Tag: Mental Health

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Steven’s Viewz 

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Picture Terry Scott

A column that does not hold back.

My viewz and not of 2Shades brought to you bi -monthly a column that does not hold back

“Where to pee or not to pee, is that really a question?”

Trans. Trans, dear God has there ever been a topic that will have you cancelled simply for not agreeing and get so many hot under the collar? 

Now let us get this straight and to help the right-wing God squad: if your apparent higher power allowed a child to be born with bone cancer or deformed, is there not a chance he popped one or two in the wrong body too?  

For me, if a man or woman feels they have been born in the wrong body and have undergone two years of therapy and gender reassignment, as far as I am concerned, they are now the sex of their choice.

People who have had gender-affirming surgery have been in my life since I was 16. The Famous Julia / George dropped coffee all over my Fiorucci white jump suit at “Scandals” night club when she ran the coffee shop there. Strangely we became friends. From April Ashley to Tallulah, famous sex changes have been in the news. Many have played under the radar and of course with some there was the odd whisper, but all for most part got on with their new lives. Wonderful India Willoughby, whom I admire, campaigns for 

https://www.amazon.com/Just-Julia-Story-Extraordinary-Woman/dp/1852834811

rights and (just as important) educates. She is always approachable

if I have a question of anyone else for that matter on the topic .

The lovely India Willoughby https://x.com/IndiaWilloughby?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

Transvestites who enjoy popping a frock on are not in that transgender category, however.

Nor is drag. Drag has been around since time began and in the theatrical sense it is a performance. So many people seem to be labelling drag artists as trans which, for the most part, they are not. Men that suddenly announce they are trans and pop on a frock, an acrylic wig and some false nails are not women.

Sure, some might be starting a journey towards being a woman. Others never will make that trip and must appreciate it is a dream and not expect rights as a woman.

Tim Curry in the incredible The Rocky Horror show is a sweet Transvestite not to be confused with gender reassignment https://rockyhorror.co.uk

Much as mixed toilets have been in many venues for years, the right for a woman or, when it comes to it, a man to go the toilet that is used by their own sex should be enforced. What many forget is some women are coping with trauma, having been raped or abused badly by men. They will find the idea of sharing a bathroom (where they are in a vulnerable state) with anyone with a penis utterly terrifying. Simply put, if you have a penis stay out of the ladies loo. 

What is bizarre to me and many of the trans is this “Dead Life”, i.e. if you are now identify as woman, your prior life is “Dead Life” and you can suddenly create a whole past as girl. One (who we all know) 

described how she slept with a variety of celebrities as a beautiful young girl – the issue here is she was a 17-year-old spotty boy at the time she claims it happened. It is just a lie, a “Fantasy Life” that to my mind is closer to criminal fraud. 

I certainly would have been trans back in my school years. I used to pray that I would wake as a girl because being a boy was pure misery for me. Today I love being a man, in fact after about 14 that desire to be a girl eventually passed. For many it does not, and they have my 

empathy and support to be who they want to be after a certain age.

Forcing kids into boxes i.e. boys like football and action and 

girls like Barbie and cooking is one of the unhealthiest things I can think of.  It is responsible for so many mental health issues in those kids who do not fit into society’s false expectations. But please do not let kids undergo surgery till they are fully matured and can decide if it is still what they really want.

Personally there would be no way I would even want a child of mine to have a piercing or tattoo until they were in their late teens. There are support groups such as Mermaids that help young people who feel they are struggling with gender

https://mermaidsuk.org.uk

Finally, practise what you preach. A lovely trans woman who I respected and addressed as a woman (even though they had not had surgery, or any work done), berated me for not eating what I was given at a dinner table (I do not eat red meat or pork).

 “In my day you ate what you were given!” she chastised me. 

Thank God for you it is not “your days” as you would be running for the hills dressed as woman. The problem is, if we expect people to accept us for who we are, it has to be reciprocal, not one-sided. 

Colin Farrell – a real man of action

As if we could not love Colin Farrell enough already, the actor and his son James have melted our hearts this month. Colin has been talking about his 20-year-old son James who lives with Angel Syndrome. 

 “I want the world to be kind to James. I want the world to treat him with kindness and respect.” 

The actor told People Magazine in the US. 

https://people.com

Angelman syndrome is genetic disorder that mainly affects the nervous system. Symptoms include a small head and a specific facial appearance, severe intellectual disability, developmental disability, limited to no functional speech, balance and movement problems, seizures, and sleep problems.

Farrell has started a foundation in honour of his son in the US. The Colin Farrell Foundation will provide support for adult children who have an intellectual disability through advocacy, education and innovative programs.

As for the foundation, for years Farrell has wanted to do something in the realm of providing greater opportunities for families who have a child with special needs, to receive the support that they deserve and the assistance in all areas of life.

“Once your child turns 21, they’re kind of on their own,” Farrell says. “All the safeguards that are put in place, special ed classes, that all goes away, so you’re left with a young adult who should be an integrated part of our modern society and often is left behind.” 

This is mirrored in the UK. Last year Dr Anna Kennedy OBE petitioned Number 10 Downing Street to help those living with autism to be aided after the age of 24 where government aid stops. “Who will look after my sons when I am gone?” is a question Anna has raised along with many parents of children with special needs.

