but her brave and supportive family was present to share their love and memories of this incredible woman.
Sally Franklin
Lisa hopes to take the panel and show to Scotland next, and we at 2 Shades salute her, her team, and the incredible women of BOLD.
Alex said, “Tarot is there to reaffirm your intuition, it’s not there to replace your intuition. It’s an inner knowing”
There are days when I can’t seem to arrange my thoughts in a linear fashion. I catch myself in moments like these and ask myself, what am I trying to align myself to?
I listen to music and await a lyric to collide in my mind to feel heard and define a state of misalignment.
I read books to familiarise myself with situations of a fictional character and believe that I was meant to read that one line in a chapter according to the universe’s clock.
It comforts me to know that in moments of despair and blinding confusion, art and spirituality exists to create a bridge that leads me out of a complex forest and into a community park where everyone re-energises.
Sometimes I lay on the grass with my eyes closed and an open book napping on my chest. Shadows of people eclipse the brightness of the sun behind my eyelids as they walk past me. And in the blissful presence of nature and humanity, I seek messages from my version of a spiritual podcast, a tarot reading video.
I’m fascinated by the soothing voices of tarot readers. I always wonder how radiant their energy must be in real life to sit down for hours and tune into intuitive channelled messages from the spirit realm.
How did they even begin? When did they know this is who they were meant to be?
My dear friend Alex Reads Tarot’s words resurfaced and her introduction to tarot amused me. She said, “I kind of sat one night and I thought, what am I doing? This is not me. Something in me just flipped a switch and it felt like I’m meant to be somewhere else.
I saw readers on TikTok, people like Curious Magpie and Madam Adam and I was just mesmerised. I thought, this is incredible. I’d only heard about tarot but this inspired me to get a deck of cards. I wanted the original. I’m very traditional. If I’m going to learn something, I have to do it the traditional way and then I can go for the fancy stuff. Ever since the first day I got my deck of cards, which I still have nearly five years on, I never parted ways. I slept with them under my pillow. I carried them around with me every day doing different spreads. I was just so invested in it, something just felt right. It felt like a missing limb that I’d finally found.”
There’s a purity in Alex’s connection to tarot that I understand now but I can’t lie when I say I questioned if tarot was even true. And if it is, I found the accuracy of the messages so bizarre that my belief turned into scepticism. How can an entire collective of people be going through the same thing?
There’s nothing sweeter than hearing the words, “They’re thinking about you right now. They wish to contact you.” The temptation of these words from a lost love filled me with hope and anger. Anger at the tarot reader who stirred my dormant emotions and anger at myself for allowing them to say the words I wanted to hear.
My ego convinced me that I was being fooled but a deep desire wished the message was true. It is true because it’s my desire, the tarot reader simply reflected the thoughts I hoard in denial.
I scanned the comments section to see if others felt the same way, I wanted someone to validate my doubts for a cheeky laugh. But to my surprise I saw people using words of hatred to demean the tarot reader, I wouldn’t go so far.
Among many nasty comments they famously say, “Stop feeding my delulu!” A valiant act to protect their own ego, so did I when I bothered to read the comments section because hurt can be a hard pill to swallow. The struggle to accept brews into hatred when we fail to acknowledge the simple emotion of missing someone, that we do wish they would contact us and that life feels sad without them.
Alex said, “The word ‘delulu’ really does irk me. But I’ve had to learn over the years to just let people actually delude themselves with their own delulu buying into it. Which to me is kind of ironic you know, you’re almost setting the intention that it’s delusional. You’re essentially saying that it’s therefore not possible for you. It’s the classic phrase, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. You can give advice, but it’s up to people how they use it.”
I wanted to educated myself, I googled, “What exactly is Tarot?” and the answer is quite plain and simple. Tarot does not predict the future, it gives you guidance and insight in the present moment. It’s a useful tool to align our current situation to our manifestations and our authenticity.
That became a healthy filter to have in my brain to navigate whom I can trust when I come across readers online, it urges me to be real with myself in the moment. I see a few readers who interrupt my scrolling to say, “STOP! This message is for you!” and I immediately think, don’t tell me what to do?
But there’s a few whom I intuitively feel drawn to, their aura matches mine and my energy feels safe to intermingle with theirs.
It could be their sense of taste, their style of delivering a message or just my intuition, the reasons are varied. But I ask my heart, do I want to receive this message? Does it provide reason for the voices I have circulating in my mind? And if it doesn’t, I do indeed scroll away.
Alex added, “I sometimes have readers that I don’t follow or haven’t come across before. And I get a bit of a feeling that maybe I wouldn’t connect so well with that person. I always listen to my intuition. But do I send them hate? No, I send them absolute love and I thank them for their service.
The best readers, in my own humble opinion (which is that there are no best readers), are the ones who can harness such a deep connection with tarot, you don’t just look for the generic meanings. You have to kind of overlay it with intuition. And that’s allowing that inner feeling to just go with it. It doesn’t have to make sense to other people. A 1000 people could look at a painting and interpret it differently. And that’s almost like tarot, you might be drawn to the knapsack or the colour yellow, or the symbology of the tunic. It’s allowing that intuitive nature to override and work with the generic meaning as well.”
The concept of tarot runs across generations as a form of witchcraft, taboo and mystical voodoo. The representation of tarot in films and shows have always been about a kooky woman dressed in either ragged clothes or absurd ornaments in a dingy lair that accentuates her connection to the unknown.
The undertone of portraying them as crazy women or evil witches can cause a stereotype for our automatic rejection towards it. Alex said it best, “People often fear what they don’t know.”
In recent times, tarot has transformed into an entertaining practice that people do for fun as a party trick, while some rely on it to seek guidance or advice. What’s more, literally anyone can learn tarot! Try it, you’re not going to burst into flames.
But there exists a community of extreme religionists who wish to send the art form its messengers to hell before they can even attempt to live out their purpose.
Alex shared a similar sentiment by saying, “As readers, we’re kind of expected to take on the brandishing that we are satanic, that we’re demonic and that we are evil. I get told quite a lot that I need to turn towards the light, and that I need to repent for my sins. And for me, I’ve always been very accepting.
I don’t care if you’re a Buddhist, if you’re a Hindu, if you’re a Christian, there’s such a big Christian and Catholic community in my AlexReadsTarot community and they are very respectful. They see it as God’s work or however they view it. You can have your faith and still enjoy tarot. As long as you’re not using your faith as ammunition against someone’s choice for how they live.”
