If there is one thing that gets my back up, it’s when a gay man tells me, “I only sleep with straight men.” It’s such an oxymoron. It screams of homophobia. That being said, some of the most homophobic people I have met have, in some cases, been other gay men.
I have written a whole feature on the topic. The fantasy itself is great on paper—why not? Everyone has fantasies, and most sexual fantasies are harmless. In a safe relationship, when discussed, they can even add some sizzle to your love. life. https://2shadesmagazine.com/2024/06/18/trolls-trauma-straight-men/
Andy Warhol once said, “People’s fantasies are what give them problems. If you didn’t have fantasies, you wouldn’t have problems because you’d just take whatever was there.”
My big go-to has to be actor Colin Farrell. Even though he is straight, he regularly pops into my mind. Knowing someone identifies as straight means I personally would not try to date them, preferring instead for someone to reach out to me. We have some very sexy out actors such as Jonathan Bailey and Andrew Scott. Not so long ago, being an out actor was the kiss of death for a career, but Bailey and Scott have shattered that notion and become box office dynamite. Having met Scott at the gym, I can also say he is lovely.
Colin Farrell
With supply and demand, adult actor and entrepreneur Andy Lee has found a niche in the market, creating adult content that is arguably aimed at the gay market. He and most of his team of working men would identify as heterosexual. Andy is making a mint with his OnlyFans page, and without a doubt, with his cheeky grin and self-confidence, he is becoming the most recognizable face in UK adult porn.
He is not without his critics—the hate mail comes fast, along with accusations that he is taking advantage of gay men. Personally, I have nothing but admiration for Andy and hope his haters watch him travel the world in style and drive fancy cars. The clever part is that he is simply supplying what people want—he’s not holding a gun to anyone’s head.
This is a man who came from nothing, losing his mother at age 12, but climbed his way to the top. His new book, Smelly Kid, is well worth a read. His film, Only Andy, available on Amazon, was a hit. Don’t be afraid to watch it—it’s an interesting and well-crafted look at OnlyFans and a man you will likely end up liking. My prediction? Lee will take a few acting lessons and eventually transition into mainstream films.
Steven Smith meets Andy for six of the best.
1. How tough was it growing up in a terraced home in Dublin? Do you think it gave you the strength to succeed?
My childhood wasn’t easy. My father abandoned me, leaving me to be brought up by my single mother, who tragically died when I was just 12 years old, leaving me orphaned. By 15, I was living rough on the streets, just struggling to survive. What that taught me was that everything you have can be taken away from you, just like that! You asked if it gave me the strength to succeed? Damn right, it did. Having spent most of my childhood without enough to eat, I am determined never to be in that place again.
2. You’re a skilled plumber—when did you decide to transition into the adult movie business?
Well, the reality is I did adult movie work before I was a plumber. However, it was just a casual affair—doing random shoots for different porn websites whenever I needed some extra cash. I didn’t decide to transition from plumbing to porn. My homophobic boss found out about my old work on gay websites and fired me. This was just at the beginning of lockdown. With no other obvious means to earn a living, I started OnlyFans. It wasn’t something I planned to do, but boy, am I glad I did!
3. Many struggle to make it in the industry, but you’ve turned it into a major success, inspiring others to follow. What advice would you give to those thinking about swapping their tools for the adult film industry?
The main advice I’d give anyone considering a career in adult movies is to seriously consider whether they could cope if their content got leaked—meaning all of their family and every potential employer could see it. People really need to realize that once something is put online, it’s nearly impossible to take it back.
4. The adult movie business is notorious for its impact on mental health. How do you protect your well-being and plan for the future?
Amazingly, my mental health is better now that I’m a full-time adult content creator than it’s ever been in any of my previous employment. The secret is to fully own what you do—don’t be ashamed of it. That way, it’s impossible for others to shame you. Also, I treat this like a proper business. That means I can go to work, give it my all, and then go home and switch off. I separate my work life from my regular life.
5. You’ve traveled extensively—what’s your favorite place?
I absolutely loved Japan. Everything was so efficient, and the food was amazing. I think I had my best-ever meal in Japan: a katsu curry, cooked to crispy perfection.
6. When you look at someone, what do you find sexiest?
Easy. I love a well-rounded rear!
Quick Fire Round
What advice would you give your 16-year-old self?
Hang on in there, kid—you will get through this, and it will be okay. Don’t listen to those who tell you you are nothing because you are amazing!
Favorite food?
Hot & spicy curry!
The most romantic place for a date?
Confession, I’m not hugely romantic. My perfect date would be a movie followed by a cheeky Nando’s.
FROM THE GRIM REALITIES OF A POVERTY-STRICKEN CHILDHOOD in Dublin’s inner city to an unexpected rise to fame, Smelly Kid is the raw and gripping memoir of Andy Lee. Abandoned by his father, orphaned by twelve, and left to navigate a world that seemed determined to cast him aside, Andy’s early years were a relentless struggle for survival. Homeless and hungry, he battled against the odds, finding solace in the rare kindness of strangers and the rebellious spirit that refused to let him sink.
But Andy’s story is not just one of hardship – it’s a tale of resilience, transformation, and unexpected success. With humour and unflinching honesty, he takes readers on a journey from the streets of Dublin to the bright lights of the adult entertainment industry, proving that no matter where you come from, you can carve out your own destiny.
GRITTY, HEARTBREAKING, AND ULTIMATELY INSPIRING, SMELLY KID IS A STORY YOU WON’T FORGET.
Happy New Year! Let’s hope 2025 is a great year for us all. I’m busy with my team, as always. Among the many things we have lined up is The Autism Hero Awards, being held at the Holiday Inn, Regent’s Park, London on the 15th of March. You can find information on how to get tickets and sponsorship details at the bottom of this column.
As always, we also have the amazing Autism’s Got Talent later this year—audition tapes are welcome now!
In other news, our autism ambassador, Kieron Lee, is launching a neurodiverse musical education platform as his final major project for his BA (Hons) degree in Popular Music.
We’re also thrilled to announce that our patron, Steven Smith, along with the incredible Annemarie Bickerton, will be hosting the first-ever Autism Art Show, featuring artists on the autism spectrum and supporters of the charity. Money raised will go directly to the charity. This event will be held at the sensational gallery, The Fire Pit (https://www.firepit.art), from May 22 to May 25, 2025.
Dr Anna Kennedy OBE with one of her patrons Steven Smith ,
Please keep your questions coming into 2Shades magazine. I’ve been thrilled to join such a diverse and exciting publication!
Dear Anna, Trust you’re well. My family loves your column. We were wondering: What do you think are the most common myths about people living with autism?