Dr Anna Kennedy OBE and me delivering a petition to Number 10 downing street picture Terry Scott ,

Colin and Anna are real heroes and we need more of the likes of these two in this world. 

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Toxic Come Dancing 

Yet more bad news for the BBC as their top-rated show “Strictly Come Dancing” comes under fire for apparent bullying as previous contestants have been complaining.

Oh do get a grip. You go into a reality show and you are really expecting it to be plain sailing? 

These people complaining of bad treatment have agents and a 

right to walk out at any time. Stop, enough already. Do not go into a 

show like “Strictly” or “I’m a Celebrity” and expect back rubs and hugs.

Dance is a highly disciplined practice and anyone who has properly 

trained at the ballet or dance school will tell you it is not for the faint 

hearted.

To conclude .

When your bear friend has been taking Ozempic and asks if 

you have noticed any visible side effects on them…

End .

email Steven at spman@btinternet.com

agent https://www.comptonmanagement.com/?p=739

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Pride

“Pride” means the quality or state of being proud, including self-esteem and a reasonable or justifiable self-respect.
It also denotes, “Delight or elation arising from some act or possession or relationship.” 
@adishrichengappa @stevenswords63 in Born Anxious PROUD T-shirts picture Anna Marie Bickton https://www.annemariebickerton.co.uk

It has been Brighton Pride this weekend sadly I could not be there but it is just amazing to even see online!

I could not be prouder of how 2Shades is appealing to all of the community and our ally’s Pride is something we all take seriously it is who we are at the core of the magazine.

Brighton Pride picture by Simon Dack

Such changed days, indeed, from the 1970s, when the only form of LGBTQ publication around was “Gay News”, which I use to smuggle into the family home as a teenage boy. Back then, for mainstream magazines or newspapers to feature gay people in a positive light could be the kiss of death for the publication. It was a time when openly gay actors could be blacklisted with in the industry. Even being suspected of being gay could see you thrown out of the armed forces.

I remember my mother, on discovering the hidden paper, standing and screaming, “There is no such thing as ‘Gay News’, just bad news.” At the age of 15, I was out, causing more than a little scandal at my school, and despair and outrage at home. Much as my mother is now a big advocate of LGBTQ, it caused considerable upset in the 1970s. Only my sister, who was 13 at the time, had a kind word. She had been told there had been a great family upset. Karen squeezed my hand and told me she always knew I was gay, and she loved me.

PRIDE Picture Graham Martin https://www.grahammartinphotography.co.uk T shirt

My parents’ answer was to take me to see the Samaritans, to meet a man who had been in the merchant navy and therefore “knew about gays”. I can still see him sitting there in his light-blue pullover, looking somewhat uncomfortable. His advice was that gay men did not all look like David Bowie or Marc Bolan. I pointed out that both were, in fact, bisexual. He continued, “If you go to Portsmouth, there are big, hairy men on bikes looking for and preying on young men.” 

Once safely back in the car with my parents, I raised the question: “Where is Portsmouth and how do I get there?” 

Sadly, it always seems to be a shock when someone comes out to the family. There are more negative stories than positive ones. Even a model friend of mine, whose son was never out of her high heels and frocks, seemed devastated when he broke the news. It raised the question, “What was she seeing all those years as he grew up?” 

This is a question also asked in the brilliant drama series, “It’s A Sin”. Valerie Tozer, masterfully played by Keely Hawes, is a mother in denial as her son lies dying of Aids. She blames everyone she can find except herself. Sandra (played by Ruth Sheen), whose son also lies ill, asks just that question: “What were you looking at when he was six? Ten? Fifteen?”

It is Sin https://www.imdb.com/title/tt9140342/

Even still today, kids are thrown out of their homes for being LGBTQ, and even for many that are allowed to stay, their lives can be made miserable. Their only crime is being a human being who loves someone or is attracted to the same sex. These are the same kids whose parents happily hand toy guns to them and let them play war games. But – what horror in a kiss with someone of the same sex!

I cried when watching the superbly crafted “Heartstoppers” on Netflix. The character Nick tells his mother he likes boys and girls. Played beautifully by Olivia Colman, the mother calmly thanks him for sharing that with her and hopes he is okay. If only more parents acted that way, there would be so much less trauma within the LGBTQ+ community, and our mental health would be stronger.

Heartstopper https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/81059939

Things might be getting better, but the LGBTQ+ community is still under attack every day. As with all wars, a good strategy is a key factor in survival. Education in schools is essential – using positive role models, and making kids feel safe who do not fit the masculine or feminine stereotypes. This is still going to take time, understanding, and some amazing people to give a strong voice.

Education is the key to most things, and this includes brilliant diversity role models going into schools and talking about their lives. It is important, in everyday life, that we are up to educating our children and spotting the difference between homophobia and mere ignorance in this woke society, where everyone seems easily offended. A woman said to me quite recently, when I was clearly channelling a butch moment, “You don’t seem that gay. My hairdresser Eduardo is gay. He’s a scream. He does drag on a Tuesday.”

Looking at her carefully, I pointed out that the Krays were gay, adding one or two other examples. She went deadly quiet, and after a moment, she apologised. She hoped I was not offended. Of course, I wasn’t, but I had made someone think. 

