If there is one thing that gets my back up, it’s when a gay man tells me, “I only sleep with straight men.” It’s such an oxymoron. It screams of homophobia. That being said, some of the most homophobic people I have met have, in some cases, been other gay men.
I have written a whole feature on the topic. The fantasy itself is great on paper—why not? Everyone has fantasies, and most sexual fantasies are harmless. In a safe relationship, when discussed, they can even add some sizzle to your love. life. https://2shadesmagazine.com/2024/06/18/trolls-trauma-straight-men/
Andy Warhol once said, “People’s fantasies are what give them problems. If you didn’t have fantasies, you wouldn’t have problems because you’d just take whatever was there.”
My big go-to has to be actor Colin Farrell. Even though he is straight, he regularly pops into my mind. Knowing someone identifies as straight means I personally would not try to date them, preferring instead for someone to reach out to me. We have some very sexy out actors such as Jonathan Bailey and Andrew Scott. Not so long ago, being an out actor was the kiss of death for a career, but Bailey and Scott have shattered that notion and become box office dynamite. Having met Scott at the gym, I can also say he is lovely.
Colin Farrell
With supply and demand, adult actor and entrepreneur Andy Lee has found a niche in the market, creating adult content that is arguably aimed at the gay market. He and most of his team of working men would identify as heterosexual. Andy is making a mint with his OnlyFans page, and without a doubt, with his cheeky grin and self-confidence, he is becoming the most recognizable face in UK adult porn.
He is not without his critics—the hate mail comes fast, along with accusations that he is taking advantage of gay men. Personally, I have nothing but admiration for Andy and hope his haters watch him travel the world in style and drive fancy cars. The clever part is that he is simply supplying what people want—he’s not holding a gun to anyone’s head.
This is a man who came from nothing, losing his mother at age 12, but climbed his way to the top. His new book, Smelly Kid, is well worth a read. His film, Only Andy, available on Amazon, was a hit. Don’t be afraid to watch it—it’s an interesting and well-crafted look at OnlyFans and a man you will likely end up liking. My prediction? Lee will take a few acting lessons and eventually transition into mainstream films.
Steven Smith meets Andy for six of the best.
1. How tough was it growing up in a terraced home in Dublin? Do you think it gave you the strength to succeed?
My childhood wasn’t easy. My father abandoned me, leaving me to be brought up by my single mother, who tragically died when I was just 12 years old, leaving me orphaned. By 15, I was living rough on the streets, just struggling to survive. What that taught me was that everything you have can be taken away from you, just like that! You asked if it gave me the strength to succeed? Damn right, it did. Having spent most of my childhood without enough to eat, I am determined never to be in that place again.
2. You’re a skilled plumber—when did you decide to transition into the adult movie business?
Well, the reality is I did adult movie work before I was a plumber. However, it was just a casual affair—doing random shoots for different porn websites whenever I needed some extra cash. I didn’t decide to transition from plumbing to porn. My homophobic boss found out about my old work on gay websites and fired me. This was just at the beginning of lockdown. With no other obvious means to earn a living, I started OnlyFans. It wasn’t something I planned to do, but boy, am I glad I did!
3. Many struggle to make it in the industry, but you’ve turned it into a major success, inspiring others to follow. What advice would you give to those thinking about swapping their tools for the adult film industry?
The main advice I’d give anyone considering a career in adult movies is to seriously consider whether they could cope if their content got leaked—meaning all of their family and every potential employer could see it. People really need to realize that once something is put online, it’s nearly impossible to take it back.
4. The adult movie business is notorious for its impact on mental health. How do you protect your well-being and plan for the future?
Amazingly, my mental health is better now that I’m a full-time adult content creator than it’s ever been in any of my previous employment. The secret is to fully own what you do—don’t be ashamed of it. That way, it’s impossible for others to shame you. Also, I treat this like a proper business. That means I can go to work, give it my all, and then go home and switch off. I separate my work life from my regular life.
5. You’ve traveled extensively—what’s your favorite place?
I absolutely loved Japan. Everything was so efficient, and the food was amazing. I think I had my best-ever meal in Japan: a katsu curry, cooked to crispy perfection.
6. When you look at someone, what do you find sexiest?
Easy. I love a well-rounded rear!
Quick Fire Round
What advice would you give your 16-year-old self?
Hang on in there, kid—you will get through this, and it will be okay. Don’t listen to those who tell you you are nothing because you are amazing!
Favorite food?
Hot & spicy curry!
The most romantic place for a date?
Confession, I’m not hugely romantic. My perfect date would be a movie followed by a cheeky Nando’s.
FROM THE GRIM REALITIES OF A POVERTY-STRICKEN CHILDHOOD in Dublin’s inner city to an unexpected rise to fame, Smelly Kid is the raw and gripping memoir of Andy Lee. Abandoned by his father, orphaned by twelve, and left to navigate a world that seemed determined to cast him aside, Andy’s early years were a relentless struggle for survival. Homeless and hungry, he battled against the odds, finding solace in the rare kindness of strangers and the rebellious spirit that refused to let him sink.
But Andy’s story is not just one of hardship – it’s a tale of resilience, transformation, and unexpected success. With humour and unflinching honesty, he takes readers on a journey from the streets of Dublin to the bright lights of the adult entertainment industry, proving that no matter where you come from, you can carve out your own destiny.
GRITTY, HEARTBREAKING, AND ULTIMATELY INSPIRING, SMELLY KID IS A STORY YOU WON’T FORGET.
Happy New Year! Let’s hope 2025 is a great year for us all. I’m busy with my team, as always. Among the many things we have lined up is The Autism Hero Awards, being held at the Holiday Inn, Regent’s Park, London on the 15th of March. You can find information on how to get tickets and sponsorship details at the bottom of this column.
As always, we also have the amazing Autism’s Got Talent later this year—audition tapes are welcome now!
In other news, our autism ambassador, Kieron Lee, is launching a neurodiverse musical education platform as his final major project for his BA (Hons) degree in Popular Music.
We’re also thrilled to announce that our patron, Steven Smith, along with the incredible Annemarie Bickerton, will be hosting the first-ever Autism Art Show, featuring artists on the autism spectrum and supporters of the charity. Money raised will go directly to the charity. This event will be held at the sensational gallery, The Fire Pit (https://www.firepit.art), from May 22 to May 25, 2025.
Dr Anna Kennedy OBE with one of her patrons Steven Smith ,
Please keep your questions coming into 2Shades magazine. I’ve been thrilled to join such a diverse and exciting publication!
Dear Anna, Trust you’re well. My family loves your column. We were wondering: What do you think are the most common myths about people living with autism?
Dawn, Essex.
Thank you, Dawn, for your kind comments. Sadly, there are still a lot of autism myths out there.
Here is five common ones
5 Myths and Facts About Autism
Myth 1: Autism is caused by vaccines.
Fact: There is no scientific evidence linking vaccines to autism. Numerous studies have thoroughly debunked this myth. Autism is believed to be influenced by a combination of genetic and environmental factors, but vaccines are not one of them.
Myth 2: People with autism lack empathy.
Fact: Many individuals with autism experience empathy deeply, but they may express it differently. Some may have difficulty recognizing social cues, but this does not mean they lack feelings or care for others.
Myth 3: Autism only affects children.
Fact: Autism is a lifelong condition. While symptoms might present differently as people age, autistic adults continue to experience challenges and strengths associated with autism throughout their lives.
Myth 4: Everyone with autism has the same abilities and challenges.
Fact: Autism is a spectrum, meaning it affects individuals differently. Some may have significant support needs, while others may live independently and excel in various fields. No two autistic people are alike.
Myth 5: Autism can be cured.
Fact: Autism is not a disease and does not need to be “cured.” The focus is on acceptance, support, and enabling autistic individuals to thrive by embracing their unique perspectives and abilities.
Would you like to dive deeper into any of these points?
Dear Anna, My daughter is being labelled disruptive at school. She’s been diagnosed with autism and severe learning difficulties. Despite discussing this with the headteacher, she’s suggested that Mary, my daughter, not return this term and instead find a school more suited to her needs. Anna, I feel lost—what can I do, or who can I turn to for help?
Diana, Essex
Dear Diana, I feel your frustration.
Please do contact our charity website using our contact form at http://www.annakennedyonline.com. We can discuss the possible way forward. In the meantime, do some research on schools that may meet your daughter’s needs within an hour’s drive of where you live.