Dawn, Essex.
Thank you, Dawn, for your kind comments. Sadly, there are still a lot of autism myths out there.
Here is five common ones
5 Myths and Facts About Autism
Myth 1: Autism is caused by vaccines.
Fact: There is no scientific evidence linking vaccines to autism. Numerous studies have thoroughly debunked this myth. Autism is believed to be influenced by a combination of genetic and environmental factors, but vaccines are not one of them.
Myth 2: People with autism lack empathy.
Fact: Many individuals with autism experience empathy deeply, but they may express it differently. Some may have difficulty recognizing social cues, but this does not mean they lack feelings or care for others.
Myth 3: Autism only affects children.
Fact: Autism is a lifelong condition. While symptoms might present differently as people age, autistic adults continue to experience challenges and strengths associated with autism throughout their lives.
Myth 4: Everyone with autism has the same abilities and challenges.
Fact: Autism is a spectrum, meaning it affects individuals differently. Some may have significant support needs, while others may live independently and excel in various fields. No two autistic people are alike.
Myth 5: Autism can be cured.
Fact: Autism is not a disease and does not need to be “cured.” The focus is on acceptance, support, and enabling autistic individuals to thrive by embracing their unique perspectives and abilities.
Would you like to dive deeper into any of these points?
Dear Anna, My daughter is being labelled disruptive at school. She’s been diagnosed with autism and severe learning difficulties. Despite discussing this with the headteacher, she’s suggested that Mary, my daughter, not return this term and instead find a school more suited to her needs. Anna, I feel lost—what can I do, or who can I turn to for help?
Diana, Essex
Dear Diana, I feel your frustration.
Please do contact our charity website using our contact form at http://www.annakennedyonline.com. We can discuss the possible way forward. In the meantime, do some research on schools that may meet your daughter’s needs within an hour’s drive of where you live.
You will then be in a more informed position on what is available in your area. You could visit a few schools to get a feel for the services and resources they offer.
Dear Anna, How does someone become part of Autism’s Got Talent? My son is super talented at playing guitar. He’s a little shy and unsure about auditioning. He’s also worried about encountering a harsh judge.
David, Edinburgh
Hello David, Autism’s Got Talent is now in its 14th year and one of the highlights of our charity year.
This is a showcase of talented individuals performing at The Mermaid Theatre, London. Autism’s Got Talent is not a competition.
Please do watch our highlight videos on our charity YouTube channel.
You could also come along to the show in October to experience the magic. Share the experience with the audience made up of parents, friends of the performers, and members of the public who are regular supporters. Feel the magic and be inspired. Then send a tape in of your son performing . love Anna
Autism’s Got Talent.
Dear Anna, My son is 19 and wants to start dating. He’s a lovely young man but has a stammer and lives with autism. I’m worried about how he’ll handle rejection. Is there a webpage or group where he can meet like-minded people?
Brenda, Norwich
Hello Brenda, There are many dating sites now for autistic individuals.
A popular Netflix docuseries, Love on the Spectrum, showcases autistic individuals navigating the world of dating. One of our charity’s overseas ambassadors is featured in series one and two.
In this romantic docuseries, people on the autism spectrum look for love and navigate the world of dating and relationships. https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/81338328
Good luck!
Dear Anna, I love your dancing! I’m 17 and want to learn to dance seriously. Living with autism has always made it feel challenging, but I’d like to get more involved. How did you learn?
Love, Melanie, Brighton
Hello Melanie, Dance is a great way to stay fit and boost your mood and well-being. I started tap dancing at age 6 and fell in love with dance then. It definitely keeps you feeling young.
Join a local dance class and discover which dance style suits you best. There are also many dance classes online if this makes you feel more comfortable at first, then gradually progress to a dance studio.
Good luck and enjoy!
Anna Kennedy with her former Dance Partner Robin Windsor
Happy Holidays. Can you help me? I have been seeing my boyfriend for a year now and we are in love. However, I have not introduced him to my family yet. One, he is very domineering (I like that) and never holds back on his opinions. Two, he is covered in tattoos, hates dressing up and he is a drummer in rock band part time. My mum is super conservative and just about down with me being gay. She actually says that no one with tattoos are welcome in her home. Mum rang the house, and he picked up and she invited him for Christmas!
HELP please!!
Mike, Kingston.
Oh bless Mike, talk about being put between a rock and hard place. First of all, you should have dealt with this months ago if you care for boyfriend and mum. You say mum is just about ok with you being gay. Well, it sounds to me like she is making the right moves inviting your partner for Christmas.
If your partner loves you, it is time to sit down and tell him the issues about your mum. You say you like the fact he is dominant and opinionated. There is a difference between that and a narcissist. You let him be himself 364 days a year, but maybe he could think about you for one day, not be a different person but just tone it down a little. If he really cares about you and is not a narcissist he will understand. Until mum gets to know him, box clever and make this day about realising that you need some TLC in this area. Trust me, if he really cares he will work with you. If he can’t, I’ll tell you something he is not dominant, he is just not caring.
Next time you chat to mum, maybe give her a little pre-warning he might not be joining the conservative club any day soon. Just do some groundwork preparation before the big day. Remember: life is short and you need to be happy. Mike, those that say they love you should want the best for you, sometimes that means compromise.
Happy Christmas my love, write and let me know how It goes.
Dear Heidi,
I like to party, but it is high days and low with me. Sheryl my fiancé loves it 24/7 but I am fine with that as she can go out with her gang, and I am not jealous or worried. We are having friends over for Christmas Day and we were going over the menu when she announced, “I’ll get a few grams in for after”. Honestly, I have had enough. The only White Christmas I want is on the ground. What do I say?
Lisa, Chiswick.
Oh no Lisa, oh I have seen this so many times. The marching powder is no-one’s friend. Yes, there seems to be a honeymoon period for many who think it makes them invisible but like any false high, in the end there is always a price to pay. It destroys jobs, relationships and friendships, not mention it robs your bank account. Once it gets its claws into you, for many there is no escape. Yes, there are those who partake on high and low days, who seem in control like yourself. But Sheryl sounds like she might be heading for a fall. You need to simply say no! That’s not the Christmas you want. Make your views clear and it might give her a shock, or maybe she’s already hooked and this is the bit she is looking forward to on Christmas day. Then she may need help, but time to realise it’s a slippery slope, and you being an enabler won’t end well .
Hello Heidi,
How are you, love the column. Now there is no excuse, but I kissed my best friend’s husband on a drunken outing when my bestie was away. It has been over six months I have not seen him or mentioned it to my friend. We are all spending Christmas together this year. I have not seen my friend’s husband since. It is going to be super awkward. What should I do? Maybe call him and chat about what happened?