Thankfully, we now have positive role models that people can identify with. Jake Daniels, the first openly gay footballer, made headlines last month, and we also have Gareth Thomas, the rugby player, and Tom Daley, Olympic gold medallist. The sad thing is, while there are many gay footballers, fear of losing endorsements or their peers’ reactions keeps them in the closet. It is tragic that this still makes headline news. It shows that society still does not really except such men. 

Jake Daniels footballer

It is wonderful to see David Beckham come out and back Jake, but disappointing that he also backs the World Cup in Qatar, a country that still has the death penalty for gay people. We need our allies not to sit on the fence when it comes to human rights.

The gay community can be a homophobic place too. Often, the more flamboyant characters are not seen as the heroes. Gay men themselves sometimes fear being labelled camp or effeminate.

. But our tireless fights are not just for gay rights, but human rights. Quintin Crisp may have had some lapses in judgment, but he was a voice in the dark for people like me, Boy George and our generation. Bowie and Marc Bolan also showed us it was okay to be different.

Boy George a light for many

The truth is, if an alien landed and asked us to show them what a typical gay person looked like, it would be impossible. It would be like being asked to find a quintessential heterosexual – then going to Chelsea football ground in the company of an overweight man, with a pint and a Union Jack t-shirt, smoking a fag, and shouting, “This is what a straight man looks like.” There would be an outcry, and trust me, there are many gay men that look like that too. 

I have often been asked “Why do you need ‘Pride’. There’s no straight Pride.” My answer is always, “Thank your lucky stars you don’t need straight Pride.” We have to be a voice and be seen, in order to hope that one day, no-one will blink an eye if I hold my boyfriend’s hand in public. We must also hope that one day, that teenage boy’s or girl’s mum and dad will hug them when they come out, and the world will be a safe place for the LGBTQ+ community. It’s getting better, but we still have a long way to go. 

Please tell everyone about 2Shades magazine and subscribe to us.

https://www.channel4.com/programmes/its-a-sin

https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/81059939

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Anna Skydives!

Anna tells us all about her dive
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https://ukparachuting.co.uk.

Millions of people donate financially each year to charities.

However, many do not have the means to reach into their pockets and help. There are other ways to help from volunteering to raising funds by doing sponsored events like walking, cycling and even jumping from a plane. 2 Shades talks to someone who did exactly that, our columnist Dr Anna Kennedy OBE. 

1. Anna, what on earth made you want to do a sky jump?

To be honest it was the last thing on my bucket list. We were brainstorming ways to raise funds for my charity Anna Kennedy online. One of our Patrons Steven Smith mentioned he had sky jumped out of a plane to raise funds for Pancreatic Cancer charity a few years back. 

Three of the team, Steven, Aston Avery and Lisa Robins, decided they would all jump to help raise awareness. Quickly I made it clear that my contribution was to wave firmly on the ground. My fear of heights was too great to even think about doing it. Steven kept teasing me “You’re always getting others to do things outside their comfort zone, and they thank you for it”, and “Lead by example”. Thanks Steven I thought!

Dream team dive for Anna Kennedy on line

A few months ago, I spoke to Marie Hanson MBE (one of our Autism Hero Award judges) who had just jumped out of a plane and loved it so much that she was considering another challenge. Marie also had a fear of heights and said, “Go on Anna, you can do it!” So, I did! 

Alway supportive @spman631dbbf47d on hand to give his advice

2 Tell us about the location where you did the jump?

We travelled to Peterborough to “UK Parachuting” at Sibson Airfield https://ukparachuting.co.uk. It is about fifteen twenty minutes from Peterborough station and they really looked after us.

There is a great café, and they advise you not to jump on an empty stomach. Steven was gutted as new rules meant that if your over 100kg the insurance won’t cover you for the dive. He was 4kg over and was not allowed to jump. Our wonderful AKO volunteer Stacey Moore took his place what a hero she only came out to wave at us and was not allowed to jump.

K PARACHUTING PETERBOROUGH

3. Did you think about changing your mind in the lead up to the jump?

Steven travelled up with me and was making me laugh. It helped as I was not thinking about the jump. In the lead up, getting sponsorship occupied my mind and it was exciting as funds came in, so it took my mind off the fact that I was going to be hurling towards the ground to raise the money. 

4. Was there training involved?

It was professional. After a weigh-in and registration there was a bit of a wait and time to grab a coffee. Then there was a class with the lead instructor who was clear and concise, so he kept you at your ease. They were not going to let you fly unless you had understood the whole process.

Just before you got on the plane, they went over any questions and were just brilliant and made it fun too.

5. Were you scared getting on the plane and taking off?

It would be a lie if I said, “No!”

Just prior there were a herd of elephants doing a Zumba class in my tummy. For sure the egg sandwich from the café though delicious seemed like a very bad idea. But the team spirit and the instructors once we got on the plane made me feel calm and excited. 

6. What was the jump like? 

The first few seconds of the jump and free fall were a little scary. Imagine being in a tumble drier that is also a freezer. Kind of “What have I done?!”

Once those few seconds were over, I thought ‘Anna get a grip’, then I began to enjoy the whole experience and the beauty of the environment. It was exhilarating. 

7. Were you relieved when you landed?

A little but so happy too that I had enjoyed the experience and immediately gave a short speech about the charity and our work. 

8. What did your family and friends say about you doing the jump? 

My son Patrick was worried and asked for reassurance I was not going to die or have a heart attack. I said we were in the safe hands of professional people who have been supporting the public for years who wanted to experience the skydive.