You will then be in a more informed position on what is available in your area. You could visit a few schools to get a feel for the services and resources they offer.
Dear Anna, How does someone become part of Autism’s Got Talent? My son is super talented at playing guitar. He’s a little shy and unsure about auditioning. He’s also worried about encountering a harsh judge.
David, Edinburgh
Hello David, Autism’s Got Talent is now in its 14th year and one of the highlights of our charity year.
This is a showcase of talented individuals performing at The Mermaid Theatre, London. Autism’s Got Talent is not a competition.
Please do watch our highlight videos on our charity YouTube channel.
You could also come along to the show in October to experience the magic. Share the experience with the audience made up of parents, friends of the performers, and members of the public who are regular supporters. Feel the magic and be inspired. Then send a tape in of your son performing . love Anna
Autism’s Got Talent.
Dear Anna, My son is 19 and wants to start dating. He’s a lovely young man but has a stammer and lives with autism. I’m worried about how he’ll handle rejection. Is there a webpage or group where he can meet like-minded people?
Brenda, Norwich
Hello Brenda, There are many dating sites now for autistic individuals.
A popular Netflix docuseries, Love on the Spectrum, showcases autistic individuals navigating the world of dating. One of our charity’s overseas ambassadors is featured in series one and two.
In this romantic docuseries, people on the autism spectrum look for love and navigate the world of dating and relationships. https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/81338328
Good luck!
Dear Anna, I love your dancing! I’m 17 and want to learn to dance seriously. Living with autism has always made it feel challenging, but I’d like to get more involved. How did you learn?
Love, Melanie, Brighton
Hello Melanie, Dance is a great way to stay fit and boost your mood and well-being. I started tap dancing at age 6 and fell in love with dance then. It definitely keeps you feeling young.
Join a local dance class and discover which dance style suits you best. There are also many dance classes online if this makes you feel more comfortable at first, then gradually progress to a dance studio.
Good luck and enjoy!
Anna Kennedy with her former Dance Partner Robin Windsor
Happy Holidays. Can you help me? I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year now and we are in love. However, I have not introduced him to my family yet. One, he is very domineering (I like that) and never holds back on his opinions. Two, he is covered in tattoos, hates dressing up and he is a drummer in rock band part time. My mum is super conservative and just about down with me being gay. She actually says that no one with tattoos are welcome in her home. Mum rang the house, and he picked up and she invited him for Christmas!
HELP please!!
Mike, Kingston.
Oh bless Mike, talk about being put between a rock and hard place. First of all, you should have dealt with this months ago if you care for boyfriend and mum. You say mum is just about ok with you being gay. Well, it sounds to me like she is making the right moves inviting your partner for Christmas.
If your partner loves you, it is time to sit down and tell him the issues about your mum. You say you like the fact he is dominant and opinionated. There is a difference between that and a narcissist. You let him be himself 364 days a year, but maybe he could think about you for one day, not be a different person but just tone it down a little. If he really cares about you and is not a narcissist he will understand. Until mum gets to know him, box clever and make this day about realising that you need some TLC in this area. Trust me, if he really cares he will work with you. If he can’t, I’ll tell you something he is not dominant, he is just not caring.
Next time you chat to mum, maybe give her a little pre-warning he might not be joining the conservative club any day soon. Just do some groundwork preparation before the big day. Remember: life is short and you need to be happy. Mike, those that say they love you should want the best for you, sometimes that means compromise.
Happy Christmas my love, write and let me know how It goes.
Dear Heidi,
I like to party, but it is high days and low with me. Sheryl my fiancé loves it 24/7 but I am fine with that as she can go out with her gang, and I am not jealous or worried. We are having friends over for Christmas Day and we were going over the menu when she announced, “I’ll get a few grams in for after”. Honestly, I have had enough. The only White Christmas I want is on the ground. What do I say?
Lisa, Chiswick.
Oh no Lisa, oh I have seen this so many times. The marching powder is no-one’s friend. Yes, there seems to be a honeymoon period for many who think it makes them invisible but like any false high, in the end there is always a price to pay. It destroys jobs, relationships and friendships, not mention it robs your bank account. Once it gets its claws into you, for many there is no escape. Yes, there are those who partake on high and low days, who seem in control like yourself. But Sheryl sounds like she might be heading for a fall. You need to simply say no! That’s not the Christmas you want. Make your views clear and it might give her a shock, or maybe she’s already hooked and this is the bit she is looking forward to on Christmas day. Then she may need help, but time to realise it’s a slippery slope, and you being an enabler won’t end well .
Hello Heidi,
How are you, love the column. Now there is no excuse, but I kissed my best friend’s husband on a drunken outing when my bestie was away. It has been over six months I have not seen him or mentioned it to my friend. We are all spending Christmas together this year. I have not seen my friend’s husband since. It is going to be super awkward. What should I do? Maybe call him and chat about what happened?
Dylan, Brighton.
Sweetie, if it was just a kiss get over it. People are human and drink is horrible when it comes to making a fool of ourselves. Unless you’re not telling Heidi the whole story, move on and put it behind you. Or if the kiss meant more to you than you’re saying, maybe have word with yourself. He has not been in contact with you since the drunken kiss so perhaps he does not remember it. Take Heidi’s advice: do not do party postmortems and stop making a mountain out of a mole hill. Enjoy your Christmas xxx
Happy Holidays, Heidi
Dear Heidi,
My partner Alisha is just gorgeous and we’ve been together for six months. She came out as lesbian late in life, having been married for twenty years. She has two teenage kids and they are coming for Christmas. Heidi I am terrified. I do not do kids and how do I act? They are very important to Alisha.
Love Diana.
Hi Diana, it is not a couple of hyenas coming for Christmas, it is two teenagers (perhaps more terrifying at times). No Diana, can I tell you how to handle it? Be yourself, treat them with respect and take an interest in them, listen and you will be surprised. Please have some basic structure of your expectations to staying in your home as you would with anyone coming to stay. But do not come over like a prison guard. Just try and have fun; they will be as worried as you!
2Shades meets husband and husband team Tiano. The London cabaret duo of Christopher Hamilton and Shimi Goodman
It is an almost unthinkable scenario that Liberace and Pavarotti had secret love children, let alone that those children went on to inherit their fathers’ talents!
Described in one five star review
Then they met one another, fell deeply in love and married. Well, you would be forgiven for thinking just that, as married couple Chris Hamilton (Piano) and Shimi Goodman (Tenor) take to the stage to perform to a sell-out audience of dedicated fans
2Shades wanted to know more about the boys and we fired some questions at them.
What are you both doing for Christmas?
It’s all very glamorous! We will be performing on a six star luxury cruise ship called the Silver Muse sailing from Melbourne, Australia to Auckland, New Zealand. But before jetting off to the other side of the world we have our Christmas show at the Crazy Coqs in London which sold out pretty much minutes after we announced it during our last show there. We are so grateful to all the people who keep coming to our shows in London and elsewhere.
What four Christmas songs would you sing at a Christmas Concert and why?
Oh Holy Night – This song really fits our style of music as it is a classical song but has been covered by the likes of Mariah Carey, the Queen of Christmas. Shimi particularly enjoys singing it as it really taps into the classical genre which he loves.
All I Want for Christmas – Speaking of Miss Carey, this song is unavoidable during the festive period so although it’s done to death, it would be Scrooge like not to sing it.
All I Want for Christmas is for Someone to Cancel It – To counteract the Christmas schmaltz and to honour all grinches out there, Chris wrote this tongue in cheek, irreverent song himself. If you can’t make it to our Christmas show, you can hear this song on YouTube.
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas – It’s such a bitter sweet moment when Judy Garland sings this beautiful song in the 1944 film Meet Me in St. Louis. It makes most people feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
When did you both know you loved each other?
We met at Guildford School of Acting in 2000 and it was something like love at first sight over a jacket potato in Cathy’s Cafe!
What is the most romantic gift you bought each other?
Shimi: Chris always wanted to go on the Orient Express. His birthday is in December and after a bit of research I discovered to my dismay that the train wasn’t active during the winter. I had to break it to him that it wouldn’t happen for a certain big birthday of his but then a few weeks before his birthday he saw an advert online saying that the Orient Express had started a winter journey. I quickly booked it and we travelled from Paris to Vienna overnight. The train was relatively empty and it was magical looking out of the window watching the snowy scenery whilst being treated like royalty! We had the pleasure of jamming with an amazing Italian jazz group until the early hours. Even the waiters started filming us! We stayed at the famous Sacher Wien hotel when we reached our final destination. We went to see an opera and walked around the Christmas markets. Very memorable.