Dylan, Brighton.
Sweetie, if it was just a kiss get over it. People are human and drink is horrible when it comes to making a fool of ourselves. Unless you’re not telling Heidi the whole story, move on and put it behind you. Or if the kiss meant more to you than you’re saying, maybe have word with yourself. He has not been in contact with you since the drunken kiss so perhaps he does not remember it. Take Heidi’s advice: do not do party postmortems and stop making a mountain out of a mole hill. Enjoy your Christmas xxx
Happy Holidays, Heidi
Dear Heidi,
My partner Alisha is just gorgeous and we’ve been together for six months. She came out as lesbian late in life, having been married for twenty years. She has two teenage kids and they are coming for Christmas. Heidi I am terrified. I do not do kids and how do I act? They are very important to Alisha.
Love Diana.
Hi Diana, it is not a couple of hyenas coming for Christmas, it is two teenagers (perhaps more terrifying at times). No Diana, can I tell you how to handle it? Be yourself, treat them with respect and take an interest in them, listen and you will be surprised. Please have some basic structure of your expectations to staying in your home as you would with anyone coming to stay. But do not come over like a prison guard. Just try and have fun; they will be as worried as you!
Steven Smith looks at the affect addiction has on us all, how it can be so prolific among the LGBTQ And celebrity community, the often-misguided views people have about those living with addiction, and of course shares his own tale.
November 26th, 2010, the phone rang with news I had been expecting—my lifelong friend Lester Middlehurst, the witty, Machiavellian, and brilliant journalist was dead at 55. He had been in coma for days after a suspected suicide attempt.
I know how I was supposed to feel to the world. But putting down the phone, there was complete numbness followed by anger, and then an overwhelming relief that the man who had formerly been my friend, but had in later years become my tormenter was no longer. No more waking to drunken abusive messages, or being the brunt of his jokes or outburst at parties, and I’d no longer have to apologise to other people for his behaviour towards them.
Lester in his prime
Lester Middlehurst was one of the first openly gay staff members at The Daily Mail. He was legendary. At the coroner’s inquest it turned out he had not killed himself, rather his death certificate said that he died of a hypoxic brain damage attack. Everyone agreed it was his addictive lifestyle that killed him.
Sadness
Lester was one the most addicted people that I have ever met, and he was my friend and I loved him. A month later I must have spent a day crying over him. The sadness was really that he never got help for his addiction, and you could say that my lack of knowledge of it prevented me from helping him…but that would be romanticising a terrible situation.
Back in 2009 I got him to agree to attend the Meadows Clinic in Arizona, but the next day he told me not to be so stupid. In truth, I did not feel strong enough to stand up to him. As my knowledge about addiction has grown, I have become more aware that there was nothing I could have done unless Lester had wanted to do anything about it.
According to the Centre of Addiction, members of the LGBTQ community are at greater risk of substance use and mental health issues compared to those identifying as heterosexual.
Members of the LGBTQ community face chronically high levels of stress, often due to having to suffer from social prejudice and discrimination. Fear, isolation, and depression increase the chances of self-medicating with alcohol and drugs. As a man that has lived a life in big cities, I have witnessed addiction in all classes and types of people. Addiction is a mistress that does not care who she dances with, yet the LGBTQ community are often her favourite partners.
As the self-confessed addict, actor Russell Brand explains that the distinction of any compulsive or addictive behaviour is when it begins to negatively impact on the rest of your life.
Compulsive
So, you might love chocolate so much that you’ll ignore all logical reasoning, “I have to have chocolate…I have to have chocolate…I don’t care what else happens”. If you’re crashing your car because of chocolate, that’s a problem.
According to Wikipedia, addiction is a brain disorder characterised by compulsive engagement in a rewarding stimulation despite adverse consequences.
Of course, addiction is certainly an illness and not a lifestyle choice, and if we are honest, addiction is in all of us in some way or another.
For me, I just can’t not buy a large French baguette, cut a few slices off, and put it back for later. I end up devouring the whole thing. Subsequently, I do not buy French baguettes unless I am feeling poorly. Whether it’s chocolate, coffee, or your favourite tipple, we all have cravings.
Russell Brand
Much as Russell Brand is right, there are so-called functioning addicts who you would not even realise are hooked on their drug of choice, and it can take many years for the effects to begin to show. Often referred to as “high functioning addicts” owing to their having powerful jobs or enough money to effectively hide their addiction from others. This knocks on the head the commonly presented image of an addict being down-and-out or living on the streets. According to the American Psychiatric Association, there is no such thing…they are all just addicts who have created coping mechanisms.
My father, God rest his soul, came home after holding down a high-powered job and drank whisky every day of his life, yet he would be horrified at the idea of being described as an addict. But when he left hospital after lung cancer removal surgery, he sat down and demanded, “Get me a whisky and a cigarette.” On the suggestion that was not a good idea and that he would end up back in hospital, he snapped “Are you threatening me?”
Growing up, I was told that an addict was someone who got up and drank first thing. Drinking after coming home from work and weekends was seen as normal for many in the 60s and through to the 90s. All of our soaps were featured around a pub, making alcohol look like a socially acceptable way of life.
I had a volatile relationship with my dad, but his fight with cancer gave me a better understanding of the nature of his addiction and where it had come from. He had been a talented jazz trumpeter and played with the BBC orchestra, but his nerves had come to the forefront and he started to self-medicate by having a few whiskies before his shows. Eventually, he gave up and started a family, but the drinking did not stop.
Charismatic
My father adored my best pal who also fights addiction, and is a truly remarkable human being who I was fortunate to love, and my dad did not like many people. The two were like two peas in a pod and talked for ages.
Spending time with my dad before he died made me wonder whether, if he had managed to overcome obvious anxiety and continued playing, perhaps he would have been happier. Of course, back then mental health was seen by many as a weakness and not to be spoken about.
My world has been filled with people who are addicts in one form or another. They are the most charismatic and amazing people and the arts are full of them. In my opinion, they all have one thing in common—they can snap and become almost frightening at the drop of a hat, and then suddenly they are wonderful and make you feel like you mean the world when they are OK. Sadly, during my childhood there was more of the former with my dad. Though I knew in the end that he loved me.
There are so many people living with addiction, anxiety, and mental health issues who are in denial. Even with all the help groups and open discussions there seems to be a quite a bit of stigma attached to it still.
Dr Pam Spurr, a popular self-help expert and radio television personality, says she often encounters people who are in denial about their issues that are the source of their addiction problems. They say things like “I just have a little problem with confidence” which ignores the fact that they drink excessively to help make them feel more confident. Or they say, “I only drink after work to take the edge off.” But when they count up the units, they are far in excess of government guidelines. It’s at times like these that I encourage them to think honestly about their drinking (or drug taking) and consider expert advice.