9. Would you do it again and how much did your raise?

Yes, I would love to do it again now I know what to expect! We were all so grateful to raise £3700. If you sponsored us, we really do appreciate it. We are only a small charity and every £1 counts. 

10. How do people donate?

Online at www.annakennedyonline.com

Ever supportive Dawn Avery was on hand to lend a hand and support everyone .

Help sponsor us by contacting press Steven Smith spman@btinternet.com or lisa.robins@annakennedyonline.com

01895 540187

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Tyson Fury: A sensitive man?

Hero or villain? Steven Smith looks at what it takes to be the man who has everyone talking, the heavyweight boxing champion of the world, Tyson Fury. 

A hero to the poor with his charitable donations to the homeless, a champion for mental health and the self-proclaimed ‘King of the Gypsies’.

Tyson standing at 6’9” embodies all that can be labelled as masculine, yet unlike many hard men, this giant breaks the mould. He has started to wear his heart on his sleeve and has opened up, talking frankly of his demons, depression, and personal battles with addiction.

Tyson also adds to the list that he is bipolar and suffers from anxiety. But is it possible that the man of the moment, who is so desperate for the world to perceive him as super masculine is still, as his father John Fury described him, a shy and sensitive overweight boy inside? Was it this shy boy that begged for the acceptance of his boxing coach father?

Was it his unconventional gypsy upbringing that pushed him into a mould of boxing and masculinity, which subsequently became the root of Tyson’s demons and depression? Is it the often toxic masculinity that is piled on to so many young men during their upbringing, the cause of his trauma and mental health issues later in life?

Now, I like Tyson Fury. He is fascinating, and from the minute he burst on to our screens, I was aware of him. There was something that made me want to stop and listen; he appeared to be a model hero on paper. His smile lights up the screen, and his enthusiasm for life makes me want to know more. Then there is the unconditional love that he has for his family, which simply melts your heart.

“The best part of my life is taking my kids to school. I could live in a cardboard box and eat cheese sandwiches, as long as my family is with me“.

Tyson tells us though it is doubtful that his gorgeous wife Paris, who he has been with since they were teenagers, would ever let it come to that. She is one shrewd cookie and lives like a footballer’s wife rather than a gypsy though you can’t imagine Victoria Beckham arriving in Vegas and going straight in to do David’s dirty dishes.

But of course, once it was pointed out that this man, who I would want on my team in any battles, did not just have traditional values but what some might consider downright prehistoric values, I was speechless.

Unbelievably, in 2015, in an interview on The Jeremy Vine show, with gay rights campaigner Peter Tatchell, he compared gays to paedophiles, claiming that homosexuality is “One of the three things that will lead to the apocalypse; the other two being abortion and paedophilia”.

Even his younger brother Love Island star Tommy seems to have taken the anti-gay stance  On a now disabled Twitter account, Tommy tweeted his older brother, Tyson, allegedly stating “Come on bro, let’s get dis win good luck brother and Chisora is a f***** and he’s gettin it proper @TysonFury”.

In 2018 he was nominated for Sports Personality of the Year, yet his homophobic comments and derogatory sex views came back to haunt him, with calls to remove him and comments made including:

“So, when Tyson Fury is called the people’s champion, it begs the question: which people?”

Challenged about his views by one reporter, he sat in his van replying “Jesus loves you”.

Tyson has since apologised for his outburst and controversial views.

Were these Tyson’s views or were they opinions that had been drummed into him from an early age by someone else? Or was it a culture of growing up in the gypsy community, not known to embrace and welcome gay people among their tribe?

Fellow gypsy fighter, Billy Joe Saunders says, “Where we come from, if you show weakness, you might as well give up on life as a fighter”. It’s a world where men fought, and women, as quoted by Tyson himself, were ‘best flat on their back or in the kitchen’.

Tyson comes from a world where LGBTQ is stamped on with ferocity. Anyone who has read ‘Gypsy Boy’ by Mikey Walsh will find it not only a harrowing experience but a moving and humorous one too. Brilliantly written, it tells the story of a gay boy brought as a Romanian and unable to conform to his expectations of masculinity. The description of the brutality he suffered, at the hand of his father, as the reader, stained the pages with my tears.

Yet, at the end of the book, his father unexpectedly turned up to see Walsh, now a teacher, despite the violence

Could growing up in a tightly knit community with some values and beliefs that are from a by-gone age, be like other, almost closed communities or cults and brainwash their young?

Tyson appears to be an intelligent man, embracing all that life has to offer, in a way an old soul that could see that the bright lights of Hollywood or Vegas could not compare to his roots in Morecambe, or make him any happier for that matter.

“From the age of six, all I ever dreamed of was being a boxer, now I have it all; I am the greatest boxer in the world yes, I have sinned, suffered from depression and anxiety, and I am bipolar”, he tells viewers.

Tyson does not have it all; regrettably, he does not have good mental health, something money or fame can’t replace.

His dad, John Fury, is not a likeable character; there is something a little sad about him, almost broken, floored and in denial. He tells us that Tyson’s mental health has been impacted due to being so successful and mixing with millionaires and celebrities.

There is something that screams ‘pushy show biz mum’ about him. That statement about his son confirmed my suspicions; that he would like very much to have been Tyson.