When you’re divinely connected to any art form, there’s a powerful journey an individual takes to solely focus inward. It’s not easy to maintain the perfect measurement of self-confidence all of the time but it matters very little what others have to say about the inexplicable relationship between an artist and their art.
It also comes with the realisation that not everyone can be pleased and that someone will be disappointed. A portion of people will retaliate, ridicule, resonate with it fully and obsess over it more than they need to. They accept the rejection and move along the course of satisfying their soul.
Alex continues, “I think the biggest thing that I’ve kind of come to, I think it’s for my own comfort, because being any kind of creator on social media, you are expected to take the rough with the smooth, you are expected to take people’s hatred, people’s negativity. And for me, I do fortunately have a very good support system. But I’m still a human being.”
I have personally misjudged tarot readers and spiritual healers a lot too. I thought they dressed simple, were out of touch with material pleasures, embodied a holier-than-thou persona and slept with a cross on their nose. I assumed that nothing could break their resilience, that anger or sadness were fleeting emotions after much penance and are always at peace in the face of all adversities.
After meeting a lot of professional psychic mediums, I realised I was wrong; they live just like us and are learning about life just as much as we are. They only wish to pull out an inner wisdom that resides within us. And offer words that reverberate a positive, healing perspective.
Alex agreed and added, “But you know, it’s not a 24 hour kind of hotline. Your tarot reader is not your therapist or best friend. I get a lot of people asking me, do you do emergency readings? I’ve always vowed that I would never do an emergency reading because for me as a reader, a huge red flag in a client is when they use phrasing like, this is urgent I’m struggling! I actually message these people privately and say, what are we actually talking about here? Because for me, if you’re in such an intense need for reading, I don’t know if it’s always the right thing to do because then you’re depending on a reading. When you’re not then actually listening to yourself.
I do have compassion for people in a sense, because some people are just really lonely and struggling. And a lot of people say, I can’t speak to anyone about this, you’re the only person. And I do take that on with such care and compassion with anything. But there have been the odd occasions where people have crossed over that boundary repeatedly. And I think it has taught me to make sure that my boundaries are clear.”
What I admire most about some of the professional tarot readers I follow is that they level with me, they’re unafraid to tell me they go through the same struggles, they’re silly and yet so unique. They allow me to see them for who they are while delivering exactly what I need to hear and not what I want to hear.
I thoroughly enjoy readers who let their hair down and express that they’ve had a bad week. Or that they followed a similar pattern of toxic relationships and took a long time to make peace with difficult family situations. It’s human, ordinary but magical at the same time.
Alex concluded by saying, “I think that for me personally, it’s understanding that you don’t have to just meditate or journal. Some of us are just not equipped to deal with things in such a calm way. We need something that’s a bit more fiery and aggressive to get it out. Like I go for a drive and blast some loud music. So that’s really how I kind of do it, which I’ve learned how to accept. I’m not like a 5D Star Ascension love and light person. I’m very real. I’m just like, yeah, let’s get angry and then let’s get through this and then we’re okay.
Some of us experience happiness in bigger waves than others. But the beauty of being human is that it’s a spectrum. And if you deny yourself essentially half of that, you’re denying yourself of exploring half of who you are.
Accept that you are going to be aggressive, you are going to be annoying, you are going to be mopey, you are going to be maybe anxious at times and a bit of a nervous wreck. If you can accept that, you’re just going to be accepting who you are. And that is what we’re here to do.”
It is my favourite time of year, and the incredible Autism’s Got Talent is back.
Since its inception by Dr. Anna Kennedy OBE in 2012, Autism’s Got Talent has evolved into a legendary showcase that shines a spotlight on the unique talents of individuals living with autism. This one-of-a-kind event has captivated audiences and received high-profile media attention for over a decade, setting itself apart from other talent shows by offering an evening filled with surprises, inspiration, and diverse performances. Hosted at the renowned Mermaid Theatre in Blackfriars, the 2024 edition promises to be another unforgettable celebration of talent and inclusion
Steven Smith chats to 2Shades columnist and founder of Anna Kennedy on line
Unlike conventional talent competitions, Autism’s Got Talent is dedicated to celebrating neurodiversity and empowering autistic individuals of all ages. The show features a star-studded lineup of performers, including singers, dancers, actors, musicians, poets, magicians, and more. These gifted artists not only entertain but also challenge perceptions and break down barriers, demonstrating what people with autism can achieve. This event serves as a platform to replace stereotypes with messages of hope, fun, laughter, and inclusion, making it truly unique on the global stage.
This year proved to be a show-stopping extravaganza with over 17 acts.
The show was opened by Dr. Anna Kennedy as she introduced well-wishes from Loose Women star Denise Welch, Blue band icon Anthony Costa, EastEnders actress Kacey Ainsworth, and the legendary Carol Vorderman. Celebrities such as ‘Allo ‘Allo!’s Vicki Michelle, Pet Rescue author Wendy Turner, Taino’s Christopher Hamilton, and performer Tru Blue were among some of the showbiz names that turned out to introduce the evening’s performers.
Allo Allo Vicki Michelle and the inspirational Lisa Allen from Pink Ribbon foundation
Comperes for the evening were Gateway Radio DJ and Ambassador of the charity, Aston Avery, along with former The People’s Strictly contestant and amateur dramatic theatre enthusiast Phillip Barnett.
Christopher Hamilton
Pineapple Dance studio lead by teacher Maggie Paterson who have supported the event from the start team of 40 dancers
Gateways radio DJ Aston Avery one of the presenters of AGT “Autistic and Proud ”
This year’s acts, who travelled from far and wide, did not disappoint. It kicked off with Alba Pulido Brocklebank’s stunning rendition of Burn. There were so many outstanding acts this year, it is hard to highlight them all. From guitar supremo Caydian Evans, who described the experience as an amazing, unique opportunity, to father-and-son team Aaron and Andy Clark, who said, “This is a memory that will last a lifetime, and we are deeply grateful for the opportunity.”
Caydian Evans
Northern Ireland seemed to feature prominently this year with two singers: Andrew McMurdie, who said, “There were so many uniquely talented people in one room, like I have never seen before,” and Ty Williams, who brought the house down.
Somerset singer Lianne Vessier was blown away by the diversity of the event, and the standing ovation for her performance left us all in awe.
Lianne Vessier
Stepping in at the last minute was Swaran Hayer, who dazzled the audience with his calendar skills (even revealing Anna Kennedy’s age and date of birth!). His mum, Mandy, said, “It will forever be an unforgettable and memorable experience.”
Theatre group True Colours had the audience cheering as well.