Many addicts get clean either by joining the 12-step programme, by checking into rehab, or by seeking counselling. The journey of recovery can be different and what works for one person might not work for another person. It is important to point out that as much as the newspapers show pictures of celebrities dashing off to glamorous-looking rehabs, getting into a state-run rehab in the UK can be very difficult for mere mortals.
While helping a friend who was using OxyContin (a pain killer) and had got into a mess from ordering online and then become addicted, the general health services did not want to know. Even going through other channels, she was advised that her chances of getting into rehab were slim, although she did come away from it with a strong network of friends around her.
A beautiful girlfriend of mine found her sobriety in a man as her anchor who was also living with addiction. They have both been clean for seven years now.
Living in LA, the 12 steppers (12 step programme) were like the mafia, and rumour had it that all the best movie deals were done at their meetings and also that many there did not have addiction issues and instead just wanted to pitch ideas.
There is no doubt that the 12-step programme helps many, and even if the meetings can become the new addiction it’s a healthy one.
I agree with Doctor Pam that it is amazing how much of a lack of understanding there is about addiction.
Cake
My gorgeous bubbly friend Monica is originally from California. She is a super bright academic having gone to Yale, lectured all over the world, and she also ran a school for a while.
Yet three years ago she decided to open an up-market catering company as her award-winning chef sister is a goddess in the business. People actually beg for invites to try her canapés.
Lunch with Monica is always fun—it starts off with “Darling shall we share a cake after?” Despite being gorgeous, she is always on some kind of diet. Her little addiction would be cake.
Like one or two other intellectuals I have met with qualifications coming out of every orifice, their life skills sometimes leave me speechless. Despite having a gay brother, she once commented on a photo shoot involving five men I had directed “Is the man with his foot up against the wall a sign he is gay?” I replied “No darling, there are no secret signs; it’s a James Dean inspired clothing shoot.” She just smiled and continued eating.
Today, however, she was on the warpath. She was catering for a big party we had worked on together to get celebrities at. One of the celebs had behaved inappropriately to some of the other guests and to a couple of waitresses.
She was not amused when I laughed, “Well darling, at least he did not get his cock out and try and pee in the champagne fountain like at my other friend’s launch. How that did not end up in the papers is beyond me.” I got the school ma’am look.
He was living with addiction – not surprising considering his childhood trauma and the abuse he lived with. He really should not have been drinking. I am not excusing him, but it’s not the end of the world that I did not invite him to the next few. I said that I’d have a word. Her eyes got wider, and she seemed shocked that I had empathy with the celebrity at all. She wanted him banned for life.
Taboo
As much as I have some reservations about the 12-step programme, saying you’re sorry to those you may have hurt is not easy to do, but it sometimes isn’t enough. I started talking about addiction, and a few minutes in it was clear that it was going nowhere, even though I was sharing this with someone highly intelligent.
Addiction remains a taboo subject. There are so many people in denial and as much as the newspapers are full of celebrity headlines about them being addicted, most of us don’t want to talk about it or feel labelled by it.
A year ago my phone rang—it was a friend who had come out of family day at a rehab centre that her daughter was attending. She was fuming that they suggested that it may run in the family, “They had better not be blaming this on me. I have no addiction.” She was not amused when I laughed “It’s not about you and I will remind you of that next time you refuse to come home from the bar or spend two weeks obsessing about something.”
Outside those who are counsellors, therapists, and those who talk openly about their addiction and some of their loved ones, I have found very few people who understand those living with addiction.
A very wise woman, author, presenter, and journalist, Jane Moore was one person who seemed to understand it. Lester and Jane were great friends and the two together were hysterical. Yet Lester had gone on a tirade about her and I was mortified since she was a true loyal friend to him, and he was starting to run out of friends due to his behaviour.
Lester Middlehurst and Jane Moore
While ringing her and offering full apologies asking her not to fall out with him, she calmly said, “I could never be offended by Lester. He is hurting too much, but he’s lucky to have a friend in you.”
At the time I just thought, but I wish if I had taken those words more to heart I might not have taken his behaviour personally and got as hurt as I did in the end. It helped later in life as I saw the pain addiction brings too.
The LGBTQ community have learnt to talk more as we have needed to be heard to survive. Most surveys say that a larger proportion of those identifying drug and alcohol use as a coping mechanism are LGBTQ, but I beg to differ.
I have sat in many restaurants and bars in London watching the city boys and their entourage go back and forth to the toilets, passing each other along the way. I am pretty sure they are not the kind found in the survey.
Addiction is a worldwide human crisis according to the World Drug Report. Unless we start talking about it, spotting the signs at an early age, and treating it as an illness, many will die with all the new and powerful drugs flooding the market. Whole towns have been wiped out in the US due to drug addiction.
Chemsex is the consumption of drugs to facilitate sexual activity. Both terms refer to a subculture of recreational drug users who engage in high-risk sexual activities under the influence of drugs within groups. Chemsex parties are said to be prolific on the London gay scene, but that is a different story. Not wanting to be righteous, I have no experience of it or want to engage in it. Recent reports in the gay press say chemsex parties are held across UK, but there is a correlation between addiction and sex shame.
The perfect storm
Sadly no longer with us David Stewart of 56 Dean Street, an award-winning HIV and sexual health clinic in the heart of London, explains that this trend is driven by a convergence of factors: “Vulnerable gay men with issues around sex, new drugs that tapped into that problem and changing technology. What they call the perfect storm.”
There was enough of a problem for the government to lay out guidelines in 2017.
Actress Danielle Westbrook, who I have interviewed many a time, put it simply to me, “Look Steve, you get ten people at a party and they all try coke for the first time. Four never try it again, four have it once in a blue moon, and two poor things are addicted six months later.”
The answer would be to never take the risk, but human nature is never that simple.
My friend Lester will never come back but it led me to have so much more of an understanding of addiction and how to protect myself around addiction. Many of the world’s beautiful people are soldiers fighting addiction every day of their lives.
Why I am with Esther Rantzen when it comes to euthanasia being allowed in the UK
Inspirational Esther Rantzen and the incredible Martin Annand
News of the controversial suicide pod being used for the first time in Switzerland really caught my attention. The device allows the person in it to take their own life by pressing a button. The concern, even in Switzerland where euthanasia is legal, is that the pod functions without medical assistance.
It also triggered a memory of when I was asked to take a friend to Switzerland, and I nearly did…
It was a beautiful sunny day and my former partner, of twenty years and friend for twenty more Martin Annand and I were sitting in the leafy London Garden opposite where he lived.