“I am sure that I have depression but, in my day, we had to worry about keeping a roof over my family’s head and food on the table, there was no time to think of any of that”.

I am sure at heart he loves his son, but he displays little understanding or empathy for mental health issues. To be fair to John, however, he did come from an age where issues such as mental health were rarely discussed.

In the first of the series John who is banned from America for a criminal conviction, after being released from prison in 2015 following a four-year completion of an 11-year sentence, for gouging another man’s eye out during a brawl at a car auction, tells us that Tyson was a shy, sensitive, fat kid. “I brought all my boys up the same; to fight; I trained them myself”.

John, a bare-knuckle boxer must have had the same training from his father as a boy and probably would not think that any of his boys could be different. Young men or boys who have toxic masculinity forced upon them can have extreme consequences to their mental wellbeing, particularly on the sensitive child or those that do not fit the macho mould.

December 17, 2018 – Birmingham, UK – Tyson Fury arriving at the BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2018, Vox, Birmingham (Credit Image: © Doug Peters/PA Wire via ZUMA Press)

What does toxic masculinity mean?

Researchers have defined it as encompassing;

  • Suppressing emotions or masking distress
  • Maintaining an appearance of hardness
  • Violence as an indicator of power (think: “tough-guy” behaviour)

In other words, toxic masculinity is what can come of teaching boys that they can’t express their emotions openly; that they have to be “tough all the time”; that anything other than that makes them feminine or weak. (No, it doesn’t mean that all men are inherently toxic.) The harmful side effects can, however, develop into homophobia, or misogyny. 

Toxic masculinity, according to Psycom and several surveys, can lead to suicide, depression, anxiety, addiction, and drug use.

A 2017 survey by the Equality and Human Rights Commission found that gypsies, travellers and Roma were found to suffer “poorer mental health than the rest of the population in Britain” and were “more likely to suffer from anxiety and depression”.

Only last year Billy and Joe Smith, stars of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding were found dead in a suicide pact. They had both been struggling with mental health issues.

Now, looking back, I was a sensitive kid too. My dad introduced me to football by heading the ball at my head in the front room. It made me cry, and I hated football from then on. As an adult, I am quite sporty, but Dad could never really teach me anything. The last thing I needed was tough love.

Is it not possible that locked in this huge massive man is the shy, sensitive kid at loggerheads with who he has become? Desperate to please his father, who needed his shy son to “Man up”. The poor man can find a cloud in every silver lining; it must have been hard for the young Fury.

To be honest, the penny drops on what it was that that I saw in Tyson. He had the traits of another beautiful man who had the same personal scenario. He too could be charming, but many said he was bad news; he lived with depression, anxiety and had addiction issues, yet there was something I adored about him.

He had a troubled childhood and was abandoned as a kid by his father. He told me about the days his dad left, with such vivid description, despite being only 8 years old at the time. It was at that moment I saw that very child looking at me through man’s eyes. Taking a shot, I told him “that frightened child is with you every day, you protect him with your front”. There was a silence and the relief that someone had seen the real him, and because he did not feel judged, he could be himself. That’s what I saw in Tyson.

My money is on the fact that Tyson is at loggerheads with himself.

Everyone around him seems to be at loggerheads with Tyson’s new direction. Whilst embracing wealth and lifestyle, some of them claim to want to stay with the traditions of the travelling community.

Tyson wants to set precedents and make changes within the gypsy community. He hates “dream crushers”, whatever his kids want to be, he will be fully supportive.

Yet in a U-turn, wife Paris, who earlier in the show, ‘Tyson Fury Gypsy King’, says she lived her earlier years as a traveller in a caravan now says that she could not bear to leave her beautiful home with hot water and mod cons and her beloved trips to Marbella.

Paris wants the kids raised as travellers. The kids will leave school at 11, and when they marry, they can then leave home, (No room for any of the kids to be gay in that plan then). Daughter Venezuela, who wants to be a dancer or gymnast, calls her mum ‘dream crusher’. Paris comments that Venezuela is already too tall to become either; Venezuela does have a point.

You like Paris in the show, but it’s hard not to, but you want to give her a reality check. When she is not cooking for the massive family, Paris seems to spend the rest of her time in the hairdressers.

Tyson clashes with her; he is keen as ‘King’ to make changes; the kids should stay in school; they can embrace both lifestyles. Here is where I thought he could bring about change, as he moves among the likes of the ‘queens’ dream’ gay ally, Robbie Williams, along with other showbiz pals.

It is possible to educate a homophobe, misogynist, or even a bigot, especially if you take them out of an environment that is steeped in it.

My bet is if Tyson’s demons do not cause him to self-destruct, let’s hope he fights them as hard as any opponent. Tyson could be the king that brings a kinder, more tolerant era to the gypsy community.

After all, a man who pays €200 for two lobsters and sets them free can’t be all that bad!

https://www.psycom.net/depression-in-men/depression-in-men-toxic-masculinity/

https://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/boxing/tyson-fury-pays-200-two-21531982

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Dr. Anna Kennedy OBE Column

Dr Anna Kennedy OBE is back with her monthly column giving you her opinions and answering your questions.

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Great to be back and this month I would like to address a question people keep asking me:  how do people get diagnosed when they are sure they are on the spectrum or are living with autism? 

A good resource is the NHS website here is the link https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism/getting-diagnosed/

Be prepared for a long wait depending on where you live. You can also go for a private diagnosis which can cost between 1k to 2k.