True Colours
Anna Kennedy, founder of Anna Kennedy Online and Autism’s Got Talent, shares her hopes for the event: “We aim to continue to build Autism’s Got Talent year by year. We want all those involved to have fun, do what they love, make friends, be themselves, and have one night that is all about them.” This ethos of inclusion and empowerment continues to drive the event’s growth and inspire its participants.
Tears of joy marked the end of the show, with all the wonderful performers on stage, proud parents, families, and friends in the audience.
They all had one message for the AKO family: “You’re all amazing, and we all rock!”
With allegations of sexual abuse against pop stars, actors and high-profile business people at an all-time high, Steven Smith looks back at his own experiences as a 16-year-old on the celebrity party circuit in the late 70s. He asks whether society at the time was just as much to blame for the exploitation of teenagers as those that are having the finger pointed at them.
It’s a Monday morning. I’m at Soho Gym in Covent Garden and I’m working out. My book It Shouldn’t Happen to a Hairdresserhas been out for a month now. It’s my autobiography and follows my journey from coming out at 16 to tending to the hair of the rich and famous around the world. Though now I work mainly in the media, I still keep my scissors handy.
The book has caused quite a stir and there’s been a lot of press. Many are asking who the pop star was that seduced me when I was 16.
Wanna buy it? Link at the bottom of this article.
I decline to answer. It was not something I wanted to talk about further, plus, having worked for the tabloids for over a decade, I knew exactly where that conversation would lead. Having been harmlessly misquoted in some of the papers (one claimed that I hung out with Madonna), I still knew that interviews were a road that needed to be trodden carefully.
My phone goes. It’s a lady agent friend of mine who has been quite supportive in promoting the book.
“Hello darling. I simply couldn’t put the book down, it’s marvellous.”
She goes on to ask how the book is doing and who could imagine how difficult Katie Price could be. We both laugh, but then we get to the reason for the call.
“Darling, who was that awful pop star that seduced an innocent 16-year-old you?”
Innocent! Back in the late 70s, 16 was more like 20. Now, it’s not something that I felt was integral to my life and I won’t be naming him. But it was important to my story in the book. The gist of the call is she thinks that I should chat with one of her clients, a gorgeous police officer called Dan Neal. It could be beneficial to us both – he had read the book and was branching into showbiz.
My agent friend had always been good to me, so I agreed. Almost immediately, Dan called. He was involved with the Jimmy Saville inquiry and was making quite a name for himself (he later went on to marry Rylan Clark). Charming and full of life. He said how much he had enjoyed the book. But then came the cough!
“The pop star who seduced you when you were sixteen, would you name him?”
“No”, I replied quickly.
Dan asked if he could hazard a guess. Judging by the tennis courts in my description, was it —– ? I had heard that they were after this particular person, and funnily enough, I had met him. And a more asexual but charming person you could not want to meet. (Although rumours of his early years hold that he was rampant – but not with young men.)
“No, it was not.”
He went on about his duty to uncover these people.
Cutting Dan off, I pointed out that I was not about to be induced to join a witch hunt. There was a big difference between boys and girls who had been groomed (or been downright taken advantage of) and the youths who attended parties and venues dressed like they were in their twenties, who were desperate to bag a pop star or anyone in the limelight. Back in the 70s, 16-years-olds were very independent, with some passing themselves off as 20-something.
Many of them only seem to have decided they were taken advantage of after the star has died or when they’re in their late 50’s, when many (I’ve found, having done research) have money problems.
In the late 70s no-one asked for ID or carried it. We grew up in an era when, as soon as you could carry a bag of newspapers, you had a job as a paperboy. I was working at ten.
Benny Hill chasing a woman dressed as a schoolgirl around the garden and Barbara Windsor being sexually harassed dressed as a nurse in the “Carry On” films was acceptable in comedy, and for many in the UK (and the US) it still is.
Your correspondent 40 years ago.
When I was 16 the club to go to was BANGS! On Tottenham Court Road on Monday nights, Donna Summer blasted from the speakers and we dressed to impress. We danced on the stage as the beautiful, gay, stylish and soon-to-be famous mingled in an electric atmosphere.
There was a whole group of lads and lasses aged 15-16 who lived for Monday night. It was not unusual to be approached, asked to come to other parties or asked out.
A young air steward invited me to a party one night. It was being held the following Sunday and he said that a car would be sent for me. He wouldn’t tell me whose home it was but said it would be great fun. He was very cute, and Sundays were boring.
I slipped out on the Sunday from my parents’ home and picked up the car at the end of the road, where the steward was waiting with the driver. As we reached the destination, I was stunned by what I saw – it was the most magnificent house, more of a mansion really, with fake butler and maid statues to greet you in the huge entrance hall. It was like nothing I had ever seen before.
We parked the car around the back of the house and went to meet our host on the tennis court. I was shocked when I saw who he was – he had played with one of my favourite bands when I was growing up and here he was, greeting me on his tennis court! He was down to earth and seemed genuinely interested in me. Before long we ended up in his disco, where the cocktails flowed. And so did some other things. Some of the other guests offered me cocaine and laughed when I refused.
Not changed a bit
“Hey, have you brought a good kid to the party?” they asked.
Nevertheless, one too many gin and tonics and as Dorothy Parker said, I ended up under the host. Still, it was a great day, and I went home with my host’s autograph. That was enough excitement for me.
As he brought me home, the steward suggested I might like to meet other friends of his and intimated that it could be quite profitable for me. But I was streetwise beyond my 16 years and said no, thanks.
So, I was somewhat surprised when I received a call from the star’s right-hand man asking me to come down again, which I did. I found myself liking the guy, who even played a song for me on his piano, across from his statues of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Really, I preferred T-Rex. He sent cars for me several times and we even watched a movie in his cinema room.
He only stopped sending for me after I told him that I’d mentioned the visits to my family. He almost passed out! After all, I was still only 16. This, despite me pointing out that I’d been in the theatre and it wouldn’t seem unusual that I was hanging out with the likes of him.
Still, much as his interest in me waned once he discovered that, he still invited me to the parties. They were great fun and he always got me home safely.
All these years later, though, whenever I smell Opium perfume, I think of him. The fragrance filled the bathrooms in his fabulous house and I even bought some for my mother that Christmas.
One of the most wonderful moments was when a famous pop manager held a boat party along the Thames for his birthday and Freddie Mercury and Kenny Everett were among the many celebrity guests. It was a dream come true and all I did was dance the afternoon away.
I was even hired briefly at the Embassy Club (in shorts).
With no age check.