He squeezed my hand and said,
“Steven, please take me to Switzerland, let’s arrange it today.”
The wonderful Martin Annand RIP 20th Of February 1944 – 9th of August 2021
We had been up most of the night. Martin had been in agony; he was terminally ill with cancer that had moved into the spine. He had sailed through hormone treatment and apart from the odd hiccup, chemotherapy had been giving us hope that a miracle would happen or at least extended his life, but we had had some bad news, and the chemotherapy had stopped working. He had moved on to radiotherapy and that was a whole new ball game. The illness was turning him quickly into a shell of himself.
Coming soon.
Helping was a battle as his new partner was unreasonable, a bully and often hysterical. I was up against people who were all “experts. A distant relative thought running a ball up and down his spine and getting him to exercise was good, but would not look at the actual fact that it was the worst thing you could do for cancer in the spine.
All through his illness I was absolutely determined to stay stoic and a rock, not the hysterical mess I was in private. Too often I have seen people make their friend or partner’s illness be about them, with the poor soul consoling them. Now his current partner had taken two weeks holiday and reluctantly left me to look after him. It was an ideal time to take Martin to Switzerland.
However, it was hard at this point to hold back the tears.
“Is that what you really want?” I asked him.
He had clearly done his homework and knew the price and exactly where to go. Pulling myself together and looking into his beautiful blue eyes I promised I would if he just gave it one more week. The doctors had said at the Royal Brompton that the night burns were quite a common side effect that should pass.
Holding him in the shower and as he lay shaking in bed, I would have done anything to ease his pain. Assurances that this phase would pass, and that the treatment would allow him more time encouraged us to push on.
To this day I am so sorry that I did not take him whilst he could still get on a plane. The horror that he endured no human being should go through. Why do we let a dog in distress die in dignity, yet our loves ones have to suffer? The religious right will tell you It is not God’s wish. Some God if he wants us to suffer.
“Suffer to come unto me “. Well, I cannot make sense of that. It is time to allow those with no hope of living without excruciating pain to die on their own terms.
By the second week it was too painful for Martin to travel in a taxi let alone fly. Then the current partner arrived back, and all was lost on the idea of euthanasia.
When there really is no hope, it is time to be kind and allow the terminally sick some release. Next time someone I love asks me, I’ll do it on the spot. I truly hope that if I were in that much pain with no chance of recovery that someone would do the same for me.
Me with Martin Annand a man who lived life to its full
If there is one thing that bemuses me it’s being put in a box because of my sexuality.
As a gay man I have heard it all over the years, including the presumption that I must be filled with excitement that Kylie is touring next year. No! I honestly would not cross the road to watch her, and I find “Padam Padam” one of the most irritating songs of all time.
Sure, she has a huge gay following. I remember two gay men jumping with excitement in the changing room of the gym exclaiming, “Oh my God we are seeing Kyle tonight, she’s such a survivor! ” And that was before the breast cancer. I have heard she is a lovely person, but she’s just not my taste in music.
Later at the Troubadour café the waiter enquired if me and my partner were going to see Kylie. After replying definitely not, he smiled and said, “Good to hear it, have a drink on me!”
Sure, I like Madonna; she is a true artist. Now Bowie, Lou Reed, Nina Simon or a night at the Royal Opera are my tastes in music.
What I am excited about is Oasis coming back. Liam Gallagher is brightly funny and a night out with him would be way up on my list rather than the gay Divas of music. Oasis marks an era, and a generation of people want to celebrate the band and re- live that experience for just for one night.
Their music is original, and they are a dying breed of rock star. The Manchester lads may not be the wild boys of the past, but every time Liam pops up on a show, he makes me laugh and he is by far a much better interview than most.
That’s what entertainment is all about. My friend Pam I know not to dare ring during the football or come to that rugby, cricket, darts season, tiddlywinks… If for a moment music, sport or something else can transport you to a happy place or bring a beautiful memory back to life for you, then whatever gives you that enjoyment is your business.
I, of course, respect everyone who can’t get Kylie “out of their head”, but come on, Liam and Noel are really something to get excited about.
Yes, it is that time of year again so please come see me and 2shades columnist Dr Anna Kennedy OBE on 12th October at the Mermaid theatre. Gateways Radio Aston Avery will be one of the main presenters introducing some incredible acts.
This star-studded spectacular show will showcase amazingly talented performances by adults and children with autism. The performers, which consist of singers, actors, musicians, magicians, poets and dance troupes, will fly the flag for autism and show what people with autism are capable of. Autism’s Got Talent provides a platform and fantastic opportunity to replace negative aspects with hope, fun, laughter and inclusion. This showcase is unique to any other project across the world.
Most of the acts have springboarded into exclusive opportunities. The audience feels a rare emotion of hope and belonging, part of a unique network, and understanding that anything is possible. Every year promises a showcase of a wide variety of performers. In previous years, there has been a stand-up performer, harpist, rapper, young author, acclaimed ballet dancer, opera singer.
Presenting this year Aston Avery Gateway radio host .
The concept of Autism’s Got Talent is based solely on inclusion, and there needs to be more, which is why we have started roadshows. Autism’s Got Talent is an annual event that grows in popularity each year and has firmly cemented its status as a leading charity and autism event.
Dr Anna Kennedy OBE and me .
Supported in the past by celebrities including Kacey Ainsworth, Richard Mylan, Dame Esther Rantzen, Carrie and David Grant, Debbie Moore OBE, the late Ian Royce, Dr Pam Spurr, Mitch Winehouse, Loose Women Star Denise Welch, Caprice, Luke Friend, Tony Discipline (BBC Eastenders), and Emma Noble.
I went to a Catholic school in the Northeast. Little did I know my husband Sean also was at the same school. Primary School were good and bad days for me and I enjoyed some lessons not all. Many of the nuns at the school were too strict and would not get away with caning across your knuckles or hand for talking too much!
If you happen to be late for school, you had to stand under the crucifix for 30 minutes at the end of the day and pray.
We were often also given many lines to write if no one owned up for example: A pupil threw a rubber at the Maths teacher whilst he was writing on the blackboard. I remember we had to write 100 times ‘Rubbers rub they do not fly!’
Dear Anna.
Please, I am at the end of the line with my 14 year old son. He was expelled last year for being disruptive in class. Now the school have written to me and said he cannot come back. James was diagnosed with Autism and attention disorder at 13. What can I do? Is there a right to appeal or should I find a school that is more suited to his needs? James is super bright and was in line to take exams
Many thanks Diana Waterford
Dear Diana,
Thank you for your email. You do have the right to challenge your son’s exclusion, and the school should have informed you of this process when the exclusion occurred. The following government guidance may be helpful, if your son attended a maintained school or an Academy:
If you believe your son was excluded due to a disability-related reason, you can separately make a claim of disability discrimination to the First-tier Tribunal before the school process concludes.