“It’s becoming trendy to say you’re on the spectrum.”  

Is it becoming trendy? I think it is more a case that autism awareness is now much more widespread, especially with celebrities now sharing their diagnosis to the public. People are recognising that they may be on the autism spectrum due to past struggles in their day-to-day life.

Dear Anna, 

My daughter is nearly 24 and living with autism. I raised her by myself with help from my parents who passed on over the last year. The Government stops helping with her at 25 and my health is not great. What can I do to secure her a future?

Penny, Edinburgh.

Hello Penny,

Thank you for sharing your story. Once autistic adults reach 25 it can be difficult to find suitable services for our loved ones. I am in the process of looking for a day service my son Angelo since his college is closing July 19th and we were only given 28 days’ notice.

A good organisation to ask for help – and it’s a free service – is Living Autism. They can help you search for a suitable provision for your daughter. Their website link is www.livingautism.com 

They have supported our charity in the past and also share useful resources that may help you. Wishing you lots of luck!

Anna and husband Sean at number 10 .

Anna, How can people help sponsor Autism’s Got Talent?

We are in our 13th year of Autism’s got Talent and it’s the highlight of our charity year! 

Our small charity with devoted volunteers relies on support from the community, companies and the public. To find out more about sponsoring Autism’s got Talent please contact Steven Smith our Charity Patron or my PA Lisa.robins@annakennedyonline.com

Part Sponsorship is £500 where you receive 2 VIP tickets, your logo appears on our red-carpet brand board, programme, and shared across my social media made up of over a 100k followers.

A show not to be missed on October 12th at Mermaid Theatre Blackfriars. Door opens at 6pm and show starts at 7pm.

Dear Anna, 

My son is very talented and was diagnosed with a Autism several years ago.  He is 14 and wants to go to theatre school.  

My worry is he is deeply sensitive and has a lot of issues. Is it really wise to guide him into a world that may hurt him? 

Dorothy, Southend. 

Hello Dorothy,

Thank you for your message about your talented son. There are many amazing performing arts schools across the country. Only yesterday I attended such a fantastic show in Leighton Buzzard. So many wonderful performances and happy families. 

A good idea if you’re on social media is to share a post asking for recommendations of performing arts schools in your area. Facebook can be a useful place for recommendations by other parents.

Dear Anna, 

I am convinced my son is being bullied at school. He is autistic but goes to a mainstream school. 

He has become more introverted and does not want to do other school activities. He says I should not talk to the school 

David, Brighton. 

Hello David,

Sorry to hear about your son being bullied as I know this is both stressful for your son and the family. Yes, do speak to the school It is best to nip it in the bud asap for your son’s own wellbeing. Speak to his teacher or the headteacher. Schools take bullying extremely seriously. 

Sending you best wishes and hope this is dealt with quickly.

Anna, thank you for everything you do. When is The Autism Hero Awards? 

The Autism Hero Awards will take place in March 2025 at The Holiday Inn Regents Park. You can still nominate your Hero at www.autismheroawards.com . It’s such a wonderful event where 36 finalists travel to London for a 3 course meal. There is dance and entertainment from a few of our Autism’s got Talent performers. Winners are announced on the night.

Anna with Sons Angelo and Patrick .

Please contact Lisa.robins@annakennedyonline.com for any further information.

Anna Kennedy OBE 

Chairperson

Brook House

54 A Cowley Mill Rd

Uxbridge

Middlesex

UB8 2FX

Office : 01895 540187

www.annakennedyonline.com

Registered Charity Number 1143630

Categories
Columns

The silent bliss of being an introvert

Introverts being called shy, under confident and awkward is the biggest understatement of the century.
As an introvert and occasionally an ambivert, I view this differently from what introversion is perceived as in modern times. 
The stigma of introversion. Picture credit: Design You Trust

I had a hard time connecting with people for a majority of my life. It felt like I had to be different versions of myself to feel accepted in social circles. The personality of an introvert can often be misconstrued as “lost in their own little world.”

Which might be true to a certain extent but there’s a lot of good that comes from that. It’s important to acknowledge that people have their own way of dealing with the kind of world we live in and that there’s different types of introverts.

However, the proof is in the pudding if we bother to grab a spoon. Some of the most revolutionary people like Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton, Rosa Parks or even in recent times, actresses Meryl Streep and Glenn Close are known to be introverts who’ve made an extraordinary impact.

Academy award winner, Meryl Streep. Picture credit: SELF Magazine

The term introversion was coined by Carl Jung, who stated that introversion is an attitude towards life where one prefers their own inner world as opposed to an extrovert who thrives on external connections. Introverts have a natural ability to divulge in the concept of “The Self“. Which is the foundation of most religious/spiritual beliefs when it comes to taking the journey of the soul.

I personally resonate with both attitudes when it comes to personalities, but I admire the soft nature of an introvert who finds solace in knowing their core selves.

It’s tough being an introvert because as a species, we need human connection. I felt lost in a fast-paced generation where I had to keep up with social media trends, pressurised myself to be entertaining to those I meet and have long conversations with them.

I do enjoy company, I’m not particularly shy but there was a point in my life where I realised that by masking my introverted nature, I was going in the opposite direction of who I really am.