Chris: I always knew how much Shimi loves the movie franchise Back to The Future or indeed anything to do with the 1980s, so for one of his birthdays following a tasting menu dinner (which I absolutely hate) at a brand new restaurant in Covent Garden I got us top tickets to the West End musical. He knew all the text by heart.
The festival of lights Hanukkah is a big holiday. How do you both celebrate that? Is there a song that jumps to mind?
Shimi: I love Hanukkah. We light the hanukkiah which is an eight stemmed candelabra. You light a candle for every day of the holiday and eat sufganiyot which are yummy jam doughnuts. My favourite song is Maoz Tzur or Rock of Ages as it is known in English.
When did you both last laugh together?
Every day. We have our own silly sense of humour and can find the humour in most situations.
What are your wishes for 2025?
There’s a lyric in one of our original songs which says: “Music can heal and make it a better day”. We truly believe that it can, so we wish for our music to reach more and more people around the world and to keep travelling and entertaining. We would love to perform in America. Chris did a series of cabarets in New York a while back so it would be good for Tiano to take the States by storm! We’re currently in talks to hopefully make this happen during the next couple of years.
Who would you most like to work with in the music industry?
Barbra Streisand and Shirley Bassey are two of our idols. It would be an absolute dream to perform with them. We also love a Welsh singer called Ellen Williams and would love to collaborate with her. One of our songs “It’s Not Goodbye” would be a beautiful duet for her and Shimi.
Who is the best cook?
Shimi does most of the cooking when we’re home. But Chris makes a mean chilli con carne named “the famous” because he only cooks it once a year but when he does people rave about it. Whether they’re raving about the dish or the fact he’s actually put an apron on is anyone’s guess….
Tell our readers what you can expect from a Tiano concert.
Every show we put on in London is different for a couple of reasons. Firstly, we owe it to our loyal supporters to present different music to keep each performance fresh. Secondly, it challenges us as artists to keep learning new material. For instance at Crazy Coqs in Piccadilly, London we’ve become known for presenting a ten minute medley at each show which is devoted to a decade (for example the 80’s), an artist (for instance Whitney Houston), or perhaps a movie musical (maybe Dirty Dancing which incidentally Shimi performed in in the West End). It’s always challenging arranging and rehearsing an intricate medley of songs with constant key changes and mood changes and then performing it for a live audience for the very first time without looking at lyrics or music. However, it’s so worthwhile because the audience has come to really appreciate this moment in the show. In the last two shows people loved singing along during our medley devoted to The Carpenters and at our most recent one, ABBA. We spend all that time on each ten minute set piece and only perform it once!
Chris is a multi award winning composer and lyricist so we always share music he has written which once again the audience usually loves. Chris recently released an album of his very mellow original piano pieces called Sempre Piano (you can listen to it on Spotify). It’s so gratifying to see an audience respond so favourably to these moments of calm when he shares one of these pieces during a show. Shimi has also co written a few songs with Chris, a couple of which are on their debut album Tiano which you can also hear on Spotify. They have become firm favourites with the audience.
We put so much thought into our programme with the hope of taking our audience on a real journey. You’ll laugh, cry, sing along and leave our show with a big smile on your face!
If there is one thing most people can agree on, it is that children need love, guidance and to feel safe. Now in 2024 we can acknowledge that this does not necessarily need to come from what has been seen as the traditional family of Mum and Dad. The face of the family does not always concur with the image of the Waltons or The Brady Brunch. It takes two Heterosexuals to make one of us as Boy George pointed out. Many have done a great job, but equally the horror and trauma many have left their children with after childhood are the story of Netflix shows.
In this day in age the family can be two dads, two mums, a single parent or two lots of parents after a divorce. The end goal is for the child anyone raises to become a happy confident adult, one who knows they are loved and gives back in return. This would make for a kinder society. But of course, not all agree, and the far Christian right still scream in horror at the idea of gay marriage, let alone gay people adopting or having children.
Steven Smith meets an LGBTIQQ hero Andi Ellis Smith who has adopted two children with husband Darren, and chats life and fatherhood.
Andi, how did you and Darren meet?
Darren and I met through a mutual friend on Facebook, but it turned out that we actually lived very close to each other.
When did you both decide you wanted to have children?
Darren had always been vocal about wanting children whereas I was a little quieter about it. Initially, I would brush it off or change the subject, but I have also always wanted children. As a young gay man, I just wasn’t sure that it was available to me!
Why go the route of adoption over surrogate or foster?
Due to our careers (Darren is a Headteacher and prior to working in media and advocacy my working history is within the local authority and schools) we were acutely aware of how many children were in the system that needed a caring and loving home, and we felt that we were able to provide this. It was always adoption for us. The loose UK laws around LGBTQ+ surrogacy (at the time) also put us off that route. We have seen first-hand how amazing foster carers can be and what a vital part in a child’s life they can play. This is something that we would possibly consider once our children have grown up.
How easy was it to get approved for adoption?
As you can imagine, there are lengthy checks by the adoption agency which include character references from friends/ family, DBS checks. employer checks / medicals and finance checks including many meetings with your social worker. In addition to this you will need to attend information and training sessions.
We believe that there is a misconceived understanding by many people that the adoption process takes years. In fact, the approval process in the UK usually takes around 6 months. The part that can take the longest is the family finding and matching, but this could mainly be due to how open the prospective adopters are to the type of care needs that they are willing to take on.
Do you feel that the BBC drama “Lost Boys and Fairies” is a good comparison to your experience?
To start off with the drama was a very good representation of the process, but I felt some of this got lost with some dramatisation in parts of the story, which is understandable. I personally would have liked storylines to be more child-centred and without the usual exaggerated cliches, but it was a good watch. The foster carer character was brilliant! Each adoption journey is different with twists/ turns and highs/ lows, so it would be good to see more representation of adoption on prime time tv.
What advice would you give to other LGBTQQ couples hoping to adopt?
Be open with your social worker and don’t hide anything, your social worker will end up knowing more about you than anyone else! I always say to people to be at a point in your life where you are able to give 100% of your time and focus to the process as it will take over your life.
One of the first highly published couples Linda Riley and Sarah Garrett have two children together and set up “The Alternative Parent show”. As well as massive support for the couple (who have since split up), the Christian Right were very vocal of their disapproval. What do you say to those who think children should have a Mum and Dad?
Sarah Garrett, right, organiser of the Alternative Parenting Show, with her ex-partner Linda and their twins Phoenix and Sophia. Photograph: Linda Nylind for the Guardian
Besides breast feeding, there is nothing that my children could get from a mother that they don’t get from their two dads. Let’s be honest about this, the majority of children in the care system come from families where there is a mum and dad. We did an article for publication about adoption when we first started our family; most of the comments were positive but there were a few archaic comments of ‘this child needs their mum’ ! I think some people are just very uneducated about it. Safeguarding thresholds in the UK are incredibly high and birth families are given many chances (sometimes too many) before children are removed, so to say that ‘every child needs their mum’ ….is just a bizarre statement.
I am proud to have been a part of the Modern Family Show for 3 years now, this is Europe’s largest family building event and helps inform LGBTQ+ on their options for parenthood. The show is coming to London on 28th September 2024. you can get
Once you have adopted, how much help in the following years is there for parents?
We have needed support for both of our children post adoption as we have seen a huge decline in services post pandemic. It is a bit of a myth that you can ask for support post adoption and you will just get it. The post adoption fund is available, but you do have to go through assessments and meetings to be able to access it and, like everything these days, there are long waiting lists which can be frustrating.
Adopted children (known as Previous LAC (Looked after children) can access certain support such as going to the top of admissions criteria for some schools (always check the policy!) and their educational setting will be able to access certain funding pots, so it is really important to be honest with the school that the child is adopted.
Your first child – your daughter – has numerous medical diagnoses. This must take up a huge amount of time. Were you aware of this at the point of adoption and is there much support for you around this?
Our daughter does have complex needs. We were aware that she may have some difficulties due to genetic conditions and from information that was provided to us pre-adoption. As time has gone on, we have received further diagnosis.
What is difficult is dealing with professionals not doing what they should, following up on appointments and fighting for the support for different services. The other part that can be tricky is people’s attitudes towards SEN and inclusion.
Has there ever been a point when one of your children ask why they have two dads? How do you explain this and what about when they are asked at school?