If the Tribunal rules in your favour, it can order actions that put your son in the position he would have been in if the discrimination hadn’t occurred, which could include reinstating him in the school.
Lastly, it’s important to ensure that all your son’s special educational needs are identified and met. If you haven’t done so already, you may want to apply for an Education, Health and Care (EHC) needs assessment.
This is the first step towards securing an EHC Plan (EHCP). The test for starting this assessment is whether your son may need a level of special educational provision that is only available through an EHCP. Given what you have said, this may possibly be the case.
Dear Anna,
Hello love the column. My daughter lives with Autism, and she is a great singer and just so loveable. My ex-husband won’t hear about it and said I am indulging her and encouraging her to be different. I am looking for a school that caters to her needs even its a private school or theatre My parents are happy to. pay. My ex is trying to block it and threatening to take me back to court if I remove her from her present school that I do not feel caters to her needs. What can I do?
All my best Stephany Wimbledon
Dear Stephany,
Thank you for reaching out and for your kind words about the column. I spoke to my husband Sean who supports the charity, and this is his area of expertise. It does sounds like you’re in a difficult situation.
My husband Sean shares:
Sean Kennedy
If your daughter has an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP), section 51 of the Children and Families Act 2014 gives you the right to challenge any part of the EHCP, including the school placement, even though a Tribunal if necessary.
This right cannot be interfered with by other courts. While your ex-husband is entitled to express his views to the Tribunal, he cannot prevent you from exercising this right. However, your daughter’s opinions will also carry weight, particularly depending on her age and if she has capacity.
It is certainly an unfortunate situation. If your ex-husband is threatening to take this matter to the Family Courts and your daughter does not currently have an EHCP, I would strongly advise seeking legal advice from a family law specialist.
We both wish you all the best in navigating this,
Best Wishes, Anna
Dear Anna,
I am a big fan of yours and have been living all my life with various issues, it was my 16th birthday last week my mum held a party and I am not real social so I found it embarrassing and in the end it was more about her. She even got drunk and went on and on about how proud she is of me- even with all my little ways. There was about five of my friends from school there with the rest of the mums. Anna I just want to leave home and get away from her. What should I tell her and is there any organisations that helps kids like me escape?
Blair Luton
Dear Blair,
Thank you for reaching out and Happy 16th Birthday. Have you spoken to your mum about how you feel? Is there a relative that you can confide in about how you are feeling?
Parenting an autistic teen can be challenging for parents, so it’s important to seek support from other parents, support groups, or professionals who specialise in autism.
Are there any local support groups near to where you live? Leaving home is a huge step and you need to be well prepared and safe as a vulnerable young person. I hope things improve for you very soon and your relationship with your mum also improves.
Sending best wishes, Anna
Has the interview selection for Colleges and Universities changes to aid those diagnosed on the autism spectrum?
Colleges and universities are required to comply with the Equality Act 2010. This means that if an individual with a statutory disability faces disadvantages during the interview process due to the effects of their disability, the institution must take reasonable steps to avoid these disadvantages.
For clarity, a statutory disability is defined in section 6, the Equality Act 2010. This section defines disability as a physical or mental impairment that has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on a person’s ability to perform normal day-to-day activities. To qualify, the impairment must significantly impact the individual’s ability to carry out activities that are considered normal for most people (including work and university study) and must have lasted, or be expected to last, at least 12 months.
It is important to note that conditions such as ADHD and ASD are not automatically classified as statutory disabilities, though they may be. The key consideration is how these conditions impact the individual. It follows that what are known as reasonable adjustments are specific to the individual. Importantly the university or college needs to be informed of any impairments before the section process.
While universities and colleges are not required to lower the competency levels expected of students, they must provide adjustments to the interview process where necessary.
There is a lot more to the Equality Act, but I trust this provides a useful overview and is, my husband has confirmed, is accurate.
Sam Grierson said, “After my best friend took her own life, I stopped writing. I couldn’t write anymore. I met Michelle and she told me to give myself a nudge. And I went on holiday a few weeks later, and I sat on a beach in Croatia. And I hear her in my head, give yourself a nudge. And I thought to myself, you know, I’m autistic.
We’re not supposed to have big emotions. But I was having massive emotions for Jenny taking her own life. And I missed her. She’d been my best friend since I was four. And I completely missed her. And I’m thinking, I am having colossal emotions here. How is it possible that autistic people don’t feel?”
I’ve had the honour of watching Sam’s short film The Programme which is set to release in November. Her writing and direction of this enterprise made me feel a thousand emotions at once.
It’s about a non-binary and autistic character called ‘Drum’ played by Granite Harbour actress, Michelle Jeram who is interviewed by an AI robot. The purpose of this film is for the AI robot to gather information on a neurodivergent individual’s feelings and emotions to navigate how to treat them in the future.
The conversation between the AI robot (played by Sherise Blackman) and Drum was a painful watch and in many ways, made me feel seen and a huge reminder of the empathy we lack as human beings. The urgency to separate what’s normal and abnormal in people through labels, assumptions and ignorance is the root of all the divide.
People often forget that the spectrum of neurodiversity is far too varied to be generalised. There’s a reason why people say “they’re on a spectrum” after being diagnosed or familiarising themselves with certain traits. With this context in mind, Sam’s work deeply reflects how feelings and emotions also lie on an infinite spectrum that cannot be classified.
Sam explains, “Autistic people are shut down and shut up so often. I just wanted them to be able to express themselves and just talk. So I wrote the film to talk about grief and loneliness because they’re big feelings we don’t talk about. And again, as a neurodivergent person, what does that look like for us? And Drum’s not trying to be every neurodivergent person, it’s just a story by a person. But by letting them articulate their feelings, big, deep feelings, I just wanted to let people sit without uncomfortableness”
The essence of discomfort Sam speaks of while watching any of her creative explorations is an attempt to free the mind and elevate us to all forms of acceptance.
How often, as human beings, do we come across a story, feel a rush of emotions based on our own life experiences and settle on an opinion? Or, in some cases, feel so unsettled that the world becomes a projection of our emotions?
However, that’s exactly what Sam tries to portray through her work, we’re all human and equally messed up, neurodivergent or not. We’re all invited to feel the emotions that we do in our own ways. The keyword being feel and to be courageous to sit with ourselves, allow the voices to speak to us and initiate transformation through self-acceptance.