My fear heightened most at parties, I’d mentally prepare myself with a set of questions that are “socially acceptable.” When I ran out of things to say, I could almost see the grimace on their faces. They would casually say, “I’m going to get another drink, I’ll see you later?”

The entire night after that, I would be so caught up in the things I’ve said and how I should’ve said it. What should’ve been a fun party turned into an absolute nightmare.

What an introvert feels like when they try to be extroverted. Picture credit: Kahhuipheh

It’s easy to say, “Don’t take yourself so seriously, just have fun.” when socialising at a party isn’t necessarily my idea of fun. I still have to do it, to feel normal in a world that just seems to get it? I didn’t ask to be this way, it’s just how my mind works.

How are they doing it, I used to wonder. How do they construct sentences that make another person smile or laugh? How did they manage to establish a friendship or a relationship with just one conversation? How are they exchanging energies so seamlessly?

Energy…that’s what it was. It hit me like a truck when I realised I’ve tampered with the gentle energy within me inauthentically, only to feel accepted externally. I was draining myself.

A beautiful realisation kicked in when I took the journey of isolation and transformation to discover who I really am. 

The realisation was that after therapy, spiritual healing and connecting with nature, I had to learn to accept all sides of me first. The more I learned to love myself, the more I understood that it’s never about how others perceive me. It’s about how I perceive myself. 

Picture credit: Tara McEvoy

I celebrate my introverted side as a part of me that provids a lot of safety. I’m aware that it’s not the same for all introverts but this is my 2Shades perspective on how I see the beauty of gaining wisdom, clarity and liberation from my inner world. 

What it did for me is that the unconditional loving energy I was developing within me, allowed me to face the outside world with courage. I no longer judged myself for the “wrong” things I’ve said or done, because I possess a safe place within me to come home to, have a laugh, let go and move on. 

Being an introvert doesn’t always mean living in fear and having lack of presence in the world. There’s an abundance of creativity and knowledge within our soul that introverts just care to explore more of. Translating that may not be easy, but there’s different means of communication and assertiveness that just takes an empathic set of eyes to see/feel.

Inner peace is the key to everything. Picture credit: Dribble

Eventually, I put a price on my energy because of my investment towards it and learned how to be social when I needed to be and in solitude, I recharge myself. The best part is the communication I have with myself to respect my own boundaries while simultaneously communicating that to loved ones so they’re aware of my mannerisms.

So I could be called an “ambivert” now if I have to label it, but all I’m really doing is living harmoniously in my inner world and choosing the kind of outer world I want to engage in.

Categories
People

Trolls,Trauma & Straight men

Steven Smith
Steven Smith talks about trolls, the real affect they have on their victims and how trauma can affect us as LGBTQ people.
I started thinking about how, as a community, we could be kinder to each other. There are so many LGBT people (not all) that do not love themselves and that for sure can be unkind to other gay people.

You know what they say “what you don’t like in yourself” and all that. So why is this?  Maybe it’s something to do with how we are treated by the rest of the world. As Ru Paul says, ‘If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?’

Why was I thinking about this? Well, my year started on a sour note. It was not because all my usual New Year’s chums had gone to more exciting destinations and the thought of spending a fortune in town did not appeal to me.

RuPaul Charles

No, in fact, I had come to terms that it was going to be just me on my own on the balcony at midnight, enjoying a glass of bubbly as the bells chimed. I actually enjoyed it.

The reason was, that I had broken my rule on the last day of the year by accepting a Facebook friendship request without first cross-checking who they knew.

He looked nice and was proud to be a ‘Nice… boy’, and as many of my friends had a similar religious background, I accepted in good faith.

Around 12.45am, once the calls had stopped coming in from family and friends, I received a panicked message on Messenger; ‘Look at your Facebook page’. To my horror, below my profile picture was a comment from the new Facebook friend stating, ‘You dirty f…. gay you make sick to my stomach, hope you die.’

Then, under all the comments from my well-wishers at New Year, he had posted more horrendous messages. Many of my friends had noticed and offered their sympathy and outrage. Oh, and this new Facebook friend had also “poked” me into the bargain.

Obviously, I got the vile post removed asap and blocked the offender. An hour later, determined not to be a victim, I decided to report him. The culprit profile was gone. My first thought was how sad he must be to have kicked off the New Year with an attack on another human being – it sure was not going to affect me. Who would go to such bother as to set up a fake profile in order to post abuse?

There was a passing moment where I thought that perhaps someone who I had fallen out with had done this.

You know what they say, ‘sticks and stones will break your bones, but names will never hurt me’. There has never been a stupider saying; a scar can heal, but often the abuse of name-calling will last forever – just ask all the many people living with mental health issues.

Many of my friends have been abused by trolls and, despite publicly handling it well, there’s often another story behind closed doors. Being so open about my life, it was bound to happen to me at some point. So, to bed I went, determined to have a great 2019.

Yet later that day, it hit me and brought back thoughts of past bullying which kind of reignited some of the trauma from my childhood that had been pushed to the back of my mind, so I perhaps was not as tough as I thought.

Let’s face it – we sometimes look in the mirror and the reflection of the child you once were looks back at you. Often scared, wondering how this man or woman’s body we inhabit came to be, since inside you still feel the same as you did at school, only this thing called maturity has aged us. But we shake ourselves down, notice the lines and the sagging, and then remember we have responsibilities as adults and quickly come back down to earth.