Other parties were not so innocent. (Let’s not get started on the famous journalist with the three-way mirror whose parties hosted many a squaddie, some of whom went on to appear in the work of Mike Arlen (a gay photographer).
But I was lucky there was always an out. So, I never felt trapped or taken advantage of.
Of course, if I felt like playing victim I could rewrite this story in a different colour.
Many of the boys at the parties have passed on with HIV or disappeared. One or two I still bump into, and they talk of the good old times.
I’m sure that some may have regretted the follies of youth and even feel like they had been taken advantage of. But we can’t just blame the celebrities. The ’70s was a time that allowed freedom for the young and sexually promiscuous behaviour was rife.
Only when my nephew turned 16 I looked at his face. Suddenly it hit me how wrong the pop star and others were .
Luckily, we have ID now and people check. I feel great empathy with those that have been hurt. But regarding those who, in their teens, labelled themselves groupies, only to say many decades later they were victims, responsibility must lie with more than one party.
There is a difference between the casting couch, grooming – and dressing up, passing yourself off as older and consenting to things.
Steven Smith looks at the affect addiction has on us all, how it can be so prolific among the LGBTQ And celebrity community, the often-misguided views people have about those living with addiction, and of course shares his own tale.
November 26th, 2010, the phone rang with news I had been expecting—my lifelong friend Lester Middlehurst, the witty, Machiavellian, and brilliant journalist was dead at 55. He had been in coma for days after a suspected suicide attempt.
I know how I was supposed to feel to the world. But putting down the phone, there was complete numbness followed by anger, and then an overwhelming relief that the man who had formerly been my friend, but had in later years become my tormenter was no longer. No more waking to drunken abusive messages, or being the brunt of his jokes or outburst at parties, and I’d no longer have to apologise to other people for his behaviour towards them.
Lester in his prime
Lester Middlehurst was one of the first openly gay staff members at The Daily Mail. He was legendary. At the coroner’s inquest it turned out he had not killed himself, rather his death certificate said that he died of a hypoxic brain damage attack. Everyone agreed it was his addictive lifestyle that killed him.
Sadness
Lester was one the most addicted people that I have ever met, and he was my friend and I loved him. A month later I must have spent a day crying over him. The sadness was really that he never got help for his addiction, and you could say that my lack of knowledge of it prevented me from helping him…but that would be romanticising a terrible situation.
Back in 2009 I got him to agree to attend the Meadows Clinic in Arizona, but the next day he told me not to be so stupid. In truth, I did not feel strong enough to stand up to him. As my knowledge about addiction has grown, I have become more aware that there was nothing I could have done unless Lester had wanted to do anything about it.
According to the Centre of Addiction, members of the LGBTQ community are at greater risk of substance use and mental health issues compared to those identifying as heterosexual.
Members of the LGBTQ community face chronically high levels of stress, often due to having to suffer from social prejudice and discrimination. Fear, isolation, and depression increase the chances of self-medicating with alcohol and drugs. As a man that has lived a life in big cities, I have witnessed addiction in all classes and types of people. Addiction is a mistress that does not care who she dances with, yet the LGBTQ community are often her favourite partners.
As the self-confessed addict, actor Russell Brand explains that the distinction of any compulsive or addictive behaviour is when it begins to negatively impact on the rest of your life.
Compulsive
So, you might love chocolate so much that you’ll ignore all logical reasoning, “I have to have chocolate…I have to have chocolate…I don’t care what else happens”. If you’re crashing your car because of chocolate, that’s a problem.
According to Wikipedia, addiction is a brain disorder characterised by compulsive engagement in a rewarding stimulation despite adverse consequences.
Of course, addiction is certainly an illness and not a lifestyle choice, and if we are honest, addiction is in all of us in some way or another.
For me, I just can’t not buy a large French baguette, cut a few slices off, and put it back for later. I end up devouring the whole thing. Subsequently, I do not buy French baguettes unless I am feeling poorly. Whether it’s chocolate, coffee, or your favourite tipple, we all have cravings.
Russell Brand
Much as Russell Brand is right, there are so-called functioning addicts who you would not even realise are hooked on their drug of choice, and it can take many years for the effects to begin to show. Often referred to as “high functioning addicts” owing to their having powerful jobs or enough money to effectively hide their addiction from others. This knocks on the head the commonly presented image of an addict being down-and-out or living on the streets. According to the American Psychiatric Association, there is no such thing…they are all just addicts who have created coping mechanisms.
My father, God rest his soul, came home after holding down a high-powered job and drank whisky every day of his life, yet he would be horrified at the idea of being described as an addict. But when he left hospital after lung cancer removal surgery, he sat down and demanded, “Get me a whisky and a cigarette.” On the suggestion that was not a good idea and that he would end up back in hospital, he snapped “Are you threatening me?”
Growing up, I was told that an addict was someone who got up and drank first thing. Drinking after coming home from work and weekends was seen as normal for many in the 60s and through to the 90s. All of our soaps were featured around a pub, making alcohol look like a socially acceptable way of life.
I had a volatile relationship with my dad, but his fight with cancer gave me a better understanding of the nature of his addiction and where it had come from. He had been a talented jazz trumpeter and played with the BBC orchestra, but his nerves had come to the forefront and he started to self-medicate by having a few whiskies before his shows. Eventually, he gave up and started a family, but the drinking did not stop.
Charismatic
My father adored my best pal who also fights addiction, and is a truly remarkable human being who I was fortunate to love, and my dad did not like many people. The two were like two peas in a pod and talked for ages.
Spending time with my dad before he died made me wonder whether, if he had managed to overcome obvious anxiety and continued playing, perhaps he would have been happier. Of course, back then mental health was seen by many as a weakness and not to be spoken about.
My world has been filled with people who are addicts in one form or another. They are the most charismatic and amazing people and the arts are full of them. In my opinion, they all have one thing in common—they can snap and become almost frightening at the drop of a hat, and then suddenly they are wonderful and make you feel like you mean the world when they are OK. Sadly, during my childhood there was more of the former with my dad. Though I knew in the end that he loved me.
There are so many people living with addiction, anxiety, and mental health issues who are in denial. Even with all the help groups and open discussions there seems to be a quite a bit of stigma attached to it still.
Dr Pam Spurr, a popular self-help expert and radio television personality, says she often encounters people who are in denial about their issues that are the source of their addiction problems. They say things like “I just have a little problem with confidence” which ignores the fact that they drink excessively to help make them feel more confident. Or they say, “I only drink after work to take the edge off.” But when they count up the units, they are far in excess of government guidelines. It’s at times like these that I encourage them to think honestly about their drinking (or drug taking) and consider expert advice.