Our son is very inquisitive about everything! We always talk about different families and have lots of books featuring characters from all family background and cultures. I like his way of thinking; he flips it and asks why people don’t have two daddies or why do they have a mum!
I do think that a lot of children just accept things these days, of course there are exceptions to this. However, my children’s classmates have always known that they have two dads, even from when they have been at nursery from aged 2 and childminders. One child once said to my daughter’s key worker that he thought it was unfair she had two dads because he only had one!
Can you tell us how you are involved with Anna Kennedy online?
Earlier this year I became a Charity Champion for Anna Kennedy. We have done some fund raising and held virtual coffee mornings for the LGBTQ+ community, which is a safe space for people who belong to this group to come and chat to others. This can be other LGBTQ+ parents or those who are neurodiverse and LGBTIQQ+.
What do you two beautiful people relax or do to look after yourselves?
We love spending time with friends and family. We enjoy days out and lots of walks (or running after the children). As a couple we love outings to the theatre or concerts and we both try and get to the gym as and when we can!
The Vauxhall Tavern, Thursday 10th August 2023 through to September
5 stars xxxxx
A David Hoyle show is a truly unique experience and it is meant to be. I once described him as Kate Bush’s and Lyndsey Kemp’s love child. His talent is undeniable, and he asks his audience, as he narrates, to think out of the box with him.
As you look around the packed room, it mirrors “Warhol’s Factory. From the lady you feel sure may have been one of Warhol’s prodigy in her hay day with the bright pink hair, Trans adorned Hoyle’s congregations long before it became a topic of conversation. But it is not just the LGBTIQQ community that worship here. Men in suits that look like they have come from the city or just people who love art or good conversation can be found at David Hoyle shows.
” Everyone is beautiful in this room” David assures us all.
The atmosphere is electric before David even enters the room. If people-watching is your thing, part of the experience is to join liked-minded people before the show gets going. The excitement is mounting as a virgin David audience member whispers to me,
“I just love drag”.
“He is not drag”, I replied, well not in the traditional form: you won’t see Hoyle entering “Ru Paul Drag Race” any day soon. Certainly, he appears in tattered stockings and a night dress that had seen better days.
I would love to hear Michelle Visage questioning Hoyle’s sewing skills (I’d pay to witness his reply!).
Hoyle is simply art. You never know which David you’re getting and it reflects how he feels about the state of the world that night. One show he will walk on stage dressed like Frank N Furter meets Bowie’s Space Oddity, oozing glamour. The next show his hair will be in bunches like Violet Elizabeth, his tooth having fallen out, talking about poverty as an artist. Or he walks on with his face bare, a few nights after the Manchester bombing (his now home town), opening his heart to the pain we are all feeling.
He moves amongst us handing out autographed prints of his actual artwork. Hoyle uses his audience as his paint brushes. He asks those at the front why they have taken prime position if they did not want him to point them out.
Hoyle does not take cheap shots at people unlike so many that humiliate audience members. Even when confronted by the more difficult patron. To this day it still makes me chuckle to think about when he asked a slightly drunk man what he did. “I do what you do”, grandly the man replied.
Hoyle retorted, “Really! I had no idea I was generic!”
Hoyle will make fun of himself, asking if anyone fancies a 61-year-old homosexual with a bridge tooth, he chats about the difficulties of dating as an older gay man. David gives sermons on not fitting in the box, or on everyday life as an artist, or those that do not want to conform or those that do. He does not ask you to agree or disagree, but merely to think. This may not sound like a form of entertainment, but it is, and he packs out venues with those wanting to hear him.
Hoyle always finishes off by doing a portrait of an audience member. Again it could be ritual humiliation but instead the chosen one is always made to feel special, but the audience is in hysterics.
David is so very special , and it is a joy to walk away having seen someone so gifted who often bares more than his soul to his audience . Please go see this icon.
Steven Smith looks at the affect addiction has on us all, how it can be so prolific among the LGBTQ community, the often-misguided views people have about those living with addiction, and of course shares his own tale.
November 26th, 2010, the phone rang with news I had been expecting—my lifelong friend Lester Middlehurst, the witty, Machiavellian, and brilliant journalist was dead at 55. He had been in coma for days after a suspected suicide attempt.
I know how I was supposed to feel to the world. But putting down the phone, there was complete numbness followed by anger, and then an overwhelming relief that the man who had formerly been my friend, but had in later years become my tormenter was no longer. No more waking to drunken abusive messages, or being the brunt of his jokes or outburst at parties, and I’d no longer have to apologise to other people for his behaviour towards them.
Lester in his prime
Lester Middlehurst was one of the first openly gay staff members at The Daily Mail. He was legendary. At the coroner’s inquest it turned out he had not killed himself, rather his death certificate said that he died of a hypoxic brain damage attack. Everyone agreed it was his addictive lifestyle that killed him.
Sadness
Lester was one the most addicted people that I have ever met, and he was my friend and I loved him. A month later I must have spent a day crying over him. The sadness was really that he never got help for his addiction, and you could say that my lack of knowledge of it prevented me from helping him…but that would be romanticising a terrible situation.
Back in 2009 I got him to agree to attend the Meadows Clinic in Arizona, but the next day he told me not to be so stupid. In truth, I did not feel strong enough to stand up to him. As my knowledge about addiction has grown, I have become more aware that there was nothing I could have done unless Lester had wanted to do anything about it.
According to the Centre of Addiction, members of the LGBTQ community are at greater risk of substance use and mental health issues compared to those identifying as heterosexual.
Members of the LGBTQ community face chronically high levels of stress, often due to having to suffer from social prejudice and discrimination. Fear, isolation, and depression increase the chances of self-medicating with alcohol and drugs. As a man that has lived a life in big cities, I have witnessed addiction in all classes and types of people. Addiction is a mistress that does not care who she dances with, yet the LGBTQ community are often her favourite partners.
As the self-confessed addict, actor Russell Brand explains that the distinction of any compulsive or addictive behaviour is when it begins to negatively impact on the rest of your life.
Compulsive
So, you might love chocolate so much that you’ll ignore all logical reasoning, “I have to have chocolate…I have to have chocolate…I don’t care what else happens”. If you’re crashing your car because of chocolate, that’s a problem.
According to Wikipedia, addiction is a brain disorder characterised by compulsive engagement in a rewarding stimulation despite adverse consequences.
Of course, addiction is certainly an illness and not a lifestyle choice, and if we are honest, addiction is in all of us in some way or another.
For me, I just can’t not buy a large French baguette, cut a few slices off, and put it back for later. I end up devouring the whole thing. Subsequently, I do not buy French baguettes unless I am feeling poorly. Whether it’s chocolate, coffee, or your favourite tipple, we all have cravings.
Russell Brand
Much as Russell Brand is right, there are so-called functioning addicts who you would not even realise are hooked on their drug of choice, and it can take many years for the effects to begin to show. Often referred to as “high functioning addicts” owing to their having powerful jobs or enough money to effectively hide their addiction from others. This knocks on the head the commonly presented image of an addict being down-and-out or living on the streets. According to the American Psychiatric Association, there is no such thing…they are all just addicts who have created coping mechanisms.
My father, God rest his soul, came home after holding down a high-powered job and drank whisky every day of his life, yet he would be horrified at the idea of being described as an addict. But when he left hospital after lung cancer removal surgery, he sat down and demanded, “Get me a whisky and a cigarette.” On the suggestion that was not a good idea and that he would end up back in hospital, he snapped “Are you threatening me?”
Growing up, I was told that an addict was someone who got up and drank first thing. Drinking after coming home from work and weekends was seen as normal for many in the 60s and through to the 90s. All of our soaps were featured around a pub, making alcohol look like a socially acceptable way of life.
I had a volatile relationship with my dad, but his fight with cancer gave me a better understanding of the nature of his addiction and where it had come from. He had been a talented jazz trumpeter and played with the BBC orchestra, but his nerves had come to the forefront and he started to self-medicate by having a few whiskies before his shows. Eventually, he gave up and started a family, but the drinking did not stop.
Charismatic
My father adored my best pal who also fights addiction, and is a truly remarkable human being who I was fortunate to love, and my dad did not like many people. The two were like two peas in a pod and talked for ages.
Spending time with my dad before he died made me wonder whether, if he had managed to overcome obvious anxiety and continued playing, perhaps he would have been happier. Of course, back then mental health was seen by many as a weakness and not to be spoken about.