The truth is, we never go far from the playground in life. There are often bullies at work, clique groups that you do not fit into, the pressure to perform well, and let us not forget, to ‘FIT IN’. For many people, the trauma from childhood can echo into their adult years. Nowhere is this more truthful than in the gay community. For everyone who has a positive coming out story, there is an avalanche of horror stories of gay people feeling full of guilt and depression about their lives after being rejected by their families and friends.

As we grow older, most of us who are LGBTQ learn coping mechanisms to deal with trauma and negativity, to become what appears to be grounded and amazing adults. There are exceptions, but who actually made us feel good about our sexuality to begin with?

Last year on Dr Pam’s radio show, I said that it would be great to get education to a stage where parents of LGBTQ kids were more worried who their teenagers were dating – ‘Is it someone nice?’, ‘Are they getting home safely?’, and most importantly, ‘Are they happy?’ – rather than ‘Where did it all go wrong?’

This is one of the main reasons that I signed up to the charity Diversity Role Models, an exciting organisation which goes into schools to talk and educate about LGBTQ. I wanted to share the story of my childhood and life with kids.

For those that don’t have coping strategies the reality can be quite daunting, with gay and bisexual men being four times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual men. 

According to university research homophobia and negative views surrounding the lifestyles of gay and bisexual men is cited as one of the main contributing factors to the higher suicide attempt rate amongst the LGBTQIA+ community.

For young people, the gay scene can be far from a warm and safe environment to help with their self-esteem. Back in my day, the chicken hawks surrounded me, most with only one intention. I was a lucky one and some kind souls helped me. Plus, I quickly became streetwise after having learned to be self-sufficient at an early age.

Today the gay dating scene is moving more and more towards mobile apps. At a recent event to talk about chem-sex held by the dynamic Dave Stewart, the manager at the Dean Street Clinic, he explained that chem-sex is on the rise.

It was said that a young gay man arriving in London who subscribes to an app such as Grindr can expect that, by the third message he receives, there will be an invitation to a chem-sex party. Of course, these parties are also held in the heterosexual community, but they are having a more devastating effect on the gay community, with many deaths reported from these parties, not to mention rises in addiction, psychosis, and STDs.

Do gay men use drugs to cover up the guilt and shame that they are made to feel over their sexuality? Surely being in love and cherishing yourself and another person would be more empowering and self-gratifying?

Hello again!

I always believe that as long as it does not harm anyone or yourself, go for it. The rise of crystal meth and other so-called party drugs is not doing anyone any good. If you look across the pond to places like Fort Lauderdale in South Florida, the gay scene there has been ravaged by crystal meth – cases of meth addiction have doubled and deaths from the drug have risen by 80 per cent since 2014.

According to Dr David Fawcett, a Fort Lauderdale psychotherapist, most gay men using the drug did so in the hope of connecting better with other gay men, having been stigmatised and often shamed in their search for intimacy and safe relationships. Instead, they found the opposite from the drug. It is therefore far from a harmless pastime.

In 2019, let’s spend more time promoting loving yourself among the gay community.

From my years on the planet, I have found that some of the biggest homophobes can be gay men. It’s a fear of who they are, or who they really are. My experience is that men who are truly heterosexual have no problem with gay men; it’s the ones who have hidden away their true identity that have issues.

How many times have I wanted to scream when a gay man tells me “I only sleep with straight men”. Not only should they have a label attached to them, reading ‘DOES NOT PLAY WELL WITH OTHER GAY PEOPLE’, but they should also wear a T-shirt saying ‘DELUDED’.

Having eclectic friends, I tend not to go around with just groups of gay men. However, a few years ago while sitting in Soho House with five gay men, one boasted that he had sex with a straight Algerian taxi driver.

Another spoke about how he nearly got the boy in his theatre show, who is straight, into bed. I stood up and told them ‘If their cock is half way down your throat, they are not straight,’ and then left.

Yes, there are plenty of straight men that I fancy, Colin Farrell and Tom Hardy to name two, but I keep it real and have never entered a friendship with a straight man hoping to get his trousers off. I have more dignity than that. Keep it as fantasy in your head, like being Superman (or Supergirl, writes our editor).

Equally I have been in friendships with men who identify as straight that I thought saw me as just a guy and my sexuality did not matter but, on occasion, have been let down.

One friend messaged me to say they had booked a room for us at a hotel at an event we were attending adding “Mind you…separate beds”. First, I had never once showed interest in him sexually…nor would I. Luckily maturity made me brush it off though I did think “Fucking hell…as if!” But it all adds up to being made feel less about yourself.

Let’s not even talk about the line some gay men use – ‘straight looking’ – which points to a dislike of yourself as gay man.

Back in the early 80s, I was on Christopher Street in New York walking down to the Monster Bar. A gay pal gave me some advice; “You get in trouble, see those drag queens over there, scream “help” they will come running. Don’t bother with the clones and muscle Marys – they will go screaming back into the bar.”

Luckily for me the situation never arrived, but it just goes to show that the drag queens had to be more streetwise to be themselves and suffered more often in life, so for them, it was sink or swim, and those broads were as hard as nails, and as kind as could be too.

So, let’s just start by being kind and looking out for one another. Of course, just as in any community, we can’t all be best pals, but we can try and make a difference by being happy to be our true selves. Have a great 2019!

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