Many addicts get clean either by joining the 12-step programme, by checking into rehab, or by seeking counselling. The journey of recovery can be different and what works for one person might not work for another person. It is important to point out that as much as the newspapers show pictures of celebrities dashing off to glamorous-looking rehabs, getting into a state-run rehab in the UK can be very difficult for mere mortals.
While helping a friend who was using OxyContin (a pain killer) and had got into a mess from ordering online and then become addicted, the general health services did not want to know. Even going through other channels, she was advised that her chances of getting into rehab were slim, although she did come away from it with a strong network of friends around her.
A beautiful girlfriend of mine found her sobriety in a man as her anchor who was also living with addiction. They have both been clean for seven years now.
Living in LA, the 12 steppers (12 step programme) were like the mafia, and rumour had it that all the best movie deals were done at their meetings and also that many there did not have addiction issues and instead just wanted to pitch ideas.
There is no doubt that the 12-step programme helps many, and even if the meetings can become the new addiction it’s a healthy one.
I agree with Doctor Pam that it is amazing how much of a lack of understanding there is about addiction.
Cake
My gorgeous bubbly friend Monica is originally from California. She is a super bright academic having gone to Yale, lectured all over the world, and she also ran a school for a while.
Yet three years ago she decided to open an up-market catering company as her award-winning chef sister is a goddess in the business. People actually beg for invites to try her canapés.
Lunch with Monica is always fun—it starts off with “Darling shall we share a cake after?” Despite being gorgeous, she is always on some kind of diet. Her little addiction would be cake.
Like one or two other intellectuals I have met with qualifications coming out of every orifice, their life skills sometimes leave me speechless. Despite having a gay brother, she once commented on a photo shoot involving five men I had directed “Is the man with his foot up against the wall a sign he is gay?” I replied “No darling, there are no secret signs; it’s a James Dean inspired clothing shoot.” She just smiled and continued eating.
Today, however, she was on the warpath. She was catering for a big party we had worked on together to get celebrities at. One of the celebs had behaved inappropriately to some of the other guests and to a couple of waitresses.
She was not amused when I laughed, “Well darling, at least he did not get his cock out and try and pee in the champagne fountain like at my other friend’s launch. How that did not end up in the papers is beyond me.” I got the school ma’am look.
He was living with addiction – not surprising considering his childhood trauma and the abuse he lived with. He really should not have been drinking. I am not excusing him, but it’s not the end of the world that I did not invite him to the next few. I said that I’d have a word. Her eyes got wider, and she seemed shocked that I had empathy with the celebrity at all. She wanted him banned for life.
Taboo
As much as I have some reservations about the 12-step programme, saying you’re sorry to those you may have hurt is not easy to do, but it sometimes isn’t enough. I started talking about addiction, and a few minutes in it was clear that it was going nowhere, even though I was sharing this with someone highly intelligent.
Addiction remains a taboo subject. There are so many people in denial and as much as the newspapers are full of celebrity headlines about them being addicted, most of us don’t want to talk about it or feel labelled by it.
A year ago my phone rang—it was a friend who had come out of family day at a rehab centre that her daughter was attending. She was fuming that they suggested that it may run in the family, “They had better not be blaming this on me. I have no addiction.” She was not amused when I laughed “It’s not about you and I will remind you of that next time you refuse to come home from the bar or spend two weeks obsessing about something.”
Outside those who are counsellors, therapists, and those who talk openly about their addiction and some of their loved ones, I have found very few people who understand those living with addiction.
A very wise woman, author, presenter, and journalist, Jane Moore was one person who seemed to understand it. Lester and Jane were great friends and the two together were hysterical. Yet Lester had gone on a tirade about her and I was mortified since she was a true loyal friend to him, and he was starting to run out of friends due to his behaviour.
Lester Middlehurst and Jane Moore
While ringing her and offering full apologies asking her not to fall out with him, she calmly said, “I could never be offended by Lester. He is hurting too much, but he’s lucky to have a friend in you.”
At the time I just thought, but I wish if I had taken those words more to heart I might not have taken his behaviour personally and got as hurt as I did in the end. It helped later in life as I saw the pain addiction brings too.
The LGBTQ community have learnt to talk more as we have needed to be heard to survive. Most surveys say that a larger proportion of those identifying drug and alcohol use as a coping mechanism are LGBTQ, but I beg to differ.
I have sat in many restaurants and bars in London watching the city boys and their entourage go back and forth to the toilets, passing each other along the way. I am pretty sure they are not the kind found in the survey.
Addiction is a worldwide human crisis according to the World Drug Report. Unless we start talking about it, spotting the signs at an early age, and treating it as an illness, many will die with all the new and powerful drugs flooding the market. Whole towns have been wiped out in the US due to drug addiction.
Chemsex is the consumption of drugs to facilitate sexual activity. Both terms refer to a subculture of recreational drug users who engage in high-risk sexual activities under the influence of drugs within groups. Chemsex parties are said to be prolific on the London gay scene, but that is a different story. Not wanting to be righteous, I have no experience of it or want to engage in it. Recent reports in the gay press say chemsex parties are held across UK, but there is a correlation between addiction and sex shame.
The perfect storm
Sadly no longer with us David Stewart of 56 Dean Street, an award-winning HIV and sexual health clinic in the heart of London, explains that this trend is driven by a convergence of factors: “Vulnerable gay men with issues around sex, new drugs that tapped into that problem and changing technology. What they call the perfect storm.”
There was enough of a problem for the government to lay out guidelines in 2017.
Actress Danielle Westbrook, who I have interviewed many a time, put it simply to me, “Look Steve, you get ten people at a party and they all try coke for the first time. Four never try it again, four have it once in a blue moon, and two poor things are addicted six months later.”
The answer would be to never take the risk, but human nature is never that simple.
My friend Lester will never come back but it led me to have so much more of an understanding of addiction and how to protect myself around addiction. Many of the world’s beautiful people are soldiers fighting addiction every day of their lives.
This year’s presenter for “Autism’s Got Talent” Aston Avery chats to 2Shades
We were all thrilled to hear that one of the main presenters of “Autism’s Got talent” this year is going to be Aston Avery Gateway’s radio host and ambassador for Anna Kennedy on line.
Both Anna Kennedy and myself share a monthly spot with him on Gateway. He is for sure someone to be truly admired. He will bring an authenticity and sparkle to the show. I took time out to have chat with him before the big night.
Aston- Avery: A Journey of Passion, Perseverance, and Pride
How excited are you to be presenting Autism’s Got Talent?