My world has been filled with people who are addicts in one form or another. They are the most charismatic and amazing people and the arts are full of them. In my opinion, they all have one thing in common—they can snap and become almost frightening at the drop of a hat, and then suddenly they are wonderful and make you feel like you mean the world when they are OK. Sadly, during my childhood there was more of the former with my dad. Though I knew in the end that he loved me.
There are so many people living with addiction, anxiety, and mental health issues who are in denial. Even with all the help groups and open discussions there seems to be a quite a bit of stigma attached to it still.
Dr Pam Spurr, a popular self-help expert and radio television personality, says she often encounters people who are in denial about their issues that are the source of their addiction problems. They say things like “I just have a little problem with confidence” which ignores the fact that they drink excessively to help make them feel more confident. Or they say, “I only drink after work to take the edge off.” But when they count up the units, they are far in excess of government guidelines. It’s at times like these that I encourage them to think honestly about their drinking (or drug taking) and consider expert advice.
Dr Pam
Many addicts get clean either by joining the 12-step programme, by checking into rehab, or by seeking counselling. The journey of recovery can be different and what works for one person might not work for another person. It is important to point out that as much as the newspapers show pictures of celebrities dashing off to glamorous-looking rehabs, getting into a state-run rehab in the UK can be very difficult for mere mortals.
While helping a friend who was using OxyContin (a pain killer) and had got into a mess from ordering online and then become addicted, the general health services did not want to know. Even going through other channels, she was advised that her chances of getting into rehab were slim, although she did come away from it with a strong network of friends around her.
A beautiful girlfriend of mine found her sobriety in a man as her anchor who was also living with addiction. They have both been clean for seven years now.
Living in LA, the 12 steppers (12 step programme) were like the mafia, and rumour had it that all the best movie deals were done at their meetings and also that many there did not have addiction issues and instead just wanted to pitch ideas.
There is no doubt that the 12-step programme helps many, and even if the meetings can become the new addiction it’s a healthy one.
I agree with Doctor Pam that it is amazing how much of a lack of understanding there is about addiction.
Cake
My gorgeous bubbly friend Monica is originally from California. She is a super bright academic having gone to Yale, lectured all over the world, and she also ran a school for a while.
Yet three years ago she decided to open an up-market catering company as her award-winning chef sister is a goddess in the business. People actually beg for invites to try her canapés.
Lunch with Monica is always fun—it starts off with “Darling shall we share a cake after?” Despite being gorgeous, she is always on some kind of diet. Her little addiction would be cake.
Like one or two other intellectuals I have met with qualifications coming out of every orifice, their life skills sometimes leave me speechless. Despite having a gay brother, she once commented on a photo shoot involving five men I had directed “Is the man with his foot up against the wall a sign he is gay?” I replied “No darling, there are no secret signs; it’s a James Dean inspired clothing shoot.” She just smiled and continued eating.
Today, however, she was on the warpath. She was catering for a big party we had worked on together to get celebrities at. One of the celebs had behaved inappropriately to some of the other guests and to a couple of waitresses.
She was not amused when I laughed, “Well darling, at least he did not get his cock out and try and pee in the champagne fountain like at my other friend’s launch. How that did not end up in the papers is beyond me.” I got the school ma’am look.
He was living with addiction – not surprising considering his childhood trauma and the abuse he lived with. He really should not have been drinking. I am not excusing him, but it’s not the end of the world that I did not invite him to the next few. I said that I’d have a word. Her eyes got wider, and she seemed shocked that I had empathy with the celebrity at all. She wanted him banned for life.
Taboo
As much as I have some reservations about the 12-step programme, saying you’re sorry to those you may have hurt is not easy to do, but it sometimes isn’t enough. I started talking about addiction, and a few minutes in it was clear that it was going nowhere, even though I was sharing this with someone highly intelligent.
Addiction remains a taboo subject. There are so many people in denial and as much as the newspapers are full of celebrity headlines about them being addicted, most of us don’t want to talk about it or feel labelled by it.
A year ago my phone rang—it was a friend who had come out of family day at a rehab centre that her daughter was attending. She was fuming that they suggested that it may run in the family, “They had better not be blaming this on me. I have no addiction.” She was not amused when I laughed “It’s not about you and I will remind you of that next time you refuse to come home from the bar or spend two weeks obsessing about something.”
Outside those who are counsellors, therapists, and those who talk openly about their addiction and some of their loved ones, I have found very few people who understand those living with addiction.
A very wise woman, author, presenter, and journalist, Jane Moore was one person who seemed to understand it. Lester and Jane were great friends and the two together were hysterical. Yet Lester had gone on a tirade about her and I was mortified since she was a true loyal friend to him, and he was starting to run out of friends due to his behaviour.
Lester Middlehurst and Jane Moore
While ringing her and offering full apologies asking her not to fall out with him, she calmly said, “I could never be offended by Lester. He is hurting too much, but he’s lucky to have a friend in you.”
At the time I just thought, but I wish if I had taken those words more to heart I might not have taken his behaviour personally and got as hurt as I did in the end. It helped later in life as I saw the pain addiction brings too.
The LGBTQ community have learnt to talk more as we have needed to be heard to survive. Most surveys say that a larger proportion of those identifying drug and alcohol use as a coping mechanism are LGBTQ, but I beg to differ.
I have sat in many restaurants and bars in London watching the city boys and their entourage go back and forth to the toilets, passing each other along the way. I am pretty sure they are not the kind found in the survey.
Addiction is a worldwide human crisis according to the World Drug Report. Unless we start talking about it, spotting the signs at an early age, and treating it as an illness, many will die with all the new and powerful drugs flooding the market. Whole towns have been wiped out in the US due to drug addiction.
Chemsex is the consumption of drugs to facilitate sexual activity. Both terms refer to a subculture of recreational drug users who engage in high-risk sexual activities under the influence of drugs within groups. Chemsex parties are said to be prolific on the London gay scene, but that is a different story. Not wanting to be righteous, I have no experience of it or want to engage in it. Recent reports in the gay press say chemsex parties are held across UK, but there is a correlation between addiction and sex shame.
The perfect storm
David Stewart of 56 Dean Street, an award-winning HIV and sexual health clinic in the heart of London, explains that this trend is driven by a convergence of factors: “Vulnerable gay men with issues around sex, new drugs that tapped into that problem and changing technology. What they call the perfect storm.”
There was enough of a problem for the government to lay out guidelines in 2017.
Actress Danielle Westbrook, who I have interviewed many a time, put it simply to me, “Look Steve, you get ten people at a party and they all try coke for the first time. Four never try it again, four have it once in a blue moon, and two poor things are addicted six months later.”
The answer would be to never take the risk, but human nature is never that simple.
My friend Lester will never come back but it led me to have so much more of an understanding of addiction and how to protect myself around addiction. Many of the world’s beautiful people are soldiers fighting addiction every day of their lives.
Steven Smith asks the question in these troubling times.
Is everyone a little bit racist?
In the wake of current events, “Tales of a single, middle-aged gay man” looks at the question, “Is everyone unintentionally a little racist?” Are we, as a society, guilty of labelling others just at a glance? Does our upbringing dictate our fear of others that might be perceived to be different from us? How can we move forward and make changes, so everyone is seen as equal?
These days, you cannot escape the “Black Lives Matter” slogan. It’s everywhere and it breaks my heart that we still have to hear those words. We think of ourselves as a civilised society and yet some of us still feel the need to proclaim that their lives have value. Even during the pandemic, crowds of people are taking to the streets begging to have their voices heard.
Strike at the root
Why in 2020 do people feel that their lives matter less, and why does anyone need reminding that a life matters? We all breathe the same air and wake up with similar hopes, dreams and stresses. Why should anyone feel that others think they or their very lives matter less? It is time to make sure that future generations never have to be reminded that a life matters. As with so many serious problems, you must strike at the root. Since no-one is actually born a racist, let’s teach children we are all the same.
A racist – someone who believes that other races are not as good as their own and therefore treats them unfairly, discriminating against other races, religions or others they perceive as a minority group.
Avenue Q
Five years ago, I was sitting in the hugely uncomfortable Noel Coward Theatre, wondering if the Marquis de Sade had designed the seats especially for people under 5’ 2” who hadn’t eaten anything in the previous year. Putting that aside, I am here to see one of my guilty pleasures, “Avenue Q”. It’s a kind of adult puppet show that has me in stitches every time. But there is one song in particular in the show that makes me a little uncomfortable: “Everyone is a little racist”. Princeton Puppet asks Kate Monster, “You’re a monster, right, so are you related to Tricky Monster, my neighbour?” Horrified, Kate tells him she finds that racist. Princeton goes on to point out some of her racist qualities, and they burst into song.