Sam mentioned, “Liz and I run workshops, we start all the workshops on the left hand side of the room, we put flip charts up and we say, right, what does autism look like? What does grief look like? And then can you express your emotions, for example, right? So we’ll put these on flip charts. And then Liz will interview me a little bit about why I wrote the film and then we’ll watch the film. Then we purposefully take a break. We let people go to the loo or whatever and just sit with it for a minute. We bring them back in the room and we say, right, talk about the film for a bit. And before they go, we do the flip charts again but on the other side of the room. We say, right, what does autism look like? What does grief look like? And can you express your emotions?
Sponsor and Film Producer, Liz Crutchley with Sam Grierson now working on a new feature film, ‘Station’
Every single person who’s ever been to our workshops has transformed in that two hour period from what they wrote and thought when they came in, to what they wrote and thought when they left, because we have challenged people, we have moved people’s perception. And the reason that we were able to do that is because we’re telling the story. And we’re able to draw people into Drum’s world and see it through Drums’ eyes in a really personal way. And so for me, what do I want to achieve? It’s that. It’s taking people’s perception beforehand and coming out the other side and transforming it. I think most people who’ve seen the film said they needed to watch it again.”
I had to watch it two or three times myself, not to make sense of the character, but mainly to make sense of my own emotions. I went through a spectrum of thoughts watching The Programme because at times I felt the writing was peeling into my heart like a stranger breaking into my house but I allowed it to happen?
At times I felt a wave of sympathy for Drum’s character for being dehumanised by the AI robot when they not only answered the questions, but also bravely articulated every ounce of their misery. Only to be shot down for digressing or being “vague”.
Sam has evolved to a state of living where she challenges herself to do things and think differently but also does everything her creative soul tells her to do. She has a wonderful community of people who share her vision to allow people to go beyond themselves and into themselves.
Executive Producer, Claire Brown with Sam Grierson
Soundtrack writer and artist, Megan Black with Sam Grierson
She continues to represent the neurodivergent community through her storytelling but also wishes to create a space for everyone to feel safe to express themselves. She works selflessly to include all voices to have a platform through her projects to spread an important message.
Sam said, “I’d like you to think differently, the other side of it. And I really want to hear from people. We’re going to put it out in November, free, because all my content is free. I really want to talk about neurodiversity. So I don’t charge for anything. It’s all self-funded. I just do it because I want to do it. I want to tell these stories. I’m going to put it out.
I really, really want people to get in touch with me and tell me what it did. What did it do? How did it make you feel? If you don’t like it, fine. Tell me why you didn’t like it. I don’t need you to like it. I don’t need you to love my film. But did it make you have some kind of emotional reaction? Yeah, that’s what I want to do. That’s what I want to do with all my audio plays, all my stories. I want to provoke an emotional reaction in people.”
And just like her audacious podcast, “Daring to be Different” Sam holds no grudge with criticism and opinions. When someone like herself enters a space of inspiration through service to the world and a community, it doesn’t matter what people think, it only matters what they feel and what they desire to share.
She is in the works of another project set in Glasgow called ‘Station’ about a man in a train station having conversations with fellow travellers to explore a multicultural perspective to life.
Director of Photography, James Peakman with Samantha Grierson
What I will say about Sam’s work before you experience it for yourself is that she always ends it with a twist. A stomach-curling, pillow-grabbing and mind-bending twist that leaves you hungry for more.
Her purpose towards people is to provide an outlet for limitless perception that without intention, without bias or any kind of expectation or outcome, re-programmes us to lead with our hearts.
Watch the trailer of ‘The Programme’ by Sam Grierson
The Vauxhall Tavern, Thursday 10th August 2023 through to September
5 stars xxxxx
A David Hoyle show is a truly unique experience and it is meant to be. I once described him as Kate Bush’s and Lyndsey Kemp’s love child. His talent is undeniable, and he asks his audience, as he narrates, to think out of the box with him.
As you look around the packed room, it mirrors “Warhol’s Factory. From the lady you feel sure may have been one of Warhol’s prodigy in her hay day with the bright pink hair, Trans adorned Hoyle’s congregations long before it became a topic of conversation. But it is not just the LGBTIQQ community that worship here. Men in suits that look like they have come from the city or just people who love art or good conversation can be found at David Hoyle shows.
” Everyone is beautiful in this room” David assures us all.
The atmosphere is electric before David even enters the room. If people-watching is your thing, part of the experience is to join liked-minded people before the show gets going. The excitement is mounting as a virgin David audience member whispers to me,
“I just love drag”.
“He is not drag”, I replied, well not in the traditional form: you won’t see Hoyle entering “Ru Paul Drag Race” any day soon. Certainly, he appears in tattered stockings and a night dress that had seen better days.
I would love to hear Michelle Visage questioning Hoyle’s sewing skills (I’d pay to witness his reply!).
Hoyle is simply art. You never know which David you’re getting and it reflects how he feels about the state of the world that night. One show he will walk on stage dressed like Frank N Furter meets Bowie’s Space Oddity, oozing glamour. The next show his hair will be in bunches like Violet Elizabeth, his tooth having fallen out, talking about poverty as an artist. Or he walks on with his face bare, a few nights after the Manchester bombing (his now home town), opening his heart to the pain we are all feeling.
He moves amongst us handing out autographed prints of his actual artwork. Hoyle uses his audience as his paint brushes. He asks those at the front why they have taken prime position if they did not want him to point them out.
Hoyle does not take cheap shots at people unlike so many that humiliate audience members. Even when confronted by the more difficult patron. To this day it still makes me chuckle to think about when he asked a slightly drunk man what he did. “I do what you do”, grandly the man replied.
Hoyle retorted, “Really! I had no idea I was generic!”
Hoyle will make fun of himself, asking if anyone fancies a 61-year-old homosexual with a bridge tooth, he chats about the difficulties of dating as an older gay man. David gives sermons on not fitting in the box, or on everyday life as an artist, or those that do not want to conform or those that do. He does not ask you to agree or disagree, but merely to think. This may not sound like a form of entertainment, but it is, and he packs out venues with those wanting to hear him.
Hoyle always finishes off by doing a portrait of an audience member. Again it could be ritual humiliation but instead the chosen one is always made to feel special, but the audience is in hysterics.
David is so very special , and it is a joy to walk away having seen someone so gifted who often bares more than his soul to his audience . Please go see this icon.