I am really thrilled to be presenting this year’s Autism’s Got Talent. “It’s beyond exciting,” “I think it might surprise some people, seeing me in this role. But I’m looking forward to the challenge and seeing what I can improve on for the future.”
When did you first meet and get involved with Annakennedyonline?
My journey with Autism’s Got Talent began in 2015, when I first met Anna Kennedy while performing a bit of Elvis at the event. “That was the same year Anna did The People’s Strictly with Robin Windsor. Since then, I’ve been deeply involved with her charity, AnnaKennedyonline. In 2016, I was honored to become an ambassador for the charity, and I’ve had the privilege of performing at events like Wear It For Autism and various Autism’s Got Talent roadshows. Anna also helped me secure a scholarship with Pineapple Performing Arts, which was an incredible opportunity.”
At what age were you diagnosed with Autism ?
I was diagnosed with autism at the age of two and a half. My mum remembers it vividly. When they received the diagnosis, my dad had a tear running down his cheek. That’s why my mum’s book about our journey is called From A Tear to Here.
Astons as baby with his brother
You raise a lot of money for the cause?
You are right, I am no stranger to the world of fundraising and raising awareness for autism. It has seen me skydiving, playing in charity football matches, organising charity discos, and even hosting charity balls. it’s not just about the money. “It’s about raising acceptance within the community. That’s my real goal.
Aston Sky Diving
Being a previous act on Autism’s Got Talent, what advice would you give this years performers?
Having been a past performer at Autism’s Got Talent, my advice for this year’s participants is: Enjoy every moment. Make friends—talk to your fellow performers, and even reach out to past performers. It’s about connection as much as performance.
Who are your hero’s Aston?
My heroes are close to home: My parents and my brother. They’ve stood by me through everything—my autism diagnosis, my battle with enterocolitis, and even my fundraising efforts. They’ve been there for the good and the rough times.
Aston with his brother, Aaron
Your very vocal about bullying what is your advice to people being bullied ?
Being an advocate for anti-bullying, I feel strongly about speaking up about it. If you’re being bullied, don’t let them break you. Talk to someone—a parent, a sibling, a professional like a teacher or manager. You don’t have to go through it alone.
How did you get involved with Gateway 97.8?
My media journey began in 2013 when I got involved with Gateway 97.8, working behind the scenes on the technical side of things. By 2015, I was presenting his own daytime show. I’ve spoken to so many people—celebrities, regular contributors, and people from the local area. It’s been such a rewarding experience.
What are your future ambitions?
I’d love to perform in a pantomime one day, and I really hope to become a TV presenter. My dream is to appear on Strictly Come Dancing—that’s my favourite show. Fingers crossed!
What would you say gives you inspiration each day?
My daily inspiration comes from the people around me and my own drive. I wake up motivated to do what I love—whether it’s performing, presenting, or connecting with people to share experiences. I always say, my name is Aston-Martin Avery, I am autistic, and I am proud!
Why I am with Esther Rantzen when it comes to euthanasia being allowed in the UK
Inspirational Esther Rantzen and the incredible Martin Annand
News of the controversial suicide pod being used for the first time in Switzerland really caught my attention. The device allows the person in it to take their own life by pressing a button. The concern, even in Switzerland where euthanasia is legal, is that the pod functions without medical assistance.
It also triggered a memory of when I was asked to take a friend to Switzerland, and I nearly did…
It was a beautiful sunny day and my former partner, of twenty years and friend for twenty more Martin Annand and I were sitting in the leafy London Garden opposite where he lived.
He squeezed my hand and said,
“Steven, please take me to Switzerland, let’s arrange it today.”
The wonderful Martin Annand RIP 20th Of February 1944 – 9th of August 2021
We had been up most of the night. Martin had been in agony; he was terminally ill with cancer that had moved into the spine. He had sailed through hormone treatment and apart from the odd hiccup, chemotherapy had been giving us hope that a miracle would happen or at least extended his life, but we had had some bad news, and the chemotherapy had stopped working. He had moved on to radiotherapy and that was a whole new ball game. The illness was turning him quickly into a shell of himself.
Coming soon.
Helping was a battle as his new partner was unreasonable, a bully and often hysterical. I was up against people who were all “experts. A distant relative thought running a ball up and down his spine and getting him to exercise was good, but would not look at the actual fact that it was the worst thing you could do for cancer in the spine.
All through his illness I was absolutely determined to stay stoic and a rock, not the hysterical mess I was in private. Too often I have seen people make their friend or partner’s illness be about them, with the poor soul consoling them. Now his current partner had taken two weeks holiday and reluctantly left me to look after him. It was an ideal time to take Martin to Switzerland.
However, it was hard at this point to hold back the tears.
“Is that what you really want?” I asked him.
He had clearly done his homework and knew the price and exactly where to go. Pulling myself together and looking into his beautiful blue eyes I promised I would if he just gave it one more week. The doctors had said at the Royal Brompton that the night burns were quite a common side effect that should pass.
Holding him in the shower and as he lay shaking in bed, I would have done anything to ease his pain. Assurances that this phase would pass, and that the treatment would allow him more time encouraged us to push on.
To this day I am so sorry that I did not take him whilst he could still get on a plane. The horror that he endured no human being should go through. Why do we let a dog in distress die in dignity, yet our loves ones have to suffer? The religious right will tell you It is not God’s wish. Some God if he wants us to suffer.
“Suffer to come unto me “. Well, I cannot make sense of that. It is time to allow those with no hope of living without excruciating pain to die on their own terms.
By the second week it was too painful for Martin to travel in a taxi let alone fly. Then the current partner arrived back, and all was lost on the idea of euthanasia.
When there really is no hope, it is time to be kind and allow the terminally sick some release. Next time someone I love asks me, I’ll do it on the spot. I truly hope that if I were in that much pain with no chance of recovery that someone would do the same for me.
Me with Martin Annand a man who lived life to its full
If there is one thing that bemuses me it’s being put in a box because of my sexuality.
As a gay man I have heard it all over the years, including the presumption that I must be filled with excitement that Kylie is touring next year. No! I honestly would not cross the road to watch her, and I find “Padam Padam” one of the most irritating songs of all time.
Sure, she has a huge gay following. I remember two gay men jumping with excitement in the changing room of the gym exclaiming, “Oh my God we are seeing Kyle tonight, she’s such a survivor! ” And that was before the breast cancer. I have heard she is a lovely person, but she’s just not my taste in music.
Later at the Troubadour café the waiter enquired if me and my partner were going to see Kylie. After replying definitely not, he smiled and said, “Good to hear it, have a drink on me!”