Avenue Q.
“Everyone is a little bit racist at times.” Now, I’m sure many people reading this will be thinking to themselves – I may not be perfect, but racist is one thing I’m not.
That’s exactly what I thought as I left the theatre “Do not put me in that category.” At the same time, Kate Monster’s indignant reaction touched a nerve with me. You wouldn’t believe the number of times in my life I’ve been asked if I know a certain gay person, just because I’m gay too.
The gay book
One woman at a wedding party in Guernsey charged up to me and before formal introductions could be made, blurted out, “I hear you’re gay! David from EastEnders is gay, do you know him?” My reply was, “No, but I’ll look him up in the gay book.” Her eyes widened with excitement. “There’s a book?” I assured her there was (she did not get irony), and off she popped to tell her friends, who seemed to find me of great interest because of my sexuality. Was it ignorance, racism, homophobia or just misguided? Either way, it did not make me feel very comfortable and I kept an eye out to make sure a wicker man was not being built in the town square that weekend.
Yes, as members of the human race most people can be racist, many unintentionally, even if it is just a little bit. This topic is close to my heart for personal reasons, which is why I’ve hesitated to comment until now. Take my beautiful best friend of ten years, Dee. Her amazing personality and talent were what hit me first, not the colour of her skin.
My eyes go to the heavens when I hear, “This is my gay friend.” My friends are not categorised by skin colour, sexuality or religious belief, but by who they are as people – their loyalty, personality and kindness. This is what I see as a human being.
The N word
Colour only comes into play when a friend shares with me (for instance) that when she was a little girl, she had a friend who was white and who loved to play outside with her. One day she rushed to meet her, and the girl told her that her mum had said she could not play with her anymore, as she was a n—–. My friend rushed home in tears and told her mum what had happened. Her mother replied that sometimes in this world people are not very nice. As my friend recounted this story, I could see – from her eyes, her body language – that it had left a lifelong scar.
How do we fix this, so no child feels discriminated against? Taking to the streets in a peaceful, safe protest is one way. But let’s not get into a mob mentality, or the agenda changes. Let’s keep things in perspective. There is no doubt that Churchill, Gandhi and many more celebrated historic figures, by today’s standards, were racist, due to the nature of society at the time. If we judge them on a way of life back then it brings nothing to the table, as – where do we stop? If a statue needs to come down because atrocities have been proven to have been committed let’s lobby to get it down. There are ways to deal with this, but vigilante behaviour isn’t one of them.
Nor am I convinced that we’ll get anywhere by banning old TV shows. We need them as historic references to start with, and if we allow censorship to come into play here, where does it stop? Waking up to hear that the “Faulty Towers” episode “The Germans” (sometimes known as “Don’t Mention the War”) had been banned was the final straw. “Little Britain” has gone too, apparently, as it causes offence.
Racism off the scale
If you want to see real racist shows you only have to go back to the 70s and watch the likes of Alf Garnett or “George and Mildred”. The homophobia, sexism and racism is off the scale from Hylda Baker in “Not on Your Nellie”, which was primetime Sunday viewing in the UK at one time. In one opening scene, she asks a police officer for directions and when he turns around and she sees he is black, she tells him, “You won’t know as you’re not from here either.”
Benny Hill is a programme steeped in misogyny, homophobia and racism, but still embraced in the US as quintessential British humour, and the classic Carry On films are full of the same. “Bo’ Selecta!” came under fire from Trisha Goddard, yet Mel B embraced it and appeared on the show, as did the singer Craig David. “White Chicks” is still one of my favourite comedy films, where two black police officers dress up as two white society girls.
Trying to alter the past to make it more acceptable is always futile. Sure, petition and lobby for a statue to be removed that’s celebrating someone’s life if they’ve turned out to be an evil character, but let’s all have a say, not just a small group deciding what comes down or up. We need reminding of what can happen if we do not keep things in check.
How would you feel?
There are so many people going on about “All Lives Matter”, and they’re so right, but completely missing the point: nobody is saying that black lives matter more, just that black lives matter as much as anyone else’s. Could you imagine if this was you in the picture below and it referred to your forefathers – how would you feel?
We may not be born racist, but it’s a poisonous lesson many of us learn even from our first day at school. Growing up, my dad hated the Welsh. He was always on about the fella who stole his army uniform when he was in the services. “Never trust them.” He went on tarring an entire country with the same brush, though he had a soft spot for Katherine Jenkins. Much as I knew this was just ridiculous, on my first visit to Cardiff there was a slight nervous feeling. It had been bred into me as a small child, even though I knew most of what my dear dad said was racist, homophobic and misogynistic. His generation sat around in bars and clubs, judging others.
Enoch Powell
I remember childhood visits to family and friends, in whose mouths (you would think) butter wouldn’t melt. Grandmothers and mums would sit knitting away and make a comment like, “I don’t mind the coloureds as long as they don’t move in next door to us, it brings the property price down.” Or even as an adult, a friend’s mum saying (much to his horror), “Enoch Powell had the right idea, you know.” His Rivers of Blood speech is still thought to be an acceptable way of thinking for some, let’s not forget.
It would make a difference, surely, if schools were more proactive in teaching children that we’re all made in the same human mould, and bullying and looking down on people is never acceptable. From day one, yes, we may have different heritages but let’s embrace and learn about cultures and approach them inclusively.
My musical influences, as well as Bowie and Marc Bolan, included the brilliant Diana Ross and Motown sounds in general. There was also the beauty of the jazz greats such as Nina Simone and Ella Fitzgerald. Moving to London was my first time mixing with other cultures and hitting clubs like the Embassy and Bangs Adams. It was exciting to be dancing to the likes of Grace Jones and Sister Sledge, and my only thought about those who had darker skin was how beautiful they looked.
Diana Ross.
On my first visit to New York, it really hit me how racist people can be. “Do not go to that area, it’s a black neighbourhood.” “Why not?” I asked. “It’s dangerous.” And there were lots of comments about black people from those who looked like civilised people. This was in the early 80s. Needles to say, being me, I explored Harlem and the Bowery, despite their warnings. But why are there “black” neighbourhoods even now? Besides which, other people suggesting these neighbourhoods are too dangerous to enter is one of the things that keeps segregation alive.
Harlem in the 70s.
New York is one of the more tolerant states. It makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up when people tell me they know the US when they have just visited one city. Go to Dallas and travel a few miles out where life is all church and sport, and you will be gobsmacked at the homophobia and racism. Take a side trip from LA through San Diego to the beautiful town of La Jolla, and you can sit for hours without seeing one black person. I know this as I worked there.
Hair
One thing in favour of the US is that to become a hairdresser you must be able to do all types of hair and their state board exam mirrors this. As a result, I can do starfighters, jerry curls and all types of black hair.
The same cannot be said for the UK, where there are for the most part separate salons. Several times when I have turned up to a job and the actress or model was black, their faces dropped when they saw a white boy. One in particular shook her head: “I am just back from Michigan and spent £600 on this weave. No offence honey, no white boy’s getting near it.” In the end, she was very happy with the result. Still, here at least, the UK needs to learn from America, and make sure all hairdressers can work with all types of hair.
Dee and I are often mistaken for a couple and even though we are not, we have had our fair share of bad attitudes from both black and white waiters and others, even in cosmopolitan London. At a funeral of a friend’s mother who originated from the Caribbean I was waiting at the church. The mourners were largely black. As I stood there, I was twice asked to park the car and others seemed to think I was working there and asked me for various things. Then one asked if I was related to our friend’s husband, who was white. When I said no, he replied, “Easy mistake, you all look the same.”
There is no doubt in my mind racism is learnt and is everywhere. I’m not sure that sudden efforts at drastic change, made in the heat of the moment, will last. Let us start from the core with groups like Diversity Role Models and others going into schools. Let’s talk about issues without everyone name calling, and stop telling the young people anyone from another race is worth less or has odd ways. Let’s embrace all cultures in a positive light.
It leaves me wondering: if an alien nation attacked earth, as humans, would we all come together in unity to fight back? Looking at the governments we have today, I doubt it. After all, they can’t even agree what to do when our planet is being attacked by a virus.
This article first appeared three years a go but just as current . The Church of Madonna by Steven Smith.