Thousands step to protest the rape and murder of trainee doctor in Kolkata, India. Picture credit: BBC
I feel sick to the stomach for the state of women and children’s lives in my country and in disbelief of the atrocities currently taking place
The issue is far more deep-rooted than we can imagine -the dark undertones of our society and revealing the evil in our own lives
[Trigger warning: Sexual/child abuse]
Citizen rally in Kolkata asking for justice. Picture credit: The Hindu
I’ve witnessed shady inconsistencies in men my whole life. It pains me to say that most people I know have encountered some form of abuse by men. Whether they were girls, boys, women or men, they’ve all been victims of perverted men in our society.
At the age of 7, I was walking to my school bus stop and I noticed my brother was lagging behind. I stopped for a brief moment to chuckle at his clumsiness when all of a sudden, a man in a grey tracksuit stopped jogging and stood in front of me.
He looked at me and said, “Have you seen a rocket?” and pointed to the sky. I looked up in confusion and when I looked back down he said, “Do you want to see a banana?” and pulled his trouser down and laughed. I started pacing towards the bus stop, numb from what I had just witnessed but completely aware that my innocence was stolen.
At school I was always curious to befriend the opposite gender. I wanted to know the boys that existed outside of my brother.
In attempts to form a bond with them, I was giggled at, pointed at and fat shamed by boys who thought I was ugly.
At 26 now I can understand that those boys were immature and classic bullies but when I put together the “father figures” in my life who objectify their own wives and sisters, the behaviour of those boys suddenly became very clear to me.
I’ve observed men in my own life who are actually moodier than the women they call dramatic.
One moment they’re bringing in platters of sweets and savouries and hampers of gifts for the women of the house.
The next an abusive sentence flows out of their mouth effortlessly for a woman anchor who wore her dress too short at a sports presentation.
As if that wasn’t confusing enough, I’ve been made to sit on laps of men who beat up their wives after a drunken expedition.
And the same men stuffed notes of money and chocolates in my tiny hands to mask the blood on their inhuman palms.
The emphasis on family, traditions and patriarchal roles is where the crime breeds. I cannot speak of the perpetrators in my own family because I will be a threat to the foundation of the society that “shaped” us.
I live with the guilt of knowing the names and the faces of men who have abused their power. I am forced to continue to keep a cordial relationship with them for the sake of family.
I’ve swallowed excuses for these men who rest their hands behind their heads refusing to change.
Who become possessed with anger when cornered, throw their arms aimlessly at any living being holding a gentle candle to enlighten them.
These are men who will say women and children are fragile and wreak havoc at the sight of it. These are the same men who fetishize fragility and inflict a satanic blasphemy to eradicate it from the world.
What’s worse, these men are all around. It’s a universal problem, hiding behind distinguished suits and pristine whites, deluding themselves to believe they know what’s right for people.
They call themselves leaders while exploiting a minor or threatening a female intern to pleasure them for career growth.
“Not all men but always a man” is a quote I came across as I was reading responses from the public. I think men who get triggered by this statement miss the forest for the trees, I don’t think the purpose was to say all men are criminals.
It’s true that violence and injustice can come from any gender but a majority of it happens to be men who hide behind their indecencies.
My hatred towards these specific men is layered with concern for the innocent lives who become subjects of their trauma.
And I wonder why?
Imagine this scenario:
A young boy watches his parents fight everyday. His mind is innocent and exposed to the first representation of a man and woman in his life. The parents were forced to have him to continue their legacy, the marriage was an arrangement/transaction to silence the society.
The young boy watched his father stumble into the house drunk every night, opening the door to find a strange woman he was forced to marry. The mother feeds the son she never wanted to have, with a man she met once before they were sentenced together for life.
The young boy believes he’s safe until the drunk father starts yelling at the mother’s incompetency to serve him as a housewife while he slaves all day. With no real evidence, the drunk father unleashes his anger towards the mother till she bleeds and verbally abuses her existence. She endures the pain without a choice, hopes to stay out of the way and continues to nurture the child as a mother but as a woman, she’s been killed.
The young boy’s mind picks up on a new behaviour, he’s confused as to why his mother who feeds him must be punished. He’s frightened of his father, his instinct of survival is to never be in his sight. But he accidentally falls prey to his father’s violence when his mother’s not around which transforms his fear into anger. His father seeks opportunities to belittle him for being a burden in their lives and is never truly shown love.
Over the years the young boy is now introduced to girls in his school. He sees girls who laugh, play and treated as equals. A girl scores a higher grade than him in class and is celebrated. The father hears about the girl scoring higher than his son, he mocks his son for being useless in comparison and maybe even beats him to a pulp for embarrassing the family. The mother stays silent, she fears speaking up to save herself from being assaulted, she cleans the wounds but the boy pushes her away.
He’s now a teenager and his hormones take over his ability to discern between love and finding a woman to control. He watches movies about how to acquire a woman for his needs, and feels tempted to watch adulterated movies to comprehend his sexual drive. He finds a woman interesting and targets her as an obsession outside of his miserable life at home.
He tries to get her attention, the girl is timid and prefers a gentle approach. Impatience and ignorance fuels the teenage boy and he cannot control himself, the behaviour he consumed as a child itches him towards harmful gratification. He wants to punish her for questioning him, he senses his mother’s weakness in her and wishes to destroy it…and so he does.
This is a scenario to display a collection of common storylines I’ve witnessed over the years. Multiply this into millions of similar stories and the problem becomes quite apparent. I could point out the obvious issues like forced arranged marriages, traditions, societal pressure, extremely poor mental health, lack of services to offer therapy or education, poverty, lack of sex education and much more.
But the core of the issue is the blatant disregard for accepting women as equals and the incompetence to take accountability. These men find pleasure in ignorance rather than sitting with the simplicity of acceptance and equality.
How could they when they believe they’ve had it the hardest? That the world has been unfair to only them? This is what they think, they function from a place of ego and rejection, it’s how their genes tell them to be and trauma takes the narcissistic steering wheel.
This weekend best friend Richard Steven’s and Goodo Debattista are returning for “Walk for Autism 2024 “The Stadium Tour raising awareness and acceptance of autism and raising funds for the autism charity, Anna Kennedy Online.
This year they will be walking around London past 12 stadiums on a 65 mile walk over one weekend. Starting and ending from Watford’s Vicarage Road Stadium, walking past The Emirates, Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, Stamford Bridge, Wembley Stadium to name a few!
The aim is to raise awareness of charities like AnnaKennedyOnline continue to support autistic people and their families. As well as well needed fund for the charity.
Richard and Goddo will be wearing t-shirts made by Born Anxious with a robin on them. This is to remember Robin Windsor who was heavily involved with the charity Anna Kennedy Online
Richard himself has been diagnosed with Autism and his youngest son.
They have received support from Alison Hammond, Katie Piper. Frank Lampard and Alan Titchmarsh
2Shades Magazine 