Sure, I like Madonna; she is a true artist. Now Bowie, Lou Reed, Nina Simon or a night at the Royal Opera are my tastes in music.
What I am excited about is Oasis coming back. Liam Gallagher is brightly funny and a night out with him would be way up on my list rather than the gay Divas of music. Oasis marks an era, and a generation of people want to celebrate the band and re- live that experience for just for one night.
Their music is original, and they are a dying breed of rock star. The Manchester lads may not be the wild boys of the past, but every time Liam pops up on a show, he makes me laugh and he is by far a much better interview than most.
That’s what entertainment is all about. My friend Pam I know not to dare ring during the football or come to that rugby, cricket, darts season, tiddlywinks… If for a moment music, sport or something else can transport you to a happy place or bring a beautiful memory back to life for you, then whatever gives you that enjoyment is your business.
I, of course, respect everyone who can’t get Kylie “out of their head”, but come on, Liam and Noel are really something to get excited about.
Yes, it is that time of year again so please come see me and 2shades columnist Dr Anna Kennedy OBE on 12th October at the Mermaid theatre. Gateways Radio Aston Avery will be one of the main presenters introducing some incredible acts.
This star-studded spectacular show will showcase amazingly talented performances by adults and children with autism. The performers, which consist of singers, actors, musicians, magicians, poets and dance troupes, will fly the flag for autism and show what people with autism are capable of. Autism’s Got Talent provides a platform and fantastic opportunity to replace negative aspects with hope, fun, laughter and inclusion. This showcase is unique to any other project across the world.
Most of the acts have springboarded into exclusive opportunities. The audience feels a rare emotion of hope and belonging, part of a unique network, and understanding that anything is possible. Every year promises a showcase of a wide variety of performers. In previous years, there has been a stand-up performer, harpist, rapper, young author, acclaimed ballet dancer, opera singer.
Presenting this year Aston Avery Gateway radio host .
The concept of Autism’s Got Talent is based solely on inclusion, and there needs to be more, which is why we have started roadshows. Autism’s Got Talent is an annual event that grows in popularity each year and has firmly cemented its status as a leading charity and autism event.
Dr Anna Kennedy OBE and me .
Supported in the past by celebrities including Kacey Ainsworth, Richard Mylan, Dame Esther Rantzen, Carrie and David Grant, Debbie Moore OBE, the late Ian Royce, Dr Pam Spurr, Mitch Winehouse, Loose Women Star Denise Welch, Caprice, Luke Friend, Tony Discipline (BBC Eastenders), and Emma Noble.
I went to a Catholic school in the Northeast. Little did I know my husband Sean also was at the same school. Primary School were good and bad days for me and I enjoyed some lessons not all. Many of the nuns at the school were too strict and would not get away with caning across your knuckles or hand for talking too much!
If you happen to be late for school, you had to stand under the crucifix for 30 minutes at the end of the day and pray.
We were often also given many lines to write if no one owned up for example: A pupil threw a rubber at the Maths teacher whilst he was writing on the blackboard. I remember we had to write 100 times ‘Rubbers rub they do not fly!’
Dear Anna.
Please, I am at the end of the line with my 14 year old son. He was expelled last year for being disruptive in class. Now the school have written to me and said he cannot come back. James was diagnosed with Autism and attention disorder at 13. What can I do? Is there a right to appeal or should I find a school that is more suited to his needs? James is super bright and was in line to take exams
Many thanks Diana Waterford
Dear Diana,
Thank you for your email. You do have the right to challenge your son’s exclusion, and the school should have informed you of this process when the exclusion occurred. The following government guidance may be helpful, if your son attended a maintained school or an Academy:
If you believe your son was excluded due to a disability-related reason, you can separately make a claim of disability discrimination to the First-tier Tribunal before the school process concludes.
If the Tribunal rules in your favour, it can order actions that put your son in the position he would have been in if the discrimination hadn’t occurred, which could include reinstating him in the school.
Lastly, it’s important to ensure that all your son’s special educational needs are identified and met. If you haven’t done so already, you may want to apply for an Education, Health and Care (EHC) needs assessment.
This is the first step towards securing an EHC Plan (EHCP). The test for starting this assessment is whether your son may need a level of special educational provision that is only available through an EHCP. Given what you have said, this may possibly be the case.
Dear Anna,
Hello love the column. My daughter lives with Autism, and she is a great singer and just so loveable. My ex-husband won’t hear about it and said I am indulging her and encouraging her to be different. I am looking for a school that caters to her needs even its a private school or theatre My parents are happy to. pay. My ex is trying to block it and threatening to take me back to court if I remove her from her present school that I do not feel caters to her needs. What can I do?
All my best Stephany Wimbledon
Dear Stephany,
Thank you for reaching out and for your kind words about the column. I spoke to my husband Sean who supports the charity, and this is his area of expertise. It does sounds like you’re in a difficult situation.
My husband Sean shares:
Sean Kennedy
If your daughter has an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP), section 51 of the Children and Families Act 2014 gives you the right to challenge any part of the EHCP, including the school placement, even though a Tribunal if necessary.
This right cannot be interfered with by other courts. While your ex-husband is entitled to express his views to the Tribunal, he cannot prevent you from exercising this right. However, your daughter’s opinions will also carry weight, particularly depending on her age and if she has capacity.
It is certainly an unfortunate situation. If your ex-husband is threatening to take this matter to the Family Courts and your daughter does not currently have an EHCP, I would strongly advise seeking legal advice from a family law specialist.
We both wish you all the best in navigating this,
Best Wishes, Anna
Dear Anna,
I am a big fan of yours and have been living all my life with various issues, it was my 16th birthday last week my mum held a party and I am not real social so I found it embarrassing and in the end it was more about her. She even got drunk and went on and on about how proud she is of me- even with all my little ways. There was about five of my friends from school there with the rest of the mums. Anna I just want to leave home and get away from her. What should I tell her and is there any organisations that helps kids like me escape?
Blair Luton
Dear Blair,
Thank you for reaching out and Happy 16th Birthday. Have you spoken to your mum about how you feel? Is there a relative that you can confide in about how you are feeling?
Parenting an autistic teen can be challenging for parents, so it’s important to seek support from other parents, support groups, or professionals who specialise in autism.
Are there any local support groups near to where you live? Leaving home is a huge step and you need to be well prepared and safe as a vulnerable young person. I hope things improve for you very soon and your relationship with your mum also improves.
Sending best wishes, Anna
Has the interview selection for Colleges and Universities changes to aid those diagnosed on the autism spectrum?