It’s a warm night in Athens and there is a gentle wind blowing through the Pictures Restaurant, which is lit by candles, making it a perfect atmosphere for dinner.
My weekend hosts have joined me: the divine Atticus (a self-confessed Greek Diva with oodles of style, wit and charm) and his partner Count Alex, a man you can describe in one word, “Class”: this, and he is a walking encyclopaedia. Plus, Adam, my best pal, had jetted in from Asia. He has just started a course on sex addiction to add to his qualification as a counsellor. You can guarantee that tonight is going to be packed with fascinating conversation, debate and humour and (hopefully) good food.
Nonetheless, it is not too long into the conversation before the M word comes up (NO, not monogamy). Madonna.
Madame X
She seems to have a way of popping into so many evenings as a subject in my life, and not just among my male gay friends. I have on occasion wanted to say, “LET’S NOT TALK ABOUT MADONNA” but how can we not, when so many of my friends are devotees of The Church of Madonna?
In fairness, Atticus has just managed to obtain a ticket to see Madonna, or her alter ego Madame X, at the London Palladium next year.
“I want to see the whites of my fans’ eyes and get up close and personal – give them something back,” she explained to presenter Rylan Clark on the BBC’s One Show, as an explanation for her choosing to do a theatre tour.
Atticus is sitting in great Royal Circle seats, but I enquire, “Will she be using binoculars to see the whites of your eyes?” He replies, “BITCH!’
A hint of jealousy on my part? No! To be honest I am thrilled for my friends who have tickets, but a little dig is always camp.
Awkward
The subject stays on Madonna and that rather awkward interview she gave on The Graham Norton Show. Madonna was not the only guest that evening. Director Danny Boyle and actors Lily James and Himesh Patel were also on to chat about their new film, Yesterday. They were on first, and to be truthful I couldn’t wait for them to finish and M to appear. But finally, she appears: the audience goes wild, as do I (though only in my front room).
Host Graham Norton with (seated left to right) Sir Ian McKellen, Madonna, Danny Boyle, Lily James, and Himesh Patel during the filming for the Graham Norton Show at BBC Studioworks 6 Television Centre, Wood Lane, London, UK on June 13, 2019. Photo by Isabel Infantes/PA Wire/ABACAPRESS.COM
But for once Madonna looks a little uncomfortable. Maybe it’s the fact she’s dressed as Madam X, complete with a Betty-Davis-inspired eye patch from the film The Anniversary,making her look like she’s arrived at a fancy-dress party and no one else has bothered to make the effort to get a costume.
She was obviously on to promote her ninth number one US album, Madam X. It is her fourteenth studio album and deservedly also her biggest critical success to date, but you have the feeling she wants to go home and change. This sense is fortified when Graham asks her to take a seat and she seems to have problems sitting down on the couch
“I am not used to sitting with this many people. Is there room?” Madonna asks.
Then there’s a problem with the actual costume. “Someone’s tied my corset too tight, my boobs keep popping up,” Madonna points out as she sits down, pulling her jacket over her breasts.
The interview does not go well, and she actually says, when asked “Do you ever get anxious?”:
“Yes, right now.”
It’s a mile away from the fun she seemed to have with Rylan Clark on the BBC One Show. Madonna seemed to adore him. She managed to cap it all by seemingly insulting our “national treasure”, Sir Ian McKellen, by asking what he did.
Exhibitionism
Though it has been misquoted (she asked what he did on his one-man show), she was vague and rather distant.
“She is an introvert really,” says Atticus, and Adam agrees. They go on to say you can be a performer and still be an introvert.
Yes, I have met many introverts whose drug of choice has been exhibitionism, making them look like extroverts.
Once the mask is dropped for a minute or they’re not comfortable, they can make for awkward conversation, or if in the public eye they can often come over as rude in interviews.
The singer Cher says Madonna is not the best singer or dancer and to quote her, “She has taken straw and spun it into gold”: a little harsh. Marlene Dietrich and Marilyn Monroe, both of whom Madonna takes inspiration from, were not the best singers or dancers but their images captured the time and a nation’s heart.
Madonna is a brilliant creative genius who has captured the moments of many of our lives and mirrored them in her songs and her imagery.
Whilst Cher’s songs are pleasant bubble-gum music (despite dishing Madonna she asked her to write for her), Madonna has something to say to us as quoted in the hit song “Express Yourself”. From “Papa Don’t Preach” (talking about abortion) to the current “God Control” (talking about gun control), Madge has never shied away from preaching to us and we have lapped it up.
Madonna has been in my life since my late teens and I have related to her more than most people, as she seemed to be thinking what I was at the most crucial moments of my adult life.
A stunning Amanda Lear performance at Heaven in the early eighties left me spellbound as she entered the stage in white leather on a chauffeured motorbike. Jumping off, she took off her helmet and let fall her thick blonde hair, shortly to be joined by leather-clad male dancers. It was spectacular.
A year later and someone I had never heard of was on at Heaven. Madonna was billed as a New York club-scene darling. She had two dancers and was cute and wore a hat, but she did not have her act polished and certainly seemed to lack the stage presence of Lear. Still, she had something, and she stuck in my mind.
Not that it really compares but I’d just qualified as a hairdresser and was also finding my way and not quite polished, so I guess when she burst into the charts and I recognised her, there was a feeling of “Well done girl”. And I began, like many, to champion her. There was something that she had that’s important in a star – the public related to her quickly. Girls (and some boys) emulated the look: she could be your friend, lover or sister. She was the naughty girl in class we all secretly admired.
Too often, if someone looks too unattainable or perfect, people shy away from them as idols. The critics favoured Cindy Lauper and mocked Madonna’s early performances as she dropped her tambourine or sang off key. Much as Lauper was fun, it was the Material Girl we all wanted to be with.
Debbie Harry
By 1985, I was a busy hairdresser living in Brighton and a huge fan of Madonna. The number-one hairstyle, due in part to the film Desperately Seeking Susan,was the Madonna look, and my gang saw it several times: the camera just loved her. Apparently, according to the recent Channel 5 documentary, she studied Debbie Harry (Blondie) and the greats Marilyn and Greta Garbo to get that screen look. Those of you who have seen Madonna’s early audition for the movie Fame can see the giant improvement in her technique.
January 1987. I had made it to L.A., California, and my career as a hairdresser had really taken off. People were open and friendly, and it seemed to take only hours before invites to parties arrived, thanks to meeting a man on the plane who lived in Malibu and (to quote him) “knew everyone”.
Madonna’s True Blue album was never off my car radio and Mexican food (something strange in the UK at the time) was fast becoming my favourite.
Having a partner, I stayed away from the Malibu and Laguna beach crowd as I knew it would spell trouble. The mention of a, b, c parties put me off.
We were lucky enough to make friends with a rancher called Very Magnusson, who made us welcome. His ranch grew avocados and he had a sweet, illegal Mexican ranch hand called Ernesto working there and living there. He had a one-room hut covered in Madonna posters. He was full of smiles and hope. I really felt for him, although he spoke no English.
Madonna had released Whose That Girl (the movie and soundtrack) and she was touring. I managed through a friend there to get two tickets, ten rows from the front, to her concert in Anaheim. My partner was not taken with Madonna. So, who to take?
I decided it would be great and a dream to take Ernesto.
Vern seemed shocked. “Are you sure??”
Latino
July 18th. .There I am, all excited with Ernesto for Madonna to come on. But there is a problem: the security has checked Ernesto’s ticket for the sixth time and not mine.
“HE IS WITH ME,” I snap. Some of the people in the row are giving looks too.
I am beginning to realise that there’s a real preconceived attitude towards the Latino community in the US.
This is cemented when the man from Malibu comes running up with two friends. “Honey, how fab to see you, who are you with?”
When I say with Ernesto, they actually back off and can’t wait to get away. (There was even a sneering, “How do you know him?”)
Bigotry or hate I cannot abide. Much as anti-LGBTQ behaviour was a day-to-day issue in my life, a person being treated like this because of their race and class had my blood boiling and it was around about the same time that Madonna started telling us all to love one another.
If she had seen how a young Mexican boy was being treated at her concert, she would have told them to do more than “Open your Heart” – the opening song to her Who’s That Girl concert.
Sadly, Ernesto got involved in a local gang and was found dead two years later.
June 1988, and I was in New York, sitting in the front row of the Royale Theatre, about to see Speed the Plow, a three-handed play starring Madonna. I never asked for the front row, but a PR friend booked the seats and thought it would be great.
I was studying acting at Adam Hill in Los Angeles in my spare time, so I was keen to see her stage work.
Madonna comes on with brunette hair, holding a tray. She is visibly shaking (as the glasses on the tray are moving) and it is not part of the play. She is incredibly attractive in the flesh, close up. Sadly, Madonna is like a first-year drama student doing a monologue full of promise but has not yet refined the craft. The critics were lukewarm at best.
But the play is good and a modern classic.
Still, apart from David Bowie when I was 17, it’s the only time I’ve waited to see a celebrity by the stage door. When Madonna came out, eventually, in a chic Chanel suit, she looked straight down and got into the limo. It did make me feel like a stalker. What was I going to say to her if she had stopped? “Fancy a drink, Madonna?”
Blonde Ambition
Later, on a US television interview, she says, “Why do we always listen to the one critic over those that praise us?” It is so true: ten people can say something nice and the one person who is negative or says something of a passive-aggressive nature, I’ll be thinking about for weeks to come.
I never got to see the Blonde Ambition tour live. Still, we all loved the 1991 film Truth or Dare or, as it was known outside the US, In Bed with Madonna.It’s the one where she apparently outs people and demonstrates with the aid of an Evian bottle how to give oral sex.
Her moving speech at the GLAAD Media Awards in May this year, wearing Elizabeth Emmanuel:
“I had no idea it was going to inspire so many gay men to, A, give blow jobs to Evian bottles, or, B, just have the courage to come out and be free and take a stand and say this is who I am, like it or not.”
Sadly, some of the dancers, in my opinion, betrayed her and once their 15 minutes were up, took her to court, as documented in the film, Strike a Pose.
We have all been there: you help someone and they turn on you. There is no doubt she is a taskmaster and a perfectionist, but what an incredible start for anyone in the business. She taught us to forgive and stuck with the format of hiring new talent.
The 1992 coffee-table book Sex had fans queuing up at book shops around the world. Though she came under fire from critics, many saying her career was over, the silver-foil-covered soft-porn book is still a collector’s item.
Much as fetish clubs in New York and London, such as Torture Garden, were springing up, showing us, “a different way to love”, S&M has been around since the start of time. She opened the way for people, and in particular women, to talk about fantasy sex. Though her song “Hanky Panky” from the Dick Traceymovie soundtrack “Breathless” said she just wanted to be spanked, later she retracted this, saying, “Just try it”.
Your correspondent in shorts with a sign that says SEX on it
She had us all talking about SEX though, encouraging us not to be afraid of our desires. I still have a framed Madonna Sex cardboard cut-out.
“Erotica” was one of the first tracks she performed at her concert The Girlie Show in London in 1993. My best pal Lester Middlehurst from the Daily Mailwas working on the now defunct Today newspaper and he had VIP press tickets for the show. “Darling, you have to fly over for the weekend at least.”
Not to be ungrateful, there I was in the VIP press area in the gods. I was still at the age, I guess, where I liked to see the whites of the eyes of the performers and be with the crowd. Bless my departed friend, I don’t think he even liked Madonna.
I could write for hours about my experiences relating to Madonna. The second part will have to wait till near her concert time.
Madonna the introvert, the exhibitionist, the good Catholic girl at heart, the mother or lover. There is one thing for sure – she keeps one eye well open at all times when it comes to everything she’s doing, and both feet on the ground.
Where other icons have failed and gone to heaven, you just know the material girl will keep Vogueing on ‘til she drops. Or maybe she will surprise us and “Take a Bow” after this tour.
Steven chats over coffee with art sensation Pedro Sousa Louro
Pedro Sousa Louro is one of the most talked-about LGBTQ artists at the moment. The Portuguese born painter is exciting the art world with his blend of styles and fresh take on painting.
Educated at the Chelsea College of Arts in London, Pedro’s work caught the attention of many at the prestigious Kunstmesse art fair in Germany last year. He is also among the headliners at the START art show this autumn at the Saatchi Gallery. Our very own art connoisseur, Steven Smith, catches up with him at his studio in Wimbledon.
Do you remember the first painting you ever did and what made you want to become an artist?
I was fascinated by Greek and Roman statues, especially the beauty of the naked form and the stillness from an early age. It caused quite a stir when my first drawing at school was a statue, and some teachers were not impressed, though others thought it was great. Of course, my style at the time was hardly refined, and to some eyes, it may have looked like mischief-making.
Either way, art captured my imagination from an early age and creating images was something that excited me. So, becoming an artist was something that has always been at the forefront of my life.
Who in the art world influences you?
Francis Bacon and Picasso, as well as Dame Rachel Whiteread and Robert Rauschenberg. Art is always a personal thing, and these artists really speak to me. When I am looking at their work, it moves me and inspires me to create.
What training did you do to become an artist?
I graduated with an Arts degree from the Chelsea College of Arts in 1998. Two decades later, I graduated from the Kensington and Chelsea Art College in Abstract Expressionism and Abstract Vision.
Your work has been shown all over Europe, and you are appearing later this year at START in the Saatchi Gallery London. Can you tell us a little about START and do your audiences differ from country to country?
It is my first time exhibiting at the Saatchi Gallery and START Art Fair in London. The timing could not be better. It is an honour to be a part of this prestigious event and a chance to network with new artists as well as established ones. The fair is a global gathering of artists and gives new talent a chance to show their work.
Last year my work was shown at the fifth Kunstmesse art fair in Leipzig, Germany. I do not think that the audiences differ. In every show that I have been a part of, people have been enthusiastic and inspiring.
What advice would you give to a young artist starting out?
It is not easy at all to be an artist seeking recognition, especially in these modern ages, where social media platforms are making a colossal and gigantic difference in the careers of artists. I’m one of them! I want to be recognised by the public and by the established art scene. I want my artwork and my abstract visual language on our new modern living expressionism to be taken seriously as another important artist legacy and statement. The advice is only one. Don’t stop working even in times when it seems you aren’t going anywhere. If we don’t stop working, we’ll arrive somewhere, and that is inevitable. If you don’t stop creating you will arrive somewhere – a good place or a not-so-good place – but you’ll arrive somewhere!
How do you think COVID has affected the arts and LGBTQ community in general?
I have seen artists, where I have my studio, for instance, leaving their studios because they cannot afford the rent or because they have lost their other jobs, the direct income support of their lives. It is unfortunately sad, but on the other side, I have seen so many artists making sales over the internet and on social media platforms. Some of them did exceptionally well.
Do you think that with apps like Grindr and Scruff being so popular, romance is dying?
Inevitably, yes. The technology of these sex and social apps on our phones completely eradicate so many vital personal elements of each one of us. From educational factors to responsible factors and so on, this new way of interaction between us has changed so profoundly that romance has become an old-fashioned item, not even vintage!
Some of our best British artists have been LGBTQ, from Francis Bacon, David Hockney to sculptress Maggie Hambling. How much does your sexuality influence your artwork?
I have heard so many different views and opinions about my work being too connected with my sexuality. There are people from galleries from the art world itself, saying that it is 100% related to and influenced by my sexuality. I just let them talk and say what they want.
I would say between 50% to 70% is undoubtedly associated with my sexuality. But there are quite significant elements which come from my art studies and the art research that I attach to my creativity.
How does your family feel about your work?
My parents still live in Portugal. My dad is the silent type, and my mum is vocal about her love of my art. They are both proud. My sister lives in Oxford, and she is a huge fan, I am hoping she will be at START. I am one of six children, and we are all proud of one another.
What would you like to see happening in the art world in the future?
I would like to see myself happening more, actually. I would like to see myself coming out as a more established artist, flourishing and gaining recognition worldwide. Yes, it’s all about me! Well, why not?
QUICKFIRE ROUND
Your favourite restaurant in London?
Right now, Sexy Fish in Mayfair. Amazing Asiatic food.
The one thing you find to be a turn off in others?
Their selfish, cynical side that makes them think they can always get away without doing the work.
The most romantic place in London?
I think London is a very romantic city, but for me, Chelsea Embankment is a more private environment. It is so romantic.
What is one thing you would change about London if you were the mayor for a day?
As Mayor of London for just one day, I think I would want to make all galleries and transport free .
What is your favourite film?
Well, I used to have a favourite film, The Bridges of Madison County with Meryl Streep, but now I have so many. So, now anything with Cate Blanchett for me is a good movie. She is my new obsession!
2Shades Magazine 