Colleges and universities are required to comply with the Equality Act 2010. This means that if an individual with a statutory disability faces disadvantages during the interview process due to the effects of their disability, the institution must take reasonable steps to avoid these disadvantages.
For clarity, a statutory disability is defined in section 6, the Equality Act 2010. This section defines disability as a physical or mental impairment that has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on a person’s ability to perform normal day-to-day activities. To qualify, the impairment must significantly impact the individual’s ability to carry out activities that are considered normal for most people (including work and university study) and must have lasted, or be expected to last, at least 12 months.
It is important to note that conditions such as ADHD and ASD are not automatically classified as statutory disabilities, though they may be. The key consideration is how these conditions impact the individual. It follows that what are known as reasonable adjustments are specific to the individual. Importantly the university or college needs to be informed of any impairments before the section process.
While universities and colleges are not required to lower the competency levels expected of students, they must provide adjustments to the interview process where necessary.
There is a lot more to the Equality Act, but I trust this provides a useful overview and is, my husband has confirmed, is accurate.
As the singer Kelis would say, “Her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard”. One thing that will always bring many howling to the yard is a man with facial hair or, at the very least, that five o’clock shadow. From Prince William to David Beckham the “Beard ‘is in
In the late 70’s, the clones with their check shirts and ’taches emulated what many gay men saw as the ultimate heterosexual man with Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds the undisputed poster boys. And let’s not forget the fantasy images of Tom of Finland.
Image: Tom of Finland foundation
In my experience, much as the clones looked “hot”, what was on the lid was often not what was in the can. Many were hiding their dislike of their own sexuality by playing it pseudo straight, something that was compounded when, in New York in the 80s, I was outside the Munster Bar and a friend advised me, “Babe: if you get into any trouble scream for the drag queens. They will come running. The clones will just go hollering back into the bar.”
Freddie Mercury brought the clone ’tache look back to life for Queen’s third studio album, “The Game” – a trend many said was inspired by the San Francisco gay clubs. The look was prevalent in London at Heaven, the Coleherne and the Earl’s Court Catacombs. Freddie is actually quoted as saying that when he looked back on all that black nail varnish, chiffon and satin, he thought, “God, what was I doing?”
The much-missed Freddie Mercury.
I recall having lunch with the late, amazing Kenny Everett and the Daily Mail journalist Lester Middlehurst in early 90s Los Angeles, when I couldn’t help but notice that both men had moustaches. Kenny was delightful and so very sweet. Still, he commented that I should really grow a ’tache. Men without them simply looked like women to him.
My partner of 18 years had a sexy ’tache, and his hair was standing up on the crown where someone had cut it too short, when I first spotted him. Devilishly handsome, I loved his ’tache. Although I’ve always remained smooth faced, I guess I always went with the theory that opposites attract. It just did not feel right to me if I missed even one day with the razor.
Movember, the well-known charity, was behind my only attempt to grow a ’tache. One week in and friends kept asking if I had not washed. Two weeks on and it was starting to show, and though not impressive, it was there. A beautician friend of mine offered to get rid of a few nose hairs.
During the action she waxed half my newly sprouted moustache off. I let out a little shriek of horror. “WHERE’S MY MOUSTACHE GONE?”
“Is that what that was?” came the reply.
It seems that 2020 saw an explosion of male facial hair adorning our screens. My favourite actor, Colin Farrell, makes me go weak at the knees with his Irish accent and ’tache. Eurovision, though cancelled, gave us the Russian band “Little Big”. Joining them from the gypsy Russian band “The Hatters” was Yuriy Muzychenko.
Yuriy – “Little Big”.
Yuriy, with his many stages of facial hair, is sex on legs, as well as being uber-talented. Since “Little Big” seem to embrace the ’tache so easily, it’s a pity their stance on LGBTQ issues seems a little questionable. Tom Hardy and Jake Gyllenhaal are wearing the beard this season and it looks (as Americans would say) totally awesome on them.
Colin Farrell. Phwoarrr.
Graham Martin, one of London’s premier LGBTQ photographers, has seen an explosion of his clients sporting facial hair. Graham, who himself wears a distinguished silver-fox goatee, tells me that half his male clientele have some sort of ’tache or beard, compared to around one in ten just five years ago. Designer stubble started sneaking in, and the odd ’tache. The demand for the more rough-and-rugged look started pushing ahead of the usually popular twink or surfer look.
Your correspondent with Graham Martin.
It could be that the gay scene is evolving. When I first came out in the late 70s, I was told at the tender age of 16 to have fun as “you’re washed up by 25”. Nasty lies fed to me by the chicken-hawks, as they were called back then.
At one point during the groundbreaking (and sure to win every award going) “It’s a Sin”, written by Russell T Davies, two of the characters are chatting. Curtis tells Richie he slept with a man who was 36; both express their disgust. Arguably the gay scene has always been youth obsessed, with a tendency towards the Dorian Gray complex.
Still, change certainly has come upon us. The Daddies, Silver Fox and The Bear, Wolf and Well-Over-40 seem to be the new in. One Silver-Haired Daddy who is in his sixties, wearing a ’tache and beard, says he is inundated with young men wanting to meet, as well as guys his own age. All seem to love the beard.
Michael Edde is a popular barber in London’s Earl’s Court with a large gay clientele. He has seen a huge increase in beards and ’taches.
Legendary barber Michael Deeds.
“The best way to get your beard looking good is to grow it for ten to fifteen days and have it professionally shaped”, says Michael. “Obviously during lockdown this is impossible. My recommendation is to use conditioner or beard oil, and you might try using Buddha clippers. Start with the highest gauge and work down till you get the shape you’re happy with. Many of my male clients love a beard.”
Being on my own during lockdown, I gave up shaving for a day or two and decided I quite liked the look. The second time around I had better luck, and my ’tache seemed to come through strongly this time. I had a little help from Watermans’ “GROWME” shampoo.
By week four, I had a beard and a ’tache for the first time in my 59 years.
Reactions were, erm, varied. Some people burst out laughing. Two girlfriends thought I looked like a Joe Swash tribute act. But for the most part, it went down very well. Graham Martin thought it was an attribute. My ex loved it, and even my sister thought it was cool. One thing that did stand out is the fact I am ginger, and much as I have hidden this since I was 18 by dyeing my hair blond, there was no way of hiding it with the beard. Maybe in my sixth decade, embracing my red-headed Scots heritage might not be a bad thing. It has certainly been fun trying it, and it may be here to stay.
Certainly now, I can say with conviction, “Who’s your Daddy?”
2Shades Magazine 